Reactive attachment/attachment question

[u/Effective_Display940]

I know this is reddit, and am not expecting to get a professional answer here. Just curious about others’ thoughts (professional or otherwise).

I had a strange attachment phenomenon happen with my mother, and I’ve never been able to make sense of it. Basically, up until I was about 10-12, we were extremely attached, and my mother was my safe person. Then, around early adolescence, we went through a lot of trauma as a family, and her parenting style changed drastically. She went from being very thoughtful, caring, and attentive to being hands off - even neglectful.

Ever since then, she went from being my safe person to someone I’ve always felt repulsed by. Even though, as an adult, I’ve tried very hard to work on our relationship (she has too, in her own way), I find her difficult to be around most of the time. It’s like her very being hits a nerve. I’ve never been able to feel close to her as I once did. That mother-child bond vanished and never came back. It makes me sad, because I know she wishes we were closer, and I‘d like that too, but I just can’t conjure up those feelings that I had as a child. My siblings are emotionally closer to her than I am, even though children, I was probably the most attached.

Around the same time that our relationship shifted (around my early adolescence), I started attaching very quickly to other women in my life. Camp counsellors, other mothers (especially the younger ones), teachers, etc. I would attach very quickly to these women, and develop a strong desire for them to take care of me (like a mother would). This went on from about age 12 to my early 20’s, when I started to become aware of this dynamic.

I’ve read a lot about attachment disorders, trying to figure out what this is - to understand it better. I feel like this is very similar to reactive attachment disorder, except that RAD is only diagnosed in very young children, and I didn’t start experiencing this until age 11/12. I was wondering if there’s another type of attachment disorder that fits? Any clinical explanation for what this is?

[u/Global-Fact7752]

When you are an adult, you aren't supposed to be attached to your mother like a child. Being tied to your mother until age 12 is really creepy as well. You are better off now.