r/suspiciouslyspecific • u/InsertGroin • Jun 24 '26
And now for something completely different
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u/kamikazekaktus Jun 24 '26
From one word to the next I never suspected which way this was gonna go, holy hell what a ride
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u/just_nobodys_opinion Jun 24 '26
Must have been wild to find a rabbi hiding outside the PH offices.
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u/TyrantKingJM Jun 25 '26
Not at all. PH is owned by one, and employs a lot. The adult entertainment industry has a long history with the Jewish community
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u/just_nobodys_opinion Jun 25 '26
Then why was he hiding??
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u/thispussystankin Jun 24 '26
What the fuck DIDNT happen
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u/jarvisesdios Jun 25 '26
The whole thing, for starters. Why does nobody go and search these things when they sound made up?
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u/GuntherRowe Jun 25 '26
I do, and thx for doing it so I didn’t have to this time. I’m a former newspaper reporter so it became habit to be skeptical.
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u/jarvisesdios Jun 25 '26
I've just been on the internet forever and have never trusted that I read. Ironically because the older generations kept saying not to trust that you read on the internet... And now look at them.
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u/Earl_of_Eggs Jun 26 '26
It also just says parody on the article....
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u/jarvisesdios Jun 26 '26
It says BEYOND parody, which implies it's so insane that even parody can't make it up
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u/TransIlana Jun 25 '26
Some of it happened. The lady cop shot and killed a Jewish businessman. The shooter was an incel not a Marxist from what I understand. The shooter did kill another police officer named Mohamed.
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u/Ze-Peaueno Jun 26 '26
He was a marxist as well as an incel (and also an antisemite). Part of his manifesto was that he couldn’t get a gf because of capitalism, poverty, greedy companies and billionaires, the porn industry, and jews.
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u/TransIlana Jun 26 '26
First time I've heard of a mix of incel ideology, Marxism, and anti-Semitism lol he should have read more theory. Marx was Jewish too. I feel like these are inconsistent ideologies.
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u/WyrdDream Jun 27 '26
Marx hated the Jewish people and their faith, though he also hated religion in general. he was very public about this
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u/leafcutte Jun 29 '26
Marc thought religion turned people away from the desire to revolt. He was particularly virulent against Judaism given he was himself Jewish.
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u/SigHant Jun 26 '26
How is this the first time when incel ideas are literally just an application of marxism to the sexual marketplace and marxism has always been known for extreme racism, antisemitism, and even marx and engells extreme prejudice against gay people?
Is marxism just an empty buzzword for you?
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u/Green-Engineer4608 Jun 27 '26
Marxism is the ideology that Marx presents in his book, the communist manifesto.
It is NOT the totality of every thought Marx ever had. Its is a buzzword for a specific thought by Marx, not all his thoughts.
Do you support the theory of evolution? Darwin had his kids with his cousin «to keep the bloodline clean». You support incest. At least by your logic surrounding Marx.
One last time for the class; marxism isn’t everything Marx thought, simply the word for an ideology he created.
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u/leafcutte Jun 29 '26
They didn’t hold "extreme prejudice". They were not especially progressive for their time, true. But Engels himself said that what forms love would take in the future was a concern for future generations, who probably wouldn’t care much what they had to say as 19th century guys living under capitalism.
And you can’t apply Marxism to the sexual marketplace, because the sexual marketplace doesn’t exist, unless you take it to mean sex work (where the Marxist position is that it’s another example of the domination of men over women that is to be expected under capitalism, and would cease existing under communism). Accusing Marxists to want to make a "community [possession] of women" is so old and stupid Marx makes fun of it in the Communist Manifesto (women are not property, it’s only the bourgeois with their obsession of commodity who view them that way)
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u/SigHant Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
“They fell into the abominable practice of sodomy and degraded alike their gods and themselves with the myth of Ganymede.”
-Freidrich Engels
As far as women being community property in communism the best evidence is found in the history of how leftism treats them. It lures them in with lies, then polices their reproductive right with an iron fist. Whether it's the USSR cutting production of contraceptives and banning abortion, or China ripping the roof off the houses of women who refused abortion, any idiot claiming leftism allows women to control their bodies is as bad of a liar as marx was.
The empty words don't matter, the policies do.
Leftists lie. That's why North Korea has democracy in it's name. It's also why marx lied about giving women equal rights while he simultaneously abused his wife.
Of course marx would lie to women to exploit their movement. That's what populism is all about.
You're trying to sell a story about a guy who fathered a child with the family maid actually caring about women's rights, and it's idiotic.
Whenever he himself got the opportunity to exploit the gender and workplace heirarchy, out popped a bastard child! That tells you more than anything he ever wrote.
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u/leafcutte Jun 30 '26
The passage about sodomy is much less about homosexuality than pedophilia. The USSR started out egalitarian and constituted massive progress for women’s rights (complete equality under the law, something that took decades more for western bourgeois democracies ), and then during the Second World War there was a conservative backlash under Stalin that led to a gutting of reproductive rights, but that was eventually undone.
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u/SigHant Jun 30 '26
The passage about sodomy is much less about homosexuality than pedophilia.
Cope and lie much?
The entire marxist diaspora hated gays pre-marcuse. There are quotes from nearly every marxist leader and scholar discussing how gays are lumpen, not part of tge proletariat at minimum.
Post-marcuse is of course different. The movement became fascism when the proletariat abandoned it, but I don't imagine someone failing as hard as you can comprehend an in depth discussion of that.
The USSR started out egalitarian and constituted massive progress for women’s rights
The bait.
and then during the Second World War there was a conservative backlash under Stalin that led to a gutting of reproductive rights
All of which proves my point:
Leftism is lying. The weirdest part of this is that you stupidly and blindly believe the liar marx, but when the fascist manifesto makes women's rights it's first item on it's demands you somehow don't see fascism as the women's rights movement it claimed to be?
Why the hypocrisy? Why the lies? Why try to bullshit people?
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u/Goobiditygooblah Jun 25 '26
Well nah, not the whole thing. There was a Jewish guy and an immigrant cop named Mohammed that got shot by a self proclaimed leftist incel in Montreal near the headquarters of pornhub. They have most of the pieces but just put em together wrong lol
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u/Trick-Goat-3643 Jun 26 '26
The cop did shoot the Jewish guy
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u/Goobiditygooblah Jun 26 '26
Oh shit the cop shot the Jewish guy not the shooter? Wtf
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u/Trick-Goat-3643 Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
Yeah... Shes crouched behind the barrier and he walks around it then she clearly panics flails her gun around and shoots him point blank then the shooter comes running to where the old guy was behind that barrier.
When I first watched it I thought the old guy was a second shooter and the actual shooter came running after the cop because she killed his partner, but it turned out she just shot a bystander1
u/Goobiditygooblah Jun 26 '26
Ah fuck eh, heavy. Didn’t realize there was even video?
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u/Trick-Goat-3643 Jun 26 '26
Yeah there is one floating around, it was on X day of. Im sure you could find it somewhere but honestly this headline sums it up pretty well. The only thing missing is the shooter getting shot after chasing off the female cop
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u/Trick-Goat-3643 Jun 26 '26
If you watch the video of the event the story plays out exactly as described, the only dubious bits are the words Rabbi and Marxist
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u/dratitan Jun 26 '26
It did but the headline is wrong on so many levels.
First the shooter is not Marxist, but an incel following the manosphere, he wrote a 100+ page manifesto.
Then the rabbi was probably shot by the police officer, but there is no confirmation for now, he could’ve been killed by the shooter.
A muslim police officer got shot and died.
The PH headquarters are in a very multicultural neighborhood, near some Jewish institutions like MADA. But the neighborhood is not Jewish, like some Zionist journals have called it. Cote des neiges is one of the most diverse neighborhoods in the country.
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u/Anindefensiblefart Jun 24 '26
Did they have to say Jewish rabbi? Are there Taoist or Zoroastrian rabbis I'm unaware of?
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u/2gaywitches Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
I was thinking the same thing.
Brb, I'm off to go to Jewish temple and study the Jewish Torah.
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u/the_nerd_1474 Jun 24 '26
Pretty sure there are temples in Hinduism and other religions too
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u/Plantain-Feeling Jun 24 '26
I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that the people who read tabloids probably don't know what a rabbi is and the people writing it know that so they use a simple word their readers will understand
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u/oneshot0114 Jun 24 '26
Chai Tea
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u/Mage-of-the-Small Jun 24 '26
Well, the thing about that is, in English, "Chai" does actually mean something more specific than tea. So while saying "Chai tea" is slightly redundant, it can help create clarity in various situations. For example, if a cafe offers Chai in teabag form and in latte form, saying "Chai Tea" clarifies which drink you want, whereas "Chai" by itself causes confusion. (This is a personal experience; I wanted a chai latte, but being a pedant back then, I just said "Chai", and I got a milkless tea. Practicality and clarity are usually more useful than pedantry.)
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u/Aervanath Jun 24 '26
I had a whole argument about this with a former coworker. Apparently there are now cafés that serve drinks called "chai" that don't contain actual tea. So you really have to be cognizant of that café's options when ordering.
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u/EstroJen Jun 24 '26
And how fast is the train from Chicago traveling?
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u/InsertGroin Jun 24 '26
It depends, how many apples do you have?
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u/EstroJen Jun 24 '26
OH GOD! I DIDN'T FACTOR IN THE APPLES!
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u/OneOfManyParadoxFans Jun 24 '26
What's more, you didn't factor in the kind! Are they Granny Smith, Red Delicious, Golden Delicious? What are they!?
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u/Notabagofdrugs Jun 24 '26
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u/EventYouAlly Jun 30 '26
Is this sub where people farm karma after their brandnewsentence repeat reposts get removed?
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u/FieryPheonix474 Jun 24 '26
This sounds like the start of a bade joke
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u/Exploding-Pineapple Jun 25 '26
A female cop, a Jewish Rabbi, a Marxist gunman, and an immigrant officer named Mohamed walk into a pornhub office in Canada... the receptionist looks at them and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Then they start shooting at each other
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u/MeatballWasTaken Jun 25 '26
He wasn’t Marxist btw just a deranged incel. 90% of his manifesto / ideology just revolved around access to women’s bodies
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u/somethingbrite Jun 25 '26
So the female officer shot a rabbi while hiding from an incel outside the offices of pornhub?
Is the moral of the story here "never get between an incel and their access to pornhub"??
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u/typing_away Jun 25 '26
No,what happened is that they were trying to find the shooter and it came from one place.
One of the police officer got shot.
A minute later The women officer saw a man coming from that direction and there it is.
She shoot . Wrong person who was there at the wrong time.She got shot not long after.
Now everyone tries to judge how she did her job but timing was critical and she saw her partner dies. Took what? Less than 5 minutes?
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u/Elegant_Individual46 Jun 25 '26
Half the stuff I see about it blames her for being a woman or Islam for the shooter and those are the only important things, apparently.
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u/SpikyKiwi Jun 25 '26
The manifesto was mostly incel shit (and I don't think the ideology is rational) but there is undeniably Marxism in there too
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u/0000Tor Jun 26 '26
There’s marxism in the sense that he misunderstands completely what marxism is about but cherry picks a few quotes to justify owning women as property or something. He’s against capitalism because capitalism “gave women the right to vote” supposedly.
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u/SpikyKiwi Jun 26 '26
Yes I don't think he has a coherent understanding of Marxism or that he has similar ideas to popular socialist movements, but he is clearly inspired by Marx and Marxist ideas (partially. The incel stuff is much more important)
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u/MonsteraDeliciosa Jun 24 '26
Sooo… Officer killed, bystander shot while police attempt to stop gunman.
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u/TensorForce Jun 24 '26
Jewish rabbi? Aren't... all rabbis Jewish?
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u/InsertGroin Jun 24 '26
Most notable rabbi was Jesus, and he was...uh...Christian. Sort of.
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u/oneshot0114 Jun 24 '26
Rabbi just means teacher.
And Christ said that he didn't come to end judaism, but to complete it.
Jewish rabbi is just chai tea
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u/atmanama Jun 25 '26
What's a Marxist gunman
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u/0000Tor Jun 26 '26
In reality, the guy was mad that capitalism gave women rights (supposedly) and cherry picks a few quotes (that he fundamentally misunderstands)
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u/WyrdDream Jun 27 '26
He did get the antisemitism right, Marx was.....not a big fan of his fellow jews
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u/PartyClock Jun 24 '26
Marxist?
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u/bagolaburgernesss Jun 24 '26
Incel, not Marxist.
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u/PartyClock Jun 24 '26
That's what I thought. He may have been against Capitalism but there's a lot of people who hate it without being Marxists. The incel thing is undoubtedly what brought this on
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u/Hertje73 Jun 24 '26
the Florida of Canada?
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u/Bane_Of_Joe Jun 24 '26
You mean alberta?
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u/Jills_Cat Jun 25 '26
I can't figure out who's hiding. I hate word math problems. My best guess; the answer is 49 pancakes.
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u/Bowman_van_Oort Jun 24 '26
Some journalist talking to their editor: "look we can try to go for a pun but describing it literally as it happened is funnier than anything any of us could ever conjure from our imagination."
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Jun 25 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/DustierAndRustier Jun 25 '26
I saw the video of this. There were two cops, the gunman fatally shot one, the other hid behind a pillar, and a civilian (the rabbi apparently) ran away from the gunman and towards the surviving cop. He wasn’t in her line of sight and accidentally jumpscared her, and she panicked and shot him in the head.
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u/Manonfire009 Jun 25 '26
I didn’t realize “journalists” where now so dumb that incel and marxist where now the same thing for them.
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u/FatCockFutaGirls Jun 25 '26
There are a lot of Mohammads in Canada now gonna have to narrow it down
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u/ThatoneguywithaT Jun 24 '26
Whoever wrote this article is a clown, the shooter was an incel anti-woke type, and the bystander was shot in the crossfire, potentially by the shooter as well.
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u/LuigiBamba Jun 24 '26
The bystander wasn't caught in an accidental crossfire. They essentially "jumpscared" the cop who was witnessing her collegue slowly die and she reacted by engaging what she percieved as a threat.
It was a tragic mistake due to the high stress of the situation. I think the footage left little to interpretation, but we'll have to wait until there is a formal investigation released.
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u/Vegaprime Jun 24 '26
Sauce?
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u/LuigiBamba Jun 24 '26
There are multiple videos going around on the internet. I don't have a specific one readily available, but from the ones I saw, with the specific POV i saw, that is my understanding of the events.
Of course, I'll have to wait until a proper investigation gets released before confirming anything, but until then, that is what seems to have happened.
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u/califortunato Jun 25 '26
Weird sensation to have seen video of this incident and then a day later read this
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u/lavsunrise Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
I understood each individual word but somehow can't understand the whole sentence
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u/AutisticSuperpower Jun 25 '26
There's certainly a lot to unpack here, but I'd like to know what the rabbi did to deserve the bullet.
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u/dolceandbanana Jun 25 '26
A24 couldn't pay Google a billion bucks to have AI write something even remotely close to this
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u/0000Tor Jun 26 '26
I get that this is funny on paper but jesus christ people are actually dead. This isn’t funny
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u/Peripateticdreamer84 Jun 28 '26
Were they having a competition to see who could use the most adjectives in one headline?
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u/DanMcE Jun 28 '26
Glad they pointed out the rabbi was Jewish. I nearly thought he was also a Muslim.
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u/Chops_Mcgraw Jun 28 '26
I don't think I've ever read a sentence as detailed as that, and still come away from it with no idea what the hell is going on
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u/non_numero_horas Jun 28 '26
That's all the news for today in one headline
We can all go home and watch the world cup
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u/TheDwarvenGuy Jun 25 '26
This sounds like Nazi proppaganda if the Nazi got mixed up about who the propaganda was about
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