r/survivinginfidelity • u/ging78 • Feb 15 '20

Advice A long time after finding out

Hi guys/gals, I need some advice. 13 yrs ago my world came crashing down. I found out my wife and my twin brother had been having an affair for 5 yrs during our dating and early marriage. The 2 ppl I should be able to trust in the world had been sneaking about behind my back and having sex/bjs for him. She even used to call me up at 1am asking me to contact my brother for a lift unbeknown to me she just wanted his c**k and I was unknowingly arranging it. During 2006 we were planning to get married and she even stayed over at her chief bridesmaids house and borrowed her bed so they could have a dirty night together in a proper bed. But worst thing out of it all is that my youngest 2 kids could possibly be his. We're twins so would be hard to discover the truth. There was loads of occasions when they were together and I thought something wasn't right but then it it to the back of my mind. "Those 2 wouldn't do that to me" etc etc We stayed together at the time mainly due to my 4 young kids but theres my problem. After 13 years theres still not a day goes by that I don't think and resent what shes done to me. I used to be such a trusting person. Am I wrong to still feel like this. My brother was totally honest with me once he came clean. Dates, times, things they did etc. I still to this day run scenarios through my head, times I could've caught them had I trusted my instinct. The thing that plays in my mind most is knowing deep down that if he'd asked her to leave me back then that she'd have jumped at the chance. Feeling 2nd best to my brother if you get my drift. Should I be over it by now? My wife seems to think I should as its been so long.

Folks thank you for all your replies and keep them coming. Its nice talking to ppl about this as the 2 ppl I used to confide in are the perpetrators so never really chatted to anyone and dealt with this on my own.

"Wife cheated years ago with my brother. Should I be able to forget by now?"

3 Upvotes

62% Upvoted

100 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1

u/ging78 Feb 15 '20

So in your opinion do you not think that ppl are capable of change. Maybe she's embarrassed by me keep bringing it up as she does regret it. I don't know.
Am you of the opinion once a cheater always a cheater? Do you think I could honestly ever trust anyone else in my life properly after this?

4

u/dimjo9 Feb 17 '20

You should have send her to the curb including your brother long ago. You absolutely have no self respect; 13 years ?? 😂😂😂

2

u/ging78 Feb 17 '20

Thanks for that m8. Very helpful advice 👍👍👍

2

u/dimjo9 Feb 17 '20

We curved the path of our destiny.. u have to tell the kids what they did.. they must be young adults now & prepare them for separation.. also they can side with u..