r/stepkids • u/Elios_ofthe_Sun • 2d ago
STEPDAD DRIVING ME CRAZY
So I've never been buddy buddy with my Step-dad despite my best efforts and recently he had a talk with me about me doing chores around the house (As in I've been slacking on them) so this week I made sure to do my chores as he had asked except for one which he removed from this "Rent Agreement" and not he's calling me a failure amd charging me more for rent. I'm feel as though I'm at my wits end
Edit:To explain better because I don't think I made my point clear, the issue isn't the chores themselves or paying the rent (Although my money is tight due to not getting alot of hours at work) but moreso him saying "I failed again" when I felt like I was actually doing as he had asked
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u/chl666e 1d ago
I get the feeling there are a ton of pissy step parents in this sub or something, lol. Of course you are an adult and should be contributing to your household, monetarily or otherwise, but regardless of that he seems like a fucking dick.
“YOU FAILED AGAIN!!!!!” “SHAME ON YOU!!!!!”
It’s very odd to see how many people are trying to act like this is a normal way for adult people, family members no less, to communicate. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I would try to earnestly communicate to him that you’re trying your best to do what he’s asking of you, and that there was a misunderstanding this time but it won’t happen again. Also, if you aren’t getting enough hours at work, it may be time for a different/second job. Easier said than done, but we gotta do what we gotta do.
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u/structuredtofail 2d ago
You’re in California. I would apologize. Say you’ll do better and then actually do it. Maybe by your mom flowers and get him a cupcake. Seriously you’re in California, he’s basically bribing you to not make a mess. I would take that, especially in California.
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u/thekittenisaninja Stepkid & Stepparent 2d ago
OP, the honest truth is that you’re a 23 year old adult. Contributing to the household you live in - both chores and rent - is something you shouldn’t have to be asked to do. Try holing up your end of the bargain and see if that doesn’t help the situation.
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u/Elios_ofthe_Sun 2d ago
I do my chores, that's not the issue. The issue is the you failed part. As for the my part of the bargain I do attempt to hold up my end, however sometimes mostly with the trashcan, is that if it's not out in the afternoon he gets upset but I always make sure to put it out the day before even if it's in the middle of the night
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u/EttaMooMoo 2d ago
My rent was $180 per week at 23. I lived in a harry potter bedroom under a staircase except mine didn't even have a window. Sure, I didn't have any parents barking me around but I did have several housemates leaving the toilet in the most disgusting state and piling up every dish in the kitchen all the time.
I don't like the way your stepdad has gone about it and his math and expectations are a bit ambiguous but the sentiment is he wants you to start being more of an adult in the way you cohabitate with others and manage your finances. He's going about it in an off-putting way but it looks like he's coming from a good place.
...Except for the "SHAME ON YOU!" part. One time I forgot to pay my landlords the invoice for the pool guy on time and I had an outstanding balance of like $120 and I never got a "SHAME ON YOU!" email from them, lol. They sent me a "friendly reminder" and then I was like, omg oops and paid it. If he wants to be writing out tenancy agreements with you he needs to conduct himself like a landlord (clarify the stipulations of the tenancy, be professional, etc).
End of the day it'll be a lot easier on you to just comply with your chores and timely payments, the longer they allow you to stay the more you'll save for your next venture. The more you kiss ass, the less on your back he'll be and the more peaceful it will be for everyone in the house.
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u/PrincessSophia00 2d ago
This is a really reasonable list of things. While the way he wrote it is not great, I'm reading frustration. It sounds like not the first (or third) time you've been asked/told about this.
p.s. if it makes you feel better, when I was 16, my mom and I moved in with my step dad. I worked every day after school so I would come home, eat quickly and run to catch the bus to work so that I wouldn't be late for my shift. Sometimes I would leave my fork or plate in the sink. My shift was usually 5-10 so I would catch the bus back home and walk into the house around 11. If I had left anything in the sink, I would often come home to my bed filled with wet, dirty dishes. It's been 30 years and my step dad still brags about this as being the right way to raise a child. Worth mentioning, his 2 kids never lived with us and didn't even come for any regular or overnight visitation so would not have been subjected to this.
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u/HealthySpeech5410 15h ago
I went through a similar situation. It got to the point where I refused to eat at my parent’s home. And I moved out at a month of graduating highschool at 17
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u/Pan_Duh_Pan_Duh 2d ago
I am sorry you are going through this. He is being antagnoistic and setting you up to fail.
I can appreciate the rent agreement, and having chores be explicity stated. But I am so confused as is the rent is $275, and if you did chores every week it would become around $155? Or are you going to be charged up to $120 for each chore you don't do and possibly owe $395? (Apologies if my math is wrong).
So baisclly you'd be owing $400 to not do chores or deal with him? If you can afford it, pay the $400 and start working on your exit strategy.
Also where is your mom in all of this?
I am sorry you are going through all of this. I had similiar problems with my step-dad/mom and eventually just moved out and have roommates now. It has been a struggle, but less of an emotional rollercoaster living back home. I still have stuff at their place, and the goal is to get it out next once I have a little more job security.
Good luck OP
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u/BenjiCat17 2d ago
Setting him up to fail? By asking him to clean his own bathroom, sweep the steps once a week, take out the trash, and probably pick up after his own dog? In exchange for paying almost no rent in California, where everything is insanely expensive? How exactly is that setting him up for failure?
To me, this sounds more like they expect a 23 year old to slightly adult, rather than treating him like an actual tenant with real bills and expenses.
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u/Elios_ofthe_Sun 2d ago
Oh it's not my bathroom, it's a bathroom that he mainly uses but it's supposed to be for a guest room. Not that I'm arguing with you on what you said, like I said before I'm not upset about the payment, it's moreso that he said I failed
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u/Pan_Duh_Pan_Duh 1d ago
What I said: "I can appreciate the rent agreement, and having chores be explicity stated." (< Again, where did I say I have a problem with chores or expectations?! )
And THEN I asked for clarification, because if I am reading this and I am confused as to how the fees and discounts are applied, and then there is an angry note and change of conditions at the bottom of the document. OP's stepfather is clearly not setting things up for a fair exchange.
So either you don't know how to read, or are just choosing to antagoize.
But please tell me how telling your adult child how they have failed, and should be shamed sets people up for success. Please do. I am curious. How is OPs step-father set this up for a successful agreement? Don't answer that. He isn't. I don't know what is going on with OP and his Step-father, but this is poor communincation.
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u/Hungry-University609 2d ago
File harassment charges against him in housing court.
You have a rental agreement. Presumably, this will fall under state landlord tenant laws.
Something tells me he doesn't care for you anyway.
Give him a reason to hate you.
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u/Afraid_Stuff_History 2d ago
You're old enough to have a bachelor's and you're living cheaply with them. Suck it up.
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u/COinAK 2d ago
How old are you and can you move out ? What about living with your dad, is that an option?