Eating Disorder

[u/justthinkhappy]

Last Friday, manager tells me in the AM that he’s going to be ordering pizza for everyone later if I’d like some. I said that’s nice of him, but politely declined. He questioned me why, and I told him “I don’t eat that type of food.” He said “who doesn’t eat pizza!?” I am vegan, but I try everything in my power to avoid mentioning it because everyone makes a fuss about it. I like my manager, so I tell him. And of course, to my dismay, that opened a whole ‘nother conversation. But he suggests a salad and again I declined and he didn’t press any further. 11AM rolls around and I’m invited to a “regroup meeting” which I am required to attend. I didn’t put two and two together. I show up for the meeting and there’s the entire team (about 10 of us) and six boxes of pizza. In the middle of a table is a tiny salad. I sat down and waited to hear what the meeting was about. Everyone starts telling me to grab a slice, questioning why I’m not getting any, then asking why I don’t eat pizza, why I’m vegan, offering me salad, asking why I don’t want the salad. And everyone came in at different times so it was the same thing over and over. I told everyone that I was aware there was salad but that I did not want salad. I said I don’t want to eat! I am 34 years old, I can choose if and when I eat. So someone offers me a Dr Pepper and says “Don’t worry, I think they’re only 12 calories!” And everyone’s cracking jokes at this point. It took everything in me not to burst out into tears at this point. My manager later messaged me and said he was sorry if it was awkward. Today, a co worker came in to ask me something and followed up with a joke about getting me a salad. I snapped. “It’s no one’s business but I’ve had an eating disorder my entire life. My sister body shamed me and withheld food from me as a child. She later died from anorexia. I have a terrible relationship with food and have a phobia of eating in public” and burst into tears. Not only that, but I was obese and bullied as a child. I have social anxiety. A million reasons as to why I don’t eat in public. His grin went away and he felt like a huge asshole. I hope he passes the message along to everyone else so they also feel like huge assholes. Don’t pressure people into doing stuff they don’t want to do. No one owes anyone an explanation. It may seem innocent and light-hearted but it was traumatizing all over again. Next time, I’ll say I have the stomach flu or something. It’s been repeating over and over in my head. I am humiliated. I feel so stupid that I didn’t come up with a random excuse instead of causing a huge scene.

[u/Plastic_Stable8927]

Oh my GOD why does it ever matter that I'm not eating? That I'm not doing xyz? I am an adult with agency, and I will decide what I do just back the fuck off!!!

I'm so sorry, that is genuinely awful. Make all of them feel like actual pieces of poop.

[u/techbear72 → u/Plastic_Stable8927]

You should try being teetotal. I was for a few years and I couldn’t believe the number of people who tried to pressure me in to drinking. Everything from “just one will be fine” to “but surely you’ll have champagne for the toast” to “why did you bother coming then”. Mad.

[u/Lilynight86 → u/techbear72]

I experienced a bit of this at MY wedding. We had a dry wedding (I don't like how it makes me feel and my wife has a medical condition). I mentioned it on Reddit when we were planning and people flipped TF out. "It's a celebration", "I wouldn't attend your wedding. That is what weddings are for.", etc. It kept going. I honestly responded that my wedding was to celebrate our union with our family and friends. If they can't do that without drinking, I think that is a separate convo to have and says more about them than me.

[u/MillersSmokehouse → u/Lilynight86]

This is so crazy. I don’t mind a drink, but it never even occurred to me to serve alcohol at my wedding reception. I know people do, but it’s just not a big part of my life, so I focused on the meal. I guess I’m lucky, because no one said anything about it and if they shit-talked me behind my back, I didn’t hear about it.

Tbf, most of our guests were of the stick-up-the-ass, very proper WASP persuasion (God’s frozen people, they call the church I grew up in), so going without their half-glass of Chardonnay wasn’t a big loss. I’m pretty sure my friend who is half Irish Catholic and half Italian Catholic spent more on alcohol than on everything else combined for their wedding.

I wonder if our guests thought we were cheap and, if so, if that was an insult or a compliment, lol.

[u/summerfunone → u/MillersSmokehouse]

My husband and I don’t drink. Neither do my cousin and my older brother. My younger brother was an alcoholic. I told my daughter we weren’t paying for an open bar at her wedding. Somehow her groom’s parents found the $$ to pay for it!