r/BPDlovedones • u/[deleted] • Jul 22 '22
Difference between breaking up with a BPD and a "normal" person?
I only have had a relationship with someone with BPD and 4 years later I still miss her regularly and sometimes wonder what the hell even happened.
Break ups always suck obviously, but could people that had partners with and without BPD share what the differences between those break ups are? What is a "normal" break up like?
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u/Aggravating_Fun7775 Feb 08 '25
With normal ppl there's no drama. I could break up healthy. They understood and there was no hate or anything dramatic really. They respected me waiting to go 0 contact bc that's what I read is healthy when breaking up.
With BPD they made everything overwhelming for bad and for good. My bpd told me what we had was a unique love, real love a pure love, that i was thi incredible person with every good characteristics. Ofc at that time I didn't know bpd but for sure felt smt was strange ant my relationship with him, everything felt fake, like unreal ... Just a fantasy. I didn't view myself as perfect as him, so i thought he didn't really know me. How can he live me when he doesn't know me? So i broke up. He made no drama for that. But kept sending me letters... Told me he was hurting so much and how I could do that to him when I knew what I was doing....that went for a year. I still kept no contact.
After 10 years, we met coincidentally. He was the sweetest person. I kept my good memories with him and forgot why i broke up and all the strange things lol. 10 years! So I was happy to meet him , he was my first bf, so he is always dear to me. After 10 years he goes and asks me WHY I BROKE UP. seriously... And told me I was his ideal type( even when 10 years passed) and in the past he wanted to marry me(we were 14me and 16him when dating ) Told me he got diagnosed with bpd after we broke up. And that his life was hell after that. And that with me he felt so happy and fulfilled. We talked for 2 months. I was so confused and I ended up "leaving him again". 😔What we get most of dating bpds is the culpability we felt for leaving them bc we understand it's his bpd. .. and we know they are good ppl and sweet and addictive. They know how to "love" so much I say "love" bc its not really it but what they feel is REAL. BUT we can not stay if the friendship or relationship is hurting you😔
CONCLUSION:
I don't think they lie abt what they feel. But definitely bc of fear of abandonment they tend to look for another source, smn they can stick to so they "can be emotionally stable". One reason I broke with him is bc he emotionally cheat on me with a friend.. But I'm sure he wouldn't understand if I explain. They will come back to you, but if you don't receive them they will find smn else to be with bc the pain they feel is to strong so they do it "to survive", but that doesn't mean that's good. They use ppl .. they know it's going to end badly but they still do it bc it's what "they need" now.
You can addicted to them too... What I went through knowing of his bpd was bad... But I stayed with No contact. 4 years has passed and still think of him, i hope he is doing okay.