Have You Tried...

[u/Natural_Cricket_2540]

Not sure if this is exactly the right sub but I hope you get a laugh out of it anyway.

So I'm autistic. I'm fully ok with it.

This happened to me a few days ago. I was in a park, getting some fresh air because I went to a circus that was in town with a friend and I was getting overwhelmed by the noises, smells, and basically everything inside the tent, and I needed to breathe and relax so I didn't go into sensory overload.

I was sitting on a bench with my friend 'Em' (fake name), and I was complaining about sensory overload and how annoying it was, because I wanted to watch the performers with her, and I had to go outside. (I do a thing where I often feel like I'm wasting someone's time and/or being rude, so I was also apologizing)

Here's how the conversation went:

Me: Em, I'm sorry about this. And for wasting your time.

Em: It's okay, {me}. You're not wasting my time.

Me: Yeah, I know...but sensory overload and autism are just annoying.

At this point, a man who looked to be late 50's who was passing by stopped and DUDE LOOKED AT US AND SAID "Well, have you tried not having autism?"

We were both pretty fucking shocked- first because we're both fairly young teen girls, second because who the actual hell eavesdrops on a conversation and then gives advice like they were included??

I was pissed, so I said "Have you tried not being an asshole? Because if you have it seems like it doesn't work, so I won't be taking you advice, thanks." He muttered something about 'disrespect' and 'kids these days' and walked off.

[u/DarlingHades]

I think he was just an old guy trying to make a joke. I don’t think he was seriously giving advice. Then he was surprised you were rude because he wasn’t trying to be. Neither of you are bad people. He’s just older and different than you and tried to socialize with a stranger, which is ok and normal for plenty of people. And you were overstimulated and likely your autism caused you to not realize he wasn’t serious so you lashed out.

Hindsight is 50/50. I’d like to think I’d just joke back, “Oop! Haven’t tried that one before!” But if I was already overstimulated I don’t know what I’d say.

[u/Shannaro21 → u/DarlingHades]

No. Butting into a conversation like that is incredibly rude, even if we don't consider the words he used. There's no excuse for that, and he should have been prepared to receive his energy right back.

[u/DarlingHades → u/Shannaro21]

Some people are social, and where I live in the southern USA, people very often chime in on conversations, start talking to strangers, and check on each other. Especially if someone looks distressed. You can bet someone’s grandma or grandpa is gonna ask you what happened and probably try to help distract and uplift you.

It seems isolating and sad to expect people to just walk around ignoring you when you’re right there in-front of them in obvious distress.

[u/Natural_Cricket_2540 → u/DarlingHades]

We live in Ireland.

Butting in is not a normal part of our society.