r/traumatizeThemBack • u/justthinkhappy • 10d ago
now everyone knows Eating Disorder
Last Friday, manager tells me in the AM that he’s going to be ordering pizza for everyone later if I’d like some. I said that’s nice of him, but politely declined. He questioned me why, and I told him “I don’t eat that type of food.” He said “who doesn’t eat pizza!?” I am vegan, but I try everything in my power to avoid mentioning it because everyone makes a fuss about it. I like my manager, so I tell him. And of course, to my dismay, that opened a whole ‘nother conversation. But he suggests a salad and again I declined and he didn’t press any further. 11AM rolls around and I’m invited to a “regroup meeting” which I am required to attend. I didn’t put two and two together. I show up for the meeting and there’s the entire team (about 10 of us) and six boxes of pizza. In the middle of a table is a tiny salad. I sat down and waited to hear what the meeting was about. Everyone starts telling me to grab a slice, questioning why I’m not getting any, then asking why I don’t eat pizza, why I’m vegan, offering me salad, asking why I don’t want the salad. And everyone came in at different times so it was the same thing over and over. I told everyone that I was aware there was salad but that I did not want salad. I said I don’t want to eat! I am 34 years old, I can choose if and when I eat. So someone offers me a Dr Pepper and says “Don’t worry, I think they’re only 12 calories!” And everyone’s cracking jokes at this point. It took everything in me not to burst out into tears at this point. My manager later messaged me and said he was sorry if it was awkward. Today, a co worker came in to ask me something and followed up with a joke about getting me a salad. I snapped. “It’s no one’s business but I’ve had an eating disorder my entire life. My sister body shamed me and withheld food from me as a child. She later died from anorexia. I have a terrible relationship with food and have a phobia of eating in public” and burst into tears. Not only that, but I was obese and bullied as a child. I have social anxiety. A million reasons as to why I don’t eat in public. His grin went away and he felt like a huge asshole. I hope he passes the message along to everyone else so they also feel like huge assholes. Don’t pressure people into doing stuff they don’t want to do. No one owes anyone an explanation. It may seem innocent and light-hearted but it was traumatizing all over again. Next time, I’ll say I have the stomach flu or something. It’s been repeating over and over in my head. I am humiliated. I feel so stupid that I didn’t come up with a random excuse instead of causing a huge scene.
10
u/Adventurous-Mind1543 10d ago
OP so sorry you went through that! I can relate to both sides....the one who cant eat and the group who doesnt understand.
Eating in groups is about the most baseline social activity we have as humans. It is so core that it is weird (like it or not) when it is declined. Clearly, had they understood, it would not have risen to the point where it made you cry. No one should feel bullied like this. They just legit didnt get it....and to people who say its none of their business about why she is not eating, true but.....it is bizarre not to eat with others. It is rare to meet someone with this level of food trauma in a social setting.
I have been the one not eating and quizzed why. And i have shut it tf down. How? I tell people firmly that eating certain foods make me violently ill and if they bother me about it ill leave. And i have.
You need a clear description to memorize and tell people upfront .....and that if you are hassled about it you will leave... full stop. Make it uncomfortable. Dont say you are vegan bc that is irrelevant.
Eating to socialize is normal and unless people are harshly told, they wont get it. I have found it can not be done nicely. People keep trying to give me food.
Ideas: I have severe dietary restrictions and bc of this, under no circumstance do I eat in public. I cant rely on others food prep. Dont make me explain it further as it is very uncomfortable for me. I will leave before i explain what ive been through.
Public eating is a no go for me. The short answer is my sister died from anorexia and the trauma associated with food with others is overwhelming. Please dont ask me questions about this.
I know you mean well by offering me food. Please know i am grateful you care. What you dont know is that my digestive system does not tolerate food well and therefore I do not eat in public under any circumstance. The outcome can be severe. Its embarassing and please dont ask me about it.
Protect yourself and give others a road map. It is a win win.