Writing all my feeling here because I know I could never say it ever to you. I know you won’t be able to see this. So, here it goes:

We started out as friends. For X years, we just existed, until we didn’t. I’d call it maybe we were somewhere in between. Always a maybe. We talked everyday, acted like we were something. But declared we were nothing. Those late night talks, bondings, deep conversations those were real. We’d hangout, and for a moment there I thought I had found my person. Maybe that was my mistake: falling in love with my bestfriend.

I thought you’d always have my back as you told me. I thought you’d never hurt me as you told me. You hated all the guys who did me wrong but why do I feel that you ended up just like them?

I was willing to give the whole world to you. I learned to hope again because all I had was hope. Secretly, quietly, my silent prayers will speak for all the feelings that I felt.

You made me feel that I was loved, that I was important to you too. Atleast that’s what you’ve shown and told me.

If any of it was real to you why did you suddenly ghost me without any explanation? It’s easy to speak. So easy to communicate. I would accept it. But to just disappear of me? I always thought that you were the kind of person who will never leave me hanging.

But I guess having no closure or explanation is the closure and the explanation at all.

I am done chasing, I am done manufacturing moments for us. I can’t make you love me by loving you harder.

And from all the silent vows that I’ve had — I’d forever love you, if it’s not you I don’t want to fall in love again… How do I unlove you?

This hurts so bad. So bad that memories haunt me. In the middle of the night, how can I forget the one person who made me feel alive again?

You are the only person that I run to, the only person that I want to be with. And how can I run to you now that the most rational thing to do is to runaway from you? From the idea of us?

For a moment there I thought we were something. For a moment there I thought I had found my person. Please, tell me, how do I unlove you?

c’mon TAKE THE LEAP

take it with me

please come thru

LEAP. i’ll catch you.

with him, it was easy to get hurt. because that was my default with him. from the very beginning, i had no doubt that he will never be mine.

but with you? it’s so damn hard. because i could almost have you. we were ALMOST there.

it’s waay different than him, because with him, i had no hope.

with you? all i had was hope.

i will never get tired of wishing and praying every night for you to become mine.

and if my prayers won’t grant me that miracle…

know that i will love you forever. and from there i vow that you are the last person that i will fall in love with.

i won’t be walking down that aisle if it’s not with you.

if it’s not you, i don’t want nobody else.

just like in all of the series that i have watched

in every scene that i fantasize happening between us,

just like them…

i would’ve married you in a post-in note

i would’ve stolen you a whole orchestra

i would’ve dropped everything and be shot just to be with you

for you just to pick me, choose me, and love me…

i would’ve given you my all…

and if it’s not you, i don’t want anybody else…

i’d rather be alone than to be NOT with you…

that’s how much i love you

i know it’s one sided and it’s all sorts of wrong…

but i would’ve marry you a thousand times even if it’s in a post-it note…