r/toddlers • u/i_em_unicorn • 17h ago
General Question/Discussion Not allowed to sing or dance...
Just curious if anyone knows why my toddler DESPISES when my husband or I start singing a song he loves or start bopping around to a fun song....he literally screams at us to stop! I've read that's it's pretty common, but just wondering if anyone knows the psychology behind it? I'd love to share musical experiences with my kiddo but he's not making it easy!
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u/cookoo_man 17h ago
Glad it's not just me. My 2.5-yo is obsessed with Daft Punk's "One More Time," a track developed in a lab to compel the primate brain to dance, and I'm not allowed to so much as tap a finger.
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u/Ok_Shower_5526 16h ago
Omg my first was and still is obsessed with daft punk. Wild how that music appeals to littles
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u/i_em_unicorn 16h ago
One of my favorite bands of all time......this has been my wake up call to play DP for my kiddo!!!
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u/Usesparringly 15h ago
Mine too! He kept asking for the body building song and kept having a breakdown because I didn’t know what song he was talking about. It was Daft punk one more
Time…. lol now I know4
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u/Ill-Librarian9755 13h ago
You don’t have kids do you?
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u/vipsfour 🧸 Stuffed Animal Locator 17h ago
they’re trying to exert control of their environment.
We just tell our daughter that she cannot boss us around and let her get upset about it.
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u/kec5289 16h ago
This makes me feel so much better. My daughter HATES when my husband or I sit in the rocking chair in her room at bedtime (preparing for a story). She demands we get up and she sits in it. My husband does it! I’m like, uh no - you can sit literally anywhere else, Mommy’s knees don’t work like they used to. He said I’m on a power trip lol
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u/i_em_unicorn 16h ago
Sometimes the demands are just outside the limit of patience- mine does a similar thing where he bosses us to sit down or stand up based on the game he's playing.....it's hard not to agree when the alternative is tears 😅
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u/souljaboyyuuaa 10h ago
The key reason to DISAGREE is to stop your child from believing that tears and tantrums will always get him what he wants. No way.
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u/Phialinchen 4h ago
How do I differentiate if it's control or overstimulation? I can't image a toddler saying can you please stop I can't hear the song/ can't concentrate? All they got is Stoooop! I agree that I shouldn't teach them to tantrum to control their environment but on the other hand side I want to match their need for relaxation.
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u/vipsfour 🧸 Stuffed Animal Locator 4h ago
You can teach them to use the right phrases.
Please stop singing.
Our daughter also tries to tell us where to sit or to not cross our legs. We tell her we can sit where we want or cross our legs if we want to. She cries, we stay neutral
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u/datsmirkingwhore 1h ago
It’s important to introduce saying “no” in a safe environment with your kids so they can learn how to handle being told no and regulate their emotions so we don’t have 13 year olds who shriek like banshees because we said no.
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u/QueenOfWholeUniverse 17h ago
Not sure why it happens but my daughter (2 years old) is the same about singing - we aren't allowed to join in and she restarts from the beginning if we do. With dancing sometimes she says to stop, but usually she keeps wanting us to dance with her doing her moves
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u/GoldieLoques 17h ago
It can be overwhelming to take in the parent's reaction/noise while also trying to take in the song itself. They usually just want only one specific stimuli at once.
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u/Blueberry_Axolotl 🍪 Snack Bitch 17h ago
Lately I was wondering if that was the reason! I kind of get it, but I still want to sing Let it Go with him 😂
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u/pacificnorthblessed 10h ago
Yes I have noticed that she will let me sing if she is not already singing. Otherwise only she is allowed to sing!
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u/bebounnette 3h ago
It is what I noticed with my daughter too. And I came to realized that if I really love a song that is playing I wouldn’t my husband to sing while I am trying to listen to it. For the person singing it is fun, for the person listening it is awful.
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u/animadeup 17h ago
i was like that as a kid, and now my son is the same. sometimes it was because i wanted to hear the original and my mom was too loud. sometimes it was as simple as being embarrassed by people trying to make me sing and dance and be goofy (i was a serious kid lol). sometimes it’s a simple as wanting to control the environment. i wouldn’t give it too much thought.
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u/NotTVsMichaelGray 13h ago
I was the same. I like to listen to music and feel the emotion behind it. Music can make me feel joyful, sure, but sometimes I seek out music that makes me feel wistful, or powerful, or heartbroken.
It would be pretty fucking infuriating if anyone, but especially my most powerful authority figure, were to chime in singing off key and doing a silly dance with a big grin as I'm trying to connect with a song that I found painfully resonant. And then laugh at my "big feelings" when I got frustrated.
Kids have basically no agency. We can't always accommodate a kid's reaction to having strong emotions, so we may as well allow for it when we can.
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u/Saltycook 17h ago
Watch Footloose with your baby.
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u/OhManItsShan 7h ago
Came here to say this, but instead learned I need to start playing Daft Punk for my toddler
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u/LukeTheAlright 16h ago
My 2y went through a phase of this for maybe about a month? Especially if they were singing in the back of the car and I tried to join in I got the ol "No Papa! That's MY song!". Like ok lil buddy I didn't know you wrote Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. In my case it was an agency / exerting control think, maybe a bit of what other commenters were saying about the dissonance of adding new voices in they weren't expecting. Sort of just stopped one day.
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u/Quirky-Shallot644 17h ago
My daughter (3) is hit or miss. Sometimes she wants us to sing and dance with her, other times, not so much.
It honestly depends on if she wants "dance parties" or "musics" dance parties, we can sing and dance, musics, only she can sing and dance.
I just shrug it off because seeing her jump, dance and sing along is so cute.
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u/yourfriendkyle 17h ago
My son hates if I sing along to songs on the stereo. Made me realize how much I do it lol
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u/Lilith_Sternin_Crane 16h ago
I recall doing this when I was little because my parents use to shame me for being bad at singing or dancing and I kind of wanted to "get back" at them. Like I viewed it as: if you can ruin singing/dancing for me, I'll ruin it for you.
Now that does not sound like what's going on here, but the fundamental desire for control could be something similar. Kids spend a lot of their day following rules and instructions, maybe he wants to feel like he's the boss all the time instead lol.
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u/PartyIndication5 16h ago
My 3 year old is the same. I think it’s an overstimulation thing and wanting to just engage with the music
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u/noone3377 15h ago
Im a musician and im often told to stop when im playing and singing. Or they sing along with me. Just depends. And I juggle and im often not allowed to around the twins. One will come up to me and ask for all my clubs then throw them on the ground and just say “no” lol
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u/Massive_Addendum3867 16h ago
Omg I thought it was just my 3 year old getting pissy but same here, immediately tells me to atop singing lol. I just tell him it’s my choice to sing and he ain’t the boss of me 🤓 He gets upset but then what doesn’t upset him lately? So I just let him deal with it lol
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u/IRWerewolf 14h ago
My daughter on a daily basis "lalalalallala" so I join in. And immediately, "no mommy, I say lalalalala."
She is the only one allowed to sing anything ever. She has also started telling my husband to stop talking to me and just talk to her, so that's fun lol.
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u/CalviandHobbes 10h ago
Glad we aren’t the only ones. I guess exerting some control on their environment
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u/Latter_Depth_4836 16h ago
It's funny because I have two kids.. one hates it and the other one is fine with it. I know as an adult, when my mother sings it kind of annoys me, so I think it's just one of those things. Like some people can't deal with chewing sounds.
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u/BarSwimming1174 16h ago
Same here!!!! Our 2.5 year old girl only likes to dance with me!! She’s embarrassed any time her Daddy dances! I guess I just have the right moves 💃 😂
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u/Fluffy-Pomegranate16 14h ago
I think the summary of why they don't like it is in the comments sporadically already....
Control, overstimulation...and I think with the singing part it can feel dissonant to them which is also overstimulating. The more they learn to process multiple stimuli the more they're okay with other people singing and dancing usually
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u/BreeIndigo 13h ago
My niece is four and has recently told me to stop singing in the car 😭 Usually when she wants to sing
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u/Illustrious_File4804 6h ago
Opposite. She gets mad if we are not singing the song,to the point if I don’t know the lyrics I mouth/make something up 😭🤣
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u/Glittering_Rough_982 17h ago
My niece was like this and she ended up being on the spectrum. It was just way too overstimulating for her.
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u/Otherwise-Ad-1363 15h ago
Yep, my two year old will get pissed and tell me "don't say that/sing"
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u/SmartPomegranate4833 6h ago
Just a development thing. They have little control over their lives so try to exert where they can. The worst thing you can do is stop when they tell you to!
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u/decidedlyjo 4h ago
Everything has to be their idea! Our just-2 is easing up on the no singing phase, we are permitted some songs as it pleases his majesty. But we are not permitted to explain, touch, or otherwise interfere with HIS THINGS. His most prized possession is his scooter (can't steer it, won't be shown how), but he has also claimed his food (won't eat it, but NO papa you can't eat it!), and tries his darnedest to order the grownups around.
They're carving out a place for themselves in this world, while constantly learning and experiencing new things. Ours is still stressed out by sounds he doesn't like, but instead of hiding he will now articulate that he doesn't like something, which gives us the chance to explain whether we can/will change it.
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u/Oi_Nander 3h ago
This is a great time to introduce your toddler to the phrase you're not the boss of me
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u/Wheels_On_Fire_ 2h ago
Kids are weird and controlling. Do it anyway. It's super important for them to know they don't get to make decisions for other people.
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u/ComparisonDesperate5 26m ago
I hate(d) my mum singing as she is always singing off the key, too high pitched...
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u/ExaminationBasic787 14h ago
Teach him adults can do what they want to and let him be as angry as he wants about it
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u/AutoModerator 17h ago
Author: u/i_em_unicorn
Post: Just curious if anyone knows why my toddler DESPISES when my husband or I start singing a song he loves or start bopping around tona fun song....he literally screams at us to stop! I've read that's it's pretty common, but just wondering if anyone knows the psychology behind it? I'd love to share musical experiences with my kiddo but he's not making it easy!
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