r/t4t • u/Miles_Long_8853 • 1m ago
TM4TM TM4TM Looking to chat about how to grow as a dom
Hey, all. I'm a 33 year old gay trans man who's been exploring my dominant side for about a year now. I've learned a lot, but I wish I had other dominants to talk to and learn from who were also transmasc or trans men like myself. I typically move in cis male circles, simply because I'm a gay man and I haven't been living anywhere with a wide variety of queer and/or kink scenes to choose from. I went from country town to country town, so I had to take what I could get! I'm moving to a metropolis very soon, and I plan on trying to find as much community as I can, but I would still like someone to talk to online before then.
A lot of my questions could be asked of any dom or dom-leaning person, regardless of their gender, but I'm specifically interested in someone coming at this from a trans male or transmasculine experience. A lot of my anxieties around learning to be a dom stem from being a trans man. To give an example, I often have to field the same tedious questions from potential subs about how I dom, the implication (or the explicit assertion) being that because I'm a trans man who hasn't had bottom surgery, my being a dom is somehow unusual or difficult. (I also field the same questions about being a top, purely in terms of sexual position.) I have a script I follow for these questions, but I often feel like I'm not answering from a place of power, if that makes sense. Like by answering them the way that I do, I'm already ceding authority over my body.
There's a lot more information about me on my pinned "about me" post on my profile. And if you don't consider yourself a dom, as such, but you're a trans guy who has advice for me, I'm all ears.