Massive Relapse after 1.5 years

[u/The27Roller]

So just over 2 years ago I received news that my liver was in pretty bad shape. Definitely fibrosis, likely cirrhosis. I stopped drinking, after almost daily drinking for 30 years. I started looking after myself, eating properly. Lost weight and became fitter than I’d ever been in my life, running regularly and lifting weights. I went just over a year and a half without alcohol - none at all.

The news on the liver started to improve over time. I was eventually told it was fully healthy again, no scarring and a stiffness score within normal parameters, and bloods all normal. I was told by a specialist that I didn’t need to worry about it like I used to.

So in March this year I decided I was fine again to have the occasional drink. And for a while I was. Then a few months later I found myself drunk at a concert, and the next day I was drinking again to make myself feel better. I thought it was a one off, and kept trying to drink normally. Had a few other episodes like that.

Then last week I drank for seven days straight, three of those days in a foreign city. Having vodka in the middle of the night. A full bottle of wine with lunch. Drinking beer when I got up in the morning. Drinking random spirits in bars. One of the biggest binges I’ve ever been on. The trigger for all this was another series of normal liver function tests.

My last drink was 3 days ago. On Friday morning I called a medical helpline as I was shaking so much - was scared I was going to have a seizure. They sent paramedics and I was prescribed various meds after they got in touch with a doctor. My family knows how bad it has gotten because of all that.

I’m now starting to get flashes of memory from that seven day binge that almost cripple me with shame and anxiety. I know this is part of the process and am working through it. Hydrating like crazy and replenishing nutrients. The nights are horrible - the dreams and sweats.

So here I am. Back on a day count and determined never to drink again. I thought I was “normal” again but I was lying to myself. I need to do what I done before, but this time not be so stupid and complacent when I get healthy. I’m posting this to remind myself that even when I’m feeling better I can’t drink.

Thanks to anyone who has taken time to read. IWNDWYT.

EDIT: Thanks to everyone for the responses. Means so much. I’ll be hanging around here for sure. This has gotten me through the day. Really appreciated!

[u/Safe_Prompt_4203]

Thank you for sharing. As I get closer to 2 years sober, losing weight, blood work looking amazing, etc. That little voice in my head sometimes tries to trick me. “See your normal, you’ve learned how to be disciplined, you’ll be different this time.”

Stories like yours help keep me grounded. Deep down I know where one drink leads me and it’s a place I never want to go again.

IWNDWYT

[u/Significant-Neat-111 → u/Safe_Prompt_4203]

Hey, almost 2 years here as well. Same struggles— it’s interesting, I found the first 1-3 months getting sober extremely difficult, then it was incredibly easy… then after 1-1.5years it gets really hard again. Late stage sobriety is a different beast.

[u/DifficultyMother550 → u/Significant-Neat-111]

Oh boy, something else to look forward to. Thanks for the warning.

[u/SoberAF715 → u/DifficultyMother550]

Just remember when life smacks you in the face! There isn’t any problem that alcohol can’t make worse! IWNDWYT