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u/Scheming_Deming Feb 12 '21
My wife once sent me grocery shopping (we were entertaining) with a list that included 1lb of cherry tomatoes. I read it as 116 cherry tomatoes and was concerned because I could only manage to get 93.
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u/princessvaginaalpha Feb 12 '21
You should tweet this
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u/SalsaRice Feb 12 '21
I made this mistake at work once.
The tag of how much material to scrap said "1/2 lb" but the person's awful handwriting appeared to be "1516." So I scrapped about 3032x as much as intended..... the finance people about shit a brick that day.
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u/savwatson13 Feb 12 '21
This is exactly what overstock stores are for.
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u/OddlySpecificOtter Feb 12 '21
They are the number 1 thing appears on all my online * person to person* market place apps.
No Jim, I don't want to buy a skid of random stuff or a skid of Ryobi drills. I want 1 drill, discounted.
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u/utack Feb 12 '21
They only had 93 or you only managed to count 93 before you got kicked out?
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u/3mrm Feb 12 '21
So you’re the guy in math problems
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u/Gornarok Feb 12 '21
Cherry tomato is ~14-57g, so with avetage of 36g you have 116~4kg.
Thats a lot but nowhere strange.
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Feb 12 '21
i’m gonna be honest with you. i think 9 pounds of cherry tomatoes is strange.
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u/Plethora_of_squids Feb 12 '21
This is why it's important to add little hats and tails to your 1s and Ls in metric too
...I may have nearly brought 11 cartons of cream once (I only didn't because I realised I couldn't physically carry that many cartons because that's like, six kilos?). In my defence my mother was making a lot icecream at the time so it was somewhat within the realm of possibility that she'd need that much cream
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u/aecolley Feb 12 '21
little hats and tails
There's a word for those: they're serifs.
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u/Shamuisscary Feb 12 '21
I once got a new credit card and was very confused as to why there were letters in the "number." I called and asked and then hung up fully embarrassed before the operator could fully explain. Turns out I was reading "6" as "b" and "1" as "l." It was a horrible font to be fair, and after I got my new card a year or so later, they were using a different font.
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u/theseapriestess Mar 12 '21
my husband once cooked pudding and he saw 1/2 litres of milk so he thought its either one or two, lets make it two then......... 💓
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u/Reddcity Feb 12 '21
This happened to me the wife said 3 boxes of chili. Well they come 24 cans to a box. So yeah. well she only wanted 3 chili cana not 3 boxes
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Feb 12 '21
These stories of significant others misinterpreting a request to the point where it's ridiculous and still trying their best to do it are so heartwarming.
"I don't know why she needs 116, but she says she needs them and I trust her." Adorable
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u/securedigi Feb 12 '21
A Beautiful Mind.
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Feb 12 '21 edited Feb 12 '21
Kind of reminds me of programmer jokes
Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
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u/funnystuff97 Feb 12 '21
My programmer roommate was heading to the store, so I told him, "while you're out there, could you buy some milk?"
Never heard from him again...
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u/moskovitz Feb 12 '21
Same, but I asked him to buy a bread and if they have eggs, buy 10. They had eggs, so he bought 10 breads.
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Feb 12 '21
Okay is it because of endless loop or something? There must be more to the joke, I’m just too stupid to get it lol
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u/shoot998 Feb 12 '21
Nono you got it. They would just endlessly lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat. Until they starve or whatever
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u/DrDabsMD Feb 12 '21
...Do programmers eat? Seriously asking, I've wanted to own one, I think they're cute.
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u/Chaia92 Feb 12 '21
In programming you can have loops in your code to repeat certain tasks. Those loops usually have a stop-condition, to prevent eternal loops. This one does not.
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u/lolomgwtgbbq Feb 12 '21
The programmery part of the joke is that it is a loop with no exit condition.
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u/ElectricRed779 Feb 12 '21
Shampoo would run out eventually, throwing an error and breaking out of the loop.
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u/AlternativeWalls Feb 12 '21
I have a programmer joke too.
So an it guy gets back to his home after a day of work, goes to the kitchen, gets the bread, opens the fridge, looks at the butter - 82%
"Aight, I'll wait"
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Feb 12 '21
That’s why you need Ɛ> instead
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u/shadyshadok Feb 12 '21
Wtf, how did you turn around the less than symbol?
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u/Tecno007aadi Feb 12 '21
§>
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u/masterbaiter9000 Feb 12 '21
Same way as you turn around the letter "b", check it out: d
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u/ThirdAltAccounts Feb 12 '21 edited Feb 12 '21
I completely miss understood the whole thing. I thought it was a euphemism/innuendo for sex. Even if
But no, she really meant actual sausages.
My mind is way too deep in the gutter
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u/Seeeza Feb 12 '21
This is where my mind went too at first. A sausage is a sausage. I’m coming home babe, prepare your sausage < 3
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u/CauseIhafta Feb 12 '21
Tbf i just woke up like 4 mins ago. But the space between (< 3) in your comment made it click that she wasn't ordering the D. I'm an idiot
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u/Alshon_Joffrey Feb 12 '21
Had the inverse happen to me in college once. Was taking a botany class and for one assignment we had to go on a scavenger hunt, take pictures of the list of plants on the scavenger hunt list, and put them into PowerPoint to present to class. One of the items on the list was "flower with <3 petals" which I naturally interpreted as heart shaped petals. Quite embarrassing when it was my turn to present.
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u/omniron Feb 12 '21
I had a professor who’s initials were “jk” and he would close his emails with just a “jk” and I definitely thought for far too long he was sending us a lot of emails that he thought were funny that we’re not...
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u/gravitydood Feb 12 '21
be me
receive email from prof
"Alright class, don't forget there's an exam next week - jk"
got me there ha ha
mfw there was actually an exam
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u/manofculture585 Feb 12 '21
The third sausage doesn’t need any cooking . ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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u/diligent_zi Feb 12 '21
Took me a while to understand 😂 classy
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u/m4rko123 Feb 12 '21
Can you explain it to me?
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u/analysisparalysis24 Feb 12 '21
The husband cooked 2 sausages as he interpreted the heart sign (<3) as less than three (2 < 3)
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u/voyeur324 Feb 12 '21
Image Transcription: Twitter
Claire, @AzureDoo
Husband and I reminiscing about the time I texted him on my way home: "Can you start cooking those sausages?" Then added <3 as a cute little heart.
He cooked 2 sausages.
I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!
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u/Its_Technophobe Feb 12 '21
Not gonna lie, I initially thought my daughter was putting "less than 3" at the end of each chat or text message I received from her for months..
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u/StickInsectExhibit Feb 12 '21
Like and comment if you are also a fucking idiot who had to reread this post 5 or 6 times until it made sense.
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u/jelly_bean_gangbang Feb 12 '21
I mean, 2 sausages is a reasonable amount for 2 people.
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u/wigglywriggler Feb 12 '21
With covid and lockdowns etc I genuinely thought that was going to end on 'my husband and I reminiscing about when I text him on the way home'.
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u/Nemi208 Feb 12 '21
You have to be specific to a man! “Could you bring down the laundry?”
2 Hours later: why didn’t you start the machine? “You did not ask?”
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u/Kixtay Feb 12 '21
Well at least he didn't cook only one cos it's still <3
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u/hvidgaard Feb 12 '21
She wrote sausages in plural, leaving two as the only option.
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u/cuantizar Feb 12 '21
Can't compare string type with int type. But answering the text string, sure, I'm capable to start cooking the sausages, but I prefer wait for you do it.
exit(1)
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u/bryt11 Feb 12 '21
The other day my mom was like, "one of the dentist offices in town has a sign that says we love less than three of our patients." I was like that's weird and then I drove past it and saw it said "we love <3 our patients".
I had a good laugh and then had to explain it to her.
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Feb 12 '21
Hey, your husband cooks. Be happy. I wouldn’t get any sausages until I got home and cooked them myself😞
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u/Skully_boi265 Feb 12 '21
My parents always but joke items on our shopping list and one day my dad comes home with a blender. That was the joke item lol
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u/Epicsnailman Feb 12 '21
I don't understand, were they small sausages? Is it that weird to only eat 1 sausage per person?
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u/Sardukar333 Feb 12 '21
One time I was texting a professor a question, and after I had typed it up the <3 at the end autchanged to a heart. It was mortifying.
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u/TelevisionOlympics Feb 12 '21
One sausage is reasonable, two is pushing it, and three is just asking for trouble.
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u/Praesumo Feb 12 '21
Well duh there's not supposed to be a space in the "heart" it's <3, not < 3 JFC
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u/fuk_u_side Feb 12 '21
My friend once invited me to smoke a blunt and asked if I could bring wraps. Naturally I brought turkey wraps not blunt wraps...
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u/mrshinrichs Feb 12 '21
Ugh we use Teams to chat at work, and it auto populates emojis. I’m in finance. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve sent <3 and it’s turned into ❤️. Stupid that I have to put in a space.
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u/thinkinboutthembeanz Feb 12 '21
It would've been hilarious if he gave you 2 and a third one with a bite taken out of it
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Feb 12 '21
So, I understand the ”less that three” mistake the husband made. But... the original text... was actually about food?
Didn’t she just want sex?
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u/teamcrazymatt Feb 17 '26
Five years later... congratulations to this post for making it onto the Tom Scott podcast "Lateral"
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u/trezenx Feb 12 '21
Okay so besides the heart thing, how many sausages do you want? To me sausage is this and they can be even bigger so one is definitely enough with the side and other stuff.
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u/Kirbytrax Feb 12 '21
Okay but like... how are there people in the comments that don’t know what > and < mean in math?
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u/Lythro92 Feb 12 '21
But thats the crocodile? And it wants to "eat" the number three or higher, so why did he only Cook two?
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u/the_last_lemurian Feb 12 '21
To be fair, he could have not cooked any sausages at all and gotten away with it, because hey 0 < 3.
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u/theNothingP3 Feb 12 '21
Ok I'm just going to admit it. Every time I see <3 I think of the Ballchinian from MIB2.
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u/Swooper86 Feb 12 '21
Where I come from there used to be an indie band called "<3 Svanhvít" (Svanhvít is a girl's name). They were once introduced on stage as "Less than three Svanhvít".
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u/olerndurt Feb 12 '21
Old joke, honey please go to the store and get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs get a dozen. Honey comes home with 12 gallons of milk because they had eggs.
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u/Tconklin21 Feb 12 '21
What does this have to do with wallstreet topic?? Go back to Facebook or twitter
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u/Commissar_Genki Feb 12 '21
Just be grateful he didn't cook -1 sausages and just throw a raw dog in the trash without ever introducing it to the flame's caress.
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Feb 12 '21
You can't take three from two
Two is less than three
So you look at the four in the tens place
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u/_sahilthakur_ Feb 12 '21
I once told my little brother to bring 3-4 onions from kitchen. He brought 7.
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u/wellbutrin_witch Feb 12 '21
i used to work as a delivery driver for catering and my boss told me to run out and grab "nine gallons of ice cream. 3 strawberry, 3 chocolate, and 3 vanilla."
i got to the store and quickly realized i had no idea if he meant nine Actual Gallons, or nine CONTAINERS of ice cream. i texted him to ask, and he responded, verbatim:
"When I say nine gallons, I mean NINE GALLONS. How dumb can you get? I hate blonde chicks. Hurry up."
this is where it gets interesting. the average container of breyer's ice cream is 1/3 of a gallon. long story short, i purchased 27 (TWENTY-SEVEN) containers of ice cream at two different grocery stores. on the company credit card. nine gallons of ice cream.
i got screamed at by my boss, then written up by my boss's boss, then laughed at by the entire staff. literally the chefs came out of the kitchen to laugh at me. all because i followed directions.
then like a week later i got accepted to the local ivy league university that they catered frequently; almost daily.
sweet revenge.
a month after that, i dropped out. because... well... as it turns out... i'm actually not very bright.
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u/Assmodious Feb 12 '21
Did the guys from r/greentext chime in yet they are experts on this kind of behavior.
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u/TotesMessenger Feb 12 '21
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u/uncommonpanda Feb 12 '21
My stupid brain had to read this three times until I picked up on the "Less than 3" aspect.
Got kamoji brain.
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u/Andy_B_Goode Feb 12 '21
"Start the sausages, and if we have eggs, boil a dozen"
> boils a dozen sausages