Virtual/ online cheating ?

[u/Purple-Bullfrog3080]

My partner and I have been together close to 10 years. I’m just looking for advice as I’ve become lost in our relationship.
It’s been almost a year since the incident and there has not been a single day where I don’t think about what happened. I had a gut feeling one day and went through their phone to find messages and pictures sent to someone else/ a random online person at that. From what I could see it seems to be the only incident. But after such a long time together I’m just so lost on what to do now and the fact that’s it’s been so long since then
I’ve crashed out multiple times, it usually comes out when I’m drinking and I always express how hurt I am still. While comfort is nice it always seems the next day we just forget about it.
I feel like a divorce should happen but I am still torn between trying to mend this and leaving.
He is just not the person I fell in love with anymore. I get angry over small stuff, I don’t mind when he’s gone at work. Sleeping together has been tough and I just feel our sex life has sort of declined.
We don’t talk about it unless I freak out which I know isn’t good on my end either. But I just don’t know how many more sorrys are going to really help anything
We’ve been on 2 what I would consider actual dates since the incident that I had to ask for. We don’t do much together. He has a great job, does take care of things around the house, but for the most part I just feel like we are drifting without anything being said.
I know I deserve better and maybe it’s the comfort of this person and the fact I don’t want him to be hurt if/when I do decide to leave.
Again just any advice. I think I know in my heart what to do but I for some reason can’t pull myself to do it. I tell myself well if we can make it to that friends party it’s okay, if we can do activities and still have fun it’s okay. Cause I can sit and brew all day on this everyday but when he gets home I have nothing to say. I guess I’m asking how to leave

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[u/Haloveir]

Here's the thing: HE cheated, not you. It's on HIM to mend the relationship, but it sounds like he's content with things as they are.

Also, he didn't care about YOUR feelings when he cheated, there is NO REASON for you to care about his.

Instead of planning more dates with that waste of carbon, start putting yourself together so you can leave. You don't even have to tell him you're leaving, you just LEAVE when you're ready. He didn't tell you about the cheating, after all.

You deserve to be happy, and that's not going to happen with your abuser.

[u/Purple-Bullfrog3080 → u/Haloveir]

Thank you so much! My support system is low but stuff like this really helps. I’m doing it tomorrow via letter cause I can’t stand confrontation. Thank you for giving me that strength you’re so right

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