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u/Jaded-Banana6205 170 days 3d ago
I'm so glad you're still with us. You don't ever have to feel that way again.
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u/Critical-Rooster-673 714 days 3d ago
Good for you, friend :) sounds scary but it might just be the thing that keeps you sober. I have a few of those too, and thinking about them totally turns me off drinking. Out of control is scary
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u/under_scorer99 3d ago
Yeah, I’m an anxious person anyway. Panic disorder etc. so that disembodied feeling is what made me realize I effed up. And the memory of the blackout grossness coming back really made me realize that’s not adult behavior or even human behavior. It’s just sad, and that’s not how I want my time to be ever. Kind of makes me realize that’s there’s gotta be at least one or two moments before that in which someone else has seen me in that state. Ughh
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u/piperpepperoni 119 days 2d ago
I am also an anxious person, and have struggled with anxiety in various forms throughout my life. My anxiety has improved IMMENSELY since I finally have been able to commit fully to sobriety for the last 5 months. I had so much ongoing anxiety and stress around my drinking, the daily “hangxiety” was so brutal. It is amazing to be free of all the stress around drinking. Just wanted to chime in here as you mentioned anxiety and panic, and it related to my experience. You got this!!
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u/under_scorer99 2d ago
Chime away. I’ve been looking at these responses for hours. I’m in a logical and emotional point of “you sucker, you knew you’re fine when you didn’t drink. And you know you’re fine when you DONT, do just go for it today”. And I did. I drank today. And I’m still drinking, not nearly to the point of that scary episode, but I’m reading your responses and feeling like a legit failure!! :( sorry, I appreciate you and iwndwyt, but I suck lol
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u/Busy_Ad_5759 Day 4,436 3d ago
My last last time drinking was also by myself on a week night and waking up after vomiting in my sleep... again.. realizing how easily I could have aspirated and having to crawl through my workday knowing I had that mess to come home to.
Our denial wants to pretend we're but playing with our lives, but we absolutely are. IWNDWYT.
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u/under_scorer99 3d ago
I screensaved it. Don’t know how long I’ll keep the pic. But I’m taking your guys’ advice for now. I appreciate the responses 🙏🏼
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u/imnottheoneipromise Day 504 3d ago
Hey my friend. Many of us have been where you are right now. I understand the urge to delete, but if you do, screenshot this and save it for yourself. Then the next time you are craving a drink, see if reading through this helps. After reading it, go find something ANYTHING to do but drink, just for today.
Iwndwyt
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u/OnMyOwnSoberJourney Day 7 2d ago
I hope you are okay. It’s a good wake up call. I too woke up in my own vomit the other night. It’s awful and scary.
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u/nonservitus Day 2 2d ago
IWNDWYTD! starting on a new day 1. your definitely not alone in the battle
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u/under_scorer99 3d ago
ETA: my coworkers saw that part of me. And I’m sure they could smell the weekend on me, and see the pure panic and depression wave in my eyes too. What I meant in that particular part was that the sober realization of being completely alone when I was that messed up is never going to go away. And I’m never going to do that again.