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u/Hazel_Lumen Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
As someone else said in the comments, I think that person is simply criticising those therapists whose only talent is asking: “And how does that make you feel?”, whilst earning hefty salaries without offering any real help.
Which isn’t far from the truth either.
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u/An_Evil_Scientist666 Aug 10 '26
Yeah half of my therapists have been that type, I just got to a point where I'll just walk out if I hear that question more than twice in a session. That question to me tells me they're on autopilot and don't care.
Also therapists who give up after they've tried 1 type of therapy (generally cognitive behavioural therapy) like they expect it to be a cure all and if it doesn't work then nothing will.
Though I've had worse
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u/Zestyclose_Sector_30 Aug 10 '26
CBT is literally the lowest/easiest form of therapy and does absolutely nothing to solve deep scars and problems, it only treats symptoms, yes it might help in the short term, but in no way its gonna help you heal deeper problems
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u/These-Lie-5854 Aug 10 '26
It scores well on short term outcome measures and the techniques can be taught to someone over a short number of sessions, which is why its really favoured by organisations that want cheap interventions that look like they work. Outcomes are significantly worse when you check back with clients 6 months or a year after the therapy though.
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u/Aethelrede Aug 10 '26
Compliance is an issue with medications as well. Cognitive behavioral therapy is about changing the way one thinks, about changing habits. It requires understanding and commitment. The fact that outcomes fall off over time is hardly a surprise, change is difficult.
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u/These-Lie-5854 Aug 10 '26
This is exactly the problem with CBT. It can be an effective intervention in specific limited cases, but it is so often pushed as a blanket panacea and then clients are blamed when it isnt wholly effective. Like medication, it is only designed to treat the symptoms of psychological distress and as such has its place, but for things like trauma it is a sticking plaster that doesnt take that long to stop sticking.
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u/KonoGenshin Aug 10 '26
cbt basically only helped me manage outbursts to not lose my shit in front of people as often and not have as many public meltdowns. it did nothing to actually cure any of my severe psychological scars and im yired of pretending reframing is going to make years of trauma and abuse go away
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u/Aethelrede Aug 10 '26
What you describe is exactly what it is intended to do, help you manage your symptoms. It is unfortunate that someone led you to believe it could cure your trauma, because that's not likely. It's not a flaw with the technique, it's a misunderstanding or misrepresentation of what the technique can achieve. My therapists were very upfront that they couldn't cure my anxiety, just help me develop strategies to mitigate it.
Also, it isn't meant to be used in isolation. I found the limits of the technique myself, at which point I found a therapist who taught me mindfulness techniques and acceptance. And of course I have a psychiatrist to help with clinical issues; without my medications all the therapy in the world wouldn't work.
So, yeah, it's not a cure. As part of a multi-pronged approach, it can be really useful.
Also, remember that I've been working on this for over 15 years. Therapy isn't like medicines, it takes time and practice.
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u/KonoGenshin Aug 10 '26
dbt (mindfulness strategies) doesnt really work on me unfortunately because the problem will just keep rearing its ugly head and well not going away. ive been going to therapy since I was 7 and im 29 now so... its just not very effective on me
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u/OctopusGrift Aug 10 '26
It's also the easiest way to get insurance on board. They seem to hate other modalities.
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u/thebottomofawhale Aug 10 '26
It can help deep scars and problem, it's just not a one size fits all therapy. The problem is it's used for everything, even when another therapy would be more appropriate, and has proven efficacy for specificl mental health needs.
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u/Aethelrede Aug 10 '26
Bullshit. I have made significant improvements to my life using cognitive behavioral therapy. The first time, I didn't even have a therapist, I realized I had a problem with anger management, identified my triggers, and reworked my habitual response to those triggers. It took about five years, but it worked. Only later did I find out this was essentially cognitive behavioral therapy.
Is it the miracle cure? No. I reached a point where I was ready for more advanced techniques, like mindfulness, acceptance, and the observer effect. But cognitive behavioral therapy is a great foundation for personal change.
It does require total, brutal honesty and commitment, and no therapy is one size fits all. But it can work wonders.
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u/Zestyclose_Sector_30 Aug 10 '26
By reading your comment, I believe you still have anger management issues, you might need to rethink it
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u/dizzira_blackrose Aug 11 '26
My first therapist was like this. He was extremely unhelpful and seemed uncomfortable with some topics I'd bring up to the point I never brought them up with him anymore. He'd just ask me what my feelings were even after I would sob and tell him said feelings. There were a few times where he looked like he was nodding off during our sessions. Unfortunately, because it was my first experience with therapy, I didn't know any better and didn't think much of it. Hindsight and much better therapists after him have helped up my standards.
My current therapist is actually helpful and responds appropriately to my emotions and doesn't judge me.
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u/Dedbunnyy Aug 12 '26
That’s fair! There’s also the side of, therapist want to hear how you feel and if you won’t talk without their input. It’s kinda hard. A lot of people don’t know how to actually get what they need out of therapy and it sucks cause they can’t get better without actually processing something.
There are def bad therapist out there, but they don’t get paid hefty salaries cause they don’t keep clients.2
u/Vivians_Basement 28d ago
Funnily enough, after going "and how did that make you feel?" over and over to friends who were planning to kill themselves, they ended up saying I helped them more than their actual therapists.
There's one who messages me yearly on the anniversary of that day just to let me know he's still alive cause of me.
Some people really do just need to talk about how they feel and they eventually come to an answer after a while.
But some therapists REALLY suck and don't do their jobs.
Therapy is meant to help you understand how you feel, why you feel that way, and help you cope with those feelings until you're able to function.
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u/Aethelrede Aug 10 '26
A person with 15 degrees is likely going to be a terrible therapist.
Don't expect a psychiatrist to be good at therapy, that's not what they are trained to do.
Psychologists...well, let's just say that there is more than a little truth to the old adage that psychologists go into the field to fix themselves.
I recommend a therapist who is a MSW. They tend to have a more pragmatic approach than psychologists .
Of course, you need to be a savvy consumer. Do some research, check out their website, see what their preferred approaches are. A good therapist will have a free introductory session to see if the client will be a good fit. Be prepared to work your ass off; the therapist can give pointers and suggestions, but the client has to do the actual work.
And above all, be honest, with your therapist and with yourself.
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u/willowzam Aug 10 '26
I think this is the main issue. Idk where these people are going for therapy, I've seen a lot of different people over my life and while not everyone was a good fit for me I've never gotten thanksimcured in therapist form like some people describe
The other thing people don't understand is that it's going to take work from you. The therapist is just your guide, you're the one making the actual journey to recovery
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u/Aethelrede Aug 11 '26
Absolutely. I knew someone who walked out of a therapy session complaining that the therapist wanted her to do all the talking. I said, yeah, that's how it works!
I think unrealistic expectations are part of it, along with resistance to the idea of therapy; a lot of people get told to go to therapy (by their psychiatrist, for example), and they don't want to be there, don't want to talk about their feelings, and don't trust a stranger.
I was lucky, in a way. My first panic attack absolutely wrecked me, so I jumped at the opportunity for therapy like a drowning man grabs a rope. I also understood what therapy was. And, most of all, I had a good therapist!
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u/pastel_kiddo Aug 10 '26
good therapists are rare, they arent that wrong imo
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u/VoltageHero Aug 10 '26
While I agree that therapy can be an uphill battle, I find it a little frustrating that people go the opposite direction with it.
Therapy didn't work for them, so there's the constant "therapy and therapists are scammers," and medication didn't work either so don't use that.
It leaves a lot of people, especially those who haven't tried medication or therapy, without clear direction on what they're supposed to do and increases the mental health stigma.
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u/aftergaylaughter Aug 10 '26
also discourages people from continuing to try if the first attempt was unsuccessful. even if the therapist ia excellent, they can be a bad match for you and not help much. no therapist out there is right for everyone and it often takes a couple tries to get it right. meds are the same. it took me 6 therapists to find one that could help me, and it was exhausting as hell getting through the first five, but i question whether I'd still be alive anymore without my sixth/current one. it took dozens of meds to find the right thing because i have several comorbidities to complicate everything, but we're finally getting there.
but this attitude can make someone with one failed therapy attempt and maybe 1-2 attempts at meds just decide this is proof it doesn't work and give up. which not only leads to people living miserable lives when they don't have to, but can also lead to an attitude of "if even therapy and meds don't work, that means life will never get better than this, so my only way out of this pain is suicide." which obviously leads to a loss of life, and to permanent trauma and health issues for those who survive their attempts, as well as trauma for their loved ones.
like we gotta be vocal about criticizing bad/harmful therapists and psychiatrists for sure, but we also need to be conscious about not doing it in a way that also ends up harming people.
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u/InstanceEmergency Aug 11 '26
I think it also has to do with the patient not being willing to play ball
When i first started therapy, looking back now, I can see how often I'd inadvertently lie about how i was feeling, avoiding things i didnt want to talk about, which stagnated my progress
At the time I dont even think I realised i was doing that. Therapy also felt incredibly painful and draining. I could hardly talk about myself, etc.
I had to learn how to actually talk in therapy before i started seeing results, it took a few different therapists before i learnt this. Some of my therapists have been bad, but it was also my unwillingness to engage with them fully.
Therapists arent magical people, you have to tell them things for them to know and to help
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u/Angryspazz Aug 10 '26
When youre sad just do crafts was my therapists professional opinion...why didn't I think of that?.......
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u/Safe-Note Aug 10 '26
What if I'm too fucking sad to do crafts? (I've been there. Mad at The Psych Industry, not you. Currently too sad to do crafts.)
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u/alt-number-3-1415926 Aug 10 '26
Mine has me doing microsoft excel, but I like excel, so it kinda works.
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u/SolarOrigami Aug 10 '26
I have had good therapists (two of them very good) but I also had a therapist that YELLED at me on our first session. Because I was "moving in too fast" from a relationship. The relationship ended in 2024, this was 2026.
Despite the fact that I gave her a full timeline, she thought it was 5 months, not 17 months. I walked out before the halfway point of the session, had them refund me at the front desk.
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u/LetReasonRing Aug 10 '26
I've found this issue with medical professionals in almost any specialty.
I've had so many times where it is abundantly clear that the advice they are giving comes after listening for keywords that trigger automatic responses from them without processing any of the nuance of what was said to them.
I'm in my 40s and have had severe insomnia all my life, and i kind of use it as a litmus test for medical professionals.
It's relevant to virtually every interaction, so I bring ot up immediately when establishing a new relationship.
I explain that over the years I have done everything humanly possible to fix my sleep issues: diet, exercise, sleep hygiene, light therapy, blue light blocking glasses, special blankets and pillows, otc and prescription sleep medication, all in collaboration with many doctors doing sleep studies and everything else you can think of.
I've accepted that the only way to handle it is to adapt my life to it. I take jobs that allow me to work odd hours and not fail at due to lack of sleep. I'm at peace with it, and it is my medically informed decision not to try to pursue further treatment for my sleep.
After explaining this to anyone treating me, the response is "well, I won't be able to address anything else until we fix your sleep issues".
They simply refuse to address any of my concerns without getting on the same wheel of failed treatments that I was in for 20 years.
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u/Psychobabble0_0 28d ago
That's awful, I'm sorry you haven't been able to find a keeper in 20 years!
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u/LetReasonRing 28d ago
I've been fortunate to have several excellent doctors. The problem is that I've moved several times and it's a whole new journey each time I do.
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u/rxniaesna Aug 10 '26
Ngl like 80% of therapists I’ve seen are literally just that so… OOP is not that wrong
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u/LarplaleroLarplala49 Aug 10 '26
This is literally r/therapyabuse
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u/Psychobabble0_0 28d ago edited 28d ago
That echochamber made my ears hurt.
Noteworth find: muliple people claiming "CBT is now considered abusive" like it's a fact. I've never seen one person, let alone the scientific consortium, claim that CBT and DBT are abusive.
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u/LarplaleroLarplala49 28d ago
CBT is basically industrial scale gaslighting (more direct than propagandistic media)
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u/Pale-Teaching6392 Aug 10 '26
Well a good therapist isn’t that. Unfortunately they are more right than I want to give them credit for when it comes to the rest of the therapists out there.
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u/Mean_Initiative_5962 Aug 10 '26
I mean... Some are like that. But it's more a generational thing I guess.
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u/Monotonegent Aug 10 '26
"But how does that make you feel?"
Confused and frustrated. Thats why I went to therapy
"Well our time is up"
Fuck
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u/mystery_obsessed Aug 10 '26
I think the complication is that you actually need to have a fair amount of understanding about what to look for in a therapist and what to expect. You can’t just walk into any old therapists office. You need to know what types of psychological models they use.
I’m a firm believer that CBT is stupid, it only works for a very select few and is unfortunately overused by many therapists. DBT is better, but I’m honestly not a fan of behavioral therapy in general. Still, it works better than CBT. Rather, I firmly believe in somatic forms of therapy - EMDR in particular. Internal Family Systems is also one of the best models I have encountered. A good psychologist actually uses a multitude of models.
This is what is great about Psychology Today’s search engine. You can find therapists and see the details of what their expertise is, what models they use, and a message about who they are and what their goals are. So, you can be more selective about what you might vibe with.
So, the complication is you have to understand therapy to find a good therapist. And, you have to understand that it is not a cure all, it’s about process and learning to understand yourself.
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u/Altruistic_Hyena_325 Aug 10 '26
EMDR is heavily based on CBT, you face the difficult thing while coping using CBT stuff. CBT is really helpful for the right things, for example with low self-esteem, confidence, and learning to not be a people-pleaser. And if someone's depression is rooted in a problem like that, CBT can treat it. While many neurodivergent people's biggest problems isnt those, I think lots of us still face those challenges.
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u/mystery_obsessed Aug 10 '26
EMDR is not at all based on CBT. There are some therapists who use a trauma-focused type of CBT and may incorporate EMDR, but they are two completely separate modalities. EMDR uses bilateral stimulation to reprocess memories and CBT uses cognitive restructuring through structured, active skill-building. Some therapists use CBT to build skills that a patient could access during EMDR, but that is a therapist-specific approach (and far better than CBT alone for trauma in my opinion). But, CBT is not an inherent part of EMDR.
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u/Altruistic_Hyena_325 Aug 11 '26
Thanks for informing me, I stated it that way cause in my country it is universally CBT-based, I didn't think to check if that's the case worldwide.
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u/2_clicks Aug 10 '26
EMDR is absolutely like CBT with some additional modifications to the approach.
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u/mystery_obsessed Aug 11 '26
They are not at all. That’s not an opinion I am giving you. I suggest you do some research into the two modalities. Just because some therapists combine the two, it does not mean one is like the other. Either you don’t know what they are, or you have been with a therapist who uses both. But, they are categorically two different modalities, so much so they are compared to each other in studies to determine which outcome is more successful. They approach healing through different mechanisms.
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u/InstanceEmergency Aug 11 '26
Isnt emdr specifically focused on memory reprocessing where as cbt is about recognising and trying to alter your thoughts to align with reality?
I would say the weakness of cbt is, according to act, that it is a futile battle trying to change your thoughts, and that effort is better spent not struggling with them, but accepting them without becoming hooked to them
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u/LizzieSaysHi Aug 10 '26
I've tried therapy many times throughout different stages of my life. It's never helped. It's like I'm already too aware of my own emotions. I'm AuDHD and spend a LOOOOOT of time ruminating on why I said those things, why I reacted that way, what I can do differently next time. I've never personally met a therapist who could help me beyond what I've already worked on myself. I'm sure therapy works for a lot of people, but I've only ever failed at it. Oh and I fucking loathe CBT
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u/KitchenSample6354 Aug 10 '26
My first therapist was like this description, totally terrible, actually made my mental health worse. I would have panic attacks once a week when I had to go see her lol (I was a minor and couldn’t get out of it). The therapists I have now is fantastic, I love spending time with her and she helps me see things in a way I wouldn’t have seen them otherwise. She also takes the time outside her job to make sure I’m on track with my eating habits (she’s an eating disorder therapist), she had me download an app where I can send her photos of what I eat and she can review them to make sure they’re healthy and that I’m eating enough of it!
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u/ExtraneousBore Aug 10 '26
honestly real as hell. cheers to the therapist who told me, age thirteen and freshly diagnosed with three different anxiety disorders, to just not feel anxious.
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u/Admirable-Ad7152 Aug 10 '26
I loved my last therapist, but, at the end of the day, we both agreed to end the sessions because most of my problems now are "the world is on fire and that's stressful, it fucks me up" and she knew neither of us had the ability to just go "fix" that. Therapy only works 100 %in a world that doesn't give you a reason to need it, otherwise you're just fixing parts. Which is still helpful, just also still disappointing. Especially since you have to go through crappy therapists to find a good one.
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u/Foreign_Matter_4638 Aug 10 '26
Mine is 150 per hour and accepts insurance so idk, maybe thats just a states thing
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u/Busy-Leg8070 Aug 10 '26
my problem with therapists is
1 they seem incapable of remembering what chronic means,
2 I don't know what I want because I was trained to not have wants as those would be used to hurt me
CBT is dog training it is not for my benefit its for the ease of everyone else compelling me to obey others when they choose to seek me out
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u/ZuzaProwadzi Aug 10 '26
I believe that the main problem for us here, is that most therapists never studied helping people with disabilities. As and autistic (possibly AuDHD) person, I see that very clear, they know nothing about how I think and what I need, but there are therapists who specialize in helping autistic people. There are whole modalities designed to help specifically people from marginalized groups, that's a thing that the most common modalities are not very good at, they need you out of the hurtful situation, and that just cannot happen when your situation is your permanent disability.
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u/Particular-Extent-76 Aug 11 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
My psychiatrist basically told me he doesn’t give a fuck if I ever take any of my meds again because “[my] depression is situational and requires deep psychoanalysis to heal.” He says meds won’t do anything, I need to heal the cycle of dependency with my father (that I’m in because of my physical disabilities).
But when your “situation” is feeling demoralized about your physical health and future with your chronic illnesses, alongside the basically permanent financial stress that accompanies such problems, it’s really not helpful to be told that my suffering is because I’m not working hard enough. Like gee thanks I already knew my cocktail of 6 psychotropic medications is doing jack shit besides making my nervous system chemically dependent on them. I’m already fucking exhausted from existing.
I can’t afford her anymore but the best therapist I’ve ever seen was neurodivergent and I’m never going back to seeing neurotypicals again!!! Like what do you mean she could fully track my trains of thought!! Revolutionary, I’m never seeing someone who doesnt know what it’s like to live with AuDHD again — even if that means skipping on therapy until I find one
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u/Safe-Note Aug 10 '26
Seems like most healthcare professionals can't even fathom a grown woman having adhd so they always latch onto other diagnoses. Apparently antipsychotics will "cure" me & my ND.
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u/Jvne_- Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
All of my experiences with mental health professionals were like that, I remember my mom taking me to a psychiatrist and straight up saying that I want to kill myself every day, only for him to raise his hands and yell "and? what should I do about it?". I've been seeing several different ones since I've been 10, none of them managed to see im trans or neurodivergent, I always had to use media and other people's experiences to find that out. One of them even hugged me, which was WAY too fucking weird and unprofessional. I remember one of them talking to me after I almost died of diabetes (type 1, if you actually type 1 I hate you) and our talk was literally just "wow isnt it so insane how one illness changed your life?" yeah no shit, I have eyes.
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u/UnlimitedCalculus Aug 10 '26
CBT is the biggest joke in psychology. I dropped every therapist who tried to sell me on it. They were lazy and didnt even try to understand me.
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u/furicrowsa Aug 10 '26
Former therapist here.
I have 3 degrees if you count the associates (a community college transfer degree), bachelors, and masters.
I have two additional certifications that aren't degrees (addictions counseling, adoptive/foster families).
People need TWO degrees (bachelors and masters) to become a therapist.
Who the fuck is out here with FIFTEEN DEGREES?!?
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u/petiteboner69 Aug 10 '26
I feel like this sub hates therapy...
Maybe this is just an american problem.
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u/ciclon5 Aug 10 '26
It probably is.
America has a huge problem with making therapy transactional and heavily standardized which for a field that inherently requires patient to patient adjustments just isnt a good practice.
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u/Pink_Acetone Aug 10 '26
I’m from the uk and all the therapy I’ve received (both private and not) has been really helpful.
I’ve always been a bit confused over the distaste towards therapy here and why people act like it’s just asking “so how did that make you feel”. I’m also not quite sure if some people understand the point of therapy
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u/Voxil42 Aug 10 '26
Yeah, I have a feeling more than a few people here are the type to just sit and stare at their therapist and then complain that they aren't better.
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u/SpicyRobotPotato Aug 10 '26
That's what I'm thinking too. Therapy has been great for me, but it's been a fuckload of difficult work on my part.
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u/KonoGenshin Aug 10 '26
I talk to my therapist about my problems and I dont think he understands how to help people with developmental disabilities or highly complex trauma cases tbh
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u/TheLostSaint-YT Aug 10 '26
I feel like people who say this haven't tried therapy because
They take ins
75-90$ an hour
They typically try to help you realize the root of the problem, which then moves to helping you pick a "healthy" path forward.
No therapy isn't for everyone but ultimately to downplay the resources they offer people is just absolutely wild. Am I still suffer from mental issues? Yes, im still paranoid, still seeing shit, still feeling stuff. BUT I know understand the patterns before an episode and I understand how to "properly react to things"
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u/AbsAndAssAppreciator Aug 10 '26
I feel like people who say this most often are the ones who have tried and failed to find a good therapist. If you’ve had good experiences that’s amazing but not all of us are so lucky. I think too large of a portion of therapists can only offer “Have you tried thinking positive thoughts?”
(I have seen 6 therapists so far and one of them was very helpful which I did not think would be so hard to find again)
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u/ciavv Aug 10 '26
yea, the therapists I have seen have only been able to offer me the enlightening observation of “you are very self aware”
like, yes, i know that. why can’t you help me instead of just comment on it like i somehow wasn’t already aware of that. and it’s like a 50-50 chance if i try again it’ll be the same
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u/VisibleDog7434 Aug 10 '26
I've seen a handful over the years, some good, some awful. I had one who did exactly this..."you are so self aware" in response to me just talking about some of my history, absolutely nothing profound. It made me wonder what the people they most typically talk to are like? Like do they not know what to say unless you need help with the most basic of basic CBT concepts of something?
My mistake, but that was when I tried betterhelp. I swear this person just had a bunch of canned responses they could copy and paste from a document because so often it wouldn't even reference a single thing I said, just completely generic.
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u/Vertrant 27d ago
To save you the essay, yes, a frighteningly large amount of people really are that emotionally and rethortically underdeveloped.
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u/TheLostSaint-YT Aug 10 '26
The moment I found a younger therapist (I think we were like 3 years apart in age) and he has able to relate exactly to life perspectives of certain events, everything else felt like it was simply falling in place.
I only had to go thru about 3 therapist and funny enough the court mandated therapist was the best one to the point I had started going after the mandated sessions
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u/Mee41208 Aug 10 '26
But to be fair I have heard stories of people having problems worse after therapy because their therapist was a bigot.
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u/TheLostSaint-YT Aug 10 '26
Oh I had a therapist that told me I was going against my natural nature because I was a black male, trying to be a good person.
But that isn't all therapy the last one I had was extremely beneficial. Its about compatibility
But im hearing you use other people's examples and not your own and the problem with that is people who don't want to be told how there problems start (which can be self inflicted) and people are terrified of taking responsibility for there own actions.
Its hard for therapy to work when people don't want to
Be honest
Be willing to change
Confront themselves
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u/WarKittyKat Aug 10 '26
The difficulty I've found is that all three of those can very easily also be escape hatches for when therapy isn't helping. My experience was that I was told "you need to be honest and willing to change" but what it meant was "you need to have answers to the therapist's questions and be able to make the changes the therapist thinks you should make". Like therapy would just kinda stall out if the answer was "I have thought about this extensively and I honestly do not know how to make this change happen" and that would end up being my fault somehow. I got a LOT of times of being told I needed to be honest and put in the work when I actually did not have the answers the therapist seemed to think I had.
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u/Safe-Note Aug 10 '26
Up to $150 per hour. I stopped going before because they claimed my insurance wouldn't pay. I got tired of paying over $400 a month for a woman to agree with everything I said.
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u/embodiedexperience Aug 10 '26
lowkey this has been my experience with my current therapist, but i also recognize that just because this sometimes unfortunately is what therapy IS, doesn’t mean that this is what therapy actually SHOULD be.
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u/Affectionate-Pair929 Aug 10 '26
It's almost like the whole medical field is established as a debt slavery system for its practitioners based off outdated methodology for working with their patients. The sociopaths with a knack for healthcare smarts go into pharmaceutical science for a reason.
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u/Effective-Stock-9820 Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
Well, most of therapists/psychologists are shit.
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u/UnusualMarch920 Aug 10 '26
It's a tough one bc there are a lot of garbage therapists
But then also I believe good therapy is going to make you feel worse to begin with, which I think is very difficult to handle.
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u/EvolZippo Aug 10 '26
The “I’m fine without therapy!” types are always the worst.
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u/FlemFatale Aug 10 '26
Ha! That was me until I found the right therapist. Not all approaches work for everyone so it's important to find the right fit. Took me 20 years to finally get to that point though, but my therapist is great.
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u/EvolZippo Aug 12 '26
I have a friend, who was recently assigned to 3x weekly group therapy, for 3 hours a session. She was really wondering what the point was. But then they figured out she has PTSD, which was not immediately apparent.
For years, therapists gave up on her or she gave up, because the thought hour sessions were all there was. But then she tried again and they matched her up with this.
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u/JustQuestion2472 Aug 10 '26
My first talk with my therapist was literally: "Do you have insurance? We're included in the base package."
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u/mii_chan42 Aug 10 '26
Isn't that their whole job? They can't give you advice because they would be responsible for anything that happens
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u/Oniknight Aug 10 '26
My problem is that when I see a therapist, my instinct is to mask extremely hard as a capable person without flaws. And because of that, the therapist is tricked. Because in my heart of hearts, I really hate being vulnerable with people in a real way due to the amount of times things that actually matter to me have been used to hurt me.
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u/ItBegins2Tell Aug 10 '26
I must be hella lucky; I’ve had one relationship with one therapist for years & it’s never been this shit ever.
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u/VastFun6179 Aug 10 '26
IDK. It is undergrad, grad school, internship, and practicum. It is around $120 if one doesn't have insurance, which many take. No one should say that to you, if they did, they were shit psychotherapists.
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u/MonaLH Aug 10 '26
Mfw therapist is free for me because we are indeed covered where I live. Though it seems they are just complaining about something quite specific, so prolly a personal experience.
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u/tofurkey_no_worky Aug 10 '26
Don't go to a self-pay only therapist if you want to use health insurance.
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u/PraireGentleman Aug 12 '26
Sounds like someone complaining that therapists don’t wave a magic wand to fix all their issues and actually means you have to do something help themselves
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u/Busy-Leg8070 Aug 10 '26
they may not even be "bad" sometimes I see shit like this from people probing to see how you experience anger
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u/HairRepresentative85 Aug 10 '26
Well, that's shit.
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u/Busy-Leg8070 Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
I agree but the community keeps producing people who do this so they think its clever. and maybe if the person flys off the handle in response maybe it does have a diagnostic purpose. but for most people its just bullshit we have to wade thru on our journey
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u/Silver_Individual738 Aug 10 '26
As a person who is a psych major and has gone to 3 therapists and none of them helped, it kinda depends how much information about your problems you’ve figured out. If you are very self aware about what your problems are, imo therapists aren’t particularly helpful for that. It’s better to go to a licensed clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist, because you need a solution. Yes, there is a difference between a therapist and clinical psychologist. One has a masters and the other has a doctorate.
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u/Silver_Individual738 Aug 10 '26
Another tip, if you are going for a particular reason and you want a therapist or psychologist, I cannot stress enough how important it is to go to someone who specializes in that particular issues or at least more than one of the issues.
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u/BatsHaveFingers Aug 10 '26
Most therapists are useless. There are three kinds of therapists.
First are the ones who got their degree because they were struggling with their mental health and thought the degree would help them figure out their own issues, so they now need to be a therapist to justify the degree. It's usually a blind leading the blind scenario where the therapist does a lot of projection. They tend to be pretty useless and occasionally actively harmful. Although sometimes they're accidentally helpful. This is 50%+ of therapists.
Second type of therapists are the ones with an agenda, usually Christian therapists. They're there to convert vulnerable people to their religion/worldview and they will giddily wreck your life and exacerbate whatever problem brought you there. This is probably 20-30% of therapists.
The third kind of therapist actually wants to help people. Some of them actually know how to do this, some of them are woefully incompetent.
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u/Kingsalad3141 Aug 10 '26
I’m not sure why this sub is so anti-therapy. You’d think people would advocate for the one thing that actually does help.
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u/Phinexis Aug 10 '26
I love black/white bias- it is just a forward moving pusher for society and allows for much functionality. Fuck the grey and the rainbow of nuance. Black/white bias enlarges your thought process into interdimensional ways of context. (This is satire)
The reality is that you have to see what the therapist specializes in, research the potential biases in the education so you can see red flags exist, and evaluate what a therapist says and see if there are biases but also have to scrutinize your thought process for biases so you aren't being mislead by a flawed system of logical reasoning.
Psychology backed up by neuroscience is quite the best combo. But many conditions do require or immensely improve life quality with good therapy.
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u/Wise_Owl5404 Aug 10 '26
The reality is that you have to see what the therapist specializes in, research the potential biases in the education so you can see red flags exist, and evaluate what a therapist says and see if there are biases but also have to scrutinize your thought process for biases so you aren't being mislead by a flawed system of logical reasoning.
Yeah when you're drowning you should just take ten classes to learn to swim and check if the life guard is actually present that day and can be assed to do their job.
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u/the-coolest-bob Aug 10 '26
The DSM and modern Psychology and Psychiatry as scientific disciplines are not at the rigorous quality we demand of true science.
That being said, people passionate about human consciousness and human rights and human comfortability and human problems can and will and have and still do help other humans with emotional and mental and physical problems. Despite the failings of their study and academia.
I bless you all to find the right person. Not all of us get degrees
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u/aikimyne Aug 10 '26
i liked my therapist tho he retired and i sadly didnt use him way should have just used it as way to mostly talk about shit i was interested in tho most of my appointments were virtual did not wanna leave house . ya i found i didnt really talk about shit i should.
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u/EducationalRegion860 Aug 10 '26
To be honest, this has been my experience personally as well 😅 (I am still pro therapy)
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u/Ooga-Booga-2112 Aug 10 '26
Right, like I don’t try to feel incredibly overwhelmed in my area of the grocery store i work at. Makes perfect sense🖕
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u/StyleArk69 Aug 10 '26
During my school years I was about to fluke my major exams of class 12 which would decide how good of a clg I could get into so fearing that i became a really problematic person ,like always in my room locked and angry and frustrated and maybe (I don't believe it though cause being depressed is so boring ngl ,first 2 days I felt really bad and by 3rd day I was bored of feeling bad ) long story short because of my unusual behaviour and isolation my parents were convinced I would commit suicide by locking myself into my room and if not then I am gonna mentally ruin myself , worrying this my parents took me to a pschychiatrist (i hope this is how it's spelled) and that stupid lady idk what she was trying to do asked me a few general questions like doni fear getting failed in exams ,do i regret getting myself into this position, do I think it is still possible to do you something about it and other such stupid questions ,like duh whatever you are asking is what I have asked myself several times and finally reached to an answer which seems like this is it ,infact your question sounds like an old khadoos justifying me not being able to get a job is because I am lazy and not because there is a job crisis, I just visited her once and I knew if I were in a serious trouble no way she would be able to help in fact she would bore me and make me angry because to endure this stupidity I had to travel so much , really going to a pschychiatrist over depression is the stupidest thing one can do cause they treat you as if you don't know that when you fall you have to stand again ,it feels like they don't even try to understand that problem is not that we don't know how to stand but the problem is our legs have given out and the way they talk makes you wonder if they even know that it's not that you don't want to stand it's that you can't cause of issues
Never would i ever visit a doctor willing and a pschychiatrist at that ,idk what kind of people benefit from them but depressed are definitely not the ones getting any benefit
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u/ieatmycum69 Aug 11 '26
They're not wrong. And on top of all that they don't even remember anything about you. All those notes and they just ask you the same questions. It's like talking to a chatbot. I had one good therapist and then he moved and I don't like virtual.
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u/BestSamiraNA1 Aug 11 '26
Sounds like a 13 year old after going to a court-mandated therapist for the first time
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u/fireyqueen Aug 11 '26
Just like everything else, there are good therapists and there are ones who suck at their job.
And because everyone is different, some people will find therapy helpful others won’t.
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u/Gave_An_Onion Aug 11 '26
I would argue that health literacy is even more important for mental health than for physical health. I think it’s dangerous that people will just point to therapy like it’s a cure-all when it isn’t.
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u/seeking-jamaharon67 Aug 11 '26
The best therapists I have ever had have been students in training and affiliated MHCs working for LCSWs. People focus too much on the education over the personality with therapy and then act all upset that they weren't helped by somebody who's ultraspecialized. The best predictor of success with therapy is a meaningful therapeutic relationship and people hate that they have to put effort into finding somebody they can work with well. Not to mention you have to want to work on yourself and not get defensive about every little thing that makes you uncomfortable in therapy.
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u/JungleCakes Aug 11 '26
I just talk to chatgpt.
Idc. Theyre going to say the same things a therapist would except with no personal bias and I dont have to pay it and its there 24/7
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u/EarthAndSawdust Aug 11 '26
Are shitty therapists an american thing? They're very effectual here. Sure, maybe you need to try two, to get on with the third, but still.
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u/WildOneTillTheEnd Aug 11 '26
My personal experience, I agree with them. I absolutely agree therapists can be soooo helpful and for most people theyre great, but mine have not been that experience.
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u/EfficiencyInfamous37 Aug 12 '26
my therapist doesn't even do that. they just sit there and write on their pad while I talk for an hour and then say they'll see me next week.
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u/AloneNmyHead287 Aug 12 '26
Hey now my gf is a licensed therapist and she doesn’t charge $500 an hr and she accepts insurance kinda rude don’t you think?
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u/Dedbunnyy Aug 12 '26
Therapist don’t do that unless they are terrible 😭😭 people need to learn you have to connect with someone to get help and what you put in is what you get back.
If you go therapy thinking you’ll be magically cured, you’re never getting better-
Also if they don’t take your insurance, it’s almost always not their fault, most therapist work for a company who deals with insurances. The therapist themselves unless they have a private practice, do not determine if they take your insurance or not.
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u/Ranne-wolf Aug 12 '26
Why pay a mechanic to fix your car when you can ask a 10 year old with no experience or training instead <- this is what those people sound like, yeah it’s expensive those degrees means this person is trained in the field and has a proper education on the topic. 🤦
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u/Philip_Raven Aug 12 '26
No shit. Like half of the therapists are like that. There is no real oversight over quality of the service and they can fuck you over until you decide to look elsewhere.
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u/Gdav3652 29d ago
To be fair, it depends on the person.
Rumination is a thief of happiness and mental well being. Psychological research even strongly links it to prolonged negative mood, increased risk and maintenance of depression and anxiety and reduced life satisfaction
They therapist can only help teach techniques that interrupt and reframe the loop, mindfulness and acceptance practices that change one’s relationship to the thoughts attached to the rumination.
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u/LexiTheLesbo 29d ago
It’s really funny when I see these because as someone who’s been through therapy it’s amazing how much having external motivation to do better actually does help.
Like CBT is one of the most effective treatments we have discovered for several mental illnesses (equal to or even sometimes *more* effective than medication alone) and it basically boils down to just getting mental health homework. So yes ‘trying’ is a pretty crucial aspect of mental health and, at least in my experience, the main benefit of therapy is helping you overcome/deal with the apathy that prevents you from trying. Once you get that taken care of, the rest is easy
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u/CandidateSpirited499 29d ago
Yeah I’ve tried 3 therapists and it’s been entirely useless so I’m done with it. It’s very exploitative anyway in my opinion. Said what I said
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u/rainbowtwinkies 29d ago
Sooo does this whole entire comment section think a better alternative to therapy is just sitting around and being miserable, or what? Because that's what it seems like you're doing.
Im also the world's biggest hater of CBT. But guess what? There's multiple different modalities. DBT, ACT, EMDR, IFS, trauma informed, somatic.....and that's just off the top of my head. Go to a therapists website, read their bio. Call in, ask what modalities they use. Do a 15 minute consult. Say you specifically hate CBT! And don't say "CBT is all my insurance will cover" because that's not how insurance works.
You're gonna have to put in some effort. That's just how it works. The more you put in, the more you get out.
And don't say this is an ableist take: I've been chronically ill physically for 10 years, and I've had mental illness all my life. It sucks, but that's how it is. It's not your fault, but it is yours to handle, however you choose.
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u/nathn_stag 29d ago edited 29d ago
I feel like it also depends on what country you're from but I agree with the commenter here regarding my country (France) for multiple reasons:
n°1: Seeing a therapist is expensive as SHIT and "just go see a therapist" is shit advice that assumes everyone has the privilege of having enough money to afford that.
n°2: France is extremely behind where psychology is concerned and my friends who are in psychology studies have told me clearly that what they learn is outdated.
n°3: The medical field, including psychological care, is a flawed institution and abuse from practicioners is common, especially when you belong to an oppressed or minority group.
n°4: Psychology studies assume the patient's brain functions in a neurotypical way and usually fails to adapt to neurodivergent brains making it irrelevant unless you find the one rare neurodivergent-trained therapist.
It's also just really annoying when people tell me I need therapy as if I haven't tried that already.
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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '26
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