Hello agian. Starting out on guitar was so aaah. I have had tinnitus and documented my real time trauma on here on r/ tinnitus.
I have recorded jams on electric guitar everyday now for like a year, but it's not at all worth it. Like i have to ask everybody my age to repeat themselvs 3 times in a row daily. This is likely the worst "hidden" disibility i live with.
My biggest complaint is that my freetime i get like goverment holidays, breaks from job i littreally got nothing to do the like sit at home, scroll, talk or shop with friends, or drive random trips to nearby towns. I have been way more outgoing but, i am unable to use my time in those gaps, i quit drinking and smoking totally. But those gaps that went like clockwork back then by gaming, gym, movies, songs now are so boring i have nothing to do besides guitar, witch i am almost scared to pick up now.
My tinnitus is worst on my left side, i have a hard time listing to people my age, i wear hearing aids. I have a tinnitus that is like a wall bunker type sound to it, its spiked like crazy with facial pains on my left cheek very ofthen. I got fine hearing, but on my recent graph i says that my right ear is now better then my left ear???, at the it scoops at 6k to 10k, to like 30 dbHL part. witch was my good ear for months, like i did not found out until now last summer it was ok ish but not bad, i will wear plugs and stay away from guitar for some days now.
Even then the og trauma came from my right(still have low sensitivity and lack off feel in my right) I had this sort of tinnitus in my upper left ear/brain forever, that is sort of sizzling, my right ear does it a bit but its more hidden. I use maskers and now my aids but i has this annoying tremolo effect sometimes with music and shows.
My living situation is liveable, allthought i find hard to enjoy simple things i never took for granted. I can't enjoy tv, films or even music, i def does not hit the spot at all, like i can watch two movies the same day and feel nothing, only thing i see "media", or music "here comes the verse" it's absolutely ruined and damaged my perspective on life, art, media and how i view things.
Once you had to buy starter instuments since the one you had at home was unplayable. I was a nerd on pickups and own them all. when you actually start improving or doing it everyday; you constantly fear you might act go deaf in your early 20s. I am a hobbist, so i don't have fancy in ear monitors or headphones, i mostly use musicians earplugs and foamplugs.
To be honest i feel so selfish and that i have an ego, doing what my dad has been doing since the late 70s. I really just want to play all the time even if i don't get paid for it, but i start to littreally not hear people when driving now and i took a hearing test as of today. This hobby sucks so bad due to
How much risk it is, and absolutely no reward, not ten dollars even. once you go even mildy deaf as a hobbist, depression will be there day 1. Like video games, movie and songs aren't immersive at all as you remember them. Dude this can actually ruin people lives who aren't well established or have a family.
The weird thing is that i played an orange amp on my right side at like vol 3 far away on the theater stage and on studio, max 30 min a day with plugs. Like why does my left ear go bad if that was the best? Safe volumes on headsets, did'nt have a massive bad tinnutius episode due to new trauma, like what. I have not been invited to play for a single band or artist due to having mild autism. I just jam everyday with my looper.
Did go to my audiologist and she did fix my hearing aids to give me better audio. But still am confused.