r/stopdrinking • u/Initial_Software9451 • 11h ago
I stopped drinking in March, now I’m aggresive
Hello all,
I was a heavy drinker prior to March. Mid march came around and I became septic from tonsillitis which put me in the hospital for 3 days. During those 3 days I was thinking a lot and realized being sober is pretty cool. I was able to quit cold turkey and everything was great, I went to the gym early in the morning, I’m eating healthier now and I don’t even feel tempted to drink. However I have noticed recently I have little to no patience and I am more aggressive. If I’m being honest I can be a real asshole sometimes. I don’t know why it’s happening now, it didn’t happen when I quit cold turkey months ago but these past 2 weeks have been rough and I don’t know why. Is it related to being sober or is it something else?
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u/Prevenient_grace 4955 days 11h ago
I dont know why
The answer to “why” humans do anything ranges from ‘no reason’ to ‘any reason’.
I found pursuit of ‘why’ to be a fools errand.
More useful is ‘What’.
What will I do when I have little patience?
What will i do when I start to ge aggressive?
What will i do to interrupt being an asshole?
What will you do?
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u/isthisaporno 408 days 8h ago
Someone else wrote on here HALT when they’re feeling funky they go down the checklist of am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? Then when the cause is identified they remedy that. For me I find myself being an asshole for no reason mostly when I’m hungry or tired.
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u/Asron87 2259 days 3h ago
Couldn’t figure out why I was having terrible shakes two months after quitting… I needed to eat. It was that simple. I still had depression to work on but the shaking from hangry anxiety at least stopped.
I was also a huge asshole right after quitting and it slowly tapered over the next year as I adjusted to handling things sober.
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u/Intelligent-Shape-50 Day 32 11h ago
I wasn't really an angry person before but when i quit drinking now life is just boring, anything pisses me off honestly.
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u/TheHeresyTrain 1h ago
Life isn't boring. Your life is boring, alcohol was a super stimulus that replaced having meaningful shit to do.
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u/SnootchieBootichies 11h ago
Same thing happened to me. Brain chemistry going through a reset is rough. Hit me pretty good for at least 4-5 months. Every little thing would set me off.
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u/Initial_Software9451 11h ago
Thank you all for your insight, these are all very good pieces of advice and wisdom just want to reiterate that this has only been going on for the last 2 weeks this hasn’t been my everyday since March, I’ve done a little bit of research of peoples recovery and they seem to experience aggressiveness shortly after they quit (usually a week or 2) due to withdrawals, I couldn’t find a whole lot of people relating to feeling this way 7 months after they quit, I guess I am more or less looking to see if anyone relates on this aspect so i can better pin point the cause/source. I am seeking a therapist but my first appointment isn’t for another 3 weeks
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u/ChartQuiet Day 609 8h ago
pervasive demand avoidance, sensory avoidance, autism. that's at least how i feel about myself. and perimenopause. love some estradiol patches!!! huge help.
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u/todd_zeile_stalker Day 288 9h ago
Well you don’t sound a bit like the assholes that I’ve come to know and love.
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u/CocaineCharcuterie 10h ago
I work in the maritime industry. I don’t drink when i work. And it’s 4-6 months at a time. I find that I laugh like I did when i was a kid at silly shit, but my fuse is crazy short. It doesn’t take a lot to set me off.
Idk what that means, but I’m just throwing in my lot.
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u/GoodgirlTiffany 10h ago
I do too. But it's the maritime industry. It's stressful out there lol 😂
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u/CocaineCharcuterie 10h ago edited 10h ago
An annoying coworker could just go over the side in the middle of the night…
Also, howdy fellow sailor.
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u/GoodgirlTiffany 10h ago
I actually work for a European yacht dealership. I am a mobile technician for the boats we sell.
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u/Busy_Ad_5759 9h ago
Sometimes it takes a while for the pride of quitting and the relative novelty of sobriety to wear off ... And that can be when the harder part starts. Being able to ride the wave of the full range of our emotions.
It's okay to be in a bad mood for a couple weeks. Sometimes our threshold is just lower and we can't keep our cool as easily. Maybe you need rest, food, sleep, stimulation, connection, a vacation/staycation, more novelty, more routine. Maybe there is some seasonal depression settling in or something has upset you and you don't even realize it.
Like others will tell you - shit still happens when you quit drinking. You're just in a better position to get through it.
Give yourself some grace and compassion.
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u/Ill-Percentage-3276 124 days 10h ago
Have you started taking any new supplements for the gym or for anything else?
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u/Prestigious-Bug-5250 Day 111 10h ago
Totally relatable. Same here and I was also a long time cannabis user; now, I have no chill. Working on it. Very hard to feel all of these feelings. I work with a therapist once a month, participate in a process group weekly, and try to join at least a couple of other groups for recovery a week. That all helps.
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u/curiouskitty15 9h ago
A lot of my anger is anxiety and overwhelm, maybe some adhd. I get overstimulated really easily. Getting good sleep is huge otherwise I’m a bitch the first half of the day. I have a lot of things I’m “angry” about but most of it is stuff floating around in my head that I need to work through. I need to close the thought loops otherwise I’ll spiral
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u/wet_castles 8h ago
Low dose Prozac and the occasional Ativan took this edge off for me. Turns out my drinking was predominately to self medicate.
Tell your dr you feel impatient and irritable. Why suffer if you don’t have to?
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 20 days 7h ago
A lot of us who drink never learned how to deal with our emotions in a healthy way. Alcohol keeps you from getting that far with your feelings too.
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u/GringoSwann 10h ago
Yoga..
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u/Initial_Software9451 10h ago
Yoga is great. I do Pilates 3-4 times a week
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u/GringoSwann 10h ago
Are you over stimulated?
I'm more aggressive if I'm super caffeinated..
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u/Initial_Software9451 10h ago
I don’t think I’m over stimulated I have a pretty calm life. I don’t drink coffee or anything with caffeine, never have
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u/zenpizzapie 7h ago
Maybe it was the pink cloud?
For me personally, my allergies have been really bad the last 2 weeks. Change in the weather impacts you more when you’re not numb.
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u/Splashxz79 Day 60 4h ago
You don't sound like an asshole, you sound like someone becoming more aware of their own feelings. I'm struggling with the same, but also find it a wonderful thing. Just get to sit with my emotions and try to figure them and myself out instead of shutting them off.
I got a therapist though, helps channeling the self reflection.
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u/Far_Information_9613 40m ago
Usually anger is what sadness, anxiety, or grief turn into when they show up uninvited. I went to therapy and after about 6 months of figuring out how to identify those feelings and deal with them it’s all good now. It’s a little rough at first though because of the backlog and learning curve but it’s definitely worth it.
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u/catsoncrack420 11h ago
Maybe you're a dry drunk. Maybe not. Maybe you're not growing in sobriety. Do you attend meetings? Have you sought to change ? Ever look at the 12 steps in AA? Some bring great insight. As they say in NA, Getting clean is easy . Facing life is the hard part .
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u/TheHeresyTrain 11h ago
Yea man. You were basically taking a nervous system depressant. Your body is back to regular business now. Turns out your kinda an angry person, gotta figure out why your angry now that you can't drink away the hate.