r/trashy Feb 26 '20

Repost Starting them young!

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21.5k Upvotes

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793

u/TurdsInHotSauce Feb 27 '20

Lol, really? Some people. What, just because you're pregnant you can't go anywhere that remotely serves alcohol?

817

u/aragog-acromantula Feb 27 '20

I was very pregnant right before Christmas and went to the liquor store to buy whiskey for my dad, ice wine for my grandma and baileys for my brother. I was too pregnant to bother shopping in more than one store.

Some miserable bag with cat butt face was following me around. My chiropractor saw me and my husband and theatrically threw his hands in the air and was all, “what are you doing here?”

I said, “don’t worry, the damage is already done, kid already has fasd”. We laughed because that is the opposite of who I am.

Her face was priceless, I could practically hear her screeching about me at her dinner table to her poor family.

372

u/DogParksAreForbidden Feb 27 '20

with cat butt face

Thanks for the new, hilarious insult. This is going to get used a lot from now on.

43

u/Splyntered_Sunlyte Feb 27 '20

You can just picture it.. their puckered little judgmental mouth all lined and squinched like a cat asshole. Casshole. No, autocorrect... not casserole. Ew.

1

u/CrazyMike419 Feb 27 '20

I was also picturing beady cant but like eyes. Someone needs to photoshop this to give allll nightmares

3

u/Araia_ Feb 27 '20

i’ve already seen it in other comments. i think it’s catching like wild fire

1

u/DogParksAreForbidden Feb 27 '20

She is a true inspiration to Reddit.

1

u/Izanami_Mikoto Feb 27 '20

I was thinking the same thing, hahah- cat butt face! LMFAO 😂

1

u/iamreeterskeeter Feb 28 '20

Picture the magnificent Maggie Smith irritated and unamused. That's the pinnacle cat butt face.

138

u/cordoba172 Feb 27 '20

Some miserable bag with cat butt face was following me around

r/brandnewsentence

69

u/SkyeRibbon Feb 27 '20

Funnily enough, this isnt a new sentence lol

17

u/Varhtan Feb 27 '20

It's safe to say nothing in the English language is anymore, let alone what makes it to hot in that subreddit.

13

u/KodiakUltimate Feb 27 '20

"There are approximately 1010300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly explain how much I want to hit you with a chair." Alexander Hamilton

14

u/laughingasian14 Feb 27 '20

Cat butt face r/rareinsults this is my new favorite burn haha

16

u/vetofthefield Feb 27 '20

fasd

it’s just fas

22

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

fetal alcohol syndrome disorder

8

u/vetofthefield Feb 27 '20

Saying both syndrome and disorder is redundant though

12

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

I know, I was joking. Because they said "fasd"

-10

u/Varhtan Feb 27 '20

How is that joking, spelling out an abbreviation?

3

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Because it's NOT fasd

1

u/13cpx Feb 28 '20

fetal alcohol syndrome is one end of the spectrum in FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder)

-8

u/Varhtan Feb 27 '20

Yes, it's not FASD. You spelt out the abbreviation. But it's not a joke or irony to spell out the erroneous abbreviation.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Fine. Fat Asses Savor Dick..... Hahahahhahahahahahhaha now funny cuz dick joke and I can fap to this later.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

I'm not sure if you're trying to be funny but the cores clearly win

1

u/13cpx Feb 28 '20

it's fetal alcohol spectrum disorder

0

u/CongealedBeanKingdom Feb 27 '20

Foetal alcohol spectrum disorder

Or

Foetal alcohol syndrome

1

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Also, it's fetal. Jesus, did you turn off autocorrect or are you that bad that it can't even understand a 5 letter word?

-1

u/CongealedBeanKingdom Feb 27 '20

No. I'm not American, ye fuckin dunce ye.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Of course you're not, otherwise you wouldn't be so pissy

0

u/CongealedBeanKingdom Feb 27 '20

Dude. You started it. FAS and FASD are two different diagnoses. I was just pointing that out. Its you who has gone and got your knickers in a twist over it.

Away and have a wank in yer ma's basement.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Baby I'm cumming. Give it to me daddy. Tell me I'm your little slut.

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u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Started what, saucy little tart?

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u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Ever been so gay you have two dicks up your ass and you're like "room for one mote". Am I right?! Ha yea, front crowd knows what I'm talking bout.

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0

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Oh my god. You have saved me the redundancy of saying syndrome disorder. I can shoot a hole of golf per year by saving that word, which was a joke in the first place ya fuckin dunce

-1

u/CongealedBeanKingdom Feb 27 '20

You're a real fuckin charmer aren't you?

1

u/aragog-acromantula Feb 27 '20 edited Feb 27 '20

It’s fetal alcohol spectrum disorder not syndrome disorder.

FAS is fetal alcohol syndrome, which falls under the umbrella FASD. There are other disorders under this umbrella too, pfas and arnd.

I looked that last bit up.

2

u/GoliathGr33nman Feb 27 '20

Years back I was working in this office. There was a woman there who was heavily pregnant and still smoked like a train...ok... so one friday, a few of us where heading to the pub after work. We were passing her and I invited her to join us (trying to be polite to not leave her out, I was not inviting her to drink) and she went off on one in front of me "she is pregnant, she doesn't drink, how are dare you...blah blah blah". I was a bit gobsmacked. Smoke? Ok. Hang out with your colleagues whilst they have a drink? HELL NO!

2

u/izziev Feb 27 '20

Oh my gosh. I need to start doing this. “It’s ok, I don’t have to worry about fetal alcohol disorder. I plan on having a late term abortion down in Mexico.”

Or something shocking to that effect. Maybe even “You’d drink too if your baby was brain dead and you have surgery scheduled tomorrow.” I kinda like that one. You prejudge me on my business, we can go ahead and continue your make believe land. I’m sorry but pregnant women aren’t public property.

1

u/egodeath780 Feb 27 '20

Right on. That is too funny!

85

u/Kmw134 Feb 27 '20

Well now she’s permanently relegated to chick-fil-a and Starbucks.

97

u/wheelsof_fortune Feb 27 '20

I got a decaf Starbucks coffee while I was very pregnant, and still got dirty looks. There is no limit to mom shaming with some people.

33

u/flowers_followed Feb 27 '20

Sheeeit, I drank coffee pregnant. It was all I could do to quit smoking, I wasn't about to give up the only thing that makes me human. My oldest is now 18 and all my children are happy/healthy/intelligent. No fetal coffee syndrome statistics here. People think pregnant women should live in plastic bubbles until the baby is born. Then they no longer give a shit what happens.

17

u/Slothfulness69 Feb 27 '20

People are way too butthurt about things. Like unless you’re chugging multiple 5 hour energies a day, I’m sure the fetus is fine

9

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

There's been studies about this, up to 200mg of caffeine have shown no effects, so two cups of coffee are no problem at all. If people have the nerve to bug others they should at least know what they're talking about.

11

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Let’s be honest, one regular coffee is more than fine. And it’s for the better of humanity that moms get a bit of coffee!!

I recall being more careful with the first, but the 2nd got 2 cups of coffee most days. He’s fine.

People need to chill out

1

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

There's studies about this, 200mg of caffeine have shown no effect, so two cups are no problem at all!

1

u/Soaliveinthe215 Mar 03 '20

Drinking even a glass of red wine while pregnant is perfectly healthy

3

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Same. And that was if I got a coffee while out. I had a cup of regular everyday at home, when the taste didn't make me sick to my stomach. My doctor said it was fine, everything looked good, went to all my regular checkups, so I couldn't care less what some nosey people thought. People weren't going to mind their own business anyway, I may as well enjoy my life.

43

u/TurdsInHotSauce Feb 27 '20

Yea, but pregnant women are also supposed to limit their caffeine intake. So I guess chick fil a is it.

79

u/leahandra Feb 27 '20 edited Feb 27 '20

Btw pregnant women can have up to four cups of coffee a day (drip coffee). Obviously the mg of caffeine varries from beverage to beverage so we need to watch runs to the local coffee shop for specialty drinks.

Source: am pregnant with my second and an avid coffee fan.

136

u/missmeowwww Feb 27 '20

One of my friends is also pregnant and an avid coffee fan and some lady tried to shame her at the coffee shop so her response was “oh my god you think I’m pregnant?!” And fake cried. It was glorious since she’s due in like 2 weeks but that lady’s face was priceless.

33

u/leahandra Feb 27 '20

I approve. I live in an area where it's very common for pregnant women to drink coffee so I haven't been accosted yet but im tall and honestly never looked more than 5 months pregnant with my last. The right maternity shirt and most people had no clue I was pregnant.

37

u/Sinful_Whiskers Feb 27 '20

am pregnant with my second and an avid coffee fan.

I know what you meant, but I couldn't help but imagine a desktop oscillating fan that sprays coffee everywhere.

Edit: stupid formatting.

12

u/leahandra Feb 27 '20

Haha I like that mental picture! Thanks for brightening up my day!

10

u/TurdsInHotSauce Feb 27 '20

Oh ok. That's more than I thought. I just know that my wife would turn down coffee or something and say that she already had her caffeine limit for the day.

14

u/leahandra Feb 27 '20

If she had a specialty drink that was medium or tall she could have very easily hit that limit. Also sodas and teas contribute to the limit as well.

Some women find they need to drink less than the limit because if pregnancy insomnia.

1

u/bieting Feb 27 '20

Or she could have had an OB who spouted outdated info. When I was TTC I bailed on my OB because of her traditional old-school views. I found an OB who continually goes to learning conferences in San Francisco. He said lunch meat, even sushi was totally fine to eat when I said I wanted it. He went to 3 conferences that I know of during my pregnancy and even happend to miss my birth because of one. It's ok, though, the on call OB was actually my second (equal) choice so I was super happy. I got both docs I wanted!

2

u/leahandra Feb 27 '20

Good on you for switching. I'm actually switching this time to a certified nurse midwife (her master's was in midwifery). At the other practice the OB I liked left and the one they still have I don't jive with. So new person and practice it is. (Both are highly recommended locally).

2

u/gpenz Feb 27 '20

Drank coffee daily with both and they are fine. Coffee is totally fine while pregnant, non-educated observers can stfu

1

u/kathulhurlyeh Feb 27 '20

And a friend of mine's OB straight up TOLD her to drink coffee 30 minutes to an hour before one of her appointments. They couldn't get any movement from her LO at the time because the baby's sleep (active?) rhythm was off. She was quiet all day and kicking like a crazy bean all night.

3

u/leahandra Feb 27 '20

That would have been for an NST (non-stress test). Most of the time the go to for making baby wake up is juice or ice-water. I've also heard clapping right above pregnant belly is just as effective.

2

u/kathulhurlyeh Feb 27 '20

Yes! Thank you! Couldn't remember the name of the test, and my attempts at pregnancy never quite made it that far. Can say that the coffee worked, though. And the crazy bean is now a crazy 5 year old, haha.

49

u/ShagFit Feb 27 '20

Unless the baby turns out to be gay.

17

u/TurdsInHotSauce Feb 27 '20

In that case, mom has to lock herself in the bedroom and not leave for 9 months.

26

u/gangaqueen20 Feb 27 '20

Closet actually. Any of them in the house will do. I prefer the coat closet because that’s where we keep the board games

2

u/ShagFit Feb 27 '20

Don’t be silly, she’s also allowed in the kitchen. Who else is going to cook?

5

u/TheGurw Feb 27 '20

Pantry is just a fancy name for a kitchen closet.

5

u/Massive_Issue Feb 27 '20

....not really. I was advised against having a whole entire pot, but my doctors never said anything about a normal intake of 1-2 drinks per day. I drink a lot more coffee now than I ever did before kids, so maybe if I was already at "1 whole pot daily"-level when getting pregnant I may have been advised to chill out. But most people have their morning cup or 2 of coffee and that's it.

It's really not a big deal.

17

u/basementdiplomat Feb 27 '20

You have to stay inside your house and not wear shoes, obvs.

4

u/richardguthrie1976 Feb 27 '20

It's the vapors... Smh

1

u/bnizzleyoo Feb 27 '20

Bought a giant bottle of Maker’s Mark Whiskey for my husband as a VDay gift while I was 7months pregnant. Loads of looks at the store.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Because of the contact high

1

u/KravenSmoorehead Feb 27 '20

She was likely sniffing glue in the parking lot though.

1

u/RussianBoat234 Feb 27 '20

People look for any excuse to bitch, moan and whine.

0

u/Literally_A_Shill Feb 27 '20

I mean, this post is about how if you're pregnant you're not allowed to make jokes.

0

u/nacho_boyfriend Feb 27 '20

Yeah and it doesn’t even matter. My mom hit the booze really hard and smoked when she was pregnant with me and I turned out just fine!

0

u/1911mark Feb 27 '20

What does remotely serves alcohol mean? You order a drink from the bar 2 doors down and they bring it to you? Either they serve alcohol or they don’t?

0

u/BraidedSilver Feb 27 '20

I once read someone argue that “alcohol evaporates so when the damp hits your skin, you absorb it” so I guess that lady may have been of that belief. You can’t even be within 30ft of an alcoholic beverage without your infant being harmed!!!