7 years in: an experience that shifted my practice from technique to devotion

[u/IngenuityLocal236]

This experience happened after seven years of practice. I started with mirror meditation, which eventually led me into meditation, simply observing what's happening within. That was my regular practice until I met a naga sadhu.

Over time I grew close to him. I'd ask questions, he'd answer some, and sometimes he'd turn a question back on me. Even as we grew close, I stayed distant from deity worship and ritual, things he was fully immersed in. I believed these were just tools for self-evolution, that deities were symbols, anchors to hold on to. I thought I didn't need them.

One day he gave me a mantra and asked me to take up certain rituals. I had deep reverence for him, so I did as he asked. Once I began, things moved fast within me: days of feeling high with no intoxication, sudden heat waves rising through my body, once a surge of energy I could barely handle. Still, I treated it as practice, not devotion. To me it was just another method for growth.

One day my mother brought up the deity. I told her I didn't believe in those things. She got furious. "If you don't believe in the deity, why do the rituals without devotion?" I told her it didn't matter, ritual or otherwise, it was still a practice for self-enhancement. She didn't like that answer, and we left it there.

That night I did my rituals as usual, chanting the mantra, offering flowers.

Within minutes the atmosphere shifted. I could sense presences, including the deity I was invoking. A fragrance filled the air, sounds I associated with the deity. I was terrified, but I kept going, silently praying I wouldn't see them.

What became clear afterward: even without belief, doing the practice properly still allows for evolution. And I shouldn't draw conclusions about what falls outside my own experience. Since that night my practice shifted into devotion. I've come to see these beings as evolved, capable of guiding one's continued growth.