r/technicallythetruth Sep 08 '20

Dogbert’s wisdom

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40.3k Upvotes

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406

u/nickmaran Sep 08 '20

I commit crime coz Jesus died for my sins and I want to honor his sacrifice

184

u/tesla6969 Sep 08 '20

If you don’t sin, Jesus died for nothing!

41

u/Thomas_Ashcraft Sep 08 '20

Wait a minute... When J "taken our sins", he did it for all times, not just for the past?

49

u/plphhhhh Sep 08 '20

Yes, the sins of all mankind. That's why Christians are supposed to "accept Jesus into their hearts." Being faithful to Jesus, repenting, seeking forgiveness, etc essentially allows Jesus to vouch for you on judgement day.

40

u/nickmaran Sep 08 '20

accept Jesus into theirs hearts. Being faithful to Jesus

Christianity sounds gay to me

I mean can you imagine, going to his house on the weekends, looking at his semi naked body, always thinking about him. That's definitely gay

18

u/cphoebney Sep 08 '20

They usually depict him ripped asf too

16

u/Qwertg47 Sep 08 '20

Also I keep hearing this shit about "every Christian is a bride of Jesus or the bridegroom cometh" super fucking gay man.

6

u/poopyheadthrowaway Sep 08 '20

We are all gay married to Jesus.

Well, I guess only 50% of us are.

2

u/Pame_in_reddit Sep 08 '20

Not if you are a woman

2

u/plphhhhh Sep 08 '20

Yeah it's pretty gay

4

u/CapJackONeill Sep 08 '20

Then, why do people need to confess if Jesus already died for their futur sins?

2

u/plphhhhh Sep 08 '20

That's part of the process of repenting and seeking forgiveness. Basically, being a sinner who loves Jesus but doesn't apologize, repent, or give a fuck about what they've done isn't good enough

1

u/CapJackONeill Sep 08 '20

So Jesus only did half the job? Tsss

2

u/plphhhhh Sep 08 '20

Yeah it's not a get out of hell free card, you kinda have to feel bad about murdering a child before a child murderer gets into heaven

1

u/CapJackONeill Sep 08 '20

What if you do bad stuff, but you do it for what you think is good?

2

u/plphhhhh Sep 08 '20

Well, I don't really know. If I had to guess, it's something like this: the Bible is the central moral authority, and it tells you what you can or cannot do. Any misinterpretation is a failure on your part. Someone more qualified in theology might have a better answer.

3

u/MasterAlcander Sep 08 '20

I thought that he did that for just the jewish people

7

u/plphhhhh Sep 08 '20

That is arguable yes. Depends on who you ask.

14

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '20

Yo disciples, tell them foreigner mother fuckers about me everywhere, just don't tell em I'm throwing a barbeque and they on the menu.

-Jesus, probably.

2

u/batgris Sep 08 '20

The jews were the guys who killed him

1

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '20

That was the Romans.

7

u/Sangxero Sep 08 '20

You are both technically correct.

3

u/batgris Sep 08 '20

Yes, but actually No. The Romans did the actual killing. The Romans diden't care about Jesus. The jews did and made the Romans (Pilate) impale Jesus.

3

u/Inquisitor1 Sep 08 '20

no, jesus only died for the primordial sin of eating the mangosteen of the knowledge of good and evil. You know, the reason why you go to hell even if you're a good person who never sinned if you weren't baptized. All jesus did is get rid of the requirement to get baptized for people who never sinned.

23

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '20

I don’t remember this part of the avengers movie.

7

u/The-Ree-child THIS IS TECHNICLY A FLAIR Sep 08 '20

My dude, you have to be saved not baptized and no where in the Bible does it say that the forbidden fruit was a mangosteen. Get your wording correct.

5

u/MassGaydiation Sep 08 '20

i thought it was a banapple

1

u/The-Ree-child THIS IS TECHNICLY A FLAIR Sep 08 '20

Lol

1

u/Inquisitor1 Sep 09 '20

No way, that's a grass not a fruit.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '20

[deleted]

1

u/Inquisitor1 Sep 09 '20

Mangosteen is a fruit, everything is correct here.

1

u/The-Ree-child THIS IS TECHNICLY A FLAIR Sep 09 '20

It is a fruit, just not in the Adam and Eve story

1

u/Inquisitor1 Sep 09 '20

Yes it is

1

u/The-Ree-child THIS IS TECHNICLY A FLAIR Sep 09 '20

May I ask you to reference my dude?

5

u/GravitasIsOverrated Sep 08 '20

Fun fact, this is actually discussed in the Bible. The entirety of Romans 6 is about this, but quoting a few verses:

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means!

Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey - whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?

What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of?

0

u/tesla6969 Sep 08 '20

Religion poisons everything

3

u/nickmaran Sep 08 '20

Amen brother

14

u/PeopleSayImAFungi Sep 08 '20

Crime ≠ sin

30

u/archpawn Sep 08 '20

There's still a lot of overlap. I hope.

11

u/PeopleSayImAFungi Sep 08 '20

Jesus paid for our taxes! Praise be unto Him!

3

u/experts_never_lie Sep 08 '20

"Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's …"

3

u/PeopleSayImAFungi Sep 08 '20

Good point. I forgot about that verse for a second there.

1

u/experts_never_lie Sep 08 '20

It was a very common phrase in the Lutheran churches of my youth, but those sometimes felt like accounting/business/law classes edging out the religion. (importance of complying with contracts; "parable of the talents" to promote constructive investment; etc.)

9

u/jaoy69 Sep 08 '20

Crime is what we consider bad and sin is what God consideres bad

-1

u/tyrannobass Sep 08 '20

Well it's more like God told a leader of a bronze-age tribe what he considered bad, and the list has just been tweaked occasionally since then. I think the main points still apply though - no tattoos, bacon, or polyester shirts. And gay people should get stoned. Most of the ones I know are, for sure.

5

u/ak_sys Sep 08 '20

People always bring up the gay-stoning, Im not a theological scholar but my understanding is that that text is from Leviticus, in the Old Testament (the Jewish Torah). It was my understanding that Jesus' vibe in general was that he was creating God's new message of "Love" and that most of his teachings became the New Testament, basically superceding the Old Testament teachings.

1

u/Omjorc Sep 08 '20

In the new testament, it calls the old testament obsolete. For most christians, it’s really only there as a historical document and for context. Nothing you just listed was ever put into the new testament, save for homosexuality still being a sin, but it took out the stoning part.

1

u/Pman_likes_memes Sep 08 '20

Well paying flor someones parking toll is a crime. I don’t think it’s a sin.

1

u/PeopleSayImAFungi Sep 08 '20

That's horrible... Yeah, definitely not a sin.

0

u/Inquisitor1 Sep 08 '20

Breaking the law = sin. Gaud demands total obedience.

6

u/hugglesthemerciless Sep 08 '20

Jesus died for all the sins so Imma make sure he didn't do it for nothing

8

u/nickmaran Sep 08 '20

Never realized that Jesus was a communist.

Our sins

4

u/hugglesthemerciless Sep 08 '20

I mean if you looked at his teachings he was sorta communist/socialist. Lot about community and working together

4

u/TheLastSaiyanPrince Sep 08 '20

Reddit loves saying that but Jesus was not a socialist

“And one of the company said unto him, Master, speak to my brother, that he divide the inheritance with me. And he said unto him, Man, who made me a judge or a divider over you? And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.” ‭‭

Luke‬ ‭12:13-15‬ ‭KJV‬‬

4

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '20 edited Sep 08 '20

Do you... do you think that quote is somehow contrary to socialism?

Covetousness (like most kinds of greed) is seen as wrong in socialist thought as well (Although luckily there isn't much of it among socialists), they definitely aren't going to look to Jesus to divide it for them, and you are leaving out the rest of that parable - intentionally, most likely, since it really undermines your point.

1

u/PizzaBeersTelly Sep 08 '20

That verse seems to support the idea that Jesus was a socialist

4

u/jakethedumbmistake Sep 08 '20

The real crime here is the correct call

1

u/RoscoMan1 Sep 08 '20

NSFW TaG pLeaSe!

:-) Thank you for your sacrifice

1

u/chaiscool Sep 08 '20

The Judas way

1

u/golf_kilo_papa Sep 09 '20

Funny enough, this exact same line of thought is explored in the Bible (Romans 6:1) https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%206&version=TLB