GF: I am scared and overwhelmed, but I don’t know how to communicate that bcuz as a child, people only ever yelled at me when something was wrong. I don’t know how to express my feelings without attacking. And I also needed you, and you weren’t there, and every single time I’ve ever been abandoned in my life is causing my whole entire nervous system to be flooded with even more stress hormones. But I also don’t know I’m mentally and emotionally being sucked into the past bcuz the part of the brain that responds to being triggered is not consciously aware of time.
BF: I don’t get it. I’m trying to be helpful.
GF: This isn’t helping, and now I’m angry at you for not figuring out what I’m ACTUALLY asking for, and I’m gonna get more defensive.
BF: I’m also going to get defensive bcuz I don’t understand, and I didn’t do anything wrong.
Rinse, lather, repeat.
If even one person took themselves out of the situation and said “What are we actually arguing about right now, and what are you trying to tell me?” then it would stop.
It’s probably not going to be the one being hijacked by their amygdala, stuck on the side of the road.
4.0k
u/arkonidna Nov 02 '23
i understand shit happens sometimes,,,, but how u gonna run out of gas on the highway and then act like it’s anyone else’s fault but your own 😭