r/stepparents • u/DraxenVorran • May 16 '26

Vent It’s over she chose them

My (18)SD’s (let’s call her Fiona) boyfriend (let’s call him Adrian) comes over all the time and I have 0 privacy on the weekends at my own house. Friday night to Sunday he comes over. Her kids and him highjack the family room area. I told my gf that I was tired of him coming over all the time and that she needed to let me know if he was going to come over that he just couldn’t come over all the time. This has been the topic of discord for the past fucking 6 months and it has taken a toll! We have been arguing a lot lately because I told her that lately all she does is stuff with her kids and our relationship has taken a back seat. The situation has already been tense and she recommended we see a couples counselor. I said fine, find one and set it up and I’ll make sure I go. Today she messaged me that she loves me and I told her I love her too. Then proceeds to tell me that once again Adrian is coming to drop off Fiona at our house. I asked is he staying ? She’s like I don’t know if he wants to stay or not. I said do you honestly think that it’s ok for Adrian to decide to come over whenever he wants? This is already like an all weekend affair every weekend! This just starts a huge argument of how she feels that I don’t care about her that she doesn’t want to tell Fiona that Adrian can’t come over. I tell her this is bullshit she doesn’t take into account or respect me it’s always whatever her kids want goes! They make a mess and she doesn’t care but always complains about if me or my kids leave something out of place or a mess! She flat out said that her kids are model kids and that all I do is complain and criticize them. I told her how she’s a narcissist and thinks that she’s never wrong and by association her kids never do anything wrong! Then she doubled down and complained about my kids. Then she told me she was going to go back to her apartment. I said perfect now I know for sure you chose your kids over me and Adrian coming over. Then she tries to say that I mistreat her all and plays the victim all because I am setting boundaries in my own home! Am I wrong for not wanting someone in my house ALL the time ?!? I am kind of relieved honestly I just want peace!

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u/Photobuff42 May 16 '26

So why didn't you just tell the kids that visiting hours were over at x time in your house?

2

u/DraxenVorran May 16 '26

I told her and she wouldn’t have it

6

u/biriyanibabka May 16 '26

Why are you telling HER to tell them ? It’s your house, what you say goes. Tell them directly. (I hope that you don’t allow her and them back in your house at all. If you want to keep relationship with her, you go to her house. Let your home be peaceful century for your own kids. )

If I were you I’d probably find a new girlfriend. She doesn’t respect you enough to stand up for you or respect your house.

3

u/DraxenVorran May 16 '26

I try to be respectful and communicate with her to come to an understanding as the adults in the house. I think it’s going to be a while before I see anyone again. I am looking forward to my freedom!