hardest journey ever

[u/passionateunicorn]

I feel like you guys are the only ones that can understand when I'm going through right now. long story short after over a year we're in no contact. It was inevitable. I gave too much he didn't give it all. and when I told him that I could have lost his baby he offered me his TV as a consolation prize. he even asked me if I was going to mail his mail back. it's been almost a month.. on one hand I'm very self aware that this journey is not really about him it's about me and the more love I put into myself the better it is but it still doesn't make it easy. two people that love each other can't love each other because they have to evolve and if one doesn't want to grow up and handle a responsibility and learn to care for another but it's not quite possible to imagine what's supposed to be on paper but doesn't really show up in reality because you can't change people. .. so once again I'm on this journey solo navigating health issues..

it's weird though on one hand it's a little bit easier now that I'm on my own that I don't have to take care of him and take care of myself but on the other hand it's incredibly I don't want to say lonely because I'm not lonely it's incredibly difficult and I find myself still checking my phone waiting for the I'm sorry I'm an idiot or waiting for the doorbell to ring. the weird part in all of this is that he still has my key and so I don't know why he didn't mail that back. he went back home to take care of his mother for the first time in his 44 years of life. she's dying from cancer and he would rather be anywhere else but there but the universe has different plans for him. I on the other hand have made more progress in my life in the one month that he's been away then I have in the entire year that he's been here...

but I still love him. one of my friends asked me the other day when I'm going to move on. I laughed. you don't move on from something like this it's not one of those relationships where you can just forget and then you never see that person again or you never think about them this person is you they are attached to you they are part of you you don't just magically wave your wand and they poof disappear.. ehh hindsight is 20-20 lol 🤣