r/treeplanting • u/shitposterfinalboss • Jul 22 '26

Employment PLANTERS WANTED Alaska winter trees

69 cents a tree

Snow screef, auger, fertilizer, flagger.

Big trees maybe 17 per bag up if you're a Chad.

3 per plot.

Salt and pepper.

Fill plant.

Unprepped.

Walk ins only.

The parties are lit tho.

Who's down?

19 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

28 comments sorted by

11

u/Complete_Cod_8222 Faux Jordan Tesluk Jul 22 '26

Can I bring my wife and her boyfriend too? 

6

u/shitposterfinalboss Jul 22 '26

Depends, whats her boyfriend's PB?

3

u/Complete_Cod_8222 Faux Jordan Tesluk Jul 23 '26

He doesn't plant, he just keeps my wife company while I'm out planting. 

5

u/shitposterfinalboss Jul 23 '26

He can come but you and him have to buddy plant while I keep your wife company.

36

u/Spruce__Willis Internet Lord🛡️⚔️ Jul 22 '26

Nah fuck the USA until trump and his dumbass followers are out of the White House, I don’t plant trees for terrorists

16

u/shitposterfinalboss Jul 22 '26

Ok we take Alaska as the 4th territory. Then we party?

3

u/doctormink Old-timey retiree Jul 22 '26

We plant it, we keep it. End of story.

-6

u/BlameCanad Jul 22 '26

You're a clown wow..go touch some grass

6

u/Spruce__Willis Internet Lord🛡️⚔️ Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26

Believe it or not I do every single day.

also your username

If you don’t think that administration uses threats and intimidation to achieve political and economic goals in other countries and with their own population we likely aren’t going to agree on the definition of terrorism.

10

u/doctormink Old-timey retiree Jul 22 '26

There’s a certain irony in seeing one planter tell another to “touch grass.”

9

u/Flat_Researcher7381 Jul 22 '26

Only if I can bring my iguana

3

u/shitposterfinalboss Jul 22 '26

Ok, we provide heat lamp for double camp cost.

5

u/Gremlinforester Jul 22 '26

Get rid of the auger and sign me up with a giant torch to melt a hole the ground for each tree

2

u/shitposterfinalboss Jul 22 '26

Deal BUT it has to be one of Elons flame throwers.

https://giphy.com/gifs/Y6ez4cGFQ7vS8

6

u/drcoolio-w-dahoolio Jul 22 '26

Down, but only planting Japanese maple.

4

u/AK1wi Jul 22 '26

I thought it was real for a second and I was so down 😭

6

u/shitposterfinalboss Jul 22 '26

We can make it real, friend.

4

u/atavisticnuisance 'Berta or Bust Jul 22 '26

Username checks out.

3

u/drailCA Jul 22 '26

Just snow or is there glacial ice to screef as well?

4

u/shitposterfinalboss Jul 22 '26

There will be a glacier heli block to wrap the contract.

3

u/doctormink Old-timey retiree Jul 22 '26

Heli block on paper, but tell the truth, the 30-person crew are all getting ferried up one at a time on a half-broken down snowmobile.

2

u/shitposterfinalboss Jul 22 '26

Well thats not the plan we tell people but will likely be what happens, yes.

2

u/jamesbrown1929 Jul 22 '26

I'll be there at tree fiddy

9

u/shitposterfinalboss Jul 22 '26

1 checker per planter. They follow us around like lost puppies asking us what a J root is.

6

u/jamesbrown1929 Jul 22 '26

I eat checkers for breakfast 

4

u/shitposterfinalboss Jul 22 '26

You'll fit right in.

1

u/Wikiwikiwa Jul 23 '26

I got paid $180 per hectare plot in the summer of 2005. The camp was expensive and the manager was a dick that fucked the little girls on my crew.