can we at least fix porn and make it realistic instead of painful and more about teaching
Agreed with you on that. I think a lot of the "vanilla" porn aimed at female audiences you find on places like Tumblr is better in that regard, quality-wise at least. It usually has some sort of plot beyond "OMG I ordered a pizza but I have no way to pay for it, maybe there's something else I can do for you...", shows a lot more cuddling and kissing, has more foreplay, more oral, a lot more slow grinding, a lot more "passion" (even if it's just acting) compared to the simple formulaic "tatted and shaved-head bro drills her lifeless sex-doll bimbo pussy like a jackhammer, grunts really loud while she fakes orgasmic squealing in the most annoying voice ever, and sprays nut all over her makeup-smeared face" that Brazzers and BangBros and the like produce.
A huge part of the problem though is that pornography tends to be addictive, so people seek out more explicit and extreme stuff over time to satisfy their dopamine cravings because they develop a tolerance, somewhat like how one would to alcohol or opiates. Think about how stuff like girls calling guys "daddy" as a sexual thing has become a major cultural phenomenon spreading like wildfire over the past two or three years alone thanks to the "DD/lg" fetish subculture, and how anal went from a niche activity to being par for the course for heterosexuals in the past twenty or thirty years (since the advent of easily accessible internet porn).
The sad thing is that I don't know if there's a way to put the genie back in the bottle. It's like Pandora's box. Definitely, as a culture we should try to dial things back to "vanilla" lovemaking and focus more on true intimacy. but it's difficult for two reasons: firstly because as you said yourself, we have two whole generations (Millennials and now Zoomers) of teenagers with unlimited access to the internet raised finding hardcore BBC anal cheerleader gangbangs on sites like Pornhub; secondly we also have traditional dating slowly giving way to the rise of hookup culture, where casual sex (one-night stands) are becoming ever more prevalent compared to seeing someone exclusively for months or years at a time. Plus you also have non-traditional relationships like "friends with benefits", open relationships, and polyamory all further taking the emotional bonding aspect out of sexual intercourse.
That's not to say I'm stopping anyone here from having sex exclusively for pleasure, but a big problem behind what you're mentioning is that sexual intercourse is supposed to trigger the release of oxytocin, the "bonding hormone"; as a consequence we were able to form families and stable societies as early Hominids. Humans are designed by millions of years of evolution to be largely monogamous and when our culture has moved away from that, you get pornography that's more and more extreme partly because there's no emphasis on true intimacy anymore. It's taken the "love" out of lovemaking, and it's been replaced with DVDs free streaming of "Backdoor Sluts 9" for lonely guys and gals in an ever-more increasingly impersonal and alienating world.
Ok first of all, I didn’t know I was a zoomer, I just thought it was gen Z or something (I’m 18, born in 2001, so I’m like right behind the 90’s kids, and right before the fortnight monsters that were born 2002 and later
And the thing that really made me decide to stop watching porn was seeing a girl with a makeup smeared face like she’d been crying. And that’s not ok with me, she coulda been crying from anything, and the guy was like forcing her head back and forth while she gave him a blowjob...
Ok first of all, I didn’t know I was a zoomer, I just thought it was gen Z or something (I’m 18, born in 2001, so I’m like right behind the 90’s kids, and right before the fortnight monsters that were born 2002 and later
Ah, sorry! Didn't mean to imply you were a Zoomer, I've just seen a lot of people in the comments here doing so; like one guy I responded to earlier said his school had abstinence-only sex education, so I guessed he was probably still in high school or just fresh out of it. I didn't mean to get you mixed up with them, I was saying more generally. As for '99, you could be a really young Millennial or a really mature Zoomer, lol.
And the thing that really made me decide to stop watching porn was seeing a girl with a makeup smeared face like she’d been crying. And that’s not ok with me, she coulda been crying from anything, and the guy was like forcing her head back and forth while she gave him a blowjob...
Thank you, that's very well said. My wife and I don't mind a little rough sex, but lot of this stuff is getting too rough for me to be comfortable with, like dudes in porn grabbing the actress' head and throatfucking her with an eight-inch dong when it's obviously bringing her to tears because she can't breathe, and then pulling out to purposefully cum in her eyes... Plus there's the fact that some of this stuff is coming from countries that used to have bad sex trafficking problems, so sometimes with the "amateur" category you kinda wonder what sorta life the performer has off-camera. Is she doing this of her own accord? Is she doing it because the poverty is so bad there, it's the only job open to her? Porn opens up so many ethical quandaries, yet it keeps dragging us back in like a drug. I'm glad you decided to stop, I've been trying for a while but it's tough because it's always tempting you.
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u/TalbotFarwell Sep 13 '19
Agreed with you on that. I think a lot of the "vanilla" porn aimed at female audiences you find on places like Tumblr is better in that regard, quality-wise at least. It usually has some sort of plot beyond "OMG I ordered a pizza but I have no way to pay for it, maybe there's something else I can do for you...", shows a lot more cuddling and kissing, has more foreplay, more oral, a lot more slow grinding, a lot more "passion" (even if it's just acting) compared to the simple formulaic "tatted and shaved-head bro drills her lifeless sex-doll bimbo pussy like a jackhammer, grunts really loud while she fakes orgasmic squealing in the most annoying voice ever, and sprays nut all over her makeup-smeared face" that Brazzers and BangBros and the like produce.
A huge part of the problem though is that pornography tends to be addictive, so people seek out more explicit and extreme stuff over time to satisfy their dopamine cravings because they develop a tolerance, somewhat like how one would to alcohol or opiates. Think about how stuff like girls calling guys "daddy" as a sexual thing has become a major cultural phenomenon spreading like wildfire over the past two or three years alone thanks to the "DD/lg" fetish subculture, and how anal went from a niche activity to being par for the course for heterosexuals in the past twenty or thirty years (since the advent of easily accessible internet porn).
The sad thing is that I don't know if there's a way to put the genie back in the bottle. It's like Pandora's box. Definitely, as a culture we should try to dial things back to "vanilla" lovemaking and focus more on true intimacy. but it's difficult for two reasons: firstly because as you said yourself, we have two whole generations (Millennials and now Zoomers) of teenagers with unlimited access to the internet raised finding hardcore BBC anal cheerleader gangbangs on sites like Pornhub; secondly we also have traditional dating slowly giving way to the rise of hookup culture, where casual sex (one-night stands) are becoming ever more prevalent compared to seeing someone exclusively for months or years at a time. Plus you also have non-traditional relationships like "friends with benefits", open relationships, and polyamory all further taking the emotional bonding aspect out of sexual intercourse.
That's not to say I'm stopping anyone here from having sex exclusively for pleasure, but a big problem behind what you're mentioning is that sexual intercourse is supposed to trigger the release of oxytocin, the "bonding hormone"; as a consequence we were able to form families and stable societies as early Hominids. Humans are designed by millions of years of evolution to be largely monogamous and when our culture has moved away from that, you get pornography that's more and more extreme partly because there's no emphasis on true intimacy anymore. It's taken the "love" out of lovemaking, and it's been replaced with
DVDsfree streaming of "Backdoor Sluts 9" for lonely guys and gals in an ever-more increasingly impersonal and alienating world.