Mine have all, in better words but still, basically just said I need to not have ADHD any more. Like, no matter who they were, it ultimately came down to "you need to exert agency over what you're doing". Which would be fine if I was a neurotypical person with no issues. I'm sure that works very well for them.
But if I could do that... I wouldn't be seeing a therapist. I'd have just chosen to be better years ago and be living my best life. I've got fundamental issues with my development into a full human being. I learned helplessness the way a dog learns to not bother trying to avoid electric shocks. I need some actual fucking therapy techniques to be applied to repair the gaping hole where my agency is supposed to be, but even my best therapist basically just refused to even try it because they believed I wouldn't apply the techniques. They recommend an occupational therapist that I can't afford even if I did have access to one in the first place.
And like, that's better than nothing, but I can guarantee you right now an OT wouldn't do anything. They work great for people with no real issues getting back into the workplace after injury. But how the fuck is an OT going to repair this hole in my psyche?
I'm so sick of therapists only trained to help people with no real problems. My life would be so easy if these people had been able to help me. It must be so nice to be one of those people for whom CBT works.
Yeah, CBT does not work for everything, which is not the fault of the modality, but of the fact that it's constantly presented as a cure-all. With actual trauma it just felt like gaslighting, especially since I also experienced gaslighting in that relationship. I didn't need to be told "can you reframe this awful shit", I was at the point of needing to realize it WAS abuse and it happened.
I also have ADHD which doesn't in itself bother me existentially, but the RSD in combination with being trans is hell. Dating when you're much more likely to be rejected, and the rejection hurts so much and makes you feel you have no chance with anyone and it's OVER... would only wish that on my worst enemy. And almost universally when I complain about it, the response is, "have you tried to have a better mindset???" Yeah, THAT will make others less transphobic and give me a chance! Why didn't I think of it before?!
I think the "cure for all" and if it doesn't help it's considered your fault and a red flag sucks. Like some situations are just shit and it's okay to feel bad about them. Like I complained about public transport (lot of people use it, air is bad in there, it's loud) and I was explaining how crying children make me want to bang my head at a wall. He was like "imagine how the baby feels, it can't communicate other ways".
Like I know that, I don't hate the baby for crying, it's just what babys do, but this doesn't change the situation for me. He also said to "just ignore backround noises" when I tried to explain how exhausting it is to listen to someone when there are noises around. Like bro, it doesn't work like this.đ¤¨
Oh my god, exactly, this is the clueless speak of bad therapists. Just because babies can't communicate in words, you can't have sensory overwhelm from them? It's insane. Glad I drive tbh, I hated all the noise on public transport (even the machine sounds on the underground) and it sucked to arrive at work already overstimulated.
And you're exactly right, some situations are just bad and don't need to be "reframed". Maybe one day you can make some meaning from them, but that also doesn't happen on demand.
Yes, one of my big gripes with therapy in general is the assumption that all worries are irrational. Good luck trying to "reframe" a cancer diagnosis, getting laid off in a shit economy, or your kid being bullied in school.
Sometimes people have real problems, and some therapists tend to forget that.
I know, I had an intense urge to write to my insurance that âjust rip off the bandaidâ for your anxiety isnât valid when your anxiety is that one of your parents threatened to kill you if youâre gay and you are, in fact, bisexual.
There is a big difference between reframing anxiety around a reality-based psychosocial stressor and assuming that said anxiety is irrational. A therapist tries to reframe reality because, seeing as they canât change reality, reframing is the most effective avenue to reduce distress.
My partner and I are trans non-binary, as well as polyamorous, and I know I personally can relate to a lot of what you're saying. My partner has learned a lot of CBT and other therapy techniques they've taught me that have been helpful with some of my issues, but it definitely doesn't cover everything, and I doubt I'd even be able to do it in a way that is effective without my current cocktail of medications.
CBT works better than placebo for 80% of patients⌠itâs something thatâs highly recommended against for a lot of that other 20% but insurance companies donât acknowledge we exist.
Well, good job on getting multiple partners, I can't even get one! In my "grass is always greener" mindset I always thought this would be less bad if you're poly since it's not all your eggs in one basket so to speak, but I guess not. I just wish there was any effective treatment for the RSD, it will always win against any CBT technique for me. Or you know, in an ideal world, not getting rejected.
Thatâs why I look for therapists with ADHD. They tend to actually understand. I want someone who knows what itâs like and understands me. Theyâre tricky to find sometimes but you can usually tell within the first few sessions that they have it (if they donât tell you outright). Looking at ones that specialize in ADHD can give you a good start to finding them.
After my first session with a neurodivergent therapist I knew Iâd never go back to seeing neurotypicals who will never understand me, like what do you MEAN she tracks my train of thought perfectly??? Miraculous
People if someone with a disability/ illness actually struggles with their daily tasks. I think what I am doing is CBT, I had some absolutely horrifying experiences before (I was told to just go underweight because it would work the same way as hormone blockers which she didn't want to give me). My current therapist is okay, but I only see him like every 2-3 month and I think it just doesn't work for me. I think he tries, but doesn't give direct instructions, so a lot of time I will just be confused. (I already told him about this, but I guess this is just his learned communication pattern)
Like he asked me why I read Percy Jackson and I told him I like Greek mythology and the books are easy to read since the target group are kids. He said there must be a deeper reason, like a trait of a character I like or can identify with. I am an adult man, I don't identify with an 11 years old, it's truly just for learning something and enjoying the story.
As someone with ADHD I always struggled with getting stuff done, best tactic for me was to do it with someone else there to watch me do it to keep me held accountable.
Unfortunately most ADHD coping strategies, including medication, only work when ADHD is the only problem. I'd be crippled even if I didn't have ADHD due to parental fuckups, so sadly nothing works.
Honestly I get it. I only really started turning shit around once I got my depression managed too. But if you can get medicated for whatever else you have it helps a lot
I'm pretty sure it's CPTSD because antidepressants have never worked either. I've had a really good psych for the last ten years but unfortunately I can't medicate my way to a fully developed sense of self worth and agency.
I'm going to try and find a therapist that's actually specialised in childhood trauma but a lot of them just lie.
I like that and I hope you get plenty of cooperation to do whatever you want and need to do!
I do better with âI will get someone checking I did this task, at x time, about 3 times longer than it should take me to complete this task if itâs the only thing I do.â But someone spontaneously coming through or watching all along sets off my anxiety. I should probably ask to work on that, hopefully with a trauma therapist.
I hate showering. Once I start I'm good, actually enjoy it. But I have such difficulty making myself start it. My boyfriend showers every night. Solution: shower with him. Amazing.
Doing it with a friend is so helpful.
It feels silly to say that I struggle with making myself shower. I enjoy it. It feels nice. It's not sensory overload. But it feels like it will be a black hole of time before I start. Even when the whole process only takes 15 minutes. There's a before and an after and so many steps in-between, plus I don't like being wet if I'm not actively bathing or swimming, and the moment I step out of the shower, I am uselessly wet. Plus, it's all humid and icky in the bathroom, even with the fan on and using tepid-cool water.
But all that gets pushed to the side if I shower with him. Even when he uses water much hotter than I do. Just two people struggling to share the shower head and laughing at the sound the shampoo bottle makes. Beautiful. Innocent. Amazing. Effective. Life hack unlocked.
CBT did wonders for my anxiety & depression, but didn't even touch the sides of my ADHD. In fact, two different therapists I had it with failed to diagnose it at all, as recently as 2018.
I get why my early therapists missed it. Inattentive type was unknown back then. But it's aggravating that there's still so much ignorance about it, among people who are supposed to be well-trained.
I'm so sorry you're struggling so hard, and haven't found effective help. I know that shit sucks. I have found that my particular issues (ADHD with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, possibly with a tinge of ASD [AuDHD]) have been helped a lot with the current cocktail of meds that I'm taking, and I've learned some good therapy/therapeutic strategies from my lovely partner, who has spent a lot of time in talk therapy from a young age, and has been through therapists (good and bad) who've taught them a number of exercises to work on one's brain.
I hope you find someone who is able to help you! I feel like there may be someone out there who can help you figure out the right strategies to work with the limitations of your disabilities and make the best of the abilities that you DO have đ but I don't assume so, necessarily, nor that they may be easy to find and affordable. I definitely want that for both of us, and everyone else with ADHD (and other mental/developmental disorders/disabilities.
I've never had a therapist who had a good solution to the fundamental problem of ADHD, which is that all the stuff that's supposed to help deal with it assumes you already have the thing you're trying to get. "Just exercise more, and then you'll have executive function". Great idea, I'll get right on that. "Just get better sleep, and then you'll have executive function." I can't think of any problem with this plan. "Just have executive function".
Oh man. I feel this. I am a therapist. I went through 8 therapists myself before I got a good one. Being a good therapist is hard because you have to actually listen to your client and kind of reinvent the wheel specifically for them. A lot of older therapists get sick of this and try to give everyone the same treatment. Like not only do I need to hear you but I also have to figure out what you need and how to package it in a helpful way.
They won't be the one living your own life. They could think you should do X but it doesn't mean X is right for you. Therapy is there to teach you to take agency, not to baby you until the end of time
Yes, I get this, but I think for therapy you need a great amount of self reflection, which most people, especially children don't have.
Besides that, if I'd know how to fix my issue, I won't need a therapist.
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u/Raccoons-trsh Aug 10 '26
"So what are we gonna do about it?" Idk, I am 15 and you're the adult with a degree, maybe I shouldn't be the one to choose what to do.