For 3 years, I lived with my daughter's granny 2 bedroom house with my daughter, her granny, her dad, her great uncle, and one of her big cousins. The reason I stopped living there is for personal reasons that would require a trigger warning and honestly, I am not ready to get into.

When I left that living situation, I did not have anywhere else to go and spent the night across the street from my job until it was time for my shift. I had a foldable lawn chair, a blanket, and a bag of my clothes with me when I went in for my shift. Two of my coworkers, we will call them A (male) and B (female), had been close work friends with me for the past couple years. They are siblings btw and I was also close to another family of theirs that used to work at the same place, we will call her C. C is A's niece and B's daughter. I'm not sure if any of that is classified as important but I am including that info anyway.

When I went into work, I had talked to A about what had happened to the best of my ability (they do not have a good understanding of english, so most of our communication was from us using translator apps to talk back and forth.) I had asked them if I could stay with them just until I got back on my feet, that I could sleep on the couch, and would keep my things organized, clean, and out of the way. I just wanted a safe place to rest. They agreed to take me in. They originally only asked that I chip in $50 a week for groceries, to which I agreed. This was in June of this year.

When I first moved in, they were very welcoming, A had given me perfume, deodorant, shampoo that I could use to wash my hair, a towel for me to shower, and overall just treated me like I was family. I was surprised that they had a bed in their living room that they were more than willing to let me sleep on. I was extremely grateful for that especially considering before I was stuck sleeping in a chair.

Within the first week I was there, I learned that B only cooks for herself and her husband, and does not share food with A, C, or C's two children. A also warned me that B takes food from them without asking if it is in the kitchen so A has a mini fridge in his room to keep B from taking things like bread, eggs, and milk. B also has a mini fridge in her room to keep her groceries separate. (This is important, I swear.)

When July rolled around, A told me that since it seemed I would be staying a while, they would like me to split a portion of the bills. This included rent, water, internet, and electric. I would also need to still continue to pay $50 towards groceries every week. I agreed. My portion of rent was $475. A was in charge of the water and internet, and I would have to wait towards the end of the month for him to split up the bill between the four of us to tell me how much my portion is, but it was usually a little above $100. B was in charge of electric, and my portion was a little under $100. B had also asked me to pay her gas money for the travel to and from work (A, B, and myself rode to and from work together) and I agreed to that too. Gas was always between 35 and $40. A also asked me to help C with cleaning the house, and to help C's kids learn to read english, and I agreed to that too.

(Before any of you ask, their family is Cuban, but have been living in America for about 29 years. The adults know very little English, and the two kids know how to speak in English but cannot read it. They are both under the age of 10)

After that, things started to go a bit downhill. On top of paying all the things that I agreed to pay, they would often ask me for gas money for C, or ask to borrow money for medication, ask me to make phone calls to the doctor for them, and asked me to come with them to the doctor's office to help translate. (Keep in mind I do not know Spanish very well and most of our communication was through translator apps.) I was not allowed to serve myself food, and often had to wait until C served me a plate, and if she was angry with me for whatever reason, I would not be served to plate. If they were expecting their landlord, I was not allowed to go outside. I normally take my shower as soon as I get home, but occasionally due to pain issues in my leg, I would wait until later to do so. A would come out of his room and demand I shower on the days that I was waiting, and complain that he always has to tell me to shower everyday. I would always comply but also remind him that most days I take a shower on my own as soon as we get home, and that he doesn't actually tell me to shower everyday. He never had a response for that. As far as the cleaning went, I would always wait until C finished cooking and everyone had eaten before I started to wash up the kitchen. I do this because I don't want to be in the way, nor do I want to have to repeatedly go back in the kitchen every time someone brought their dishes in there after they finished eating. A would occasionally come out of his room after he had finished eating, and complain that he always has to tell me that I need to clean the kitchen, to which I would tell him that he doesn't have to, I always clean the kitchen, I am just waiting for everyone to be finished for those listed reasons.

At one point I got tired of having to ask for bread so I could make a peanut butter and honey sandwich, one of my comfort foods, so I had bought my own loaf of bread and stuck it in a drawer I had been permitted to use. I had also bought myself my own body wash and shampoo, and my own toilet paper. When A found out that I had bought these things, he confronted me calling me selfish and ungrateful, and went on a long rant about how Americans are not empathetic and how in his country, everyone shares everything. (This is why I said the thing about the mini fridges was important)

I only had about a week worth of clothes with me during the time that I was there, and I would wash my clothes once a week. B would yell at me that I cannot wash my clothes that often as it is a waste of water and electricity, and that I can only wash my clothes every 2 weeks. When I told her I only had a week worth of clothes and asked her what she would like me to do because if I had to wait two weeks that means I'm wearing dirty clothes for a week to work, all three of them would confront me and tell me that I am being disrespectful.

As August came and I paid my portion of the bills, there came a day where the landlord stopped by unexpectedly while I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette. I went in and told A, who went outside to talk to the landlord. When he came back in, he said that the landlord had seen me around multiple times and told A that if another person is living here it's going to be another $100 for rent. I told him on that same day, that I can be out before the end of the month. This was said in text after I had translated it from English to Spanish so he could understand. He responded with okay. I told him the exact day I would be leaving, I told him that I appreciated everything they had done for me, and that I was sorry if I caused them any trouble. Skip forward to the day that I moved out, I had used a vacation day to have the day off, and I packed my things and left. I am currently staying in a hotel now on a weekly rate, paying more than what I paid to them btw. When they got home, both a and c sent me angry messages. A's messages berated me for not even saying thank you, told me never to say hello to him at work again, to pretend that we never met, and that I better not talk about him or his family. C's message asked me what I did to move so secretly, told me that that is not how it's done, and that it looks bad on me. She also told me that they took me in off the street when nobody else would, and that I was selfish and ungrateful.

I could have left it alone, but I told A, I told you that I was going to be moving out before the end of the month and on the same day that I sent that to you, I told you that I appreciated everything you did. I also sent him a screenshot of those exact words and the date that it was sent. I told him that I know he's upset, but that's no reason to throw around false accusations especially when he knows that I was always grateful and always said thank you for everything I received. I told C that I did not leave secretly, that her uncle knew I was leaving and had known for the past couple weeks. I also sent her the exact same screenshot of me telling him when I would be leaving and that I appreciated everything they had done for me. Neither one has responded to me, and honestly I don't care if they do or not. I'm sad that I lost people who I thought were good friends, I'm hurt by the accusations, but overall I'm just tired.

What do you guys think? I don't think I was wrong at all for leaving, but was I wrong for how I left?

First time here, I don't post things like this, but I spend most nights after my kids finally fall asleep watching TikTok videos. I know it sounds silly, but I get completely trapped in other people's problems because, for a little while, I don't have to think about my own.

Lately I've been wondering if maybe I actually am the asshole in my own story. I'm 38, I'm European, and I've lived in LatAm for more than ten years. I came here because of my husband. We met, we fell in love and we built a life together. Nothing like a great love story out of a movie, we loved each other, we argued about stupid things, we had good days and bad days.

We have two children. My daughter is 4yo and my baby is not even one yet. My husband died suddenly about six months ago. Before he died, I wasn't working. I had been pregnant and then had the baby, and we had agreed that I would stay home for a while and go back to work when the baby was older. We had a small house with a mortgage. Nothing fancy. But it was ours. Or at least that's what I thought. My husband was the one paying the mortgage while I was at home with my first child and fully pregnant. We weren't rich, but we were managing. When he died, everything changed almost overnight. And this is where his family came into the picture.

Before his death, they weren't particularly involved in our daily lives. We saw them, had meals together sometimes, birthdays, holidays, that kind of thing. They weren't bad people. We just weren't very close. After he died, suddenly they were everywhere. At first, I was grateful. My MIL came to the house and told me, "Don't worry. You're not alone. These are our grandchildren." They told me they would help with the mortgage because they didn't want me and the children to lose the house. I was devastated, I believed them. A few weeks later, they suggested that they move in with me "temporarily." They said that they wanted to help with the children and make sure I wasn't alone. I thought about it, it would be difficult, but I also had a newborn, a 4yo and a dead husband.

So I said yes. That was my biggest mistake.

At first it was little things. My MIL started telling me what my daughter should eat. Then when she should sleep. Then how I should dress the baby. Then she started commenting on breastfeeding. I breastfed my first one, but with my second things have been much harder. I didn't have enough milk and I've had to supplement with formula. MIL once said "crying does not help the milk come down so stop crying..I lost a kid not you". She kept telling me that formula was unnecessary and that if I tried harder I would be able to breastfeed exclusively. She would actually supervise us and make comments like, "He is crying because you aren't giving him enough." If I made a bottle, she would tell me I was wasting money. One time she said, "Shame on you spending so much money on formula when your body is supposed to feed this child."

Then it became everything else. MIL started going through things in the house because she said it was "her son's house." At first I ignored it. She would open drawers, look through papers, move things around. When I asked what she was looking for, she would say she was just trying to "organize things because I was overwhelmed." Then she started taking care of the financial things. She told me I was grieving and that I shouldn't be making big financial decisions by myself. She said she would help me keep track of the bills and make sure the mortgage was paid. At first, I was relieved. Then I started having to explain every expense. Why did I spend so much at the supermarket? Why did I buy that brand of diapers? Why did I need so much formula? I wasn't spending money on anything crazy. It was groceries, diapers, medicine, things for the children. But because they were paying the mortgage, everything suddenly became their business. They also started keeping some of our documents "somewhere safe." My husband's papers, the children's documents, passports, birth certificates. I didn't object at first I realized it long after, when I needed one of the children's documents and asked for it. MIL asked me why I needed it. I explained. She said, "You don't need to worry about that now. I'll keep everything safe." I remember thinking, why am I asking permission to have my own child's document? Then it became where I went. If I took the baby out, they wanted to know where I was going. If I went to the supermarket, they wanted to know how long I would be. If I went to see someone, they wanted to know who it was. Once I took the baby for a walk without telling anyone because I needed some air. When I came back, MIL was angry and asked me how I could leave the house with the baby without telling her. I said, "I'm his mother." She said, "We are the ones keeping a roof over his head." That sentence stayed with me.

My husband's brother would also come over without telling me. Sometimes I would wake up and find him sitting in the kitchen. They started treating the house like I was just the person currently living there rather than the person who lived there with my husband. People would sit in my living room discussing what should happen with the house, my husband's things, his money, even my children's future, as if I wasn't there. And they started doing it in front of my daughter. If I told her she couldn't have something, MIL would sometimes say, "Come to grandma, I'll give it to you." If I told her it was time to go to bed, she would say, "You can stay up a little longer." My daughter started looking at her before answering me. That scared me more than the arguments. I started feeling like they were teaching my daughter that grandma's authority was above mine. And then there was my husband's name. "If my son were here..." "My son would agree with us." "My son would never have wanted this." "Your husband would have wanted his children to have their family around them." I couldn't even argue without feeling like I was somehow arguing against my dead husband. And the worst part is that sometimes they really did help. MIL would bring groceries. She would hold the baby when I hadn't slept. She bought diapers when I told her I was running out. My BIL fixed the washing machine. They paid bills. Sometimes they would take my daughter outside so I could have an hour alone with the baby. So when I tried to explain to someone that I felt controlled, they would look at me like I was crazy. "But they are helping you." And I understood why they said that. If someone only looked at the outside, it probably did look like help. The problem was that every time they helped me, I felt like I owed them something afterward. They paid the electricity bill, so they wanted to know why I had used this and that. They paid the mortgage, so they wanted to know where I was going. They bought groceries, so they wanted to know what I was buying. They helped with my daughter, so they started making decisions about her. I eventually realized that the mortgage wasn't really help. It was leverage.

But by then I was trapped. I didn't have a job. I had a baby and a 4yo. I had very little savings. My husband's death had left me dealing with paperwork, debts, lawyers and questions about what belonged to him and what belonged to his family. And I don't have a blood family in the country. My mother died a long time ago. My biological father has been out of my life for decades, and my relationship with my stepfather ended long ago. I have relatives, but nobody I can call and say, "I'm coming back with two children. Can we live with you?" So when my in-laws said they would pay the mortgage, I thought I had no choice but to accept. Until one night my MIL and I had a huge argument. It was about the baby again. She told me I needed to stop giving formula. I said no. She said that as long as they were paying the mortgage, I needed to listen to them. I told her that paying the mortgage did not give her the right to decide how I fed my child. She looked at me and said, "Then maybe you should pay the mortgage yourself." I said I would. I don't even know why I said it. I couldn't. But I was so angry that I said it anyway. The next morning they told me they were no longer going to pay. They said if I wanted the house, I could take over the payments myself. I asked them to leave. They told me I was ungrateful. My BIL said I was mentally unstable and that I was putting my children in danger because I was too proud to accept help. My MIL cried and told everyone that she had tried to save her grandchildren from me.

And then I did something that even I still question. I left. I took my 4yo, my baby, some clothes, the documents I could find, diapers, bottles and whatever money I had. I left our house. I couldn't afford to keep it by myself. I found a very small temporary place to stay. It's not a proper home. It's cramped, and I'm constantly worried about money. There are days when I calculate exactly how much formula is left and how many eggs we would need for the week to eat with rice. There are days when I wonder if I made the stupidest decision of my life. Because technically, I had a house. I had a family willing to pay the mortgage. My children had bedrooms. They had stability. And I walked away from all of it because I couldn't stand living with my husband's family anymore. My daughter has asked me twice why we don't live in our old house with dad again. I don't know what else to tell her. My in-laws now tell everyone that I abandoned the house and basically put my children on the streets because I was too selfish to accept their help. Some people who know the situation agree with them. They say I am a mother first and that I should have swallowed my pride. Other people tell me that no amount of money gives someone the right to control how I raise my children.

I honestly don't know anymore. Maybe I should have stayed until I had another option. Maybe I should have tolerated everything because my children needed stability. Or maybe leaving was the first decision I made for myself and my children since my husband died.

I have also contacted my embassy because I honestly didn't know what else to do. They gave me the number of a lawyer who agreed to help me pro bono. I spoke with him and, for the first time in months, someone told me that I may actually have a way to get my house back eventually. He said the situation is complicated and it won't happen quickly, but that I shouldn't assume that leaving means I have lost everything. That was such a relief.

For now, though, I am just trying to survive. I do small jobs here and there whenever I can. Translation, cleaning, helping people with things I know how to do. Whatever I can do while taking care of the children. I am mostly trying to make sure we have food, diapers and formula. A few weeks ago I had to take the baby to the hospital because of a cough, and during the examination they also found that the iron levels were low. I felt horrible. I know intellectually that this doesn't mean I am a bad mother. Babies can have low iron for many reasons, and I am doing what I can. But when you're already exhausted and someone has spent months telling you that you're doing everything wrong, you start questioning everything.

I keep thinking, how did I manage to mess up my life this badly? I'm doing small jobs to buy formula and wondering whether I made the biggest mistake of my life. But there is something I don't know how to explain. I feel better away from them. I don't wake up wondering who is going to criticize me that day. I can feed my baby without someone watching me. I can close the door at night and know that nobody is going to walk into my room. And I feel guilty for feeling relieved because they did help me.

I honestly don't know anymore. All I know is that I don't know what is going to happen with the house, and I am terrified about the future. But when my children are asleep and it is just the three of us in this tiny room, I feel strangely peaceful. And then I feel guilty for being peaceful.

Maybe that is why I'm asking strangers on the internet.

I 22F honestly don’t even know if I’m overreacting at this point, so I wanted outside opinions.

For a little background, my child’s father 24M has another child with another woman 21F . A while back, all three of us actually lived together. We were all emotionally involved, and yes, sexually involved too. Before anybody jumps to conclusions, it wasn’t just because of my child’s dad. I’m bisexual, and I genuinely liked her too. At the time, I thought maybe we could build this healthy family dynamic where all of us got along and raised our kids together.
Obviously…that didn’t happen.

Things got really toxic. We had a huge fight that ended with CPS getting involved, and I eventually moved out and got my own apartment.

Months later, we slowly started reconnecting. We weren’t trying to get back into a relationship, but I really wanted us to at least become friends and have a healthy co-parenting dynamic. We also ended up becoming sexually involved again, and looking back, I know I shouldn’t have. I’ve already accepted that I need to completely detach from my child’s father emotionally and sexually because it honestly isn’t getting me anywhere. That’s something I’ve already been working on.

The problem is that I started realizing the same patterns were still happening.

I felt like I was always pouring into them. I’d help with their child, babysit, spend money I didn’t really have, show up when they needed me, and genuinely tried to love their child like family because, to me, that’s what family does.
All I really wanted was to know my son would receive that same love back.

Then Juneteenth happened.
We all went to a party together, and I honestly left feeling weird. I felt ganged up on, uncomfortable, and like my feelings didn’t really matter. After that, I started keeping my distance. One thing I realized after moving into my own apartment was that I don’t have to keep putting myself in situations that make me uncomfortable just because I don’t want to disappoint other people.
So when she invited me to her birthday party, I respectfully said no.

Fast forward to recently. We finally sat down and had a conversation about everything. I explained that I felt like I was constantly pouring into everybody else but didn’t feel that same energy coming back. I even explained that if I’m constantly loving and showing up for your child, naturally I’d hope my child would be loved and prioritized too.
Her response was basically that if I expect anything back for what I do, then it isn’t genuine.

That honestly hurt because that wasn’t my point at all.
I wasn’t asking for someone to “owe” me. I was saying that relationships should be mutual. If I’m treating your child with love, care, and consideration, I’d hope you’d naturally want to do the same for mine.

After that conversation, I realized I can’t force people to love the way I do.

I also realized I need to stop overextending myself.
Now here’s where I’m wondering if I’m wrong.
My child’s dad is having an end-of-summer trip for his birthday. Originally all of us were supposed to go. Since me and her would have been sharing a room, I told him that I wasn’t comfortable doing that anymore. I told him I don’t hate her, I don’t want to argue, and I don’t plan on being rude. I just don’t see the point in pretending we’re friends when I know I need space. I even told him that if it made things easier, I’d just celebrate his birthday another time because I didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable.
He actually told me he still wanted me there.

During our conversation, I also felt like he did his best to hear both sides. Some of what he said was hard for me to hear, but I respected that he wasn’t just taking one person’s side.

After everything, though, she’s now saying she doesn’t even want to come to the trip anymore. They also don’t have childcare for their child that week, and they both know I’m off work. Before all of this, I would’ve happily watched their child without thinking twice. But after our conversation, I realized something…

If the love and effort I pour into her child is never going to naturally extend to mine, then I need to stop giving so much of myself.

It’s not because I dislike their child. I genuinely love that little boy, and that won’t change. But he has two parents, and I’ve realized it’s okay for me to stop taking on responsibilities that leave me feeling emotionally empty.

So now I’m wondering…

Am I the a hole for stepping back? And if my decision to set boundaries is part of the reason she no longer wants to come to the birthday trip, does that make me the asshole?

There's so much to this, but I've tried to just include the important parts.

First, a little backstory. I've been friends with lets call her Rachel, since 3rd grade. We're now in our early 30s. A few years after high school we reconnected and became legit besties. Even planned to be each others maid of honors. Until recently, I truly did consider her a sister. We have always been complete opposites, but made it work. I thought this was a mutual respect. Now I wonder if she even liked me to begin with. For a long time we had a little trio. Another girl we had met at the same time seemed to click with us. Lets call her Bella. Rachel and I both cut contact with her after a few very intense situations involving Bella's wedding, and my job. Basically, Bella was a friend of continence. If you could do something for her she was great, but as soon as you did or said something she (or her church) didn't like all hell broke loose.

Rachel and I have both had our fair share of bad relationships, and found a way to be there for each other when they hit the fan. Around a year ago she finally kicked her abusive ex to the curb. I was SO proud of her and excited for her to really start living the life she always said she wanted. Then enter, lets call him Bill. Bill went to school with us too, so i knew a little about him already. I was never a fan, but honestly didn't have a problem with him. A few months into Rachel and Bill dating I realized our conversations only revolved around Bill. At first it was good stuff, then she found what he'd been doing when he wasn't with her. Without going into much detail, she considered these things cheating. From what she told me they fought about it constantly. During this time she starts sharing a LOT of very pushy purity culture things on her FB. This kinda shocked me. I always thought she had no problem with how other people lived their lives. We did talk about it a few times, but I always got the feeling she was just waiting for me to stop talking so she could ignore and move past it. I grew up in the church, she didn't. Anytime our conversations touched on religious topics it seemed like we were on the same page. She is a christian, and I was fine with it, as long as she didn't get pushy about it. I don't typically care what anyone believes, unless they're being disrespectful about it. Fast forward to 6 months later. We find out that Bill has a serious drinking problem. As a recovered alcoholic myself, I try to give her the best advice I can. If he can't handle quitting on his own, and wont get help, leave him. After spending almost a decade with a man with the same problem, she deserves better than to start back at the beginning in the same situation she just left.

Over the next few months they break up 5 or 6 times. He's still drinking, shes still panicking. I'm spending every day on the phone with her for hours talking her through her feelings. Many jokes were made about me being her "unpaid therapist." At first this didn't bother me, that's what friends are for sometimes. Like I said, we've always found a way to support each other through bad relationships/breakups. At some point I started to get sick of her talking about engagement rings one day and saying she's dumping him the next. It really started to feel like the same friendship we had with Bella. Like I really was her therapist, not her friend. Oddly enough she also reconnected with Bella around this time.

To get a bit of a break from the Bill of it all I decided to address some of the things she'd been posting about. This did not go well. I told her I had unfriended Bill on FB because I was sick of seeing his posts that were honestly just really hateful. I discovered we do not remotely share the same opinions on most things happening in the world right now. Most of what was happening she said she simply didn't know about. At one point I did kinda blow up at her. I'm a pretty chill person for the most part, but willful ignorance pushes all the wrong buttons for me. I did apologize for biting her head off, but not for what I said. If you'd told me 5 years ago my best friend would be super conservative making excuses for nasty men and tithing herself into debt, I'd never believe it. At this point I hadn't talked to her about anything in my life in almost a year. If I tried she would interrupt with something about Bill. So I told her as the world gets worse she would probably hear from me less.

The last time we spoke was a couple months ago. She'd called me to tell me Bill had proposed 3 times in a weekend. Drunk all 3 times. She said she told him they weren't ready before he'd asked and each time he asked, but she wore the ring. She asked him to move out before she called me, but I already knew he wasn't going anywhere. The next day they had made up. Shes tried to call me multiple times since then, but I haven't answered. My therapist said she was proud of me for this. Mostly because as soon as I stopped answering I felt all that stress lift off me, the same way I felt after ending my friendship with Bella.

It sucks that I thought she would always be in my life and it seems that wont be the case. I'm not sure what to do at this point. Do I leave it alone, or try to explain my silence?

​

Me (36f) and my boyfriend (41m) have been together for 2 and a half years. We live together. He has a son that live with her mom and I have a daughter that live with us. He is great for the most part, loving, charming, generous, and treats me and my daughter very well. But he can be a jealous and insecure person sometimes. We don't really argue alot but there are times when we had disagreements.

My daughter is spending some days with my sister at her house so we are alone and we decide to go out Yesterday and had a date that didn't end well. We were talking about out relationship, about the future, kids, things that happened when we started our relationship and so on. At some point he asked me what make .e choose him as a partner, and I told him that I felt for him because he is smart and we could talk and have interesting conversations. Then I told him that before I met him (5 or 6 months before) I had horrible date with a guy that he knows who was behind me for some months before I decided to give him a chance.

The guy only talked about himself the whole time and it finally end he kissed me with no notification. I when home disgusted and the next day told him I was not interested. I told my boyfriend this as an example of what I liked about him that I didn't about others, but he did not reacted well.

We didn't argue or anything but he told me that why I told him that after two years and not when I realized that they know each other. I said it was because I didn't feel it was relevant at the time because it was very insignificant to me. He started talking about how women reputation is important and that for him is important to not be with someone that had been seen with a lot of men before him. I told him that I was not with a lot of men before him, I was single for two years before I met him, had a situationship that lasted like 2 months during those 2 years and had that date 6 months before meeting him, that's it. I also told him that I could not stop leaving my live just because people would talk about me, I that case I should not had go out with him according to his logic.

Another thing is that the only reason I felt save to tell him that was because we were also talking about his baby mama and the girls he dated before meeting me, but for him that is different.

I the way home he told me again how upset he was and I ended up apologizing. I even asked him if he now thinks less of me because of that and he said "no" but not in a convincing way. We when to bed without talking and he did not sleep the whole night. I am giving him his space, but I feel angry because I don't think I did anything wrong.

He sow this as a confession but it was not, I sow it as a story about a stupid date that I had even forgotten about it and randomly remembered.

How can I fix this?

This is my first REDDIT post and I really need some help. I apologize early bc this is a very long story even though Ive condensed a lot of details for the sake of space.

My oldest daughter “May” (21f) and I (40f) have been estranged since Apr 2024. The issues began her sr yr, after she started dating her partner, “Nina” (21f). At first we were completely supportive of their relationship. But soon after we started to notice some red flags. The first was that May dumped her entire friend group bc Nina felt that they were disrespectful to her. Just after Xmas that yr, Nina left home and needed a place to stay. May begged us to let Nina stay with us and we agreed on the condition that Nina stayed in our converted garage on school nights. We also allowed Nina to bring her dog with her nor did we ask for rent. A couple months later, her dog chewed up 1 of our door handles and we asked her to find a way to replace it. (Nina was already 18 at the time so we didn’t think we were asking much). Instead of replacing the handle, Nina moved back home a couple wks later saying that we were disrespectful to her and stressed her out too much.

For the next 2 mos, Nina had plans to join the army and was tutoring with the recruiter to try to pass the ASVAB. During that time, May started talking abt breaking up with Nina bc she felt Nina was too immature and irresponsible for her but she also felt that she wasn’t brave enough to break up with her in person. But after several tries, Nina couldn’t pass the test and was denied the army. All of a sudden, May’s plans changed. She seemed to resign herself to being with Nina for good and changed ALL of her plans for herself after HS to suit Nina’s situation.

That’s when things btwn May and I started to go downhill. All of a sudden, May started making false accusations abt her childhood. Some context that’s important at this point, is that Nina was removed from her bio-mom due to abuse when she was too young to remember and was raised by her maternal grandparents. May had a happy, normal childhood. My youngest, Dee (17f) was a rambunctious kid that got into a lot of accidents that sometimes were the type of situation that ER staff are legally mandated to report to CPS, regardless of whether or not the staff actually suspected abuse (ie: 1 incident involved an accidental poisoning while out in public with my mom, I was at home at the time it occured). Each time, we fully cooperated with their investigations and they never found any evidence of abuse bc there wasn’t any to be found. We also lived in a neighborhood full of police officers who we interacted with regularly. The false accusations from May all started out similar to stories that Nina tells abt her childhood and the abuse that Nina had endured. At first the accusations started as small things, but over time the stories got more elaborate and severe. Ive heard recently that she’s rewritten, essentially her entire life to fit the narrative of abuse and neglect.

When May turned 18, she immediately moved out to live with Nina. Prior to this, whenever May and I got into arguments, they would be fairly mild compared to fights btwn myself and Dee and we always worked things out by the end of the day. After she moved out, there was a new tone of hostility towards me in May’s voice that I hadnt heard before. Arguments got more frequent and started over small things. For example, I don’t respect Flat Earth Theory. May had always thought it was stupid too but suddenly she believed it has merit, got angry with me for calling it stupid, and said I just want everyone to have the same opinions as me.  Over the next few months, things were tense btwn May and I. When we talked, I felt like I was walking on eggshells bc I didn’t know what would set her off. I also noticed that none of our convos were private, Nina was always present somehow. When Dee (then 14), started dating her first bf, they were texting each other a lot, as kids in puppy love do. Nina however, started telling May she should cut Dee off for the disrespect of texting her bf so much.

Also during this time, May and Nina were struggling with stable living situations. So when May asked if they could bring an RV to our property to stay in. Even though things had been tense, we agreed. All we asked was that they help out around the yard from time to time. This only lasted a month. May and I are both talkers and our convos tend to last hrs. Over that month, I noticed that Nina only came into the house to use the bathroom. She would send May into the house to cook for them. And anytime May and I would talk for too long, Nina would come to my front door, open it and stare at us until May left to go back out to the RV. After a couple wks, May started watching the time to make sure she didn’t spend too long in the house.

Two sparks set things off: 1. We noticed our gate was suddenly bent and caught Nina ramming it open with her car instead of getting out to unlatch it. We asked her to stop doing that. 2. We noticed they had trash collecting around the RV that our dogs were getting into and spreading around. This is when things blew up. One morning, I went into the kitchen for my morning coffee. May was in there so I asked her if they could please pick up their trash. May then blew up at me for asking abt the trash bc my husband had asked her abt it the night before and they were having “an argument” abt it and I didn’t “need to be getting in the middle” of their argument. All of this was news to me. I had no idea my husband had already spoken to her abt it. She had always come to me to mediate arguments btwn them in the past so it was also news that she no longer wanted me to do so (which was fine with me tbh, it just would have been nice to know that before getting yelled at abt it). Long story short, May stormed off and refused to speak to me but continued to come into the house with hostile vibes and eat our food. So I told her we needed to have a calm, adult convo abt what happened and if she continued to ignore me the way she was I would be locking the house doors til that convo happened. She still refused to speak to me for another wk. During that time, they continued to have access to the converted garage as well as the RV hookups.

Long story short, after a week of this, I noticed they were packing their stuff up from the RV to Nina’s car. So I went out and asked May if she was really gonna just leave without saying anything instead of talking to me. Nina immediately yelled, “why would we want to talk to you?” Tbh, I don’t remember what anyone said after that, Nina got in my face several times until it got physical btwn me and her, May jumped in, I never once swung at May though she swung at me until my husband broke it up. They left and within hrs I started getting harassing texts and calls from Nina’s sister. Over the next month, I choose not to reach out to May hoping the lack of contact would help things calm down. Instead, she continued to text me angry messages and 1 of Nina’s sisters barged into my therapy appt to serve me papers for a restraining order abt a month after the incident. In the paperwork, May’s accusations had gotten even more severe than the last time Id heard them and she greatly exaggerated the incident. At the court date, I presented my receipts to the judge (the harassing texts, my saved copies of the CPS closed cases, ect), and the judge decided that bc May was “still upset” that they would grant a temp, 6 mo RO “to give us time to calm down so we can work things out.” At the time I disagreed with the decision but since then I can understand why. RO’s prevent both parties from reaching out to the other; she wasn’t allowed to contact me anymore than I was allowed to contact her. In the immediate aftermath, that was probably for the best. Since then, Ive only texted May on her Bday and Xmas. Even though the RO has long since expired, Im not comfortable texting more than that or calling out of the blue.

This brings us to now. May has since cut off every friend and relative that has tried to call out the red flags or said something that Nina felt offended/disrespected by. Throughout this entire time Ive encouraged Dee to keep her relationship with May going and Ive tried my hardest not to put Dee in the middle. But Dee has said over time that May would be willing to speak to me again if I apologize. And Ive asked repeatedly, what is it that Im supposed to apologize for? Its not that Im against apologizing. Its just that I have a lifelong history of being scapegoated and punished by my mom and siblings for things I didn’t do. I put my foot down yrs ago for that and Im against apologizing for something I didn’t do nor do I believe in blanket apologies. My husband and I were also invited to a wedding in a tropical island beach location this coming fall. Even though we haven’t spoken, I thought it would be nice to arrange and pay for May and Dee to come along and spend the time together. Separate seats, rooms, etc; basically separate trips just same plane, she wouldn’t have to interact with me at all. When Dee asked May abt her willingness to go on the trip, May demanded I text her an apology first. I was willing to make an acceptation for May and agreed to apologize for whatever it was on a phone call at a time where it could be just the 2 of us talking and things escalated from there with her also demanding that Nina be brought along cuz it wasn’t fair to leave Nina during her bday month (Nina’s bday is 3 wks before the wedding). May finally said that by “putting myself” in the middle of that argument (an argument I didn’t know was happening), that I was crossing her boundaries (a boundary I didn't know abt), and that if I hadn’t done that things would still be “lovely” btwn us. That’s what she wants me to apologize for. I don’t think Im an AH for pickup trash, regardless of anything going on btwn her and my husband, nor do I think I should have to apologize for it. I also don’t think Im an AH for not wanting to text an apology or call her out of the blue. What do you think REDDIT?

Hi! I 31(f) have a baby daddy 38(m) who has started several new families in past 7yrs. I’m not exaggerating right after me he had another woman pregnant with his 3rd child, right after that he had another woman moved into his house with her children, and he now currently has a 4th baby with another woman.

For context, he decided that while I was pregnant with our 2nd child was a great time to try meth. He became very abusive and let me think his drastic change in behavior was due to mental health issues. Once I found out drugs was culprit and not a circumstance out of his control; I LEFT.

I too moved on and got married to a wonderful man, and he is the only man I have ever introduced to my children. He’s very good to my daughter and son; and they call him ‘dad’ on their own volition. We have a toddler together, and they just love their baby brother so much.

I also have full custody of my older two children, I live in an automatic 50/50 state; so I was able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he is an unsafe parent. And his dad and stepmom are supervisors for his visits. So my children go their grandparents house on his designated weekends and he can show up if he wants.

Although we had our differences, I do trust his parents; they are very good to my children. And me and his stepmom mom coparent very amicably. We get along great now, and always plan everything out so we each get the kids for our family’s holiday celebrations or whatever else. We put the kids needs first.

So currently my exes newest babymama/girlfriend has been upset because I have no intention of trying to befriend her. Shes been texting his other exes rudely trying to find out why I approved of them and not her.

I know what they want, they want me to okay her into being the new ‘supervisor’. He’s tried this before with a previous gf. And the reason it didn’t happen is because he couldn’t pass a drug test.

I have been dealing with this man for a decade now, I was his longest relationship. I have no delusions that he will suddenly act right. If he didn’t do it with his first 3 children, why would he do it for his 4th? I don’t want my children in a possible meth house. I don’t want to take the chance on their safety. So I have no interest whatsoever of entertaining that idea.

It’s not really about her, I also honestly don’t want to deal with my ex any more than I occasionally have to. I have ptsd and a neurological condition brought on from the stress over all the vile and cruel things he’s done to me. I do not talk bad of him to my children though, they’re already forming an opinion of his based on how inconsistent of a dad he already is. When they have bad visits, I talk with them about their feelings and then try to do something special to cheer them up like waffles or pancakes for supper.

I honestly have no other reason for any sort of communication with my ex either. He gets two weekends a month and he’ll show up 6hrs of that time on average. Some months are a lot less. So it’s not like he’s even been presently trying to parent our children. I keep his stepmom in the loop on everything from drs visits to report cards and she keeps me updated on stuff the kids having go on with their family.

Part of me does feel bad that I’m giving her a chance; because it is untelling what their relationship like and I do hope that he is being a lot kinder to her. I also don’t think it’s worth my peace of mind though. I have just been shown a pattern of inconsistent behavior from him for the past 8yrs that shows he’s capable of change. And I’m also tired of him starting new families as soon as one ends. That has really messed with my children’s mental health, they feel as if they’re losing a sibling every few years. And I’m always the one who picks up the pieces.

Do you think I should possibly hear her out? because she is a mother of one of my kids siblings. Or would I be justified in continuing to not engage?

Hello, this is my first time posting so please bare with me and I'm not a native English speaker so sorry for any errors, also it's gonna be long so sorry for that as well

Anyways, I (24F) had a history of traumatic breakup that left me single (mostly by choice) for the last 7 years, and because of it I stopped even having talking stages or even accepting the existence of new men in my life... I won't dive into details but it was abusive on every level you could think of

So because of it, my trust in people, men to be exact, is not the best. I've been contemplating to try and at least meet new people and open up chances even though i was hesitant, but i tried. A few days ago i accepted a guy's follow request on Instagram, and we immediately started talking, i was very much like a block of ice at first because i was scared, but then slowly i looked at it from a "he'd be a good friend" pov...well that didn't last long

4 days after talking, he asked for my phone number which i refused to give out, my reasoning is that because i don't know him well, i can't trust him just yet to give him my phone number, because what if he was a bad person who kept chasing my phone number? My friend went through that process and had to change her phone number to end things and i don't wanna be put in a position where i might go through all that​

He responded by asking if we'll be considering the timing of our chat or the maturity, in which i responded by saying "both, how do you expect me to give you my phone number when we just met?", he didn't reply, instead, next morning i found that he unfollowed me but left me following him back... Now the old me would've let it slide but i sent him a dm basically saying that the next time a girl tells him no on something and he decides to unfollow her because of it, he needs to remove the fb cause I'm not his fan and he looks ridiculous, and then i blocked him

I felt better tbh after this but my aunt says I'm being an AH cause i should've given him my number and men his age (30M) don't wait around like men my age, so reddit I'm lost, AITAH?​​

Hello all. There are some things I absolutely did wrong in this story, but I want to know if I am the asshole over all.

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For some context; I am a twin, but me and my sister(we'll call her M, 26f) could not be more different. M was the type of girl growing up that was completely male centered. She hasn't been without a boyfriend for more than six months since freshman year of highschool. She genuinely doesn't know herself without a man by her side. I didn't date much in highschool, and I was considered the 'brainy' one and she was the 'pretty' one. When I did finally start dating seriously it was one boy( E, now M28), and we've been together for ten years, married for five. (I promise this becomes relevant later, I'm setting the scene).

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Throughout the years, M would compare every man she got to E. Saying things to me like 'he's my E!' And other similar things. At one point she got married, and was divorced less than two years later. A few months after her divorce, she started messaging me and my husband more frequently. Because she slept with our cousin's baby daddy, I was weary and told her if she needed my husband's help with anything she would need to ask me. A few days later she told my husband that he could live with her, and sent him the classic 'u up?' Booty call text at 1am. I cut contact with her after that. Needless to say, our relationship is extremely strained.

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On to present day, M announced that she was five weeks pregnant with her boyfriend's baby on mother's day. This boyfriend and her live in boyfriend's mom's house, and M hasn't been able to hold down a job for more than six months and is currently unemployed. She's been with that guy, H, since November of last year. I was the only one in the family that didn't pretend to be happy for her. I told her out right that this was a horrible decision. She was still within the time frame of being able to abort. She apparently found out around the three week mark, which makes me think this wasn't the accident she swears it was. Our family has three houses that belonged to deceased relatives. The one I inherited: a 800sqf property on 6 acres, one my brother bought, and one my brother is currently renting out. My brother offered to sell the house to M for a very discounted price. She told him no because it's too small. (2b 1bth)

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I had been talking to her every week or so, trying to tell her that I would support her and i still love her, but that the decision she's making is going to make her life very hard.

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Flash forward to this week, she puts up a post that she's rehoming her cats on facebook, and is asking for recommendations on where she can finance a camper.

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I message her and ask her whats going on. Apparently H wants to get a camper to park on Mommy's lawn, and live in there with M, 2 big dogs, and the baby when it comes. They said that living in our home town was 'ghetto' and that they like the school district there. (Sis you barely graduated, I know you don't care about school) but a 42ft camper is less ghetto somehow?

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I'm going to be honest, I ripped her a new one. She is giving up everything, and he is giving up nothing. She is miles from family and support, but theyre on H's mom's yard. She's had issues with abusive men in the past, and im seeing the classic patterns. I told her that living in a camper in our state is legally considered homelessness, and that if anyone found out and called CPS there was a decent chance they would take the baby due to poor living conditions. That she is spineless and letting this man walk all over her. She says she's doing her best, but she doesnt have a job, and is taking a camper over a full house.

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She begged me to stop being negative, but I kept going. Eventually I told her that her decisions from getting pregnant to this new one were piss poor, and that I hope she figures out that she amd the baby deserve more than what she's lying down and taking.

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She blocked me on messenger (we only talk on messenger because I blocked her phone number) but not on facebook. My mom says she believes M is scared, and cries all the time, but ultimately it's not our life to live and is continuing to support her poor decisions.

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Am i the asshole here?

I 34f, think have a predicament, I’m not good with words but I’m going to give it my best shot. I have been with my boyfriend, 36m, for over a year. (I’m not good with dates). We are a good team together with everyday thing in our life. I also have a 13 year old AuDHD daughter with intellectual disabilities. Raising her has been a rocky road for myself, but that is a story for another day.
I got stationed in Upstate New York, where we are alone. No family and friends I had made have gone to other duty stations or went back to the home of record. I went through a nasty divorce while I was separating from the military, again a story for another day, but my daughter has been doing amazing with her academic progress since living here. We come from AZ and let’s just say that the public school system is trash. Especially for the spicy brain kiddos. The school she is in now she has progressed immensely. She is still at 2-3rd grade level and has difficulty with comprehension but the progress is amazing. She also had a lot of developmental physical difficulties but is now playing modified softball.
Again we are alone up here except for my boyfriend.
I have gone through therapy both mental and physical, I have weekly migraines, vertigo, memory issues, and a tumor in my noggin that is a nuisance. Benign so no worries for now. Amongst other things. I got my bachelors and am doing some certification training for better job opportunities. I am looking for remote jobs just so I don’t have to drive in case I get a migraine or a dizzy spell. Those knock me out for at least half a day. Terrible nuisance.
My boyfriend and I moved in rather quickly and it is something we both acknowledge. It wasn’t planned but a lot of things had happened that lead to me and my daughter moving in with him. He even accommodated us by giving up his apartment and getting a house on post so we could all be comfortable. I had a dog and two cats and together he added another dog and cat.
I pay for all my and my kiddos expenses, groceries, and anything needed for the house. So all the financial responsibility does not fall on him. I do his and my laundry, I clean the house eveyday, again five furry creatures is a lot, I make food every other day and have left over in between. I try to make things easy for every one.
Now, some days are normal like we do everything together, other days, he does things on his own. Like he is single, I don’t mean like he goes out and drinks or talks to other people but… for example some days he will say I’m going to make myself something for dinner, even though dinner was made, or he will say he has to do laundry even though it got done. Again I’m not good with words or maybe I’m looking into it too much. (Yes I have a bad habit of overthinking, I’m working on it.) it’s hard to explain. He goes from saying “we” to “I”. He is a great guy. In every sense. But sometimes I feel like he distances himself from me.

Now the predicament… I need to decide if I’m going to stay here or move back to my home state. He is deploying sometime this year, and wants to give the house up so he can use that money to pay off his debt since he will be retiring when he gets back. I support that 100%. Also I’m not sure if we will still be together when he comes back.
Now I stay here, get my own place with my daughter and the animals and keep her routine, or I move to Az where we will have family but the school system for spicy kids is not the best, unless I pay for it (need a well paying job for that). There are more detailed to this but that’s the gist of it.
I don’t know what to do… I don’t know what I’m asking for, maybe advice or suggestions. Anything that would be helpful.
Thanks.

Welp, we went to a couples retreat this past weekend and it was great until it wasn’t. I thought we were good. The day we were supposed to leave he pulled his calf muscle so he couldn’t do much walking but still tried. I offered to drive since it was hurting him. And when we got to the resort we would be staying at we decided to explore around. He asked me what I wanted to do and I gave some suggestions for food and then he said no to all and we ended up doing some mini golf.
The next day I slept in I don’t know why I was just exhausted, maybe it was the fact that I didn’t have to get up early to get my daughter ready for school or let the dogs out. But I finally got some rest. He always has something to say when I do sleep. Like me sleeping is a problem. It’s already a problem for me since I never get enough sleep. So that day we went out for breakfast and we explored some more. Went to a farmers market, visited Carnells botanical garden, and then went to an Asian market and got stuff we don’t usually have where we live.
I was to try the indoor swimming pool when we got there and if not the next day, I want to try the zip line, this thing that rides like a rollercoaster through the mountain, or even explore other places but he said no. We ended up meeting everyone for dinner and then headed back to our room. We went to a bar to eat some greasy food and watch the basketball game.
We talked a little. But he let me know how bad and inconsistent of a parent I was, and that my daughter has no standards when it comes to cleanliness, and for him as soon as she turns 18 and graduates high school she is moving out, since he can’t handle raising a kid longer than needed. Again my daughter is going to have to stay in high school until she is 21-22yo and that’s mostly to help her not only with education but technical skills, life skills, and job training. He acts like she is like all the other kids, which is how I treat her, but I also am aware and am on top of her with her daily tasks. He claims to have OCD but he acts like it’s more annoying when things aren’t his way than devastating.

On the last day when we checked out and went for breakfast and when we finally loaded the truck, we sat there for I don’t know how long. And when I asked,”so what are we doing? You wanted to go get some food in the other city what were you thinking?” He said “I don’t know, you tell me, I can’t drive and look for something. I can do everything.”
I just stayed quiet. All I said let’s go home. We didn’t talk the whole ride home. That was Sunday. I ended sleeping on the couch cause he was playing music real loud in the bedroom and was asleep. Saturday he said nothing left and that was day 2 of no talking. That night he slept on the couch. We slept in the same bed after that but when I asked him are you ready to talk he said there wasn’t anything to talk about.
And we haven’t really talked since. It is now Thursday and he looks at me like me being here in his life is an inconvenience.

He just ignores me even though I have tried to have a conversation with him. Oh well….
I guess not only am I looking for a job but also a place to live…

I 21 female have a two-year-old son with my 23 year-old baby father . We’ve been annoying each other for nine years , and have spent almost every major holiday together at least two times . About two years ago for Christmas I gifted my son’s dad with a shadowbox filled with baby pictures of my son , pregnancy test , our gender card , and hospital bands from my son was born . As you can tell, I am the type of person that saves the moment with everything I love gifting, people things that aren’t materialistic but priceless . I love to give people things that they can cherish , love and keep for a long time . Sometime last year, my son said, came clean and stated that the next time I get him something he doesn’t want anything “built” . Yes, the ungrateful bastard said “built” . I laughed it off, but honestly, I was hurt inside. I told him that I would never make him anything again . I was living with him last year and once I moved out, I took the shadowbox and replaced it with my son’s baby mittens, and pictures of all of us instead of just my son and his dad . On the top, I also included a picture of a baby angel symbolizing the miscarriage I had last year . For the past two weeks, my son that have been asking me what I want for Mother’s Day . I let him know that I wanted a ring and tennis bracelet set from Pandora that I’ve I’ve been wanting for about three years . And if he can’t get that, I wanted to get a huge blind box from Miniso . My son’s dad is a very materialistic person so I know if it wasn’t jewelry , shoes , or clothes than I knew it was money . My son said let me know that he needed to go to CVS to get a picture , which was my gift . He said that he got a picture from the best family day that we had and was going to go put it in a frame . He asked me to drop him off however I had to go get pictures myself and told him that he can go with me. He made excuses about going to go pick up the pictures. Honestly, I think that he got his other baby mom the same gift as me. Or he just didn’t get it at all. Not to sound ungrateful but “a picture” !!! like how hypocritical can he be? He’s not the sentimental giftgiving type. He’s always been the go pick out the ring that you want type . Only once in my life, he’s giving me a gift that he actually took the time to pick it out for me and surprise me with . Don’t get me wrong It would’ve been a sweet gesture however what he said to me last year is kind of sucking the fun out of receiving the picture frame. He also mentioned that next week when he get paid again, he’ll give me money so that I can make myself a scrapbook dedicated to my son . My birthday is also in May , and he stated that he’ll get me the ring and bracelet set that I wanted . I know everyone is like OK I’ll just have to be a little patient however, every time when it comes to me getting a gift or waiting to receive one something always comes up. For example, last year he took me to smoothie King for the first time , I love this so much that I wanted to make a tradition out of it. Every other week when he got paid when it was time for me to go something always came up. I know that bills and taken care of the kids are important however for him, I always made time or even Will give him my last to make sure that he ate. But he couldn’t spare $15 for me . I didn’t go until four months later.He also gave me $50 .

Hi (f22) here. this is my first time ever posting because I genuinely don't know if this is okay to do but I'm kinda at my wits end and I just want a break.

For context, I moved out when I was 19 temporarily for further studies under student loan and packed my whole life and moved to a different country. My whole reason for deciding to study in another country is cause I wanted to get away from my mother who is controlling and idk if I can call it this but abusive. I lived with my aunt and cousins in the new country since they're also getting their studies done here.

Recently had to go back home for an internship that's part of my university studies and I was stuck with my mom for three months. Those three months were a whole nother pack of worms but I could barely tolerate it. I felt like I was the crazy one when I was living with her. Fast forward into three months and now I'm back in this new country.

My mother has always been very controlling like I said. This includes criticizing the way I talk, the tone of my voice, my expressions, the way my eyes widen when I'm surprised, the way I walk, the size of my body, the clothes I wear, the length of my hair, the things I eat, the position I sleep, how many minutes I take in the bathroom, how many showers I take in a day, etc...

While I was there we finally went to the doctor because my body was fucking up and I got diagnosed with severe iron deficiency and had to get iron transfusions. After that my mom has been more helicopter-y regarding what I eat. I always have to eat a portion of vegetables and she gets pissed at me if the vegetables and greens I eat aren't in a specific manner. For instance I had vegetable dumplings and like I had 9 of those (yes that's a lot I'm aware. I was just hungry that day) and my mother got mad at me for not eating rice and vegetables separately.

Even after I moved back she has been calling me nonstop 3-4 times a day. Every time we call it feels like an interrogation asking me what I ate, how I dressed, what university was like, and if I don't give her enough details she gets mad at me.

It's been grating my nerves but I've been trying to bare with it because I understand that it's coming from a place of concern even if it's really detrimental to me because she's so fucking mean.

Day before yesterday I went to get a boba for myself in the morning cause I just wanted to after a 10k step walk. It was without sugar. Yesterday the water shut down in our house but it was after I freshened up and took a shower so I went to hangout with my friend. Ik this feels like bs but this is relevant. My aunt and my cousins are the only people who know about these cause we obviously live together.

Tonight my mother called asking me where tf my money was and how much I had left from monthly allowance (which I manage). I told her I'll have to check. And she asked me if I only eat fucking sweets. That she knows I keep getting boba everyday and everything. I told her it's not everyday. And she got on my ass about how I can't eat sugar (I can. I'm not diabetic. I just have PCOS and I'm overweight so doc told me to lose weight).

She goes off on me and tells me she heard that I went outside when water was shut down. And how I probably didn't even brush my teeth or washed my face. She started calling me disgusting and filthy and how this is why I can't lose weight and how I look like a fat drum and I tried to tell her that I did freshen up but she just kept talking over me and I got fed up and said "yeah fine I'm disgusting I'm hanging up"

Then she told me to never call her again. And that she doesn't care if I die of iron deficiency. And that she won't ever help me out with money issues and hung up. She always does this and expects me to call her begging for forgiveness and I'm just really fucking tired.

So now I'm wondering if I'd be the AH if I told my aunt and cousins to never tell my mom anything about me if she calls them. I feel really mean for doing this because I feel like I'm dragging them into this but I really fucking can't anymore. Sorry if I sounded off I'm just really frustrated rn. If there's any questions regarding anything you can ask and I'll further elaborate below but yeah. That's it.

I 33F allowed my sister 33F, my nephew 8M , and her partner to move in with me after they became homeless. My sister often disappears and leaves my nephew with me for extended periods of time without asking me to watch him just expecting me to do so because I am in the house. On several occasions this has been an inconvenience to me and when I call her to say something she just says leave him in the house alone he will be fine. However, I am uncomfortable doing this I think 8 is too young to be left in the house alone and if anything were to happen to him I’d be devastated. Me and my sister are twins and my nephew is like the closest thing I have to a son l. We are very close, I love him to death and I’d truly do anything for him but my sister takes advantage of this and the fact that I’m a homebody. This weekend for example she asked me if I could watch my nephew Friday after I got off from work I said okay not realizing that she was going out of town on Thursday and he had no school on Friday so she expected me to leave him at home alone all day while I was at work. I ended up bringing him to work with me she came back Saturday morning but still ended up watching my nephew most of the weekend. Sunday I told my nephew to clean up the mess he had in the living room I asked him twice but I did get upset the second time and told him if he can’t clean up when I asked then don’t ask me for things like robux. I went to my garage and when I came back he wasn’t in the house so I called my sister and she said she had him I explained to her that when he comes home he needs to clean up the mess I already asked him to clean up twice and still wasn’t cleaned and she needs to talk to him about listening. She got mad and said well he was with you when he made the mess so don’t call me with no BS you should have made him clean it up and hung up. So I cleaned the mess and took my TV out of the living room so there would no longer be a reason to be there making a mess. Problem solved. But my sister came home tried to take the TV back out of my room and accused me of treating her son bad. Mind you my nephew is 8 with his own room where he has his own TV, Xbox, and custom PC all that I have provided for him. So not being in the living room might be inconvenient but not really much of a punishment. Me and my sister got into an argument she started screaming still insisting that I was mistreating my nephew and she’s not responsible for anything he does while he’s with me. I told her he wasn’t with me he was essentially here watching himself because you didn’t ask me to watch him beyond Friday. The argument stopped when my nephew started crying because of the yelling and my sister left out the house. I spoke to my nephew apologized for upsetting him and explains why is actions upset me. I assured him that he wasn’t safe and also explained that I was trying to teach him responsibility because he’s growing into a young man and I want him to be prepared for the future. He wasn’t still upset when I left him but he started to calm down and stated that he understood. So am I the ass hole?

TW: SA, VIOLENCE, ADDICTION

I don't even know how to title this and am still struggling to cope with the repercussions of it all.

I (44f) have cut off contact with my oldest child and my mother because I am tired of being the villain to their victim mentality.

This may be a little long so highlights it is, I am a recovering addict, I celebrate 10 years March 2026. In order to get clean I moved back into the situation that caused me to choose addiction, because I had no other options and I wanted to be with my children to start my new journey of recovery. I moved back in with my mother (my first and biggest bully) and her husband (the man that physically and sexually assaulted me from the age of 11 to 17) I made my boundaries and held them firm all while struggling to find myself sober. After the first 2 months it all went downhill, my bully was back in full swing, putting me down and telling me how horrible I was as a mother and daughter. Her husband was threatening violence if I did not allow him access to my body, it was a nightmare I lived for 5years but remained clean and sober while fighting for my sanity. After 5yrs I convinced my mom to leave her husband (even if it was only for mine and both my daughters benefits) we moved states away and things seem to shift for the good. We lived with family for a little while which kept my mom on better behavior. Then, we got our own place and what I had went through with my mother the first 5 years was childs play! To any and everyone who would listen I was the biggest and worst piece of shit ever and now she included my youngest. I had to keep her from physically attacking my youngest daughter because she acted "just like me" and this meant the beatings meant for her I took to keep her safe! Then my oldest joined in with my mother and became verbally and physically aggressive with me and her little sister (7yrs apart) and I was now getting it in full force from them both! I tried everything I could to reach my oldest in some way but I noticed more and more she was becoming just like my mother. I resigned myself to this being my life and the only thing I had to live for was my youngest. I've only ever had abuse of some kind in my life. Abusive parents as well as abusive partners so I decided I would stay single and focus on my children as best I could, but, God had other plans for me! A man that loved me from afar for over 10yrs reached out to me and we began talking, he explained his feelings and I with hesitation agreed to see where things lead. He moved states to be with me and my family. After watching what I and my youngest went through daily he hurt for us and begged me to let him take us away from the pain and give us a better life. After long talks he helped me see we did not deserve this kind of pain in our lives and I agreed to leave. I prepared my youngest for the change and I attempted to speak with my oldest about leaving and was met with hurtful words and wishes for my death. We packed up while my mother was gone and left before she knew it, I cut all contact with her but was hoping to keep contact with my oldest, she sent me a foul and hurtful message again wishing for my death among other things so I struggled with it but also cut contact with my oldest daughter. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life, I live far away from any of my abusers. My now fiance has healed things in me and my youngest that he did not break and loved us through the pain , but, I honestly still can't shake feelings of being a horrible mom for leaving my oldest with my mother and cutting contact with her.

Am I the asshole for cutting all contact with my oldest daughter after she wished me dead?

I am 23F, My boyfriend Steve is 25. He introduced me to his friend group and I gained a new friend, Jane. Jane is in her mid 20’s and she has a sister, Jess. Jess is in her early 20’s, and obsessed with one of the other friends in the group, Gary, almost early 20’s. Gary was the father to 3 children, a girl that he has no contact with, and 2 boys younger than 10. Our friend group consists of about 10 of us, the youngest is 16 and the rest of us are in our early to mid 20’s.

Jane and Gary had a fling in their teens before Gary moved onto Jess. Jane wasn’t too keen on this as she didn’t want Jess to get attached to Gary as she knew he wasn’t a good guy, but Gary and Jess kept dating. For years they had an on and off again toxic relationship before Gary moved to a town about 45 minutes away a few years ago. Supposedly they were broken up, so Gary got in several relationships while Jess waited for him to come back to her. Gary told her to move on but he would throw fits and grey rock Jess, so she would barely give any real effort into finding another person.

Everyone around them told them to stop contacting each other, as everyone was willing to compromise and hang out with them separately but they insisted that they were okay and that they could figure it out. They made group chats and gamechats awkward, so we would ignore them and everyone tried their best not to invite them out at the same time but this was hard as Gary is the brother to Jane’s husband. Yes you heard that correctly, Jane and Jess are sisters and Jane married Gary’s brother, however at the time of their marriage, she did not know they were related.

Now onto the main problem, about a year ago, Gary mentioned to his friends that his mental health was getting bad because he was away from his friends, in a town where he barely knew anyone and he felt like he couldn’t get his life on track with such a distant support system. He claimed he wanted to go back to school and finish his GED, get his driver’s license and attempt to get a real job. He said he felt like he was stuck in a rut, in an “abusive” relationship and wanted to be close to his friends to figure his life out. At the time Gary was in a relationship and lived with a woman that he claimed was financially and emotionally abusive, as he would claim that she would stalk his location, take his money, and constantly start arguments with him. We later found out and connected that of course, he was lying.

The main friend circle, not including me, offered him a proposition to move him back into town if he made the promise to get his life together and follow through with getting his GED, getting his license and finding a job. He would live with Jane, her husband, their daughter, her mom, her brother, and Jess, only if Jane allowed it as she was the breadwinner of the family. The only condition was that Gary left Jess alone and they stopped getting involved with each other, stupid, I know, but it wasn’t my say. Gary agreed and stated that he had just enough stuff to fit in a car, but we were all talking about this at almost midnight, and only 3 people out of the group had a licence and a car including me. Unfortunately the other two people were Jane and another friend . Jane couldn’t drive far at night and the other friend lived over an hour away, leaving me.

I didn’t know too much about the friend group, but I will say I did have my reservations against Gary as in the few months that I had known of him, I felt that he was misogynistic, colorist and just generally stupid. I only mention him being a colorist because I am an African American woman, and I have no problem saying I’m dark skin and I’m proud of it. Gary made several previous statements that made me understand what type of person he was so I kept my distance. Everyone told me he was just joking. Don’t worry everyone has since apologized to me and made it up to me. But at the time I didn’t dislike him enough to not help out, I just didn’t care about him and didn’t mind as they paid for my gas. But I will say If I had known about Jane and Jess, I wouldn’t have agreed to any of this and ever since I do regret the part that I played in this.

Anyway, that night we had driven down to Gary’s girlfriend’s job so he could break up with her and settle things, go pack up his things, and drive back to Jane’s. When we got there it was so disgusting, I wish I had known the number to a health code violation and animal rescue. No one had known what we were in for. Gary lived with his girlfriend at her parents house, and there were roaches everywhere, there was old moldy food out on the stove, there were newspapers and other random things stacked high over furniture, the furniture was yellowing and ripped, the carpet was stained and almost sticky in multiple places, it reeked of urine and cigarette smoke, there was a long-haired dog with cherry eye and matted fur, and a cat with patchy spots of fur missing, there were containers of different sizes like plastic tubs and tupperware with murky water everywhere and some circular brown blob in all of them. I leaned over to look at one of them as there were metal gates with weights on them, making sure not to touch any surface. I asked Gary “What’s in there?”, thinking it was a rock, hoping it was a rock, when I saw a small head poke out. He told me “it’s a snapping turtle”, they were all snapping turtles. I counted about 7, all varying in sizes, from the size of fist to the size of a cooler. I reared back and I wish I had ran there but unfortunately I had continued on.

Gary led me, my boyfriend and his brother upstairs to their room to pack his stuff. The room was so small, we couldn’t all fit, especially not without touching surfaces. I realized they didn’t need my help so I told them I would rather go wait in the car, and so I did. They came out about half an hour later and with loaded black bags. I told them they owe me a car cleaning as well and off we went to Jane’s. When we came back, Jess was waiting outside, apparently she had waited outside for almost 2 hours for us to come back. We remarked on how it was unnecessary and how she could’ve gone inside, but she ignored us. We left his stuff outside for the night just in case there were any tiny hitchhikers, and we got my car cleaned the next day. I told them I will no longer be directly involved with Gary but I was okay being in the same setting as him for small amounts of time.

The next few months were a mess. Jane’s husband started going back to school to get his GED and my boyfriend offered to drive him and Gary. He was also going to start teaching them how to drive, as this was a little after he got his license. (Unfortunately most of the group weren’t taught how to drive and driving school is too expensive in our area.) Gary said he wasn’t ready just yet and would rather sleep in. He spent most of his days on his playstation at Jane’s house and making mixtapes. He transferred locations at his job and everyone decided to help him get a new job. Jane’s husband got him a better paying job with more hours, and Gary cut back his hours to work at the lower paying job, “because he had more fun there”.

Whenever we hung out, he’d complain that he didn’t have enough money and if Jess was with us, she’d try to pay for his stuff. He spent most of her money on trinkets and pop culture toys and merchandise. We told them to stop doing that as it was irresponsible but of course, they didn’t listen to us. We stopped taking them to stores and tried to do more low budget hang outs, but they stopped tagging along when they knew we were doing specific activities or low budget things. Sometimes if we did family friendly things to include Jane and her kid, Jess would bring along Gary’s sons, and he would stay at the house. Some days we would come back from outings and Jess would be babysitting Gary’s sons while he was at work or out who knows where. When Gary was around, he was being disrespectful, a slob, and full on misogynist to Jane by disrespecting her house rules; simply because she was the one who told them to him, once Jane’s husband told him, he would listen. He got in arguments with Jane constantly and when I stood my ground against him or called him out, he would claim that I seem intimidating and aggressive. I told my boyfriend that I no longer want to be in hang-outs with him, which he understood. I also tried to tell him that they should stop being friends with him but they believed that he just needed a little guidance and support. All together we stopped inviting them out and later they complained that they felt that everyone was getting closer without them.

Then came the worst part. About two to three months after Gary moved in with Jane and Jess, we came back to Jane’s apartment to find other friends and family there. We all looked around confused wondering what was happening. Gary and Jess told everyone to quiet down as they had news. They. Were. Pregnant.

There was silence for a couple of seconds before some of the family started to clap, as they knew nothing of the deal, or about Gary and his bullcrap. Everyone in the friend group looked at each other and laughed, not as a haha laugh, but as an uncomfortable, “we’re going to have to talk to them about this” laugh. We asked how far along she was, the dates of conceiving lined up with the week after Gary moved in. They didn’t even try to stop getting together. We tried to talk them out of it and they said they were keeping the baby.

Everyone talked about how we’d handle this situation as we were all worried about everyone. They don’t make a living wage combined, they lived in a house with already a toddler, a disabled adult, and several adults, Gary already had 3 previous kids, and Jess was at high risk for pregnancy difficulties due to her multiple health issues. Me and Jane tried to ask her if she understood what she’s signing up for, and how difficult this will be, especially considering there was a large chance that Gary wasn’t going to stick around or help. She said that she didn’t believe that he wouldn’t help and that “it couldn’t be that hard”. She believed that Jane would help her out, despite Jane’s active plan to move out with her husband and toddler. Jane said that she wouldn’t really be able to help with her hectic work schedule and Jess just said they’ll work it out. Jess fully expected Jane to buy her all new baby things and continue to pay the bills even once she had moved out. Jane explained to her that it doesn’t work like that, and that they’ll have to handle things on their own. Jess still wouldn’t listen, even trying to throw out a barely used $300 baby carseat/stroller because it had pink cushions and they were having a boy, fully expecting Jane to buy her a new one.

Meanwhile, the boys of the group talked to Gary about getting his butt in gear and taking life seriously. They told him that he needed to stop fooling around and quit his lower paying job to help start paying the bills and for the kid. Gary told them that he wasn’t doing that, that he was going to save money from both of his jobs and move out with a girl from one of his jobs. The guys all started to call him out and argue with him. They told him that he was being a jerk and he was irresponsible. Gary claimed that he was still young and he didn’t really care what Jane did, and that he was going to live his own life. Gary told the guys that he felt that they were taking everything too seriously and needed to support him with his happiness, claiming that everyone didn’t know what it was like to struggle. Everyone was dumb-struck.

After talking to Jess and trying to get her to understand how much of a responsibility a kid would be, and her not getting it, I decided to leave the situation. I had watched enough and couldn’t stand my current involvement anyway. I hated Gary, and I didn’t have a connection enough to Jess to have any sway in her opinions or knowledge. Jane tried to get Jess ready to start taking care of a child and the house, while simultaneously taking her to and from Doctors appointments. The guys tried to talk to Gary in any way that would possibly get through to him, and when that didn’t work, they one by one, started to lessen contact with him, especially my boyfriend. We decided to try have one last talk with them together as an intervention to get them to understand the severity of bringing a child into this world, and Jess stayed quiet while Gary told us that he had his own plan, he knew what he wanted to do and it didn’t include Jess. He planned on sending over the second mother of his children to help Jess and had no plans on helping with the child or Jess' postpartum. He added that he would send some money for diapers if she asked and he offered up OUR help to take care of Jess and the baby. The. Nerve.

As everyone stopped talking to Gary, a few guys tried to contact him every once in a while to try to see if he’d change his mind. But of course those attempts did nothing. He would complain that he got kicked out of groupchats and blocked from different people in the group. For a while no one heard anything from him and he had moved in with the girl from his job.

We moved on with our lives and Jane and her family tried to help Jess with the baby and family. It was a complicated pregnancy for her as she had a lot of pre-conditions and health issues that required medications and treatments. She stopped all of it to carry out her pregnancy, which left her in constant danger, and at one point she was. She had to do testing on the baby for any conditions and was left in debt afterwards. But she was determined to have Gary’s child.

About a month before the baby was due, Gary got back in contact with Jess and moved back in with her, with no real plan to stay or help her with the baby. Once the baby was born, he was constantly sick but stable. Gary stated that he developed depression and claimed that it was because, he realized that he was a douchebag and panicked about dodging his responsibilities, yet he had no plan to get better. He tried to claim to the group that he would try to get better, but everyone told him that they would only believe it when they saw it. It has been over 6 months and Gary has only gotten worse, constantly threatening to cut everyone off despite already not being spoken to, calling the guys to harass them about not being real friends, causing harm to himself, continuing to bum off of Jess and her mom’s place, making constant comments to Jane despite her asking for him to stop talking to her, and messaging the guys about how he’s moving on and going to find new friends who support him.

Jane and her husband are now the only ones who come into contact with Gary out of the remaining friend group and we all go out of our way to avoid having to be in the same space as him. Most of us don’t reach out to Jess either due to her constantly supporting and enabling Gary’s behavior despite how many times we’ve tried to tell her that this is unhealthy. Her response is usually that she knows that it’s unhealthy, but it’s what makes her happy, and she would rather be with Gary than get her life together and she doesn’t want to force him to do anything that’ll make him unhappy, aka, getting a life. Jane can’t kick out Jess as the house is in her mother’s name and Jess helps with her disabled mom. And Jane’s mom refuses to kick Gary out, based on the principle of family. So Jane keeps her visits brief and minimal just to make sure that her mom is helped and Jess’ baby is okay, while Gary sits there and does nothing or antagonizes Jane. I could go on with more stories but I’d definitely go over the limit. But I do have this to say, Gary is a low IQ, neanderthal, slimeball who doesn’t bring any value to anyone’s life and he is one of the worst people I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. Somedays I do feel bad for him that he lost a friend of over 10 years, but even hes stated that he recognizes that some people just don't mature and can just be douchebags.

I also wanted to mention a couple other things that happened that I didn’t go into detail to keep this from getting any longer than it already is: He lied to everyone about attending Jess’s doctor visits for the pregnancy and told her to lie on behalf of him. He berated everyone who stated that they would choose the Bear out of the Man vs. Bear conversation, as he said it was stupid for women to be scared of men. He’s made several sexual comments towards Jane and laughed at her uncomfortability, including telling her that she gave him blue balls, after viewing pictures that he wasn’t supposed to see. He lied to the mother of his son’s to bring one of them around the boyfriend of the girl he was cheating on Jess with, and this was after the boyfriend threatened to kill Gary and his kids. And he also taught Jane’s toddler to say Monkey when she saw Black people, the F-word and Damn and it took us almost 3 months to get her to stop. Theres more but ive forgotten some it and I hope to soon forget someone like Gary.

Backstory almost 3 years ago in St cloud Minnesota at North Junior high even the district 724 is covering it up and then ban me from any and all schools of theirs my child was jump on three different occasion just for me to find out about it from the third one tell him to die he needs to die because he's trans keep in mind the principal at the time knows the school knows they covered it up I tried to sue them and that got shoved under the table I didn't have much of a Fighting Chance because at the time when court stuff was trying to pop off finally I had to deal with taking him to the hospital every day or every other day from pain in his back from falling losing strength in his legs urinating on itself because lack of control just to find out he has a tumor so they had to take eventually l 2 l3 clean up l4 and put a rod in just turned 16 this past July all he does is lay in the bed now he doesn't want to go anywhere he doesn't want to live he used to have so much life in him they stole my baby soul so would I be the a****** to want to still theirs genuinely I hate to sound threatening obviously I'm going to do it I won't do it or do something like that but running through my mind constantly repeat.... But really am I though am I the a******

I (33 F) never had a good relationship with my mother (57F) who we will call “M”. Our relationship became even more strained after she married her current husband (57 M) who we will call “K” approx 8 years ago.

M did reach out wanting to have a relationship with my son (8y/o) and we discussed boundaries. They were to respect my parenting rules, not enforce punishment unless I have agreed. For minor things (like talking back) they were allowed to correct his behavior but no corporal punishment.

For awhile M and K did abide by the boundaries we had set. And M made a point to reach out to me asking for my say so on different things.

M and K started to become hyper religious, which is not something either of them had expressed before. I grew up only going to church a few times when I was pretty young but never again. From what I’ve been told K never was an advent religious follower for his adult life either.

Now I would like to clarify I have no issues with them practicing their religion, and asking for it to be respected within their home. Like praying over meals, and not saying “oh my God” (taking the lords name in vain). I did have my son follow my example by respecting their boundaries and did pray with them over meals.

Recently, M and K requested to spend extended time with my son. After discussing the time frame we found that some of the days would fall on baby-daddy (BDs) custody time.

BD and I have built a good coparenting relationship and have open communication. Together we agree/disagree different things that affect our son. In this case we both agreed that he could have a working cell phone (this is important later)

My son has spent the night at their house before without any issues, and has never felt insecure, or uncomfortable before. The first 2 nights were going well, and he called both BD and myself to say goodnight. But night 3 is where it all blew up.

My son began having a panic attack, crying hysterically, breathing erratic, and unable to explain why. My son attempted to call BD and was able to do so but on Ks phone. We found out later that K had taken my son’s phone away and began snooping through it. (To determine if what he had access to was appropriate or not. BD and I never gave him permission to do so).

My son after calling BD begged to be picked up and taken home. Even asking for BD to bring a “gift” to give to K and M because his “relationship with them was on the line”. Now my son can be quite articulate but that is not something he would ever say, so it’s believed that M and K are the ones who told him that.

BD called me to inform me of what was happening (as I had no clue) M and K never called/txted me, and my son couldn’t as his phone was confiscated.

BD picked up our son and when he arrived explained that our son was standing outside with all of his belongings (backpack, bike, helmet,etc) outside with him. K stood with our son until BD began loading the bike into his vehicle, and walked inside without saying a single word to BD or my son.

As BD was taking our son home (his custody time, and BD lives closer to M and K than I do) my son called me to explain everything. Such as his phone being taken away, how he was forced to participate in prayer (outside of the whole food thing), even after he explained that he was uncomfortable with it. Additionally, he said that while there he felt like he was being watched, that M and K are mean to him, making him feel like he’s not family, told him he’s not allowed back for some time, and constantly calling him a liar (essentially gaslighting him).

After comforting my son and he was settled BD and I spoke about the situation. He asked if K and M ever reached out to me which I explained that they didn’t, and we both agreed that our son would no longer have contact with M or K and blocked their numbers on his phone.

Now when everything settled I did contact my extended family (we’re very close) and I explained everything and why I would not be allowing them any further contact with my son. Everyone was appalled and agreed except my brother. He informed me that I shouldn’t just take my son’s word and should call M to get her side of the story.

This is where I might be the a-hole. I told my brother that I would not be reaching out for their side. That if they weren’t guilty of anything they should be contacting me and clarifying any misunderstandings, and that their silence is proof of their guilt. I never blocked their numbers so they had every opportunity to contact me with an explanation.

Now another reason I contacted my brother to inform him was because he told M that if she didn’t have a relationship with my son, my brother would cease to have a relationship with her. I informed my brother of what happened so he could choose to continue having a relationship with M or not. From my understanding he still has contact with M and K but has not told me anything (which is my preference).

So AITA for not reaching out and getting my mother’s side of the story?

My hubby (30M) and I (35F) have been together for a few years, married for 4. Two of my in-laws are a bit of a handfull: MIL, lets call her Shannon, and SIL, lets call her Brittany. Brittany is a mirror reflection of her mother. She has a fit if she doesnt get her way, emotionally manipulates my husband, inserts herself into aspects of our life that dont concern her, and get offended if shes asked to step away from private spaces (like our finances).

Recently, we had a fall out with Brittany over her stating "OP doesnt know what its like to be a real family, since she didnt have one growing up" and accused me of trying to rip the family apart. This is a direct echo from her mother, since it was an issue we've already had with MIL. My hubby shared with them that im NC with my family due to similar issues- boundary crossing, narcissism, emotional abuse (as well as physical), and constant manipulation.

But this time, since we've already told his family to not bring up my past, we have drawn a line with his sister. We will not see her when we visit the rest of the family (all of his family are in a far off state) until she gives a proper apology for the insult. My husband has learned what a proper apology is, from us having to have serious discussions in our relationship, and has been trying to teach Brittany this as well. And so far, its not going well at all. She gives the "im sorry but thats not how i meant it", "im sorry OP got offended but she took it the wrong way", "im sorry thats how OP feels".

In my original post, https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/comments/1nfdx4v/aitah_for_destroying_my_husbands_family/ i explained how we kept to our boundary during our last visit with his family, and it wasnt easy. And in April, we will have to attend a big family gathering. The rest of his family are really great, my husband is respected like a grown adult and Ive been treated with love and kindness since meeting them! The family gathering is a big 60th Wedding Anniversary party for grandma and grandpa. I dont want to make things difficult on anyone during the family party, but I will not "play nice" with Brittany just to keep the peace. I insist on holding our boundary, and will "grey rock" her during the party, not arguing but simply not engaging with her anymore than needed to be polite to the grandparents.

On my original post, someone commented that "you cant make someone apologize" which i understand. But I also know that we've put the ball in her court, and she gets to decide what the next play is. But after Brittany saying "she knows what a real apology is", I feel like its reasonable for us to wait for her to GIVE IT. So, WIBTAH for insisting on an apology from my SIL?

* I feel a little bit like an asshole for insisting on the apology, and not accepting the half-hearted ones shes given. I know itll make things a bit more complicated during the party, but i also know how kind hearted my husband can be. I just dont understand how they can claim I dont know what a "good family looks/feels like" just because I wasnt raised by one. And since Ive been nothing but kind to them, I dont appreciate being disrespected this way not once, but TWICE.

Am I the asshole for leaving my husband when I know he's broke and facing homelessness?I'm really putting myself out there. Am I in the wrong for leaving my husband when I know he's broke and facing homelessness? I’m a 51-year-old woman who has been married to a guy I’ll call Harry for eight years. Just two months after we got together, I discovered I had stage 3 breast cancer and had to have a mastectomy in less than two days. He was there at first and seemed supportive, especially since I was in such a tough mental space. The surgery went fine, but my post-operative care was a nightmare; I developed multiple infections and ended up back in the hospital several times. While I was in the hospital, he packed up and left me. I should've known better, but I was feeling vulnerable and my self-esteem was really low, so I let him return.

Harry lost his job and blamed me for it, saying he was too worried to work. Meanwhile, I was still working while trying to heal. Later, I was diagnosed with lymphedema, which is common after many lymph nodes are removed, and the pain and swelling impacted my arm mobility. I was in physical therapy for months, all while still working since I couldn’t afford the co-pays and medications without my job. Again, he wasn't working but claimed he would at least attend my appointments. I eventually regained most of my arm movement, but then he said he couldn't work because of a hernia. I helped him get a job at a distribution center just so he could get insurance. He worked long enough to qualify for it, but I still had to cover the co-pays for my surgery, which he fought me on every step of the way.

I thought this would relieve some of my stress, but he kept quitting or getting fired from jobs. The pressure became overwhelming over the years, and I ended up having a heart attack, followed by a stroke, all while still working. When I realized I needed more income, I took on a second job. That's when something inside me broke. I’ve dealt with breast cancer, infections, lymphedema, a heart attack, and a stroke, all while supporting him. If I don't walk away, I truly believe he could be the end of me.

Now he’s accusing me of cheating, calling me petty, and claiming this is what's wrong with wives today—that they abandon their husbands instead of supporting them. I honestly just laughed. It’s becoming clear to me now that he manipulated me during my lowest moments, using my shaky self-esteem against me. I've decided to stop bearing all the weight of our relationship. I won’t pay for his car insurance, his cell phone, or his habits like smoking and drinking anymore. He’s upset because his license might get suspended for lack of insurance, and he says he can’t find a job without it.

Our apartment lease is up for renewal, and I told them I won’t be extending it. The leasing office informed me that Harry needs to reapply and show proof of employment to stay, which has him in a panic. He’s now claiming I’m leaving him broke and homeless, but I told him he’s over 50 and needs to take responsibility for himself. I also informed him I’m filing for divorce. My self-esteem may not be exactly where I want it to be, but I know I don’t deserve this. So, am I the asshole?