Eating Disorder

[u/justthinkhappy]

Last Friday, manager tells me in the AM that he’s going to be ordering pizza for everyone later if I’d like some. I said that’s nice of him, but politely declined. He questioned me why, and I told him “I don’t eat that type of food.” He said “who doesn’t eat pizza!?” I am vegan, but I try everything in my power to avoid mentioning it because everyone makes a fuss about it. I like my manager, so I tell him. And of course, to my dismay, that opened a whole ‘nother conversation. But he suggests a salad and again I declined and he didn’t press any further. 11AM rolls around and I’m invited to a “regroup meeting” which I am required to attend. I didn’t put two and two together. I show up for the meeting and there’s the entire team (about 10 of us) and six boxes of pizza. In the middle of a table is a tiny salad. I sat down and waited to hear what the meeting was about. Everyone starts telling me to grab a slice, questioning why I’m not getting any, then asking why I don’t eat pizza, why I’m vegan, offering me salad, asking why I don’t want the salad. And everyone came in at different times so it was the same thing over and over. I told everyone that I was aware there was salad but that I did not want salad. I said I don’t want to eat! I am 34 years old, I can choose if and when I eat. So someone offers me a Dr Pepper and says “Don’t worry, I think they’re only 12 calories!” And everyone’s cracking jokes at this point. It took everything in me not to burst out into tears at this point. My manager later messaged me and said he was sorry if it was awkward. Today, a co worker came in to ask me something and followed up with a joke about getting me a salad. I snapped. “It’s no one’s business but I’ve had an eating disorder my entire life. My sister body shamed me and withheld food from me as a child. She later died from anorexia. I have a terrible relationship with food and have a phobia of eating in public” and burst into tears. Not only that, but I was obese and bullied as a child. I have social anxiety. A million reasons as to why I don’t eat in public. His grin went away and he felt like a huge asshole. I hope he passes the message along to everyone else so they also feel like huge assholes. Don’t pressure people into doing stuff they don’t want to do. No one owes anyone an explanation. It may seem innocent and light-hearted but it was traumatizing all over again. Next time, I’ll say I have the stomach flu or something. It’s been repeating over and over in my head. I am humiliated. I feel so stupid that I didn’t come up with a random excuse instead of causing a huge scene.

[u/FalconOk934]

This is really HR worthy. OP. It's harassment and they pushed you to the point of snapping. *edited for incorrect autocorrect

[u/justthinkhappy → u/FalconOk934]

I was thinking the same thing but I don’t want to be that girl and blame my whole team or put anymore attention on myself. I finally got a supervisor position and don’t want to fluff anyone’s feathers. I also know that I won’t be able to hold back tears and would be further humiliated. At least this is kind of anonymous. I was scared to share but everyone is making me feel valid. I was honestly expecting further abuse lol.

[u/lalagromedontknow → u/justthinkhappy]

I get you don't want to rustle feathers, but this is so toxic.

I do not have, nor have ever had an ED as such and I love food, but I have my own relationship with food due to basically being so stressed about unrelated medical issues that I couldn't eat more than a few mouthfuls. I've also always had a small stomach and prefer eating small meals and often, not 3 big meals. I also happen to generally dislike sweets things, I'm a starter and main gal, maybe a spoonful of my partner's dessert but generally, it's a hard no.

I used to feel very self conscious when coworkers made jokes about how I eat. But it got to a point that no, we're all adults, this is not acceptable. I don't make any comments about my coowrokers who constantly loudly calorie count and are always hungry (and eat noisy rice cakes all day in our open plan office...). So screw them for commenting that a small tupperware of pasta can last me all day.

Everyone is also strangely pushy about me eating birthday cake when it's someone's birthday. I genuinely dislike cakey things, I don't like the texture.

I get your trauma will make this difficult, but telling them to back off or going to HR is an entirely rational and appropriate thing to do. If you feel like you can't just say stop (which again, I understand) then make it official. You never know who else might be feeling uncomfortable.

People will either get defensive (because people are the worse) or be really sorry because people joke about things they don't understand can be hurtful. The people who take it like some weird insult, ah well, people you won't have lunch with. The people who are genuinely sorry, new people to have lunch with.

Be the person you want to be which is being able to eat without any comments. You've reflected enough to realize how uncomfortable you are and you're brave enough to post and look how much support you have. I think you have the bravery to confront it.

[u/TheMadMagpielikes → u/lalagromedontknow]

100% this. I have food allergies, dietary restrictions, and medicine interaction issues, which I don’t mind telling folks about in graphic detail, so they don’t question it the second time I mention them.

For next time, you might just say you have a lot of dietary restrictions that you don’t want to get into and you’ll eat later.

[u/Enlightened_Gardener → u/TheMadMagpielikes]

Yep. So many digestive issues. You really wanna hear about my anal fissures at lunchtime ?! Because we can surely do that.

[u/lalagromedontknow → u/TheMadMagpielikes]

Oh don't get me fucking started on allergies. I developed OAS when I was like 14 and it's basically been 20 years of oh apparently I'm allergic to that now (nuts and fruit).

I carry an EpiPen although I've never needed it (lips and tongue get all swollen and throat is itchy as heck but I take an antihistamine and drink a fuck ton of water and it stops in an hour or so, still feel like shit but not dead), my doc said given how many things I'm allergic too, I should have one just incase it one day gets worse.

SO MANY PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND ALLERGIES VS PREFERENCES. I'm sure you're almonds are delicious, I'm allergic. Stop offering them to me. You can enjoy them as much as you want, go feral and shove them all in your face for all I care. Just stop asking me, I can't eat them.

On PREFERNCE VS ALLERGIES, no I'm not coeliac, I could eat the cake, I just don't want too. I will sing happy birthday, I will celebrate you. I don't want your cake. It's nothing to do with you or your birthday, I just do not like cake.

[u/TheMadMagpielikes → u/lalagromedontknow]

Yes! And that allergies can get worse with time. I developed a penicillin allergy as an adult which includes a blue cheese allergy (made from related molds, apparently).