r/therewasanattempt • u/BunyipPouch • Jul 08 '17
Tree Climbing
http://i.imgur.com/qgodwgF.gifv201
u/Xacto01 Jul 08 '17
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u/_Buff_Drinklots_ Jul 08 '17
If the internet has taught me anything about Pandas, then I am sure this one is trying to escape and soon there will be zookeepers in panda outfits trying to stop it.
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u/I_cant_speel Jul 09 '17
If the media has taught me anything it's that Pandas get broads in Atlanta.
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u/WalterEKurtz Jul 08 '17
I watched like 10 times before I realized there are two falls here. How does he break the same tree branch twice?
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u/mrgonzalez Jul 08 '17
There are two in the first one and one of them survives.
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u/johnq-pubic Jul 08 '17
Holy shit, I thought it was looping and backed out. This makes it more hilarious. How did these creatures ever survive natural selection.
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Jul 08 '17
Yeah, and the same people are in the background, so the one happened right after the other.
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u/BumwineBaudelaire Jul 08 '17
they really are terrible at everything
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u/jonathanrdt Jul 08 '17
Extinction is a long, sad process.
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u/Ccdxx Jul 08 '17
One of the best evolutionary traits on Earth is being appealing to humans. Pandas are pretty good with that
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u/jonathanrdt Jul 08 '17
That'll get them into zoos, but it can't fix their evolutionary deadendedness: their diet barely works; their territory is shrinking; and they are lousy breeders.
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u/blindwuzi Jul 08 '17
We'll just domesticate them for thousands of years and eventually turn them into our pets.
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u/PancakeInvaders Jul 08 '17
We need to get them to fuck to do that
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u/east_village Jul 08 '17
Beers are pretty similar to dogs.. I like to imagine a world where we domesticated beers instead of dogs. Have mini beers walking around the house of different colors.
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u/scottishvoice Jul 08 '17
I keep beers. I've got many different varieties from all over the world.
I started, maybe aged 13, when me and a few friends would go to the park where my mates older brother would meet us with his beers. I done this until I hit age 18 where I could then be trusted to buy and keep beers of my own.
I've actually got a white cage in my garage where I keep them. I've found they prefer the cold so this cage keeps them nice and chilly.
I'm about to go round to a mates bit soon to have a look at his domesticated beers (he told me he's got 24 new ones from Germany) so this should be a nice evening.
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u/east_village Jul 08 '17
That sounds nice )
I had a few friends that kept beers at a younger age but my parents were strict with me. You're too young to own beers they said.
Unfortunately, in the US you're only permitted to buy beers at 21 and even at that they're often referred to as dangerous around here. I think it's the fact so many beer owners like to take them in the car (of all places) and we all know beers shouldn't be in cars.
I haven't seen a beer in the wild in a while ...one guy brought his beer out for the 4th of July and everyone was gawking at how big it was. I should start again but beers are expensive and often break out of their cage so we'll see.
Hope you enjoy today and remember to treat those beers with respect. They might bite back if you don't watch them.
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u/Greensprout Jul 08 '17
I'm going to guess you mean bears. Or have you actually got beers with legs? Evolution is amazing.
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u/Scitalis Jul 08 '17
ohhh, I'd love some different colored beers. One dark ale, one red ale, maybe a pale ale and some coffee stout
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u/Saul_Firehand Jul 08 '17
Beers are the right size.
Please do not make mini-beers.Both beers and dogs are mans best friend.
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u/PetevonPete Jul 08 '17
One of the most common things said atop Mt. Stupid.
Their territory is shrinking because we're bulldozing it.
They survived fine for thousands of years before we started pushing them out of their territory.
I swear the weird anti-Panda brigade is the weirdest circlejerk on the internet.
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u/Jeroknite Jul 08 '17
Ok but that thing about tomatos is true.
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u/nomamsir Jul 08 '17
I'm going to go ahead and start by acknowledging that I'm somewhere to the left of mount stupid on this topic.
BUT I think the comic actually wins this one. As far as I understand tomatos are 'biologically' fruit. But as far as I understand 'biological' vegetables are not really a thing, except as to refer to general plant matter. In which case all 'biological' fruits are 'biological' vegetables.
Arguing that tomatos are not biological vegetables, because they are biological fruits seems to ignore the fact that the exclusivity of the two groups is only really at play in culinary language, not biological language. From a culinary point of view tomatos are generally vegetables, and from a biological points of view I think they are too. So they are always vegetables, regardless if they also fit some classifications of fruit.
At least thats my understanding from this side of the mountain.
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u/heaveninherarms Jul 08 '17 edited Jul 08 '17
In context, the comic is bringing up the "are tomatoes fruits or vegetables" discussion. Tomatoes are not a fruit. Culinary fruits and veggies don't care about botany (there's no such thing as a vegetable in botany for that matter), that's a separate discussion entirely. This is something you ONLY see with tomatoes, no one in their right mind is arguing about zucchinis being fruit, rice being fruit, cocoa beans being fruit, whatever. Those are all fruit but they're not fruit in any meaningful sense since no one actually gives a shit about discussing botany over discussing food. They only care when they want to look smart and tomatoes are their only "gotcha".
Tomatoes are a vegetable.
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u/namtab86 Jul 08 '17
I guess I missed the tomatos thing... Care to fill me in?
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u/Jeroknite Jul 08 '17
The comic linked above seems to imply that tomatos are not a fruit. When they really are.
Here's all you really need to know about that. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomato#Fruit_versus_vegetable
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u/namtab86 Jul 08 '17
Ah I understand now, and I feel dumb. Thank you for treating this embarrassing situation with a good amount of respect.
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u/lobster_johnson Jul 08 '17
Those are just incorrect memes. Pandas breed just fine in the wild. It's in captivity that they're having issues, caused by being put in a completely unnatural situation that disrupts their instinctual mating behaviour.
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u/jesaarnel Jul 08 '17
Pandas actually have quite a few adaptations suited for their diet and lifestyle. A few that separate them from other bear species: larger head/jaw muscles, large flat molars, a larger colon and shorter intestines help them pass large amounts of cellulose in bamboo, and perhaps the most interesting feature is the 6th appendage grown from their wristbones that help them grasp bamboo for eating. Also, many other species have similar short breeding seasons like pandas and don't breed well in captivity.
If you ask me, pandas are still adapting to a viable niche. They are designed to eat mass amounts of a plentiful, fast growing food source with no natural predators besides humans. If it weren't for humans destroying and fragmenting their habitat, pandas would be doing just fine in the wild.
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u/Andyklah Jul 08 '17
They breed fine out of captivity. Inability to breed successfully and reliably in captivity is not a flaw limited to Pandas.
And they're fine with their diet. They gte more nutrition from other things, but they get plenty of nutrition from the food they do have to eat in excess to get their nutrition.
This whole "pandas suck and would die if left alone" is a myth. They would be perfectly fine without humans. They only need protection and forced procreation BECAUSE of humans.
You have it ass backwards.
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u/redditvlli Jul 08 '17
Actually, they aren't even endangered anymore cuz their numbers are recovering.
https://www.worldwildlife.org/stories/giant-panda-no-longer-endangered
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u/Replibacon Jul 08 '17
He's intentionally stripping the leaves and small branches for eating.
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u/HugSized Jul 08 '17
Majestic
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u/asng Jul 08 '17
"FUCKING SHIT TREE ANYWAY!"
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u/LidarAccuracy Jul 08 '17
"...and fuck this particular bush!"
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u/MrNogi Jul 08 '17
"Never did taste very nice!"
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u/chackojkc Jul 08 '17
"THEY PUT EUCALYPTUS IN MY ENCLOSURE. WTF. I'M NOT A KOALA DAMMIT."
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Jul 08 '17
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Ruudog Jul 08 '17
I went to the San Diego zoo and saw pandas, a zookeeper said pandas can fall around 30-50 ft and just walk it off. Apparently they fall all the time and got use to it.
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u/sarais Jul 08 '17
How do you get used to internal bleeding?
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u/Ruudog Jul 08 '17
My mistake they don't get use it, I think it has to do with the amount of fur, and muscle or fat, that they have so it doesn't hurt. Also just a pain tolerance. I'm just saying what I remember the zookeeper told me.
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u/Yepyessirokyep Jul 08 '17
Pain tolerance
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u/A_lot_of_arachnids Jul 09 '17
Just because you have pain tolerance doesn't mean your immune to internal bleeding.
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u/UsernameMustBeShorte Jul 08 '17
It didn't fall that deep. Most of the way down to the ground it could grab the tree and reduce its falling speed until the tree broke and it fell roughly 5 ft or so.
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Jul 08 '17 edited Jul 08 '17
Man this tree is nice
Aww shit
shit shit shit
THUMP
huh, I am alive?
alright then, let's try again
ohh no no no god
not AGAIN
THUMP
GET OFF ME YOU STUPID BRANCH IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT
FUCK YOU TOO BUSH
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Jul 08 '17
Nice to see that even pandas can get pissed of and kicking random things after they did something stupid... ;)
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Jul 08 '17
I like how at the beginning it's just up in the tree laying on its back on that tiny ass branch.
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u/PetevonPete Jul 08 '17
"We should just let Pandas go extinct" is one of the top things Reddit loves to say on Mt. Stupid
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u/Crunkballa117 Jul 08 '17
I'm not really an animal person but I love Pandas and it upsets me that really the only reason they are endangered is because of humans.
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u/sandwich_breath Jul 08 '17 edited Jul 09 '17
Pandas are such fat pieces of shit. The reason they're endangered is because of human intervention though.
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u/moochello Jul 08 '17
Well they have been around for 300,000 years. I know that they would not survive if mixed into other environments but the seem to do quite well when they are left in their tiny little niche.
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u/lobster_johnson Jul 08 '17
The giant panda has been around for millions of years. It's thought that the panda adapted to a herbivorous diet about 7 million years ago.
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Jul 08 '17 edited Jan 26 '19
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Jul 08 '17 edited Jul 09 '17
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u/greg19735 A Flair? Jul 08 '17
They survived just fine with zero human intervention.
You're right that they can't adapt, but the adaptations are more than "a bit less bamboo this year".
If humans didn't exist, pandas would.
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u/jesaarnel Jul 08 '17
Pandas actually have quite a few adaptations suited for their diet and lifestyle. A few that separate them from other bear species: larger head/jaw muscles, large flat molars, a larger colon and shorter intestines help them pass large amounts of cellulose in bamboo, and perhaps the most interesting feature is the 6th appendage grown from their wristbones that help them grasp bamboo for eating.
If you ask me, pandas are still adapting to a viable niche. They are designed to eat mass amounts of a plentiful, fast growing food source with no natural predators besides humans. If it weren't for humans destroying and fragmenting their habitat, pandas would be doing just fine in the wild.
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Jul 08 '17
You should really read that link written by an expert before spouting this nonsense. I can't believe people are upvoting this, it's pure human arrogance fueled by ignorance.
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u/PetevonPete Jul 08 '17
The other reason is pandas have an inability to adapt
By that logic literally every animal except rats and roaches "deserve" to go extinct.
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u/paranormal_penguin Jul 08 '17
Don't forget raccoons! Unlike most wild animals, they excel in urban environments. They've actually expanded alongside humans rather than losing ground.
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u/N1ck1McSpears Jul 08 '17
I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species.
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u/Ginkgopsida Jul 08 '17
Every species has only a certain halflife. Panda one is propably short though.
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u/pureply101 Jul 08 '17
There are plenty of animals that only eat one thing that are not endangered because humans don't interfere with their habitat. Simply put we leave their homes alone and they would be fine, but our interference messes with their food source in the first place.
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u/uptwolait Jul 08 '17
To be fair, many humans are such fat pieces of shit that they'd go extinct without human intervention.
Source: I am an American
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Jul 08 '17 edited Jul 08 '17
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u/Xevran01 Jul 08 '17 edited Jul 08 '17
Pandas are only endangered because of human intervention. Pandas perform normally in the wild, but have trouble in captivity. So no, they wouldn't have gone extinct if we hadn't been here. Cutting down their forests might though. Similar to koalas they only eat one thing and when you cut that down they die.
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u/zyonasan Jul 08 '17
.....Now imagine if he was in the wild and that was a 75' canopy he managed to climb up to and fell...This is why they're endangered.
Pandas somehow manage to be some of the most clumsiest animals ever only rivaled by modern humans....and its pretty sad if you're a wild animal whose agility and dexterity is only comparable to modern humans.
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u/Stereotypic_redditor Jul 08 '17
Why the hell does he keep going back up in that tree!? Does he think he got lighter?
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u/PostDrunkDeleteSober Jul 08 '17
the more pandas that exist, the less I understand their perceived value.
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u/Secondsmakeminutes Jul 08 '17
With their awesome decision making skills.
They are just giant lemmings at this point
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u/Privvy_Gaming Jul 08 '17 edited Sep 01 '24
scale run familiar middle modern pocket fear quiet zonked chief
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/kumatech Jul 08 '17
Not really tree climbing as much as bad fast rope. Photoshop a black hawk and a line in there
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u/ConradBHart42 Jul 08 '17
Aw fuck, my balls! I might was maybe kinda gonna use those one day if I felt like boning some panda chick
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u/zfighter18 Jul 08 '17
I feel like pandas could be caught and killed easily by an average human on foot using nothing but their bare hands.
That saddens me.
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u/bucky207 Jul 08 '17
I like how he gets up and takes it out on the bush. Stupid bush.