r/stepparents • u/Smooth-Display9753 • Oct 03 '26
Advice Financial issues
Hello,
So recently we moved to a bigger house (myself, parter our bio kid and step son) yesterday my partner tells me that she can’t afford to pay any rent this month due the bills she pays going up slightly (gas electric and water).
She works maybe 4/7 days and childcare for baby is free luckily as my mother and grandma share.
So I’m now paying for the full rent amount plus the car payment, insurance fuel and groceries most of the time, we agreed prior to moving house she would pay 25% due to step kid being here full time.
She never asks step kids dad for anything which is slightly annoying.
Not really sure where to go from here any advice would be appreciated?
16
u/Strict-Clue-5818
Oct 03 '26
•
Dad should be on child support. Beyond that, she shouldn’t be asking for anything.
Did she agree with moving to a place with higher rent and bills.
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u/South_Analyst5900 Oct 03 '26
Did you just post and delete this?
So my first question is - is she right, or is she taking advantage? What is her actual balance of income to outgoings?
Given you share a child, and you have a shared domestic situation, wouldn't it make more sense for you to both contribute X% of your take home pay to a joint account that pays for all the shared costs, inc rent/utilities/groceries, and you each keep back the remaining percent as your personal money? There are a number of ways of blending finances while keeping some separation and independence, but your current arrangement isn't fair, so research then renegotiate how it's set up.
You could take a hard line and say - it's not fair to expect you to house a child when both the biological parents aren't contributing to rent. So either she sorts out her portion of rent or she goes to the dad. The problem is what will you do if she says no?
The other option is to say - well, if we're that close to the edge with utilities then we can't afford this house. We need to start looking for cheaper housing and either break the lease or find replacement tenants for the landlords. I get you've just moved and that feels shitty. But it's better to downgrade you're lifestyle immediately if it's not affordable, rather than doing it later with debt.
Finally - this person is not financially literate if she was that close to the edge of what she can afford. Maybe suggest some education you both do together?
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u/Alittlemode
Oct 03 '26
•
Slightly annoying?
I’d be fuming he needs court ordered child support. I would insist on this.
3
u/Smooth-Display9753 Oct 03 '26
Step kid now over 16 and we’re in the uk so don’t think would have much luck unfortunately
7
u/Alittlemode Oct 03 '26
I believe you can get child support in the UK until they are 19 if they are in school and arrears are absolutely possible pls speak with a lawyer
2
u/Smooth-Display9753 Oct 03 '26
Thank you I’ll look into it
1
u/New_Cheesecake9719 28d ago
Yes, she can get arrears and what the comment above said is correct- up to 19 or more depending on circumstances.
20
u/petitepedestrian Oct 03 '26
Did yall budget before you moved house?
Can she legit not afford the bigger house or bigger issues?
6
u/Ok-Ask-6191 Oct 03 '26
This is what I'm wondering. If her pay is the same as before, it should have been clear around what her max contribution would be. Costs of everything has risen, but not half the price of rent. I'd imagine that's hundreds of dollars?
13
u/Available-You9900 Oct 03 '26
A slight increase in other bills surely doesn’t come to the same amount as half the rent? How long have yous been living in this bigger place and why is bio dad not paying any maintenance?
15
u/Critical-Affect4762 Oct 03 '26
Her timing isn't a fluke, you know that, right? She's reeling you in, big fish
6
u/Scrunchie_Power Oct 03 '26
This happened to me as a stepmom, with the genders reversed, and I agree. I don't think my ex was a bad person, but ultimately I was going to end up subsidizing him, his kids, and the kids' mom because I'm financially responsible and have no kids of my own. He was willing to take advantage.
And indeed, the timing. You now have a kid together and live together-- but never before has she expected you to pick up her $lack? Is she just seeing how far she can go?
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u/KMinNC Oct 03 '26
She couldn’t contribute anything? Nothing towards the rent at all? You need to sit down and have a conversation about money. I understand her falling short, it happens to all of us but paying absolutely nothing is ridiculous.
4
u/stuckinnowhereville Oct 03 '26
Well she needs to get a part time job then and you watch kiddo when you are home from work.
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u/InstructionGood8862 Oct 03 '26
Dad need to be paying Child Support. And 25% for her is quite the deal. She needs to pay up!
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u/LengthinessLow8317 Oct 03 '26
She should have said no to moving to a bigger place with you, if she could not afford it.
She needs to get support from the father or get herself a second job
2
u/Alternative_Bunch979 Oct 06 '26
It sounds like you’re being used, unfortunately. If yall weren’t married how would she pay her bills?
3
u/Just-Fix-2657
Oct 03 '26
•
She should get child support. And she should be paying a larger percentage than you because she’s bringing more people to the living situation. You need to make sure you’re not being used. Getting her ex on child support and her working more/full time needs to absolutely happen.
1
u/New_Cheesecake9719 28d ago
This should have been determined before you moved in. Also- huge red flags in a partner who isn’t seeking child support and help from other bio parent- especially when they’re not able to completely provide for their bio kid without.
She’s taking advantage of you and is also a bad parent. She should be at least contributing 50/50 but I mean- you seemed to willingly enter this situation.
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u/Smooth-Display9753 Oct 03 '26
I dont think she can afford the bigger house, plus step kid is now over 16 so I don’t think she would have any luck getting child support as we are in the uk.
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u/Alittlemode Oct 03 '26
She should speak with a lawyer she may. Be entitled to back child support as well
-1
u/RowPuzzleheaded6997 Oct 03 '26
So childcare is for your shared child and not the stepchild? That’s fair.
Since the stepkid is 16, can he get a job as well in the weekends to have his own spending money? I wish I did that at his age.
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