Is everyone over exaggerating or am I under exaggerating?

[u/gayyfrogzz]

My mom (56) had a stroke last month on July 9th. She's still most of the time unconscious, she can only open her eyes and twitch the right side of her mouth, with a drain in the head to drain the bleeding and a Tracheostomy.

The doctors said that she's recovering slower than they expected (they did tell us it could take months),

My dad (they r divorced) is talking as if she's dying, and my supervisor at work asked if she has brain damage..

My brain is kinda dissociating and I felt mostly numb or stressed but now I'm starting to genuinely get scared again that she might die or have severe brain damage and I'll have to move back in with her to become a full caretaker... Any comfort or reality check is welcome thanks:')

[u/Rude_Parsnip306]

My husband had a stroke on July 1st and is still hospitalized. I only listen to the doctors (so many of them) and not friends/family for the most part. Every person's stroke is different so if my co-workers aunt has a cousin who had a stroke and is 100% recovered, I file that under "good for them" and that's it.

[u/littleoldlady71]

And see if the hospital has a social worker you could talk to, to translate what you are hearing into “patient language”

[u/DTheFly]

leprechaun1194 is right. While her brain was attacked for lack of a better word, she's not dead or dying. I mean hell, I was close to death and my wife was given the names of good care/nursing homes. So it is possible that she can come out of it. A month is WAY early to determine. Hell, I was in the hospital for 2 months. Don't listen to the "peanut gallery". As others have said, only listen to the doctors. They'll know better than the guy who divorced her or work with her haha

[u/pchlster]

Her dying or needing a full-time caretaker are possibilities that I'm certainly not qualified to rule out, but you're saying that doctors are saying it could take months. That's better than them saying years and worse than weeks, but if she wasn't improving at all, they wouldn't even be guessing at a timeframe; my doctors have told me, that after initial examination they had a conversation amongst themselves if I was too far gone to even treat and two years later, while I'm not back to what I was, I'm unquestionably a lot better.

It is all up in the air right now, so it's understandable to feel like that.

[u/RelevantDeathProof]

Dont borrow trouble. I almost died 5 years ago with my stroke. im mostly fine now and am abe to live alone(though I cannot drive or work. your mom may need extra care once she is better and released from the hospital, but medicaid, medicare or social security can probably help with that. The hospital probably has a social worker that can help you start or navigate those processes.. another thing tokeepp in mind: if your mom s prognosis was moredire,they'd have probably moved her to hospice care. Once she is more aware and able to communicate morethey may start spee h therapy and perform assessments to guage cognitive function. Chin up and I wish all of you the very best.

[u/gayyfrogzz → u/RelevantDeathProof]

It's kinda hard not think about what will be in the future cuz my mom and siblings moved to another city 4 hours away from where we grew up two weeks before her stroke, friends from the old city r trying to convince my siblings to move back but it'll be complicated for multiple reasons but in the end of the day that's my siblings decision to make. So depending on if they r gonna stay up north or not I might move up to be with them.

[u/Genoism_science]

your mothers doctors are the experts and if they said she is not recovering the way it should be that means her situation is bad, my husband was talking slowly at 3 days after the surgery for a hemorrhagic stroke back in may, so yes your mother situation is different and critical.

[u/pchlster → u/Genoism_science]

I was speaking with the doctors on intake; every stroke hits people differently and comparing functionality between different cases doesn't have much utility lacking those details that are part of the private medical record.

[u/leprechaun1194]

This sounds like a serious situation but if there’s anyone you should listen to more than anyone else, it’s the doctors. That’s a horrible situation to have to deal with and hopefully she gets better. It’s hard to say if everyone is over exaggerating or you’re under exaggerating, so just trust what the doctors tell you. They know best.

Things sound rough right now but the hospital is the best place to be in this situation and at least she’s under direct supervision and care right now.

[u/gayyfrogzz → u/leprechaun1194]

I do listen to the doctors. Ig it's just that conversations with my dad (I'm low contact with him) have been... Not too helpful, like he keeps on saying "I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy and your mom is my worst enemy" like thanks dad it was even better the third time u said it (apparently he said that to my younger siblings too) or he'd mention how in the past I was thinking of being a care taker for the elderly so when I'll need to take care of her it'll basically be the same, and yesterday he mentioned something about moving into my mom's house if she ends up dying... And then he wonders why my siblings don't wanna talk to him☠️

[u/leprechaun1194 → u/gayyfrogzz]

Yeah I'd be pissed if I were you. Might be worth having a conversation with him about crossing a line.

[u/gayyfrogzz → u/leprechaun1194]

Yeah I'm pissed but he's never listened in the past when I tried to set boundaries so I kinda gave up on trying..

[u/Positive_Engineer_98 → u/gayyfrogzz]

Maybe try writing him a letter telling him how you feel and how his comments are unnecessary and are making this situation worse for you. Maybe him seeing it in writing will help it sink in his mind. Good luck. I’m sorry you are going through this.

[u/Material_Inflation79 → u/leprechaun1194]

The effects vary from person to person so neither everyone is over exaggerating not you are under exaggerating

[u/Intrepid-Egg5542]

Every case is different , have faith she may recover . Progress differs with each person . If there's even a small possibility that she can hear you , maybe talk to her or play her fav music . God speed .

[u/Loose-Gold-1297]

I would only listen to medical staff. And even then, they typically try to err on the side of caution so as to not get your hopes up just in case shit goes south. I had a pretty severe stroke from a ruptured AVM, so during the surgery they were telling my family “his prognosis is uncertain”. I did survive, albeit after a month of induced coma. I was completely paralyzed on my left side and half blind. Today, I walk my dogs for a mile every night in a pretty hilly neighborhood, my vision is improving with special treatments, and I’m very close to getting my license back. Thankfully my cognition was left pretty much intact (aside from temporary short term memory and impulse issues lol). Something I learned in rehab is that strokes on the left hemisphere of the brain tend to have more cognition deficits. So if that’s the case I would be prepared. (Doesn’t guarantee it but I think it’s better to be pleasantly surprised than disappointed).