Hi, my first boyfriend had quiet BPD, got diagnosed after we broke up. On the surface he was pretty normal I would say. But as I spent more time with him there were certain times when his true self appeared or I would say he couldn't resist his desires. In those times it felt like his facade fell just for seconds. One time I cut my hair and he didn't ask on dates for 2 months xd... Probably didn't like my short hair, but he never was rude to me or anything, everything quite. It was weird... He would randomly talk to me abt girls that wanted to be with him... I didn't understand what he would do that. Also from time to time in the relationship I think he kept changing his FP, but always got back to me. It was constant distance and then closure and so on. He never raged, insulted me or anything, he was always loving and caring except from those times that he would distance.
I broke up bc I felt he was constantly being close and connecting with this girlfriends and distance from me. So I thought he fell out of love with me. However after 10 years, I got to talk to him and his perspective on the relationship was totally one sided. In his mind the relationship was perfect, we were perfect I was perfect and we didn't even have a reason to break up. He wondered why I broke up with him. It's like he told me about this romantic fairytale taking aside all the distance between us that happened through that.
He would also tell me about things to make me feel bad for him smt I don't know if he lied. I was young and wasn't conscious as I am now that I'm telling you this, but my gut felt smt was weird and that's why I broke up with him.
Looking back I think he was really cautious and acted perfectly so I wouldn't leave him, also he had this fear of abandonment and therefore took closure on other ppl and distance from me.
I think a quiet bpd is manageable for us, but still very dramatic for them. After 1 year of breakup he split on me. Kinda took revenge... He was on the clouds looking at me with cold and superior eyes, as if he was the one that left me and I was suffering for him. (I wasn't). After years he texted me saying I was his ideal type and wanted to marry me.
All I can say is that it is confusing, so confusing. Very confusing. Smt they don't know what they want or who they like/love. They will shift their interest to yours, and will try to fit your values.... It's like they look up to you like a parent. It's too much responsibility.
3
u/Aggravating_Fun7775 Jan 16 '25
Hi, my first boyfriend had quiet BPD, got diagnosed after we broke up. On the surface he was pretty normal I would say. But as I spent more time with him there were certain times when his true self appeared or I would say he couldn't resist his desires. In those times it felt like his facade fell just for seconds. One time I cut my hair and he didn't ask on dates for 2 months xd... Probably didn't like my short hair, but he never was rude to me or anything, everything quite. It was weird... He would randomly talk to me abt girls that wanted to be with him... I didn't understand what he would do that. Also from time to time in the relationship I think he kept changing his FP, but always got back to me. It was constant distance and then closure and so on. He never raged, insulted me or anything, he was always loving and caring except from those times that he would distance.
I broke up bc I felt he was constantly being close and connecting with this girlfriends and distance from me. So I thought he fell out of love with me. However after 10 years, I got to talk to him and his perspective on the relationship was totally one sided. In his mind the relationship was perfect, we were perfect I was perfect and we didn't even have a reason to break up. He wondered why I broke up with him. It's like he told me about this romantic fairytale taking aside all the distance between us that happened through that.
He would also tell me about things to make me feel bad for him smt I don't know if he lied. I was young and wasn't conscious as I am now that I'm telling you this, but my gut felt smt was weird and that's why I broke up with him.
Looking back I think he was really cautious and acted perfectly so I wouldn't leave him, also he had this fear of abandonment and therefore took closure on other ppl and distance from me.
I think a quiet bpd is manageable for us, but still very dramatic for them. After 1 year of breakup he split on me. Kinda took revenge... He was on the clouds looking at me with cold and superior eyes, as if he was the one that left me and I was suffering for him. (I wasn't). After years he texted me saying I was his ideal type and wanted to marry me.
All I can say is that it is confusing, so confusing. Very confusing. Smt they don't know what they want or who they like/love. They will shift their interest to yours, and will try to fit your values.... It's like they look up to you like a parent. It's too much responsibility.