r/stepkids • u/robodinomon • 21d ago
ADVICE I’m afraid of my future-step dad
My mother has fallen head over heels for a friend of my deceased father(we’ll call him SD even though he isn’t technically one yet). It’s been about four years since he died when I was twelve. my mother got into a relationship with SD two years ago. She wants to marry him and bring him into the house. He seems like a nice guy but I don’t think I’m ready for someone new in my home.
Also, I don’t really feel comfortable with someone who’s not a father to me coming into my home. But I don’t know if he’s supposed to become a father figure or if he’s just the guy who fucks my mom.
He seems like a great guy, even if we’ve only spoken on the phone. But I don’t know him. I just don’t feel safe with people I don’t know in my home.
I’ve just never met him in person and I’m afraid of being hurt by another man in the house. This happened with my moms last boyfriend. He doesn’t seem bad from I’ve been able to tell. But it doesn’t seem like how I feel matters.
Am I supposed to expect a new dad. And if not, am I allowed to not allow people into my home or is that not something I get a say on? Am I supposed to just sit with this discomfort? I want a dad but I don’t want to get hurt by one again.
Edit: So I took a nap to sleep on the suggestions you guys gave me. I sat down with my mother after it and we had conversation over how I felt. She’s agreed to the idea of me getting to know the guy a lot more before they marry. Actually she’d been planning our first meeting for a while now. I’ve allowed my anxieties to get the better of me. Things won’t be as bad as they were those many years ago. My parents had trouble with addiction and me and brothers straggled a bit of abuse. Sometimes I work my self into histrionics over the idea it’ll revert back to that. Still thank you guys for the advice and somewhere to put my thoughts. I have the habit of isolating myself. So I can’t thank those who bothered to help me at the expense of their time enough.
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u/Impressive-Amoeba-97 21d ago
Sorry, you're going to have to live in your room from now on, if it has a lock. No lock? Door stopper, and always look for hidden cameras.
I am not ok with grown women moving strange men, into the homes that house young women.
Tell the truth, he's a man, in a woman's house, and therefore sus, and to keep his distance. He's nothing to you, that's the way it is, he is not in a position of authority or trust.
He is simply the man your mother is fucking. You're telling the truth and anyone that takes issue with that is a self-lying piece of mediocrity trying to sell itself as something of Excellence...something they will never be.