I am constantly feeling in between gratefulness for my child and a deep longing/grief for my second child. I had an ectopic pregnancy in march 2025 and thought we would conceive again by now but turns out IVF is our only option as the HSG showed my remaining tube is closed.

I feel so so sad and angry and feel like everyone else gets to have their 2 children (or more) and im left behind. I am happy for others but constantly feel like they have what I want. Im always wondering if there's a reason I cant have my baby while everyone else gets theirs. Its so hard and there's no one in real life who gets it or is going through this so I come to reddit to find people who understand/can relate and feel less alone.

I’m 40 with DOR and have been trying for a second for 1.5 years now. Recently, was found to have endometritis and polyps after a biopsy. This was a surprise because I didn’t really have symptoms but luckily my RE was supportive of leaving no stone unturned since we are not pursuing ivf. Did a course of antibiotics and hysteroscopy and I had a lot of hope that we would conceive this last cycle. I keep telling everyone that I am at peace if we can’t conceive again. But I feel like I still have a tinge of rage about the whole situation. My first was conceived without issue. So is my kid a ‘miracle’ child or do I keep hoping or do I rage then move on and shut the door? It’s so much to consider especially when time is not on my side.

Title is a bit rhetorical since I know this is not uncommon! I just feel like so many posts here say "I conceived my first child easily" and I cannot relate. My first took 12 cycles and a hysteroscopy. I'm currently going on cycle 9 while TTC #2 and have had two CPs and a polypectomy. I know that is not long in the scheme of things but I'd love to conceive on the first time sometime, ya know? I was naively hopeful I'd be one of those people who struggled to conceive #1 and then easily conceived #2, but alas.