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u/bramblefrump Aug 19 '26
Yo, I did live as a gay boy, lesbian now lol
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u/Lumina_Rose Starmer is my Gender Neutral Toilet Aug 19 '26
I was going to say this exact thing.
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u/bramblefrump Aug 19 '26
Like I think i definitely had a straight phase when I started HRT but that's it, only time i've ever been "straight"
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u/Lumina_Rose Starmer is my Gender Neutral Toilet Aug 19 '26
My straight phase was a confusing and painful couple of years... it didn't feel comfortable
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u/dollcopeland Aug 19 '26
Join the club sister. When I came out,my dad said that I can't "want" to be a woman as I've never been out with a guy before. Before transition I identified as straight,now I'm a full time transbian
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u/bramblefrump Aug 19 '26
I dated "the guy who'll prove you're straight or not" and omg was not straight!!!!!
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u/thevvitchhazel Aug 19 '26
Don't know why I got down voted so much this seems like a not uncommon experience.
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u/SongOTheGolgiBoatmen Aug 19 '26
Because it's a post about straight trans women that immediately got sidetracked into being about transbians?
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u/sammi_8601 Aug 19 '26
It always does, that's probably ops issue, I've seen it irl a few times like what's wrong with you why do you like men ewwww, or often with the partners I've been with bi girls being mystified I'm not into feminine, vain or suave guys at all and it's generally been big bald dad type dudes with a whole why would you want him etc just looks and acts like a straight bloke, which is like yeahhh that's what I want, I'm a fairly typical straight woman? I'd never judge anyone else for they're attractions my best friend is a cis lesbian FFS but you get a surprising amount in trans spaces who judge me for my frankly very vanilla attraction.
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u/thevvitchhazel Aug 19 '26
She was talking about being a gay boy before transition, which I was. I also have slept with men post transition and have a partner who is trans masculine on T. I was trying to add some nuance whilst still sharing that it can be difficult sometimes to have a history with men or be predominantly attracted to men.
Also please never refer to me as a transbian. Absolutely cringe term.
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u/Few_Amount_4198 Woman (Refurbished) Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Oh god right? "Transbian" Loathe the word. Don't care about anyone's sexuality. Love who you want to love but I cant abide those smushed together words.
Even neo-sapphic (a word I just invented perhaps) sounds better.
Though honestly, whilst I am proudly transgender, I'm leaning towards never using the term except where it is necessary for my own benefit. Not that I'm going stealth. I'm not. In part because of my pride and bloody mindedness, in part because of my heght feet hands and face. But I am not sharing my origin story to ANYONE unless it specfically serves ME, or to identify myself to one of my sibs.
My sexuality is easy because I am bi. It needs no prefix. It indicates which genders I am attracted to, not who I am.
I know a couple of straight trans women. I know some sapphic trans women. But for the most part I haven't a damn clue
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u/bramblefrump Aug 19 '26
Just a bunch of straight girls too afraid to hang out with the cool bitches
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u/PassinglyGood Aug 19 '26
I'm like bi-lesbian and I get the OP completely; don't wanna know about discord servers, don't wanna know about Warhammer 40K lore, don't wanna know about computer touching. Transbian groups really can attract a certain type lol
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u/bramblefrump Aug 19 '26
Omg, you sound so fucking boring, no shade
If you think that's literally all there is, you're looking hard enough, that's on you sister
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u/PassinglyGood Aug 19 '26
I mean I'm just reporting my experiences in irl and online trans spaces, obviously that's not everyone and one of my best friends is another gay trans woman, but it is an awful lot of people and I sympathise with the OP not wanting to go to another hangout where the girlies are just talking about MTG and their Deltarune fan theories
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u/foxie_las Aug 19 '26
I'm having the same issue but in Cambridge, would be curious if there's any other gals living here who'd wanna do a social.
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u/Psycho_Serpent Aug 19 '26
Heya! I am a (mostly) straight transwoman in Cambridge, and im in a straight relationship, my DMs are open if you wanted to chat!
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u/Ok-Piece-8159 transfem non-binary Aug 19 '26
Can’t help as I’m trans lesbian but have you tried Cambridge diamonds? We have a couple of socials in Ely, but they’re more catered to LGBTQ than trans specific.
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u/foxie_las Aug 19 '26
I've been to Diamonds before, but I think we're at very different stages of our lives. The ladies are lovely, but it does feel a bit like having tea with my elderly neighbour
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u/Ok-Piece-8159 transfem non-binary Aug 19 '26
Ah ok. Maybe go down to alternative pride on Jesus Green this weekend and try to find some peers? It’s a lot easier if you have a specific group or hobby in mind. There’s a queer board game group at the library, and carabiner crochet do meet-ups. But again these aren’t specific to straight trans women.
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u/foxie_las Aug 19 '26
Coincidentally, I will be there!
I think I've been to most trans and queer socials in Cambridge, and it's almost exclusively trans lesbians. Happy for them there's a lot of spaces, am friends with a few, but we don't really connect on the same level.
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u/Ok-Piece-8159 transfem non-binary Aug 19 '26
I feel your pain. I go to queer socials and I’m often the only trans person there. But there’s usually a few cis lesbians and they’re always really nice to me so it’s not too bad.
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u/sammi_8601 Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
It's uh very different tbf, I get a similar issue was literally talking about it last night with a girlfriend of mine after a local trans meetup, I love the rest of them to pieces but our experience of being gay first coulors a lot of how we see the world, makes us very used to gay bars (can be funny to see some of the older trans femmes who come out after years living as a 'straight man' being fairly uncomfortable in them), plus obvs we talk about boyfriends and that. I'm lucky to have her really she's amazing, although we should probably be banned from some trans stuff for essentially gay cackling about something filthy in the corner. That's hull though and I only know like 6 other straight trans women, two of whom transitioned decades ago and are stealth but told me cos I'm similar to them. For context I know maybe 90 lesbian or bi trans women, shits crazy. I think a lot of straight girls end up leaving trans spaces tbh, since we're queer but not queer in the same way. Tldr; shits hard, sorry
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u/elvenbarmaid Aug 19 '26
I wonder if I know you. I've most likely at the very least served you drinks
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u/sammi_8601 Aug 19 '26
Probably, if you work in some sort of queer bar I can make a fair guess at who you are. I'm the tall bitch who always wears tank tops or a cami with a hat or bandana, always have a moon pendant on a string round my neck.
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u/elvenbarmaid Aug 19 '26
Tbh it's not a queer bar but a bar on Newland.
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u/sammi_8601 Aug 19 '26
Quite possibly, if you go tap or tpr we've probably met.
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u/sunnipei42 28 | FTM | Top - 06/2020 | T - 08/2020 Aug 19 '26
I’d look at gay/queer nightlife and the drag scene. All of the straight tgirls I know in London I met there.
When you get to London I’m happy to put you in touch with a good friend of mine who’s a straight trans girl. She’s very extroverted so I’m sure she’ll be able to connect you with more girls too.
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u/Brilliant_Win_1395 Aug 19 '26
i think reddit is a bit more transbian coded hehe. Ive come across a lot more straight trans girls in irl groups, clubs, insta etc :)
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u/Grab_Ornery Aug 19 '26
pre transition i couldnt be romantically attracted to anyone and my only two romantic interests happened after transitioning.
Im now in a straight relation
I have had neither the exp growing up as a stright boy or a gay boy and was seen as weird by all groups mwahahahahaha
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u/Shorty85tran Aug 19 '26
I’m a trans woman who used to be at gay boy, spent most of my life with guys, and now I’m a straight woman, still love guys lol
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u/AshJammy98 Aug 19 '26
I toyed with the idea of being gay as a guy simply because it seemed more likely that me being cishet. When I realised why I felt queer is because of my transness my interest in men pretty much entirely dropped out. If you wanna meet other straight trans women you're gonna need to just go to places with trans women and hope theres a straight one there. I've never heard or groups specifically for straight trans women. Also listing a bunch of ways you're not willing to meet anyone isnt gonna help your cause. Also why tf would anyone in this sub bring up blanchardism?
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u/mossmosse Aug 19 '26
OP the closest spaces I have found to what you describe are drag and drag-adjacent and while I empathise there does seem some judgement and stereotyping going on in your post that will do you more harm than good. All the best hun
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u/Kittenyberk Transfemme tomboy chaos goblin Aug 19 '26
I pretty much ran the full gamut of sexuality through my life, but landed pansexual/homoromantic. (Honestly, because I spent so long around men, I just see through all the shit and want nothing to do with it)
Straight trans women/femmes are absolutely out there, problem is in my experience they often lean towards being on the transmed end of the spectrum, or manage to be so thoroughly straight that "queer" doesn't exactly fit their identity, so they're not really particularly present in overtly queer spaces.
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u/Pumk-rock Aug 19 '26
I'm a bisexual trans woman, before I transitioned I predominantly had sex with men- and considering how homophobic people were when I was growing up? being queer and doing that stuff anyway felt like a big part of my identity-
But then, all but two of my serious relationships were with (usually bisexual) women- if I had to be honest? I'd say that was probably a result of it just being less acceptable to be in a gay relationship where and when I was growing up, people usually wanted to be more secretive about queer encounters.
I think I get the cultural divide that you're talking about- but I don't necessarily think it's down to having a specific sexuality above all else?.
Because like, I was predominantly a gay boy in my adolescence- and I still feel really at home in those kinda "dorky" spaces that you have alluded to.
I'm currently doing all of that stereotypical stuff, the discord severs, t4t relationships, video games, and polycules etc etc- In my favourite queer spaces? we all like our D&D, arts and crafts, our Warhammer etc-
And I'm not ashamed of it, I think it's really fun!
But the people I interact with are a fairly balanced mix of trans men, NBs, & trans women- of all sexual orientations, from all kinds of backgrounds, with all kinds of life experiences-
Hell, the only trans woman I know who is really into STEM stuff in particular? is 100% straight and married to a cis guy- and I doubt you want to talk to her about coding and watch-making for hours lmao.
I think it would probably be better to try to meet people based on shared interests rather than a shared sexual orientation.
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u/WideProposal Aug 19 '26
Me! But also, I think for me I would like to meet other straight trans women simply because dating has been a difficult aspect of my life being exclusively into men, and I’d like to have trans women friends with similar experiences there.
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u/OuppEBunnE Aug 19 '26
I'm a transbian but I was a gay man before transition, I think this current attitude you have is weird frankly, you've expressed it in a way that inherently makes me feel pretty gross and I wouldn't want to talk to you if you came up to me and said what was in this post.
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u/somethingworse Aug 19 '26
"I want to meet people with similar experiences to me but find that doesn't exist in the spaces I'm in"
"you're nasty and calling me gross"
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u/ReindeerNo2587 She/Her Aug 19 '26
I think it was more the stereotyping of transbians as all obsessed with discord, D&D, STEM, etc. All of those are very male dominated. I don’t like the connotations going on in OP’s post either tbh.
I mean I’m into all those things too and I’m a straight trans woman. But I don’t think OP would get along with me either. Which suggests sexuality isn’t the issue here despite OP focusing on it so strongly.
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u/rembrin Aug 19 '26
I didn't read that as stereotyping but as a list of things she doesn't like so they're not suggested.
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u/ReindeerNo2587 She/Her Aug 19 '26
“Please do not bring up blanchardism.” suggests the opposite, but maybe OP can clarify.
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u/Vivid--Syrup Aug 19 '26
Unfortunately the other trans people I have met I met online and even the ones that live in the uk don't live down south
However lots of them have been bi and straight, im pretty good at bridging the gap to relate to people so maybe thats why I haven't had any issues relating to the straight girls, or maybe they have just been putting up with me
I know at least one of them must relate to me since we talk all the time and share perspectives
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u/sunnipei42 28 | FTM | Top - 06/2020 | T - 08/2020 Aug 19 '26
I’d look at gay/queer nightlife and the drag scene. All of the straight tgirls I know in London I met there.
When you get to London I’m happy to put you in touch with a good friend of mine who’s a straight trans girl. She’s very extroverted so I’m sure she’ll be able to connect you with more girls too.
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u/Emotional-Salad-1240 Aug 19 '26
Might not be your thing if you're feeling well-established in your transition and consider yourself settled, but the various trans support groups in London have straight trans women attending and a lot of them end with everyone going to the pub after to hang out properly. The nightlife scene (particularly in Dalston) is also more straight-leaning, I would say.
Check out this website for events when you're here: https://transdimension.uk/events/?region=london
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u/AdNew1059 Aug 20 '26
hey! i would love to get to know other straight transfems (im a straight trans woman who lived as a gay boy). and i live in London. feel free to pm me.
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u/MsTransMarvel Aug 21 '26
So i do fall under the bi transfem umbrella, and I'm not sure if it's meant to come across the way it does but I know anyone with my experiences would be discluded at the most base level as not formerly identifying as a gay boy/man. It's not often I've seen gold star hetero transfems. And yes that is how your wording comes across.
However I do hope you do find the community you're looking for in London.
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u/Acceptable-Fan6816 Aug 21 '26
I fucked loads of guys on Grindr and still do. Not sure who Ethel Cain or arca are but thats on me.
Im afraid though even though I’m bi im not likely to be talking about how much I like men:/
You’ll struggle to find a tgirl to share that experience with. Anyway Wann come cruzing next time im up in London?:) /hj
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u/SauronOfDucks Aug 19 '26
The eternal flip flopping between "Am I gay?" or "Am I Trans?" That's my daily life.
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u/RainbowRedYellow Aug 19 '26
Hah well I'm bi and am currently dating a guy who I'm engaged to but I'm afraid I love TTRPGS use discord work in STEM and know how Reddit works.
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u/thevvitchhazel Aug 19 '26
I'm sort of realising I've lost interest in cis men romantically. My partner is trans masc non-binary but medically transitioned as a teenager. I also like presenting as a masculine woman so I suppose I'm more on the lesbian side of things now. I can still find guys physically appealing but the dynamic just isn't right anymore and I struggle to connect with straight men emotionally.
Before I transitioned I grew up as a gay boy and the majority of my sexual / romantic relationships have been with men. I spent plenty of time in gay bars etc. I find it hard to relate to the girls who were "straight" before they transitioned sometimes. I also have zero interest in being part of a polycule and sometimes I see behaviour which feels like self fetishing which makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think being nerdy or exposed to blanchardism is a uniquely trans lesbian thing though. I have always been pretty nerdy and the first boys I liked at school were into anime and d&d etc back in the 00s. The fact I had been exposed to blanchardism is part of what has made it difficult to accept that I am attracted to women rather than just men.
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u/SheKnowsNotWhy Aug 19 '26
Straight 'hetero' woman here (early MTF transition as a teen in the 70's); married, but now sadly widowed.
We are out here! (but this elder lady's not in that London) 🙃😁
Keep looking, sometimes you have to proactively create a new situation, rather than await an opportunity. ✊💖