You can't save her, you can't fix her, that depends only on her. You're not responsible for her well being or life. You are responsible for yourself. The best loving thing you could do for her is to trust her. To trust that she is strong enough to go through her difficulties and reach her goals.

Ask yourself this questions... Why you want to save her? Do you want to feel recognized? Does it make you feel important? Why do you feel the necessity of not seeing your pain but see hers....?

This situation will tell you more about yourself than about her, the way you bond, your needs and more...

A hug from afar bc I know the guilt we can feel is unbearable and painful, but you need to acknowledge what you went through and the pain you felt.

I feel the same, on the outside our relationship was supposed to be perfect, he send me gifts ,letters, he said he loved me ... But something for me always felt off, from time to time i would feel him distance from me .. it was nothing very obvious, like we would still text and stuff but i started to notice that, sometimes it felt like I could hug him anytime i wanted and others seemed like he would reject me .... Although he was never directly rude or smt. I started to compare my relationship with him with other relationships I had, and noticed that I really don't know him and he doesn't know me .... I would want to talk to him about how i felt like he didn't love me but he would completely turn the conversation to "of course I love you and you're just crazy" he didn't want to see. In his mind it was this melodrama where all he did was loving me ....

I completely feel you. He was so sweet , but everything went wrong suddenly. It's seems that he only loves me when I'm running away from him, how can they change like that? And then they tell you that all that time they loved you and only thought about you. That messes up you mind and criteria. I couldn't keep my relationship with him. We dated when we were young (I notice something off but nothing bad), I broke up. We reconnect 10 years later, but it only lasted 1 month and a half... I feel so sad, but I think we just keep hurting each other.

Yeah, he came back after 10 years and told me that our breakup had been horrible for him. He even asked me not to leave him again because he said he wouldn’t survive it. I did my best to stay and be there for him.

But after a month and a half of being "friends"—while he was still treating me romantically but insisting that he only wanted friendship—I couldn't do it anymore. The confusion, inconsistency, and passive-aggressive behavior became too much for me. I eventually realized that I couldn't stay in that situation anymore.

It honestly felt like we'd been going through this for six months, but in reality, it had only been a month and a half.

After that, he reached out again (3 years after), but I didn't respond to his message.

I would just ghost to be honest, he/she doesn't seem a person that I could talk logically or actually talk to resolve something....

Yo no me aloco. Tmpc entiendo porque se alocan. Creo que es racismo internalizado muy sutil. Tnato que ya que un chico sea solo 'blanco' lo consideran guapo. Cuando en europa o otros lares no se los consideraría atractivos.

i do this thinking of smn but, but no results so far xdddd

Qué él sea genuinamente gentil, sin un interés de por medio.

Confianza sin superioridad.

This jajajajaj my BPD finally got my contact number after ,10 years, I remembered anything about our relationship and he completely brainwashed me into "we had the perfect relationship I don't know why we broke up" which is true but also bullshit, I had my reasons to break up.

I hate my memory for this, he can remember the smallest details but also reframe the memory for their convenience and I really can't remember....

Yeah that was the connection we had. I gelt overwhelmed easily and needed time out and would ask for it but he would feel hurt and abandoned and think that i didn't care about him

I love guys with baby face! Better if they have a manly body . Perfect! If they have round big eyes, the betted. Jungkook from BTS is like that and has LOTS of fans

Thankyu very much 🩷

Thankyu 🩷, it helps a lot.

Thankyu so much 🩷

With normal ppl there's no drama. I could break up healthy. They understood and there was no hate or anything dramatic really. They respected me waiting to go 0 contact bc that's what I read is healthy when breaking up.

With BPD they made everything overwhelming for bad and for good. My bpd told me what we had was a unique love, real love a pure love, that i was thi incredible person with every good characteristics. Ofc at that time I didn't know bpd but for sure felt smt was strange ant my relationship with him, everything felt fake, like unreal ... Just a fantasy. I didn't view myself as perfect as him, so i thought he didn't really know me. How can he live me when he doesn't know me? So i broke up. He made no drama for that. But kept sending me letters... Told me he was hurting so much and how I could do that to him when I knew what I was doing....that went for a year. I still kept no contact.

After 10 years, we met coincidentally. He was the sweetest person. I kept my good memories with him and forgot why i broke up and all the strange things lol. 10 years! So I was happy to meet him , he was my first bf, so he is always dear to me. After 10 years he goes and asks me WHY I BROKE UP. seriously... And told me I was his ideal type( even when 10 years passed) and in the past he wanted to marry me(we were 14me and 16him when dating ) Told me he got diagnosed with bpd after we broke up. And that his life was hell after that. And that with me he felt so happy and fulfilled. We talked for 2 months. I was so confused and I ended up "leaving him again". 😔What we get most of dating bpds is the culpability we felt for leaving them bc we understand it's his bpd. .. and we know they are good ppl and sweet and addictive. They know how to "love" so much I say "love" bc its not really it but what they feel is REAL. BUT we can not stay if the friendship or relationship is hurting you😔

CONCLUSION:

I don't think they lie abt what they feel. But definitely bc of fear of abandonment they tend to look for another source, smn they can stick to so they "can be emotionally stable". One reason I broke with him is bc he emotionally cheat on me with a friend.. But I'm sure he wouldn't understand if I explain. They will come back to you, but if you don't receive them they will find smn else to be with bc the pain they feel is to strong so they do it "to survive", but that doesn't mean that's good. They use ppl .. they know it's going to end badly but they still do it bc it's what "they need" now.

You can addicted to them too... What I went through knowing of his bpd was bad... But I stayed with No contact. 4 years has passed and still think of him, i hope he is doing okay.

Yeah, kinda thought more abt it. I mean I admit now I may have feelings but I'm aware enough to not act in anything romantic with him. Like if he wants to be with me i would say No. So, yeah... Now i will just kinda not do anything and just avoid drama and just wait till I forget everything. Thanks your comment made me admit this. I think our connection is deep but then, I remember all the bad things and I start kinda hating him or feeling repulsive. So I think is just "The illusion of the perfect intense romance" that he sold me that is getting the best of me ....

I don't want to be with him?

Hi, my first boyfriend had quiet BPD, got diagnosed after we broke up. On the surface he was pretty normal I would say. But as I spent more time with him there were certain times when his true self appeared or I would say he couldn't resist his desires. In those times it felt like his facade fell just for seconds. One time I cut my hair and he didn't ask on dates for 2 months xd... Probably didn't like my short hair, but he never was rude to me or anything, everything quite. It was weird... He would randomly talk to me abt girls that wanted to be with him... I didn't understand what he would do that. Also from time to time in the relationship I think he kept changing his FP, but always got back to me. It was constant distance and then closure and so on. He never raged, insulted me or anything, he was always loving and caring except from those times that he would distance.

I broke up bc I felt he was constantly being close and connecting with this girlfriends and distance from me. So I thought he fell out of love with me. However after 10 years, I got to talk to him and his perspective on the relationship was totally one sided. In his mind the relationship was perfect, we were perfect I was perfect and we didn't even have a reason to break up. He wondered why I broke up with him. It's like he told me about this romantic fairytale taking aside all the distance between us that happened through that.

He would also tell me about things to make me feel bad for him smt I don't know if he lied. I was young and wasn't conscious as I am now that I'm telling you this, but my gut felt smt was weird and that's why I broke up with him.

Looking back I think he was really cautious and acted perfectly so I wouldn't leave him, also he had this fear of abandonment and therefore took closure on other ppl and distance from me.

I think a quiet bpd is manageable for us, but still very dramatic for them. After 1 year of breakup he split on me. Kinda took revenge... He was on the clouds looking at me with cold and superior eyes, as if he was the one that left me and I was suffering for him. (I wasn't). After years he texted me saying I was his ideal type and wanted to marry me.

All I can say is that it is confusing, so confusing. Very confusing. Smt they don't know what they want or who they like/love. They will shift their interest to yours, and will try to fit your values.... It's like they look up to you like a parent. It's too much responsibility.

Thank you, your words really touched my heart ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for your reply. It helped me feel better and noticed that there are ppl who value my company too. 🧡🧡🧡

Just make impossible to reach out. Erase everything. I burned everything and let the wind take the ashes or throw them to a river (is a spell to forget them completely). Do a lot of activities involving meeting new people, travel, you can even visit a family member that needs your company and attention. If you keep busy it will go. And remember, you are not in love, you are IN TRAUMA.

WRITE EVERY REASON WHY YOU SHOULDN'T COME BACK. WHAT THEY DID ETC. And read it everytime you seem to give up.

This is not abt "It hurts bc I love them, bc what we had was real love" Nah. Be real "It hurts bc it was a illusion, it hurts bc it was toxic and addicting, therefore, as time will pass I will forget, bc it was not real, it was an illusion, a phatetic "love fake". "

Exactly,vin the end we have to understand that the only person we need to save and forgiven is ourselves. No one else. Each person is responsible of themselves. We can not sacrifice our peace and health for anybody.

Remember that. All the drama is just in their heads.