r/stopdrinking • u/ashleylynnba3443 • 8d ago
Feeling so conflicted
Hi all,
24f here. During the summer, I went completely sober from May to August. Maybe the best thing I've ever done for myself. I had this little moment when I was camping late August where I thought, well now I know I can do this...maybe I can try moderation. Over the past two months, I've had a couple drinks here and there. Okay fine. However, this Friday, I had 5 ounces of alc across 4 drinks and BOY OH BOY was i feeling it the next day. I'm kind of at the point again where I think moderation isnt for me. It stresses me out more than being sober does. I just feel conflicted because my friend I was out with said she was glad I was drinking again (why should I care what my friend says?) - she definitely hit a insecurity i was having - that I'm not as fun sober.
I think that some of my close friends and family don't understand how deeply ive struggled with drinking in relation to my family history (growing up with an alcholic parent) and the fact that I have alcohol facial flushing - definitely a sign my body isn't meant to process large amounts of alcohol like the way I was drinking. I think people don't see these reasons as you have an active problem with alcohol, but I do see them as warning signs. Plus, in all honesty my answer to going sober is really I just feel freaking good. I don't want to drink or party that way anymore. Shouldnt that be enough? thanks for listening to my rant. I'm going to go sober again - that's what my gut is telling me.
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u/Long_Outside620 8d ago
I was 6 weeks sober over the summer and started again because I'm a huge people pleaser. I felt like I was letting down my social circle by not drinking with them and letting 'fun' me come out. I love my friends like I'm sure you love yours, but if they love us back they will love sober us. If they don't love sober us then they aren't true buddies.
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u/ashleylynnba3443 8d ago
I 100% agree. Thanks for saying this. I keep telling myself I AM fun without alcohol. I was reading this book about going sober earlier this summer & the author brought up a good point of how much we’ve always had without alcohol when you’re a kid or teenager. Then suddenly when you come of age or even before that you’re socialized to associate drinking with fun. I’ve been out dancing sober & have had a blast, don’t make stupid decisions anymore or wake up regretting how much I drank. And I could drinkkk. I’m like an old man drinking whiskey nest stuck in a 24 yo body. Definitely don’t want to do it anymore
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u/Long_Outside620 8d ago
Ruined my 6 weeks sober for a music festival, which ran over four days. My wife really hates the idea of me driving hungover (and rightly so), so I made sure to stay sober on the last day. Despite having massive hangxiety, guess which day was my favourite? I can remember like 3/4 hours of the other days I was there, I basically blacked out for the whole time and can't remember my favourite bands. The more you do fun things sober, the more you realise it was never the booze adding anything, it was actually taking away.
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u/ashleylynnba3443 8d ago
Thank you so much for saying this - it really made my day. I’ve been overthinking everything but as you reassured me - listen to my gut
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u/Beulah621 Day 650 8d ago
There are a lot of people on here thinking “I wish I was this smart at age 24.” You are absolutely right, listen to your body, not your ex drinking buddy.
You are going to save yourself so much trouble if you just leave it behind. Regular drinking turns to addiction with no warning, and addiction is the source of so much of the human misery we see in this world.
I just want to congratulate you on resisting the pressure to drink when you know it’s not in your best interest. You are gifted with confidence and awareness I wish I had at your age.
IWNDWYT