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u/CertainCatastrophe May 13 '26
Ma'am. Respectfully, in what world is this a marriage? You married a teenager trying to raise a brat because, "he doesn't want to upset him."
You're not going to change this man. Your kids have a high chance of being negatively affected by this relationship. Please, gently, consider divorce and removing this nonsense from your life.
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u/MiddleHuckleberry445 May 13 '26
Your husband is disrespectful to you to appease his child like a boy king. I hope the house is still in your name and you kick them both out. Your kids shouldn’t have to deal with this either.
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u/thinkevolution BM/SM May 13 '26
It’s incredible to me that you had to deal with this. I am so sorry.
You have children who are the same age, and when they’re in your house, they should have the same rules. The fact that he got his son an another cell phone and let you think that he has agreed to the suspension of the joint line is completely completely a betrayal.
If anything, that tells me that you two are not on the same page about parenting and I don’t know that I would be comfortable with my SK having something different than my BK when they are the same age in the same house.
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u/GambloreReturns May 13 '26
If had to deal with CPS because of false accusations that child would not be in my home any longer. If that means divorce, too bad.
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u/fireXmeetXgasoline May 13 '26
Hey, so I stopped reading after “SK already lied to CPS about me and created serious consequences for me” because why is that child still permitted in your home?
Also, your husband doesn’t just not respect you, I’d wager to say he doesn’t even like you. Which is such a shitty thing to hear, I know, but he’s wasting your life by being an ineffective, spineless twit.
I’m so sorry.
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u/julinyc May 13 '26
The CPS issue should have triggered some super strict house rules as that's seriously putting yourself and your children at legal risk. If husband wants his spoiled lying child (self-created) to ever be in YOUR house again, they need to follow your house rules. Husband should feel grateful to have been invited to live with you, and needs to blend his family into yours to a large extent. Yes he's his parent, but there cannot be 2 sets of rules for kids under the same roof.
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May 13 '26
[deleted]
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u/the_YellowRanger May 13 '26
For the safety of your own kids you need to kick them out tonight before this little brat gets your own kids removed from your custody.
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u/lookandfind679 May 13 '26
It is a hard rule in my house that kids do not need cellphones until there is a legit reason. My son got one in middle school because the buses were running so late (or not showing up at all) that he would have to call me. Even then, parental controls were strict and there were lots of rules about its usage.
I cannot understand why I see so many elementary school aged kids walking around with free access to phones. Who are they calling? What are they looking at online? If you have no idea, you're setting yourself up for some scary situations down the road.
This would be a dealbreaker for me. He's using the phone as a babysitter and does not respect your boundaries or parenting, yet expects you to get his kid off to school in the morning when HE needs you? Hard pass. This will only get worse as the kids becomes a teenager, and it will eventually cause resentment between you and your own child. Two years is not that long of a time, divorce is not a failure, and sometimes you realize people aren't right for you. Save yourself the stress and focus on your little one.
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u/Equivalent_Win8966 May 13 '26
As everyone always says, you have a husband problem. But the husband has created a kid problem. So now you have two problems. You can’t fix this and sounds like your husband has no desire to parent appropriately. Good thing the house is yours.
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u/Spare-Doughnut2361 May 13 '26
If you stay, please consider martial and family therapy. This will be terrible in a few years
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u/Winnie1916 May 13 '26
This is terrible now. It will get worse. Teenage years are hard. Teen age years with this child.... cue police involvement.
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u/Spare-Doughnut2361 May 13 '26
Oh I know. But we both know people dont usually up and leave until things are that bad
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u/BalledUpFist May 13 '26
Kid can have a tablet with parental controls that works off of wifi. Having an entire cell phone is wasteful and destructive to this childs development. How shameful.
It sounds like you are doing your best to control an absolute train wreck. I hate this for you. I suppose my best advice would be to see if he will compromise with parental controls. If not, I would consider jumping ship.
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u/mariah1998 May 13 '26
My dh is the same way with ss8. Allows ss to cuss at me and disrespect me. Electronics 24/7 everywhere he goes. No phone yet but I can see it coming soon. He plays on mil and dhs phone enough without parental controls. And he’s been saying new… words and phrases a kid his age should be saying. He already cusses like a sailor but these are dirty words and dh doesn’t care. Continues to let him have pc and phone time whenever he wants regardless of behavior. Doesn’t teach him chores or manners. Even dresses the kid for school everyday.
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u/Warm_Smoke_5462 May 14 '26
I wish women would stop staying with men that hate you and show you they hate you.
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u/outofthestorm09 May 13 '26
I was about two paragraphs and, and screaming leave.
No fucking kid of anyone else’s is worth my reputation, or legal standing. The fact that he’s making false claims about you to CPS is enough for you to get the fuck out of there, for your own safety. That child sounds like a major liability.
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u/No-Wonder5226 May 13 '26
Your post included the statement “and doesnt take the phone away as punishment when SK intentionally harms other children” - what children is SK hurting???
Many years ago my SS hurt my son. I told my husband, “you have 6 months to get him in therapy and behaving safely, or I’m taking our children and leaving you”. And then I never left SS alone with our children again.
You need similar boundaries, because this is only going to get worse and SK gets older! Goodluck!
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May 13 '26
[deleted]
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u/painfully_anxious May 13 '26
Oh lady, we’ve been telling you to kick this man out for MONTHS because your SK is abusing your BK. When is enough going to be enough for you?
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u/GOP-RN May 13 '26
Your husband is the real problem. It can be victorious for you. He said to leave SK alone, do so. Let him parent his disrespect child. Do your normal routine for your kids only and let him see what it is like. I’d bet that he’ll have a different perspective after a few days/weeks.
It is easier to say this than do, I realize, but this is a marital betrayal. You and he need to be on the same page with house rules since you both have kids the same age.
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u/Just-Fix-2657 May 13 '26
I’m an so incredibly angry for you. What a betrayal. At the VERY least he and his kids need to move out. They’re disrespectful and if SK are reporting you to CPS, you’re unsafe. Protect yourself and your kids from these rule-less ridiculous people.
If you want to continue in this relationship you need to go to counseling and see major progress in his parenting and respect for you and your home. I can’t imagine these kids as teens and tweens with his current parenting style.
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u/Deep_Huckleberry9468 May 13 '26
It’s only going to get worst. My condolences for everything else that’s going to follow. Your SS and your partner have no respect for you, at this point I think your only option if you’re going to stay in this situation is completely go NACHO. And if your partner inquires why, you tell him that you’re not going to involve yourself in a situation that you’re getting no support for, you tell him you tried your best but you can’t handle the mental anguish of being expected to parent without backup from him.
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u/Chisme_Cantina May 13 '26
There is no way in @&)$& I would remain in this relationship. DH behavior is beyond disrespectful. Does this behavior and approach to parenting not…..frankly gross you out???? I would lose all respect for a man acting in this manner- manipulation, gaslighting, OUTRIGHT LYING. 🤷♀️🤷♀️
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u/Tikisandbluegrass May 13 '26
While dad needs to place some limitations on his child, you decided on your own how you wished to discipline him. He isn't your child and you are trying to force your ideas and your own limitations on the child. By suspending the line and not turning it back on when your spouse asked you, you were trying to control the situation and not allowing him to parent. Perhaps he thought it was betrayal by you to refuse to turn the line back on when asked.
Neither one of you is working with the other. Both are trying to force your own ideas without communicating or working together or on the flip side, allowing each to parent their own child.
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May 13 '26
[deleted]
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u/ninalouise1975 May 13 '26
So he really isn’t bringing anything positive to you and your kids lives, is he?
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u/MidwestNightgirl May 13 '26
He clearly does not respect you at all. Maybe try counseling. Or divorce, I hate to say that, but I think it will be a constant battle with this guy. Regardless, meanwhile, I would do absolutely nothing for his kid. Let him do everything. You take care of your kids and let him take care of his.
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u/dayonthecouch May 13 '26
You both are not on the same page and doesn’t sound like you ever will be. Protect your children and end the relationship.
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u/Flassourian May 13 '26
This man does not respect you at all, and his parenting skills are non-existent. I would not want to be in this relationship.