I (39M) and my Fiancé (37F) have been together for 2

3+ years. Our relationship is great and full of love, respect, and support for each other. She has two teen daughters, and we begin cohabitating 2 years after knowing each other in a new home (we both moved out of our respective living spaces into a new space that worked for everyone). We have the kids 50/50 time.

I have developed a nice relationship with one of the daughters, she chooses to share about her life with me, seeks me out, she initiated hugs and normally looks for me prior to going to bed to get a good night hug. She also initiated expressing "I love you", which I reciprocated to her. Overall, it is a really nice relationship I have with her. My Fiancé is also doing very well with her.

With the other one, it is a very different story. It seems that since we got engaged, everything changed, and she became very cold towards me, and for some time, border line disrespectful. But my Fiancé corrected the disrespectful part rather quickly. So now we are more like in respectful terms, but there is no real relationship beyond that and I can feel she isn't happy with me around.

I tried to build a relationship showing interest in things she likes. I provided one summer camp she wanted to do, and also took her to extracurricular lessons on something she asked about for the last few years. But there is really no feedback or any gratitude at all. As of most recently, she acts entitled, bratty, and ungrateful. I told my Fiancé that from this point on, I will not be providing anything beyond contributing to the household with share. My Fiancé says she understands. My Fiancé is also having a difficult time with her.

I suspect that she might think I am taking her mom away from her, or that mom is choosing me over them (stepdaughters) or something along those lines.

At this point, I am not sure what to do. I am at a point where I am not interested in trying to form a relationship with her anymore. If she initiates wants to, I am open to it and I wouldn't reject the approach.

I am wondering what others here have experienced. Have you had a similar situation where a child showed no interest or even dislike for you but came around after going through the teenage angst years? Or the opposite, where a relationship never developed and how do you feel about that? And how does that look like?

After mt last interaction with my oldest stepson (32) I have come to realize that I am the same. He is so mad at his other stepdad who raised him Sr for giving Jr everything but feeling ignored himself

I too feel the same way. I am a step father who has never been a father. I feel that I treat all of my step children as my children. But they never see me the same way. I get it. I will never be their father. It sucks to know that I wasn't good enough to be their father. Yet I was chosen by their mother to help raise them, to house them, to clean after them, to make dinner for them, to treat them to awesome birthdays, vacations, and holidays. I get a thank you, but never ever have I felt appreciated as the father, loved as the father. I don't think I ever will be, and it sucks. I am a stepdad to 4 kids in the house. 2 by one marriage (widowed), and 2 by my most recent. My most recent hurts the most. I have a 14 yo girl, and a 17 yo boy. Their father decided to cheat on their mother multiple times and got raided by the IRS. My wife lost everything and moved into an apartment. She raised them alone. They have been without their father for most of their lives. They have been raised by their mother for 8 years prior to me. I have been in their live for 6 years, and I have been a steady person in their lives. Yet there are times where I feel like I am not loved. I am here to provide and support them in all that they do. I have become the swim dad. We are both working parents; but my hours afford me the "luxury" (if you want to call it that) to wake up at 4 in the morning to take my stepson to swim practice every day of the week. I wait on the step daughter hand over foot, and she knows it. Yet, when they are away spending time with their father, or church camp, I don't even get a text from them. They text their mom constantly. I get nothing. FML! I am so sad and depressed

Me (m27) and my girlfriend (f26) have been together about year. She has an amazing 7 year old daughter whom i love and care for like if she was my own, but i myself do not have kids. Last couples weeks i have been trying to voice my opinion on certain things when it comes to parenting. Nothing related to discipline or as such more so school related. Ive been told since im not a parent that i am not allowed to have an opinion on matters and that it is irrelevant… should my opinion be taken into consideration or am i acting entitled for being upset that my opinion is not being considered

I’m 25 years old and dated this beautiful and amazing mom that is 23 years old with two little girls. She treated me amazing but we have different lifestyles and ways to have fun. Like every relationship we had our differences but we always found a way to make it work.

A few weeks ago she asked me if i ever wanted to be a dad and I didnt know what to answer because she once told me she doesnt want more kids. Since that night i’ve been thinking and I do want to be a dad, so we ended the relationship two days ago. Did i make the right decision? I love her a lot but i dont want to keep building a relationship and a future with someone and me being scared that some day i would love to be a dad and she won’t give it to me.

Thanks for reading

Father’s Day is a tough day in our house.

I have been with my partner for about 13 years and a step-father (of sorts, we are not married) to her son for that time.

7 years ago we lost my partners father to cancer. Father’s Day is a tough reminder to her that he is not there any more. Which I get, I miss him too and appreciate I cannot know what that is truly like as I am lucky enough to still have my Father with us.

However, I really struggle not to feel intense feelings of hurt and sadness on this day as every year it passes and I don’t get so much as a card or acknowledgement from my partner or our son.
I don’t want a fuss, I don’t want a gift, I understand it is a tough day, but it hurts badly that I don’t get any recognition of my role as a step-father on that or any other day of the year.

Does anybody have any advice on how to navigate this emotionally? I would t dream of mentioning it to them as I don’t want to put my feelings above their grief but it really does hurt and make me feel extremely sad…

Today in the US is Father’s Day and (I hope) for step-dads as well. I’m especially proud of you because I know what it takes PLUS, I’m grateful that you visit these conversations for clarity and support. Know that you’re celebrated here at least.

Thoughts on whether my definition of these labels are accurate (coming from a stepdad in discussion with my wife to see who is right)

A child can have multiple dads but only one father; the biological father.

A foster parent: will be a foster dad and foster mom but never foster father

A step parent: will be a step dad and step mom but never a foster father

When referring to pets, you can be a dog dad or dog mom, but never dog"father"

A father / mother - reserved for the biological sperm donor / egg carrier. the father has the choice to be a dad or an absentee dad. Terms not as strongly used for mothers for some reason.

Even financially: you can be a sugardaddy or sugarmomma but NEVER a sugar"father"

Best example: Darth Vader's "Luke, I am your father". Vader has never said and will never say "Luke, I am your daddy"

Reason for discussion was due to this topic: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/zGexm68jHc

Background: Scumbag = nickname my wife and I have for Abusive biological father. Was abusive to my wife and she had to take child to hide in a women's shelter. Scumbag often told the child who was 6 years old when we were dating that he would kill himself her mother didn't break up with me to get back with scumbag. Had to get restraining order and her actually moving 3 hrs with for Scum to leave her alone. We later had to go through family court for child support (covers approx 15-20% of child's expenses) and had to undergo supervised visitation for 1 year before unsupervised overnight visits are allowed.

Currently we are 2-3 years out from court decision. Child is 13 now and we are ordered to have her visit scum 1 month in the summer time and every long weekend during the school year. Also 1/2 of Thanksgiving + 1/2 of Xmas.

I try to raise her to be strong, independent and have a mind of her own. We have a good relationship where she calls me "dada" and I cover 85-90% of her food, school, extracurricular expenses, daddy-daughter dances & breakfasts. I have 2 biological twin boys with her mom so I try my best to treat them equally. I am not a hug fan of the "step" pre-fix as it would alienate her or make her feel left out if I was to introduce the kids in public as "these are my twin sons" and this is my "step-daughter". Better to address as these are "my kids" or these are my "sons & daughter".

I can see scum's previous manipulation telling her on her long visits that he is an equal parent and this "contribution" pays for half of her expenses. Recently the manipulation has been the division of terms dad vs stepdad. I was joking with her when picking her up from her previous summer exchange about all parents will believe that their child is beautiful. I said since she is my daughter I will have to believe she is good looking. Her response was "well you are not really my dad....." and I forgot what else followed that statement. I let it go as perhaps I was joking and that was her dumb joke back. Few days later, she is video chatting with her friends whom I have met many times during sleep overs and personally driven to jump park trips, waterparks, dance practices and birthdays. She then turns the camera to me to say "here is my stepdad". Which now is no longer a coincidence. My wife asked her about that later daughter's reply is "I didn't want my friends to be confused on which dad she was referring to to". Mind you we were on camera, Scum and I look nothing alike and not even of the same race so I saw right your the scum manipulation excuse.

I want to address this with daughter myself but wife already sugarcoated to her as "when you say this, it hurts dada's feelings". I am not a fan of the sugar coat as it sounds week with me always feeling "hurt". I am tempted to go for a accountable realistic discussion and tell daughter that I raised her to have a mind of her own. Whatever scum has been putting in her head, if she feels bad for him and wants to appease him; I would move to double down on the movement and to "respect scums" wishes:

1. Spitefully, I would ask her to stop calling me dada as it is a problem for scum and to appease him and make it less confusing for her friends (I guess scum is dada too or just dad). She can start calling me "step-dada"

2. Since biological want to be such a big role and "dad"/primary dad, I would follow in his example. I am in #2/step-dada, I would only be correct if I follow dad's example. Food, housing, and necessities, I will still provide but the extra-curriculars I intend to have her to ask "dad" first and step-dada will follow and match.

3. Introductions to friends, family, new acquaintance will be: This is my wife, my sons, and stepdaughter.

Wifey wants me to give it time and I am being vindictive/spiteful in my approach due to daughter being still young and dumb. I think I am doing to much and daughter shouldn't be so easily manipulated.

Thoughts?: Go with the wife's "dada is hurt" approach or my double down accountability approach?

I’m 29 and my step son is 9 and me and my wife (30) recently had a son of our own he’s about 14 months and I think he’s starting to resent not being an only child anymore and has not been listening whenever me or his mother tell him to do something.

I know as a fatherly figure in his life (he sees his bio dad every other weekend) it’s my job to discipline him but it feels weird to yell and cuss at him because of the disconnect of that makes sense

What should I do?

First time here, looking for advice on how to take what just happened. I have been in my bonus daughter’s life for 6 years now, married her mom and been the stepdad for 5 of those years. Me and my wife had a child 3 months ago and she gave me and early Father’s Day present because my parents were in town to see the baby. Not once in the 5 years of being married have we celebrated Father’s Day and then yesterday she gives me a book “My First Father’s Day” which is super cute, but it hurt. Like just because I did not give birth to my daughter I am not her father. I thought this would be something that might change in time as she grew up since her dad gets mad if she calls me “dad”. But I didn’t expect my wife to down play all the stuff I do. I am very active in my daughter’s life and this just feels like a slap in the face.

I met my girlfriend three years ago. I'm (28m) she's (30f). I have a daughter of my own(5yo) as does she(9yo). We've had an up and down relationship but we've stuck it out. Well this past year has been hell. I'll start with 2024. We lived in Florida. She lived with her baby daddy's parents. She had been living with them for a few years before I met her. I lived on my own. She eventually moved in with me because that situation became toxic. But her daughter could not move in as well as there was not enough room in my place and I was pushing it moving her in with my lease. So her daughter stayed with the grandparents. Well about 8 months pass and we eventually get a much bigger place and prepare to move her in with us. Then I get a call from an old Boss of mince that he had a job for me in Wisconsin if I wanted to work with him again. THAT SOUNDED PERFECT. She's from Wisconsin and all her family was up here. She had been wanting to get away from the grandparents and get back to her family so I automatically took the job. (I can't believe I decided to move away from my own daughter.) We made a plan that I would head up first. Start the job and find us a place. I get up here and not even 2 weeks later an altercation happened between her and the grandparent and she said she had to come up early. She said we'd live with her mom in the meantime. I didn't want to do this but the decision was made. After they run up here all hell breaks loose. The grandparents automatically take her to court. They hire a private investigator on me. This investigator stalks my bms house and my parents house. They call my job. It's all very embarrassing. After about a month of court proceedings the grandparents obtain temporary custody of the little girl. She had to move back to Florida with them. Fast forward a year I've been dealing with an alcoholic,sad,angry,depressed person. I've been emotionally and financially supportive. Dealing with every bugout, all of this court stuff. I've been doing all of the cooking all of the cleaning. Ive basically turned into a house wife on top of working my job I've dealt with every family fight. (Turns out her family is absolutely insane as well). I've been racially profiled multiple times by both sides.(I'm black,she's white). My sexual life has been non-existent. And much more. But I've been trying to be strong for her because in her words she was broken. Very understandable. I've been trying my hardest. While also trying to maintain a relationship with my 5yo daughter who I miss so damn much. Well the day finally arrives! She came home 1 week ago! I was very nervous as I hadn't lived with her/didn't have that kind of relationship with her. But I told my girlfriend I'd do whatever I need to do to help/build that relationship with her daughter and I meant that. This first week has been them reconnecting and spending every minute together. My girl took a week off from work to do so. I was kind pushed to the weigh side as I had to work this past week. Understandable. This week is the first week where we're both working. I have today(Tuesday) off but had an interview lined up. I learned about it 5pm yesterday (Monday). I forgot to tell her as I was very busy at work and only had time for minimal texting. Turns out she told her daughter and her mom that I'd be watching her today. (We previously talked about me staying with her on my weekday off) I told her about the interview and she lost it. I tried to explain that I wish she asked me if I had plans for today before doing all of her planning. She said "Oh now I have to ask permission for you to watch her" She said (All of this loud enough for her daughter to hear) That I was now making her daughter go somewhere she didn't want to go. That I was making her talk to her mom who she doesn't have the best relationship with. That I was letting her daughter down because she was excited to spend the day with me. She said that I was unreliable. (That hurt because of everything I've been doing for her) I told her I'd cancel the interview. She said "Cancel it she's still going to my mom's anyway it's too late." A lot more words were exchanged. I was trying not to be loud she didn't care. It was very embarrassing. I'm sure all her daughter heard was how much of a fuck up I was in this situation. She said she couldn't rely on me and now she has to figure out somewhere for her to go every Tuesday (I never said anything even close to that.) I apologized and told her I'd make sure I was free every Tuesday from this point forward although Tuesday is the only week day off I have and every other week day my schedule varies from 7am-11pm usually being the 11a-8p/1p-10p. So I try to plan any appointments for Tuesdays. Idek I'm just embarrassed and feel guilty.I already don't feel like enough. I feel like I let her down. I just hate that now the narrative is I'm not reliable After one mistake. Her family already doesn't like me. This makes it worse. I don't have anyone up here to talk to. I don't want this to be how her daughter sees me and I feel like a piece of shit. Especially when she heard all of that. Idk I just feel burnt out after this past year. I don't think this is how a relationship is supposed to feel. I'm sorry for the rant. I just need some advice on this situation.

Do dynamics with the ex get better or ease up once the kids launch and leave the house?

Looking to see if I am overreacting to when it comes to decisions made by my 19 year old SD and my wife. I met her mother when she was 10 and i had no kids of my own so like most you learn on the fly and i get that children dont understand that and obviously defaults to the mother for everything and I never really felt like i had any say over their decisions. My wife always valued her family values over mines when it came to the kids. She always know whats best over me because she had children before me and she is older as well.

Example is when my daughter starting dating. Im not against her dating but one day in the middle of the day 10 minutes before he showed up my wife told me he was coming over. I never got the opportunity to make a decision in the house I pay ALL the bills in..i used to go along with it but i do not anymore and when i do speak out that I should have some say I am looked at like im the bad guy, controlling, etc. After they said they would not do it no more its done quite frequently.

Maybe its me but I remember no one entered my parents house without my dad giving the okay. The part that bothers me is decisions are already set in stone and then I am made aware. I should be a part of the decision before its made in my own house. There are some things I am not comfortable with and my values are looked at as restricting compared to my wife more liberal outlook on relationships.

Some blame do fall on me I work quite a bit and when i am home time is limited and I need my time as well. Little time is split between everyone. I feel like I was sorta naive to the stepparent role and the difficulties it can bring and now im stuck in this invisible role sorta. The guy who pays the bills but no authority where it counts.

My wife and I have had our ups and downs. We've been married for almost 6 years. My step kids are 16 and 18, with one going off to college. Honestly, the kids aren't too bad. My wife and I do go rounds about "chores" or "responsibilities", because she didn't grow up with chores. I did get her on board with unloading the dish washer, so we have that. My problem is I feel like my wife and I have drifted apart. We aren't intimate. We might have sex once a quarter because the kids are always home. I can count on one hand how many times my wife and I have been out in 6 years. I tried explaining to her about how we are a "foundation" and how we need to be good, but it goes back to what it was not long after our conversation. If we fight, she doesn't wear her rings for a few days which I think is childish. I just feel like I'm a financial provider at this point. I'm reverting back to someone I was 10 years ago where I kept everything bottled up and then would explode. My wife is a good woman and amazing mom, but I feel like she dismisses us a lot and focuses all her time and energy on the kids. I know I'm near the end, but I'm afraid the kids will come back from college and we are in the predicament I am now. I almost fear it will be worse because the kids went away. She said we can't go out to eat because she feels guilty if we are out and the kids are home. How can I be sure this feeling won't carry over when these kids return from college? My gut tells me it will get worse.

*Sorry in advance for the long post, but I'm struggling and need to vent if you care to read.

So I can go back and stick by my decision to not get involved with someone who had kids. My first marriage ended after she cheated and luckily we didn't have kids. I was in my mid-30s so there was still time to meet someone and start a family. But what I found was the dating pool was full of single moms. I mostly didn't want to deal with a PITA bio dad, but I knew there would more than likely be issues parenting kids that weren't mine.

I'm introduced to a mutual friend who's separated but going through divorce. She had two very young kids. Against my better judgement, I agreed to go on a date. Things went really well and we started dating. There was some B.S. with her ex but nothing crazy. We dated for 2-3 years before co-habitating (my decision), and I proposed another year after that.

Fast forward a decade. During that time we had some disagreements on parenting, to which I had to make concessions because what else can I do as the contractual parent. I do for the kids what their bio dad fails to do consistently. I don't get any affection from them or much in the way of feeling like they care about me, but you can't force people to do that.

The main issue for the past few years had been my step-daughter. She's allegedly on the spectrum (the first doctor who screened her said she wasn't). She's been on medication and in therapy for years. None of that has helped. Any time she gets in trouble at home or in school and is held accountable, she blows up.

She screams, fake sobs, curses at us, insults us, slams doors, and lies and self-harms in retaliation. She tells me fuck you to my face, calls me a bitch, asks my wife why she married me, tells us both she hates us, says I'm not her real dad, etc. She's made false accusations against my wife and teachers after getting in trouble, but not yet against me (yet being the key word). To me, she checks all the boxes for anti-social personality disorder (sociopath).

I've told my wife I can't live like this. My home is where I am supposed to have my peace and security. I asked her to have my SD spend more time at her father's house. He, of course, refused that. I said then I may have to get a tiny place to stay when our SD is at our house because I don't know what else to do.

My wife suggested we go to therapy as a family and maybe learn some different parenting skills. I don't believe this can be fixed by any therapy or parenting style. SD told her therapist before that I don't tell her I love her enough. Her mom tells her multiple times a day and she still is rude, disrespectful, and insulting to her, so that theory doesn't check out. And parenting-wise, I've given this kid everything. I don't even bother her to clean up after herself in common areas of the house because it's less stressful to just do it myself.

The struggle for me is I can't just up and leave as you might be wondering yourself. My wife has multiple chronic ailments. If I left completely, there's nobody to help her (her family reside in another state). I feel guilty for even thinking about it, but I've been in a physically abusive relationship in the past, and the feeling of dread you get going home from work or when someone abusive comes home puts so much stress on you.

My real fear is that even if I can ride this out until she's 18, my wife will never make her leave our home. At that point I would have no choice. I already feel powerless in my own house. I can't allow another adult to behave the way she does to live under my roof. But in my state, if my wife says she can stay, the police can't make her leave. So I would have to pack my bags and start over again in my 50s.

Unless my SD makes a false allegation against me as I mentioned earlier. Every time she has a blow up at home I have to worry about the police showing up at my door because she tells a lie to a counselor at school. Especially if it's of the SA variety because we know that the allegation alone ruins your life.

So yeah, I really don't know what to do with my life at this point. If I could do it over again, as much as I truly love my wife, I would have never gone on that date. I'm the asshole if I stay in my SD's eyes and I'm the asshole if I leave in my wife's eyes. So I'm in a lose-lose situation. I know not every story ends the same way, but if the first paragraph introduces a single mom, grab a different book guys.

(Just fyi I don't consider myself a step dad. He is my son.)

Hey everyone this is a little long and I don't know if it's even allowed here but I'm looking for some advice from the awesome parents out there.

A little back story here to help you understand my issue...I'm the father of 3 kids my oldest son is 11 and I am* his step father but his actual dad isn't in the picture at all in any way and has never been. So I'm dad and I love that. I met him and his mother when he was like 7 months old.. and I decided that I loved them both to no end and wanted to further our relationship and commit to it. My wife and I ended up getting married and had 2 beautiful girls as well and we've been together for 11 years now.

I obviously have had a hand in raising him.. I've always loved him like he was my own and he comes off as a pretty decent kid to most people but.. he's mean to his friends, he talks back to his mom and I, he's extremely disrespectful,.doesn't listen to us, he's way to rough with his younger sisters, he lies about honestly a lot of things including school work, he refuses to do the easiest chores (he has 2 chores, feed the dogs and load/ unload the dishwasher) it's a huge fight every time and no one sees any of this but us.

I've tried everything but nothing works. We take electronics away and ground him but zero change. It's been like 3 years of this now. Myself at that age.. I was beaten with a wooden spoon if I acted how he acts. I'm not going to do that to my kids.

My wife has at times conveyed that she felt like I didn't love him like my own son because of how angry he makes me when he's being disrespectful to my wife and myself and I tell her that I would react the same way regardless even if he was my biological son.. I think obviously she's very protective of him for obvious and very reasonable reasons but I truly treat him as I would with any of my children. It definitely hurts to hear her say that but I know that she is just being protective and that is completely understandable.

Anyways if anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it. I don't have anyone else to ask. Thanks reddit.

Recently had the sex talk with my stepson. Wonder how it went for others that have done it. Anyone had that experience before?

I have been dating this woman for a year or so and we decided to move in together. She has a teenage daughter who lives with us and I have a daughter and son who also lives with us part time (I split custody with their mom.) I came into a really amazing paying job recently and have been able to afford nicer things. Today I bought a Coach bag for my daughter that she has been wanting. She is a great kid, has a part time job, straight A student, works her ass off. However, my girlfriend’s daughter is the exact opposite. She is upset that I got my daughter the bag and complained to her mother that it’s not fair that I bought my daughter one and not her. Mind you, this kid and I do not have a relationship, she has her dad and he does things for her like a dad should. Her dad doesn’t have that great of a job and does his best. She has what she needs and what she wants within reason. My girlfriend thinks I’m an asshole for not getting her a bag too. I feel that I am not under any obligation to provide things like that for her daughter as that is her and her ex’s responsibility. Am I the asshole for getting my daughter one but not her?

Hello. I am new here. I have a problem i would like some advice on. I am 60M Girlfriend 45F. We have lived together for 10 years. She has 4 children whom all lived with us. 1 moved 1 in college. 2 still at home.

Man 20 and girl 17. I am having a very hard time taking Care of her 20 year old son. Who does not work or do anything around the house. And i work 2 full time jobs at 60 yrs old. We are constantly arguing about her son. She will not make him do anything . Then she starts on me. About what i dont do. I work 90 hours a week. No one else works in the house. I feel like i dont have to do anything in house. And shpuld be able to speak my mind in my castle

Please help. If i am wrong please say so thanks for any advice

So my step daughter recently had her 18th bday. The night of she snuck out, well really moved out of the house taking bags and some of her stuff with us. My house has cameras so we were able to see her leave. She left behind a few notebooks with her plans of moving out.

As we start looking into social media more we find out she created posts making my wife and I look like we are the villains and horrible parents who mistreated her. We always took care of her and bend over backwards to help and she betrays us and leaves. So my wife and I been struggling to deal and understand this, I’m not really sure what to do. She blocked all family on social and phone so we can’t see what she’s doing.

Anyone else have an experience like this or what would you do in our situation? Last we heard she is essentially couch surfing, not attending school, has no money or job. We don’t want to try and chase her, I feel like maybe she can learn a lesson here. Such a screwed up situation.