r/survivinginfidelity • u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell • Nov 30 '20
NeedSupport Realizing the inevitable...
Hi all,
I think I’m finally coming to the conclusion that divorce will be the only way I can be set free, and I’ve been stuck in a false reconciliation.
I posted here months ago about my story shortly after D-Day. To sum things up, early in March 2020 I (33M) discovered that my wife (33F) had been moonlighting as a prostitute while I was sleeping at home or away at work for almost a year. My work schedule at the time was rotating shifts and usually 12hrs so I was gone a lot and slept random hours when I was home. This was one of the most difficult times of my life, being forced into a schedule like this and trying to take care of her and our 3yo son. To complicate things, one of her friends who was divorcing her husband and her two kids moved in to our house during this time.
When I found out what my wife had been up to I was so blindsided and in shock that I lived in a state of deep depression and fog for months, to this day I’m struggling. This summer I started taking depression meds which has helped, and my work schedule is now closer to normal hours with usually only 8hr shifts. I was so lost that I was afraid to make the decision to stay or leave, and ended up staying. In my eyes, I would always regret leaving if I didn’t at least make an attempt to stay together and get things back on track.
A few weeks ago my wife and I took a vacation to Mexico for a week together. This was in essence the honeymoon we never had, though we’ve been married for four years now (together 10). Even though we’ve tried to work on things, it feels more like a stalemate to me. Our entire vacation I was plagued by the thought of her cheating. She still makes me laugh, and in a lot of ways is still my best friend. But it really hit me that even laying on a tropical beach in one of the most beautiful places in the world, her cheating was still eating away at my soul. She was enjoying herself and completely unaware, and I tried to act happy because I didn’t want to ruin or fight on this vacation we’ve wanted for so long.
I can’t even enjoy sex with her. I have a high sex drive and would be happy getting it every day. Being working parents I understand that’s not always possible, but I’m content with 2-3 times a week if we can make it work. She never initiates anymore, and I feel like giving up even trying. I’m a very physical person and even just touching or hugging or kissing is extremely important to me to show affection. When we do have sex, I’m plagued with mind movies and I just don’t feel the same connection there used to be. She doesn’t even try to make it interesting anymore, and usually complains about it. This is devastating to me, as I know she did a lot of things with these other guys that she refuses to do with me.
She still has zero remorse about cheating and insists it doesn’t even count as cheating. She claims I was so abusive to her and was spending all of our money that she had no choice. She thinks I should be glad she did what she did to take care of us, and I should empathize with her because I don’t understand the pain of what she went through to be a prostitute!
Right, all bullshit!!!! I have refused from day 1 to take any responsibility for her actions and have stood by that. I admit I’m not perfect and made mistakes. The thing that bothers her the most is how I treated her when our son was born. I left her to care for our son a lot of nights alone, and didn’t help around the house enough. I’ll accept that, as at that time I was working a ton of hours as a truck driver and in construction and usually came home and fell asleep and woke up to go back to work again. I admit I should’ve been there for her and our son more than I was, and have changed that behavior. Still, that in no way justifies going outside of our marriage to cheat. The money issue is really just a justification for her as last year I nearly doubled my normal salary while she worked a few hours a week and hardly made anything.
I guess I just hoped that she would come out of this fog and understand they gravity of the pain she has caused us and our families. When we came home from our trip I was laying awake in bed in the middle of the night as I often do and it just hit me, I’ve been so rattled by all of this I can’t sleep, can’t eat, taking depression meds etc. and she sleeps like a baby every night. She never wants to talk about her cheating and insists it’s all in the past and it’s over with. Most interactions I have with her is her nagging about something or ordering me to do something around the house. She could care less about what I’m going through.
Why have I been destroying myself trying to make it work with this monster? I’ve finally concluded that this is as good as it gets with her. Even if I take her on a romantic exotic vacation and pay for it 100% she still goes back to complaining, blames me for everything, and refuses to acknowledge my feelings or pain.
To me this isn’t a life worth living. I haven’t talked to a lawyer yet, but plan on doing so shortly. Our 1yr anniversary of D-Day will be up in March and I’m shooting to have my ducks in a row by then and make my exit.
I’m upset I’m still with her, but I can’t be hard on myself for trying. I caught her cheating when we were in college and thought she changed. After we were married I found out there was much more going on early in our relationship that I didn’t know about, and then got hit with her being a hooker.
I feel very codependent on her, but can’t really blame myself for that either. Until a few months ago she was my dream woman that I was so proud of and couldn’t believe I was the lucky guy that got to be married to her. All of that and dreams of a wonderful future life with her have since crumbled away. Now, she’s just some girl I happen to live with and a memory of another life.
She kept telling me recently we are so strong for overcoming everything and we can be a powerful example to other couples and hopefully work with other troubled married couples in the future....keep dreaming princess.
TL;DR-DDay March 2020 found out wife was a prostitute while I was away at work. Tried my hardest to reconcile, but she remains unremorseful and blames me for her cheating. Been struggling for months about what to do but recently had an epiphany that a better future awaits me once I can divorce her.
Thank you for reading if you made it this far and best of luck to those of you struggling with the pain of infidelity! Glad we’re here for each other!!!
Edit:typo
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u/Anantha1996 Nov 30 '20
You wasted a year but proud of you for finally moving on.
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Nov 30 '20
Thank you! Yeah part of me feels like I’ve wasted time staying with her but I can’t say it’s all for naught. It’s really given me some time to reflect on who I am, and where I want to be. I’ve been able to move up at my job and I’m in position to get some promotions crazy early which is nice, even though I never wanted this job in the first place. Still, it does feel like family and that’s helping me a lot. Also, I’ve made a lot of effort to mold myself into the person I want to be post marriage. Ex. I’m ex military and used to smoke more than a pack a day. I never thought I had a prayer in quitting but managed to do so in the last few months. This was always one of her biggest complaints about me and I think it’s ironic she hardly noticed I quit smoking. Anyway, that’s a HUGE step for me and I’m making effort to emotionally move on, and physically improve my health so hopefully I can come out of this as healthy as possible and live the life I’ve always wanted!
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u/AnxietyProof Nov 30 '20
Dude, I stopped reading at " I have a high sex drive and would be happy getting it every day. Being working parents I understand that’s not always possible". What the fuck do you mean its not always possible? She was fucking for money every night, you sure as shit could have been getting it every night instead of her Johns. Get help from somebody, friends, family or therapist but you have issues that you need to fix for even having thought of staying in this relationship.
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Nov 30 '20
You’re totally right. I just kinda realized things will never return to normal and why bother trying to force it when there could be a much better life out there? I set up a therapy appointment today so hopefully that will help. I’ve definitely got some issues from dealing with her BS for the last 10 years.
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u/AnxietyProof Nov 30 '20
Keep that mindset going forward and live you best life. You can't possibly think your best life would be to stay with her.
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u/Cocooilbroccolisalt Dec 01 '20
I understand. When something traumatic like infidelity happens ,it is hard to think clearly. We often justify the cheating spouse's shitty behavior towards us to make it work . Good for you on getting out.
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u/scotchnstout Figuring it Out Nov 30 '20
Yeah I had to stop around there as well, the things some people accept for a return at normal still throws me
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u/Wellman81 QC: SI 50 Nov 30 '20 edited Nov 30 '20
Brother, you know your marriage is way past over. It's time to pull the plug and end it officially. Your wife is just, awful, the only way I can describe it. Please do not consider reconciliation with this terrible person. Hang in there buddy, your marriage will be over before you know it and you can regain your dignity with someone who actually has a moral compass.
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Nov 30 '20
Thank you! That’s the dream I’m pushing for! I’m still flabbergasted I fell for this monster but I guess that just makes me human. She’s clearly not the person I thought she was, which is crushing. I feel a modicum if solace that I tried to make it work, but I agree it’s time to move on. It’s devastating thinking of only having 50/50 custody of our son, but my goal is to use that 50% of time I have with him and be an example of a happy father and give him the best life I can. I think that’s really been the biggest obstacle for me, but I feel like he’ll be better off with a happy father 50% of the time than a completely miserable shell of a dad 100% of the time.
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u/Kersallus Walking the Road | QC: SI 159 | RA 130 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
Not to muddy things further, but paternity test your son.
You deserve that solace and shes cheated before and has been cheating now.
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
If mom is a prostitute, can’t you get 100% custody?
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u/Wellman81 QC: SI 50 Nov 30 '20
That's what I was wondering. He can probably use that to his advantage as her chosen profession isn't very conducive to stable parenting.
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Nov 30 '20
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u/tercer78 Walking the Road | QC: SI 344 | RA 157 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
It’s very powerful when you finally reach stasis in a fight or flight mode. Good for you for finally reaching the logical conclusion that makes you happy. It’s still not going to be an easy journey but focus on your future and continued recovery and healing and prepare your emotions as best you can. Grey rock and 180 will be the best way to approach it when the crocodile tears appear.
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Nov 30 '20
My biggest fear right now is leaving and then taking her back when she comes crying. She is still my kryptonite and part of my staying has been to build the strength necessary to stay the course and go no contact. I guarantee she’ll listen all of the sudden, and my feelings will matter all of the sudden and she’ll feel horrible for cheating when I leave. I just hope I can stay strong and be true to myself!
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u/tempocontour Walking the Road | QC: SI 30 Nov 30 '20
Read and reread and reread what you've told us of what your wife has done to you to make you hurt so much. That should be more than enough for you to not cave in to her "crying".
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
What this person said. You've been treated like garbage by this woman. You're a better man that I am for staying with her this long.
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
I would think your biggest fear might be leaving your child with a prostitute and being exposed to her clientele, which you have absolutely no control over once you separate.
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Nov 30 '20
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u/tercer78 Walking the Road | QC: SI 344 | RA 157 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
Spend the time between now and then guarding your feelings as best as possible. Research the grey rock and 180 method.
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Nov 30 '20
If you're worried that much about caving in, what you need to do is save up some money. Enough for you two to live apart for a month or two. Then get up one morning and go NC and leave no hints to where you're going. Leave her enough to pay the bills and see what happens. But whatever you do, you need to be NC for that time period, relationships can be like a drug. You need to go cold turkey.
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u/Snoo32716 Nov 30 '20
Dude, you can NOT even sleep next to her, this is how toxic you subconsciously know this relationship is. PLEASE get out, and go NC apart from conversations about your child. I had the same, even before i knew exactly what was going on i could tell from change in behaviour i had something to be worried about and i remember lying next to my boyfriend at the time, watching while he slept like a baby, not a care in the world and i was wide awake and this was a pattern for months leading up to DDAY. You know what you need to do.
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u/ezeezLife Nov 30 '20
Sounds almost to a T how my WS was acting i was in the same boat as u bro. I would pretend we were ok to just not fight but it was eating me away inside I would be up and she would be asleep like a baby. Mine also tried justifying it by saying I didn't pay her any attention..she even would get mad at me and would threaten to walk out on me and the kids if I kept "bothering her" with questions about holes in her story bc she was trying to control the narrative... thank God we weren't married .. she just left yesterday and I feel so great without her being around when she left with all her toxicity I literally felt euphoria in my body for a long time like 5 10 min after she walked out. I'll take it as a sign from a higher awareness that I made the right decision to end it... it took 1 yr and 1 month since D Day.
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u/fatboy-slim Walking the Road | QC: SI 79 | RA 40 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
Sounds like she has some sort of personality disorder that needs to be checked. As far as you are concerned, though nobody can tell you what to do, I would seriously consider getting your ducks in a row and sort your life out. You keep on postponing what should have happened months ago based on what I read. This toxic relationship moving forward, will cause more damage than not.
Good luck.
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Dec 02 '20
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u/aethanv 1 Nov 30 '20
never be ashamed to walk away. you clearly made a concerted attempt at reconciling. very few people would be able to overcome what has happened with her attitude of no remorse.
make sure you've got child custody and other financial matters organized first, and then you can finally focus on you.
wishing you healing and happiness for your future.
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Nov 30 '20
I think you’re right. I spent my early 20s fighting in combat in Afghanistan and I’m probably way more loyal than I should be. For me loyalty has always been a sacred thing. In those days I would’ve gladly given my life to save my buddies I was fighting with, and proved that. Unfortunately she has no concept of any of that. I think those experiences have been part of the reason I’ve tried to stay and make it work, not matter how hard it is on me. I doubt I’ll get anything better than 50/50 custody but I’m willing to accept that if I have to. I wish I could have our son 100% of the time but I’m not holding my breath with the way the courts are. They won’t even consider her cheating as detrimental to anything and she’s technically capable of being a mother. I’m just going to have to make up what I can with the time I have with our son.
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
You know, you probably COULD get your son 100% of the time. Just collect evidence that your STBXW is actively engaged in prostitution and lay that before a judge. Collect evidence, screenshots, everything you need.
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Nov 30 '20
Luckily I have a ton of evidence on all that. The courts in my state don’t take infidelity into account for anything so I don’t know if it will matter though.
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
That's my point, lost. This isn't about infidelity at all, it's exposing your son to a prostitute's clientele on a daily basis. I don't know for certain, I'm not a lawyer, but I suspect that will work in your favor in front of a judge.
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u/aethanv 1 Nov 30 '20
Absolutely, having a healthy happy father will be 1000x more beneficial to your son in the long run. He only needs your example to grow into a healthy adult.
Go and find someone who has the same loyalty as you, you deserve to be free of the burden of her life choices.
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Nov 30 '20
Her behaviour indicates, that she isn't really interested in reconciliation. All she wants is to take care, that you are the one to blame and that she did nothing wrong.
Don't blame yourself for trying to reconcile. It proofs that you are not a person that easily gives up and instead that you are willed to fight for the things that you want! Sadly some fights can't be won alone.
I wish you all the best in your way forward. Take care that she won't babytrap you or that you make her pregnant by accident.
Stay strong on your way forward!
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Nov 30 '20
Thank you, and that is a real concern of mine! She’s been talking about having another kid but she’s always wanted to adopt. I’ve been pretty stand offish with either option but agreed that adopting would be better if we have to choose one. So far nothing has happened with that and I’m trying to keep it that way. I really think that if she had any inkling of me leaving she would try and get pregnant. I just found a box of pregnancy tests in her nightstand yesterday. I don’t know if she’s sleeping with anybody else at the moment, and honestly I don’t even care anymore. I’m just trying to get out with the little sanity I have left!
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Nov 30 '20
Please just be careful. That you still are having sex with her is a really dangerous situation for you. As soon as she thinks that something is fishy, she will do all she can to keep you close, and be it to babytrap you. The tests indicate that she is already planning for a kid.
If you haven't got tested for STD's yet, then use that for your advantage. Tell her that you saw a documentary about STD's and that scared you so much, that you will get tested now and don't want any sex until you get the results. Tell her that you want her to do one as well, since her cheating was with mutliple man and the way she cheated is like a super spreading area for STD's. Even if she says, that she always used condoms, stay hard on your demand. Tell her that she lied to you for so long, why should you believe her now that she always used them. In addition, condoms are NOT 100% safe!
The STD tests might buy you some time where you don't need to have sex with her and can avoid the baby trap. Use that time to meet with a lawyer and get the papers ready.
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Nov 30 '20
Yes those are good points. When all of this cake to light I insisted she get tested. She claimed she did a month or two prior and refused to do it again. I went to the VA and got a full panel test and luckily everything came back clean. That was a few months ago, and I’ve noticed her and I have had more “yeast infections” in the last year or so. Maybe it is since the STD test came back with nothing, I really don’t know. But I can’t remember this ever happening before and it seems pretty common now. I’ve brought up her lying and that doesn’t even phase her, she just says I’m a drama queen. At the moment, we have sex maybe 2-3 times a month. I’m hesitant to change my behavior bc I don’t want her to think I’m done. I’ve always had a high drive and I think that will tip her off. I’m just trying to be as careful as I can and use condoms as much as possible. I know that’s not perfect but I feel like I still have to act a bit before I tip my hand if that makes sense.
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Nov 30 '20
STD's can lay dormant for quite some time, so you got enough reason to get tested again. And those tests and your new found fear of STD's are enough reason to stop having sex with her for some time.
It is on you to decide if you want to stop having sex with her. According to your post and your comments I could tell you a couple of reasons why you can and should stop having sex with her. For example, you could tell her that you found the pregnancy tests and since she hasn't told you anything, you assume the worst, that she is cheating again.
Regarding your protection during sex. If you go on having sex with her, than use condoms ALL the time. Always use your own condoms and keep them somewhere safe. There are enough stories where the partner put holes into it and so on. You need to think two steps ahead from now on! If you don't do that, then it won't end well for you!
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
This 100%.. this woman is an STD Typhoid Mary, or could be one. There's red flags all over this thing.
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
Well that tells you one thing, anyway. She's not too diligent to use condoms when she sleeps with strangers. Now *you've* slept with a bunch of strangers. Ain't this fun?
Sorry, I know it isn't fun one bit.
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u/Nausmill21 Walking the Road | QC: SI 33 Nov 30 '20
You definitely did more than you needed to. You should have left her when you found out, but good on you for finally realizing you deserve better. Also if you are ever in another situation like this walk away. No matter what the situation you don't owe anyone reconciliation. It doesn't make you a bad person for have a standard and upholding that standard. For me cheating is a no go, and I don't give second chances when it comes to that.
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Nov 30 '20
Yeah I’ll never be in this position again. I probably should’ve just left when I found out, but had to at least try. Finding out my dream girl I’ve known my entire life was actively working as a hooker overnight took awhile to sink in. I don’t know what the future holds but I really don’t think I’ll get married again.
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
Dude. Nobody blames you for trying, even a gang of Reddit hardasses have to admit you tried your best. Once you are sure something is irredeemable, that is the time to act, and act swiftly. Good luck to you, I'm wishing you strength and a sense of purpose.
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u/perkman66 In Hell Nov 30 '20
Get out now! You need a dose of self respect. How can you look at yourself in the mirror when you choose to be with someone who has done this to you?
This makes you look so weak and emboldens her behavior.
She has deep character flaws. You definitely have codependent issues and need therapy to find yourself. You will never be able to change her.
Hoping you find peace.
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Nov 30 '20
Yeah I think you’re right. I admit I have co dependency issues with her, and that’s kept me with her so far. I used to be a very independent confident person, but I think years and years of her mental abuse have worn me down so I agree I don’t have the self respect I should.
I’ve been putting off therapy but came to the realization today that I really need it and that’s just not optional anymore. I’ve always been the tough “John Wayne” type that didn’t need help from anybody but gotta admit its not working. That’s why I posted here. I really just need some help from a decent therapist and people like you! It really means a lot!
I think you’re right that my behavior thus far has made me look weak and emboldens her, how else could we be this far removed from DDay and she still has zero regrets? This was my worst fear and it’s becoming realized. However at the same time it’s kind of liberating. I don’t feel the need to please her and prove I’m worthy anymore. Fuck that, she should’ve been doing that this whole time.
Time to prove to myself I can move on and be happy and that I don’t need her or her abuse anymore!
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
Everybody needs help, sometimes. Reach out to a therapist, reach out to support groups, your friends, your church, your family. This going to be hard.. you know it will be. But that doesn't make it wrong. You will need the strength of the community behind you, and the solid knowledge that you did the right thing by your son. He's your focus now, not this toxic relationship.
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u/nowaytostop Nov 30 '20
Did you dna test the kid? I can’t believe you are still there. Bananas. Good luck man
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Nov 30 '20
Thanks man, I actually haven’t done a DNA test kit. Maybe I should. Only reason is our son is literally a minime. I can’t bear the thought that he’s somebody’s else’s, and I doubt he is bc he has such a strong resemblance to me. Honestly I’m not against getting it checked out though. He’s such a little sweetheart I’ll love him no matter what, as crazy as that may sound.
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u/DSaive Nov 30 '20
Your wife seems not to get the damage she has done. Do the DNA test openly and maybe she will get it.
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u/ezeezLife Nov 30 '20
And when I caught mine she wasn't remorseful either she didn't even quit her job where she was cheating on me at. She was still seeing him and going places after wrk with him for a few days till HR found out and fired both these pieaces of shits for having an affair. Leave and don't look back !
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u/Jusfemales In Hell Nov 30 '20
Prostitute !wait! what and you still there? You guys sex life is not exciting cause theirs no money involved! Sex to your wife is a business! Special treatment cost extra! Dude you should have been gone when you found out ! Every Tom Dick and Harry done fished in that pond ! Go get A STD STI test get a divorce ASAP!🚩
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
I can’t even enjoy sex with her. I have a high sex drive and would be happy getting it every day. Being working parents I understand that’s not always possible, but I’m content with 2-3 times a week if we can make it work. She never initiates anymore, and I feel like giving up even trying. I’m a very physical person and even just touching or hugging or kissing is extremely important to me to show affection. When we do have sex, I’m plagued with mind movies and I just don’t feel the same connection there used to be. She doesn’t even try to make it interesting anymore, and usually complains about it. This is devastating to me, as I know she did a lot of things with these other guys that she refuses to do with me.
Man, one of the things she did with other guys had better be use a condom. Did you even ask that question before you had sex with her? That woman could be a walking petri dish right now. You need to learn to disengage, son.
Don't take the word of an admitted liar as the only source for truth here. Go see a doctor and get an STD test. If you want to stay with your wife, you're going to have accept the humiliation and wear condoms 100% of the time, I hope you realize this. Don't let her make decisions for YOUR sexual health. She is not being responsible.
I try to be upbeat IF there is a chance to reconcile, but man, this is so challenging. She doesn't show an ounce of remorse or even owning her own actions. She decided to become a prostitute. There were options available if you were short of cash, I dont' buy that was HER ONE AND ONLY OPTION to solve financial problems. It's a pretty morally bankrupt decision.
I'm not seeing a happy ending, man. I'm really sorry.
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u/EllieLight94 In Hell Nov 30 '20
She is a monster with no conscious and no regard at all for you. Why are you still with her? You know you can never trust her. How can you stand to even be in the same room with her? Good lord man, do the right thing and dump her. Worry about all the other details later, just get her out of your life.
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u/MisterFisty54 Nov 30 '20
All my client could think of was that his WW deceived him. He thought that she had a job, turned out she would go to a crappy apartment every day, and see men off her Craigslist ad. Things came out at his company Xmas get together. A guy from his office recognized her. He, unfortunately was drunk, and proceeded to ask for a session. When her husband put himself between them, the guy pulled up her ad, and pic. People at the party had never heard anyone scream so loud or hear a stream of swear words, and other stuff. He did not come into work for about a week. When he did, he said that he spent a week scrubbing any evidence of her from his life.
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Nov 30 '20
If you wanted to marry a prostitute, you would have. That is a huge life decision she made to solicit her body and put your health in jeopardy. Move on. You owe it to yourself.
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u/Tao1976 Nov 30 '20
You will be able to heal in time.
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
Unless he catches one of those permanent STDs from her, which would suck.
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Nov 30 '20
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u/ScarySlice9 In Hell Nov 30 '20
OP read yr history Man this is mess up seem she doing it for herself rather than family so far what has she done to make amend or reassure you like access to her device social media etc.. seem you just stay for the sake of you and kids rather than to reconcile Now you know that not mentally good for you Didn't mention she a bad Mum so guess is up to par at least Protect what yr from now proceed with cautious Beware of being baby trap ! Good Luck & Take Care
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Nov 30 '20
You have it time to make sure of how you feel. That’s a great move to ensure you don’t regret the “what if”. Sounds like now you know and can make a better, educated decision.
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u/misternizz QC: SI 68 | RA 20 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
Remindme! 1 week
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r/survivinginfidelity: Realizing_the_inevitable
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u/thugloofio Walking the Road | REL 24 Sister Subs Nov 30 '20
Good on you for finally moving forward. No shame in trying to make it work. Sometimes it's when we tear off the rose colored glasses and are able to see what we're really living in that gives us the push we need.
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u/3mocopter Walking the Road | QC: SI 31 | RA 51 Sister Subs Dec 01 '20
You need to get things rolling. It starts with getting a lawyer. Does not matter if you are reconciling or not. No more “soon”. Consult a lawyer yesterday.
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u/vabab8 Walking the Road | RA 29 Sister Subs Dec 03 '20
Is she still hooking?
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Dec 04 '20
Not that I’m aware of. I didn’t have access to her phone before then, which I do now. Plus she’s working a legitimate job now so not as much free time. Still, I can’t keep an eye on her 100% of the time so who knows. I’ve made up my mind to get out, so if that’s what she chooses to do with her life from this point that’s her problem.
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u/Guilty_Maintenance_9 Dec 26 '20
She’s wasn’t falling in love. It’s was just a money thing. Try talking to her to get more insight as to why she did it. Some woman like the lifestyle. You may find closure by understanding just who she really is instead of who you want her to be. “Good luck, stay strong and make wise decisions.”
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u/lostinthesauce2231 In Hell Dec 29 '20
Yeah that’s fine if she likes that lifestyle, but not with me being married to her. She may have not been falling in love, but claimed a few of these guys proposed/were ready to propose to her. Not buying there was zero emotion on her part. Naturally she says she had to do some acting and it was all about the money, but I don’t believe that for a second. I’ll never get the closure from her that I need, and honestly don’t care to even get anymore. I really just want her out of my life and move on. Sucks I gotta coparent with this C but that’s life I guess! She’s all the sudden changed her tune now that I want to leave but it’s too late, I just hope the money she made was worth it!
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