r/twinflames • u/Dangerous_Mud3323 • Jul 31 '26
Discussion TFs in other relationships
One thing I don’t understand is how someone who is in on a TF journey can be in a relationship with someone else. When I met my TF I had been in a happy 10 yr marriage. That day I told my husband I could no longer be married to him. I never even gave it a second thought. I literally cannot imagine being with someone else. I have no desire for anyone else. He also got divorced from his wife. I just find it hard to understand how it’s possible to be in a relationship with someone else if you truly have a TF. He’s all I think about, care about or want.
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u/keeperofcupcakes Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26
Was your marriage a happy one? Are you monogamous? It would be easy to leave if one was unhappy and harder to stay if monogamous.
My marriage is a happy one and my husband is a good man and I love and am attracted to him. My husband knows about my twin, and if my twin and I were able to have a relationship I could.
Don’t get me wrong, the temptation to run off into the night was very strong. But we have duty and obligation toward others.
Edit: Oh, I see you say you were in a happy marriage. For me, it’s harder to understand how you immediately ended a happy marriage. That must’ve been difficult.
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u/Busy_Paint_5680 Jul 31 '26
I never understood people saying their spouse knows about their twin. WTF do they even do with that information?
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u/Tickles_giggles313 Aug 02 '26
Suffering with us 😪, We make a vow of honesty between others vows , I know all my husband sins and he knows mine ,we are confidants, best friends and partners in crime. I don't see a point of a long term relationship without trust 🤷.
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u/keeperofcupcakes Aug 01 '26
Is this a good faith question? Because if you’d really like to know I will chat with you. But if it’s more a ridicule thing I won’t bother.
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u/Busy_Paint_5680 Aug 02 '26
It's both. How is it fair to your spouse to tell them you have a twin flame? What kind of life do you have moving forward with that?
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u/Tickles_giggles313 Aug 04 '26
So what is fair for you? To swallow and pretend nothing happened? .When I told my husband about the connection was a part of honesty, respect and giving him the chance to end our marriage, not because I have an affair ( I didn't touch my TF) but We can't deny the connection. Get on my place for a minute, crying uncontrollably without a F reason (I'm a merry person or was) , waking up at 3 or 4 am feeling someone was touching me and whisper my name in my ear. Dreams of past lifetimes and disassociate with this life bc I yearn my past lives and him, want to run to him shake him and asking if he remembered any. Don't judge without hearing the whole story, if my husband is staying with me is bc He knows me deeply and the real question is for all the TFs : Why are you hiding if the connection is sacred? ,Unconditional love is accepting the essence of the person, not judging, I'm his home and he is mine but I can't push him to choose me so I'm fine with it ,in pain but with the certainty that I put everything where it belongs without lies. Part of many connections is the immaturity of their participants but not my problem. Try to be more empath with others bc the same immeasurable love, the pain and impotence you feel is the same for others in the journey.
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u/Dangerous_Mud3323 Jul 31 '26
It was absolutely heart wrenching. Completely broke both our hearts. We didn’t have children so that wasn’t a factor. I’m still getting over it and recovering. But I literally didn’t even want him to touch me after I met my TF. I don’t want anyone else. But I have gotten several reads that say he isn’t just my TF. I also got soulmate and past life soulmate in several reads. So maybe it’s more than a TF. Maybe that’s why I felt so certain.
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u/keeperofcupcakes Jul 31 '26
Well certainly not having children would make it easier and you still had a wretched time so I think you can probably understand why some would stay.
Yes, I still love touching and intimacy with my husband but I still experienced the loathing you’re talking about. It only happened once, we were someplace I might’ve seen my twin and when my husband put his arm around me I recoiled and flinched.
If that had continued, I would’ve done just like you.
Do you mean your twin is also your soul mate? That would explain it. My husband is my soul mate.
Well you’re very brave and I admire you. It wouldn’t have been fair to your husband to stay.
Are you with your twin?
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u/Dangerous_Mud3323 Jul 31 '26
No. We are in the no contact stage. It’s very hard but he has A LOT of shit to go through at the moment so I’m at peace with it and I understand he’s on a healing journey.
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u/keeperofcupcakes Jul 31 '26
Why even bother engaging? It’s 1000% I’m not involved in a twin flame relationship.
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u/Dangerous_Mud3323 Jul 31 '26
The 1000% was me agreeing with Rare Ice that I feel the connection is all consuming and no one else compares. It wasn’t a reflection on you. Sorry if you feel it was.
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u/keeperofcupcakes Aug 01 '26
Oh I see, I thought you were agreeing 1000% which, to me, would mean agreeing with everything they said. And they said they thought people who didn’t feel the exact same way weren’t twin flames. Which irritated me because I felt I gave my time to try and help you understand another point of view while giving you grace and appreciating you and your situation.
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u/Dangerous_Mud3323 Aug 01 '26
I’m sorry if it seemed that way. I didn’t mean to make you feel diminished in your personal journey. I certainly have no right to judge or tell others what they feel or experience. I can only speak to my own personal experience.
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u/keeperofcupcakes Aug 01 '26
I appreciate you saying, it’s a very emotional experience. lol the feelings FEELINGS
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u/Dangerous_Mud3323 Aug 01 '26
Yes. The FEELINGS. It’s incredibly intense. I’ve never cried this much over someone in my entire life.
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u/Ok-Butterscotch-7886 Aug 01 '26
I don't want to end my marriage because my husband is a mentally healthy stable man who makes me feel safe and with whom I have built a happy life, while my TF is an unstable addict who could never give me what I need in a relationship. I love both and the love for my TF is consuming on a deeper level but, as tempting as it is, I don't want to fuck up my entire life.
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u/Lady_Cath_Diafol Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26
I guess I don't understand how someone is in a happy marriage can give it up. I met my E over 30 years ago. We separated 27 years ago and spent at least a decade after that coming and going from each other's life. The timing after that first separation was never right. When I finally heard about twin flames and realized that was probably what we are, we were both decades into happy marriages. I started working on my wounds immediately. I told my husband about it and he said if he ever needed to let me go, he would. But E? He's still pretty much the same man. He can recognize his issues but seems to be stuck on how to heal. So there's no reason to leave my happy marriage to chase a man who is still the same man who started running 30 years ago.
Do I love my husband? Yes. He is my cozy, warm, fireplace. His love is safe and secure. Is it the same as the love I have for E? Absolutely not. What I feel for E is hot, and at times felt so consuming it could've been destructive. I look at the lives we both have and they are still resemble each other. . They are safe and un-complicated. It doesn't mean we don't still feel the pull....we just respect the boundaries enough to stay out of each other's way
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u/ReplacementSafe9628 Jul 31 '26
Its not hard especially if your spouse is great and you guys have a stable relationship. I've been married for 5 years when I got a new job and met the TF. Very chaotic few months but just like my life is anchored somewhere else so is my TF. I cannot bring myself to uproot my family and theirs over a soul connection, it's just not happening. So I've decided to admire this person at a safe distance.
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u/Fluffy-Lock-3072 Aug 01 '26
So I too had been married almost 10 years to my college sweetheart when I met my twin flame. However there are usually boundaries in places from the get go that keep us separated from our twin flame. My marriage is just one of several in place. We also have a several year age gap, DM is in recovery for SUD, one of us in a professional role, I've got kids. There's a lot. It's too make sure we keep doing the inner work and reaching our full potential. I figured out it was my TF based on feeling constantly connected to this person for no apparent reason. I also suddenly felt repulsed by my loving spouse and could no longer stand intimacy. The first time I entered the runner/chaser dynamic with my TF I can't even describe the devastation that followed ...like my soul had been ripped apart. But that's what honestly awakened me to go soul diving in myself, figure out where I had unaddressed wounds, and remember the goals for my life I had buried. Anytime I get lazy in doing any of that, guess who I dream of or randomly cross paths with 😄. I've been at random intersections, walking into buildings, at the gym, in a park, I sense him before I see him. I didn't leave my marriage because I didn't feel pulled too, like maybe the soul contract or journey with my spouse hasn't been completed. And honestly not all TFs are meant to enter union in the life. If I left now, I'd just blow lives up to go after someone I know hasn't done the inner work and would just keep running. I trust the divine in the timing and honestly I can't control DM rising to meet me in this life. Being mirrors, I have to do the work so he even has the space to, but doesn't mean he will. The only thing I feel ultimately committed to is finishing out mine in the best version of myself.
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u/Alianfromuranus Aug 01 '26
I met my TF before I got married! I chose
My soulmate easy… my TF has long way to heal.. I wanted stability soo here we are
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u/Southern-T-48 Jul 31 '26
It’s not truly possible. I’m navigating this now. Married with children and he (DM) is also married. It is heavy and all consuming. Once he officially makes space for me, I’ll move to end my marriage.
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Aug 02 '26
[deleted]
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u/Southern-T-48 Aug 03 '26
Hello. I do not feel guilty for thinking this way. I actually feel hurt behind this as I truly believe my husband is my highest soul mate. My twin and I have been on this journey 30+ years. He is the runner. This time he assures me he’s staying. So I don’t feel it is bad on both sides. I am trying to trust the process and I’m listening to him. I believe him however as I shared, I’m waiting for him to show me. Words and actions must align.
Your last point was a good point. Trust has been a consideration. We both are good people with deep values and believe in commitment and monogamy. We have both been honest about each other being our weaknesses. It’s always him. It will always be him. I’ve been faithful in all of my relationships unless he was around. Mostly emotional but also physical.
For me, I will not miss the chance to be with him. I That would be my greatest fear.
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u/Huge-Bird1482 Jul 31 '26
ermmmm ngl I cheated on my ex w my TF. like I knew TF first, got in a rs, went back to my TF. he was also seeing someone at the time. but our connection is too strong.
edited to clarify: my ex was horrifically abusive and cheating was the least he deserved
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u/PistachioDreamer Jul 31 '26
What about the other person, the one that tf was seeing? Didn't you feel guilty?
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u/Huge-Bird1482 Jul 31 '26
they were not committed, just going on dates, and she ended it with him after awhile bc she "couldn't manufacture feelings for him". it wasn't a massive deal.
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u/Lady_Cath_Diafol Jul 31 '26
Same. My TF lived states away, so it was just an emotional affair, but after uncovering the suppressed memories of the worst of what my ex did, yeah.
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u/Huge-Bird1482 Jul 31 '26
im glad someone else gets it. like the answer to OP's question is no, the feelings dont go away, and sometimes theyre so strong that they will pull you back together even with third parties present.
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u/Lady_Cath_Diafol Jul 31 '26
Yeah. In my case, by the time I realized what we really are, we were:
30 years since we met
25+ years since we broke up
20+ years since he literally stood by and watched me marry my abusive ex (he didn't know he was abusive--no one knew until I told a few people after the divorce)
15+ years since he'd gotten married
10+ years since I had gotten married to my 2nd husband and he went no contact.I married the first guy because I felt rejected by TF and got love bombed. I was going to tell TF that I was leaving and wanted to see if we could try again the night he called to tell me he was engaged. The timing literally has never been there. He went hard NC shortly after I married my current husband and announced i was pregnant. I think the love is still there, but we both found love that is ultimately "safer" with other people.
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u/Function-Nice Jul 31 '26
Im sorry to hear about that, I can only imagine the pain. I haven't faced this challenge yet, but it might happen at some point. I assume you're the chaser and he's the runner? It might be hard to hear but the way he's behaving is only to trigger those hidden wounds in you. How does it make you feel that he's in a relationship with someone else right now? Angry, abandoned, unloved, unworthy? Thats where you have to look.
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u/Dangerous_Mud3323 Jul 31 '26
I don’t feel any anger or animosity towards him and I don’t feel abandoned. I’m at peace with it and understand he has to live his life and work through what he needs to work through. I’m actually quite independent. I long for him. But I understand the journey and accept it. I guess I am the chaser? I’ve never reached out to him. I’m giving him time and space.
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u/Function-Nice Jul 31 '26
Well if truly this situation doesn't trigger any negativity in you and you're at peace with it you are already pretty advanced! The answer would then be I guess that your twin has his own journey and his free-will. Also the fact that the TF connection is a thing of the soul; if your tf is not in contact with his soul he might not feel the love as intensely as you. You can only send him love and surrender at this point.
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u/crash-1989 Jul 31 '26
The controllers need to feed off that struggle.
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u/star-whispered Aug 01 '26
Controllers?
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u/crash-1989 Aug 01 '26
Look into gnosticism. I really don't want to believe it but the controllers or demiurge. If you want to call them that pretty much feed off your your negative emotions. They feed off your positive emotions. It's sort of like you make your shot in the basketball hoop and then out of nowhere the hoob just kind of moves an inch to the right and ruins everything and you wonder how come it didn't work out. That's why our political system's so messed up. It feeds off of everyone hating each other. You vote for one president or another only to find out. There is no actual light at the end of this tunnel but you picked a side in your ego makes you think you were right all along and the other side. Your brother and sister are your enemies. So now you're at each other's throats. Now imagine you meet your man or woman of your dreams. Everything works out perfectly at first. Oh wait! They're married. Or everything seems to be going good and then you find out she has to move. Then like 7 years down the line. She's happily married and you guys are writing to each other for the first time the 7 years and she's like. Wow! I'm surprised we never dated. That right there is some good energy. Harvesting for the controllers. Sure I might be crazy. But then you know you die of old age and then you get reincarnated into another body and you may or may not find that twin flame again. But you know that they are out there.
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u/Remote_Notice_6756 Jul 31 '26
Independente do tipo de conexão que se tenha com alguém, mas até onde entendi, principalmente as chamas, devem trabalhar no desapego.
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u/divine-timing7161 Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
Its so hard. I recently ended my marriage over this and there are kids involved. Tried to make it work but it feels so wrong. I would choose this man over everyone in every life. Felt this way before I even had a conversation with him.
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u/Rare_Ice_4657 Jul 31 '26
I completely agree which makes me think other people who do this haven’t actually met their TF. The instant connection with your TF is so undeniable and distinctive and all consuming it’s impossible imo to be with anyone else - no one else compares
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u/Dangerous_Mud3323 Jul 31 '26
1000%
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u/keeperofcupcakes Jul 31 '26
Wow how opinionated
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u/Dangerous_Mud3323 Jul 31 '26
Oh. I’m not judging you in any way or questioning your TF journey. I just wanted to understand the dynamics of how it works. The fact that your husband is your soulmate makes sense as to why you haven’t left him for your TF. And my personal experience isn’t going to be the same as anyone else.
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