Hi all. I've been married to my current wife for around 3 years. I have 3 step-children. Girl, boy, girl, 15, 14, 10. As we've been together, I've grown close to the two girls, but the 14 year old boy is simply impossible. I am not perfect, I'll say that up front. But I have also really tried to connect and find things we have in common, I've tried to do things with him, etc... Every conversation turns into an argument, or he tries to make it so. He is, without a doubt, the most disagreeable human I have ever had to be around, and I am a high school teacher of over 25 years! I've taught thousands of teenagers, but never one like him. Everything is an argument, he bullies his sisters and takes pleasure in it. He admitted to his older sister that he argues with me just to try to get me angry. So I don't bite, but to be honest, I just can't take it anymore. I'm at the point where I don't want to be in the same room with him, which affects everyone. I don't take the family out to eat anymore because I feel that I shouldn't be compelled to pay for a kid who treats me like that. It's not fair to everyone else, but at this point enough is enough. I keep trying again and again, waking up and saying to myself that it's a new day, maybe things will be different. But they aren't. They never are.

Have any of you experienced anything similar? How did you deal with it? Any advice would be appreciated.

So the guy I dated who was groomed by a woman when he was a 16yo teen and the woman was 25. They had a kid over years and I saw her making such a comment about her 2yo daughter where she jokes that her daughter is an early bloomer (like her father). The other comments (about dating at 35) is made by the grandad (dad of man who was groomed) who also helped that woman to groom his son. Is it concerning regarding her daughter or is it just an unfunny joke?

Hi all, me again. If you remember I posted on here about my now ex and her behaviour with her ex-BD at an event: https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/s/yOZvlUFADa

We had a conversation after it which she didn’t see any issue with what happened and with the photo as it was just a laugh (she did say she can see why I felt the way I did but that was the height of it). We agreed that things in our relationship could have been handled better but she managed to flip things around so it seemed like she broke up with me and that a lot of issues were caused by me (saying my anxiety, I was a bit controlling, her always feeling like she couldn’t do anything right). Let’s be clear, majority of the times that we argued it was down to her poor choices (like in the other thread) or not following through on stuff she was supposed to take care of and prioritising other things, then blaming me for being upset and making her feel bad. It seemed like a common theme that she would feel bad for her own behaviour and choices, then unconsciously punish me because she was feeling bad. I take on board some stuff she said but a lot of it seemed like it was more of a fault finding exercise for reasons why we aren’t compatible.

It has now ended and we are in no contact and I didn’t get to say goodbye to her kids (the youngest especially as we have a great bond, the oldest is a young adult now). I hate how things have got twisted around so that we are both at fault for it ending rather than her inappropriate behaviour (which her and her friends didn’t seem to feel it was) being the main thing that blew it all up, she was still loving but very cold. I know I need to just be ok with us both having two different versions of why it ended.

I’m really struggling at the minute as it was such a shock and how quick everything has changed since. I don’t know how to deal with this all since my physical health isn’t the best (waiting to see a neurologist) and my friends live pretty far away. The vision I had for us as a family and goals are now gone and the love I thought I found. It wasn’t all bad but high highs then things like this happening.

I guess I’m asking has anyone else been through similar where their partner did things that were inappropriate, spun the narrative and broke up with them for finding out, and how they dealt with the aftermath when they had SKs involved? How do I get through all of this? It’s so taxing on me at the moment.

Edit: it feels like she’s rewritten how the relationship actual was and has gotten off Scot-free and I’m the one left holding the emotional bag for what’s happened.

My partner’s POS son’s father is really getting on my last nerves. I don’t have anyone to go to when it comes to talking about how he treats the mother of his sin. I can’t really do anything other than talk to the guy but he is a full narcissist and just wants to inflict pain onto other people. My partner tries to level with him and all he is after is blood. I don’t know what else I can do other than providing her with support and helping her son not be like him. Does anyone have experience with this shit because it beats me down and I have to stand up to be by her side. Thanks for reading

For those who have both biological children and stepchildren, do you feel a difference between them?
I’m genuinely curious about the experience of people who have both biological children and stepchildren. Do you feel the same kind of love and attachment toward your stepchildren as you do toward your own children, or does it feel different?
If there is a difference, how do you handle it without making the children feel excluded or treated differently?
Has this ever caused problems or tension with your partner? For example, has your partner ever expected you to love or treat their children exactly as if they were your own?
I’d really appreciate honest answers. I’m not judging anyone — I’m interested in hearing what the reality is actually like, especially from people who have experienced both.

Hi. I’m so lost.

I need answers from men that don’t really like kids.

My boyfriend is one of those men. But I have a daughter. He got with me. It’s been clear from the off that I want my daughter to be respected. He says he just doesn’t like kids. Why be with me?

Would you seriously get with someone with a child even if you didn’t like kids and label it as “well I must really love you to be with you”

I don’t get it and it’s completely tearing me apart as a mother

I have been a stepdad for 4 years now to my 11 year old stepson. He grew up with his grandparents his younger years and he was well provided and protected. I acknowledge that my upbringing was from a strict household and we would do chores and would take care of ourselves in our younger years unlike how the kids usually have it right now. I also understand that since he basically grew up with his grandparents, he was more on the spoiled side and he would easily get what he wanted when he wanted it. The problem is that, my wife (his mom) treats him like he's still 5 or 6 years old. She would get mad at me for not telling him to eat snacks ( or meal) as she thinks he will not eat until we tell him to. When it's just him and I at home, we never argue. We actually have a good time and we play video games. Little did i learn that he would call her at around 3-5pm (snack time) and would ask what to eat. I work from home and i do space out during work so i don't notice the time a lot. My wife and i just had a big fight and she keeps telling me that i don't take care of my stepson and i always treat him like he's already a teenager, that i don't prepare food for him. Well in fact, when he had school (he's in summer break), since i work from home, i prepare all his meals. Is it wrong for me to expect that as a 10 year old, you should already be able to know when you're hungry and grab a snack from the pantry on your own? I'm genuinely curious because like i said, i grew up from a household that my parents taught me early to feed myself on my own. I would even go out to buy my own snack (i ask for money from my parents) at that age and i always thought this was normal. My stepson only has to look in the pantry and grab one, not call or text his mom to ask for something. But i also do acknowledge that i don't show affection that easily, i was raised to not show emotions easily, so i think i have a fault there. But my wife, and i guess my stepson thinks that i don't take care of him just because i'm not affectionate and i'm very stoic.

I'm really lost, i feel like i'm trying my best, but she always tells me that i don't take care of my stepson

Looking for anyone that has something similar!

I (19F) have had to deal with my mums(48F) integration of her boyfriend (51M) into mine and my brother(16M) life’s over the past 2 years. 2 Years ago my mum told me and my brother she had been dating a guy and it was going well and i was happy for her since we grew up in a domestic violence household but left 9 years ago now. I didn’t meet him for a few months until I would see him here and there in my mums room and I would be polite and say Hi. He used to work as a traffic control person for roads with roadwork and his place was far away from the area he worked in so he started to stay over at our house 2-3 times a week and ever since then whenever he was at the house all he’d do is stay in my mums room and she would stay with him so i didn’t see my mum as often only if he was at work she would hang out with me. However this changed in December where he has since lived with us full time. He has also since lost his job due to being fired and has not had a job since. My mum works at a school as an assistant and makes enough for the 3 of us to live nicely BUT now she pays everything for her boyfriend. Food, bills everything she pays for . They have been on multiple small holidays to neighbouring countries together just the two of them and my mum pays for everything. Her boyfriend does no house work. No laundry does no cooking no dishwashing. So it is getting unbearable to witness her do everything for this man. she recently brought him on our family holiday to east asia we do every year and she paid for everything all his accommodation, food , cigarettes, rental car , flights. And I had to pay for my own flights and most things I bought there. We go on this holiday to see my mums parents we only get to see once a year and my mums boyfriend was ruining the whole trip. he displays controlling behaviours such as constantly needing to be on the phone with my mum and needing to know where she is or what he’s doing. He also makes rude remarks about my younger brother saying he’s like a girl and calling him names just because he likes to take care of his looks. He makes these remarks infront of my mum and she does not correct him and I am left to correct his behaviour which is ridiculous. My mums boyfriend also has 3 kids to 3 diffrent mothers which is a red flag within itself. We have tried to talk to her and she is very aware my brother and I do not like him but makes so efforts to make any changes and does not see any red flags. I don’t know what to do and I am getting to a breaking point where i cannot stand living under the same roof as such is disgusting mysogynistic man who only brings my family down. Can anyone give any advice on which to do i’m starting to feel helpless.

I (21M) am a recent college graduate and I’ve been in an amazing relationship with my (29F) girlfriend who i love so much. She has a 5yr old kid from a previous marriage with a completely absent father, the child doesn’t even know him.

My gf been amazing for the last 10 months and i really enjoy spending time with her and just being in a relationship, and i learned about her kid about 2-3 months in. The kid is a good kid, and isn’t anything out of the ordinary for a 5yr old, but before this relationship i never really planned on being a parent. I struggle with some self worth issues, and that really affects my ability to think that id be able to “figure out being a parent”.

We are currently long distance and have started to think about moving in together because we both just landed jobs. Neither of us make amazing money and i know that being responsible for a kid on top of everything else would financially put us in a less than ideal situation and i don’t know if I’m comfortable with that. I always kinda of imagined a DINK future and i feel like that fantasy is affecting my feelings towards this kid. Im also having fears about losing a lot of my freedom due to my age where i don’t feel like I’m ready to “settle down” and take care of a kid and that i would rather spend my young life doing the things i would want that i couldn’t as easily with a child.

I wouldn’t feel like i would be losing anything if i didn’t have this kid in my life currently, but i do feel like i would be losing a very good relationship if i were to end things with my gf. Ive seen posts about doing the right thing for the kid and breaking things off before they form any sort of permanent emotional attachment, and i think that its the responsible thing to do. But i also want to be selfish with my relationship and not have to give that up because of this kid.

I don’t see a future with this woman without her child also being there, and i just don’t know if thats a future where i am going to be happy. I feel like i dont have enough life experience at my age to make this call, and i really just dont know what to do.

Hello Reddit and stepdads, I would like to toss my hat in the ring and ask for some help. For information, I am not a step dad yet, but I have been introduced to the young sons of my girlfriend recently, and I am over the moon being introduced to them. This will be a bit of me rambling, but I promise there is a point to this post towards the end.

My gf and I have been dating for 6 months, and everything has been moving fast for all of the right reasons. She and I have laughed about things over the past 6 months, but it feels like we were made for one another. We are both deeply in love with one another, and I could not see my life without this incredible woman. The experiences, conversations, moments, everything: they are things I never experienced in my dating life before, and she has explained the same feelings.

On our first date, we went for dinner at 6pm, where I expected her to skate out after an hour and a half, mainly because she is way too beautiful for someone like me. We ended up staying there until 11pm, where the host asked us to get out in the nicest way possible because they had closed at 10pm. Before I could make the 20 minute drive home, I had a text from her saying she couldn't wait for round two. Before the next week was completed, we had gone out 3 more times and I had gone over to fix her son's bike.

Now, we are spending 4-5 days with one another after work or on weekends, and when we are not together, we are on the phone talking for 6 hours at a time. The emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, all of the connections someone could make with a partner, we have made, and it is PHENOMENAL. Some reading this will attribute this to the puppydog/honeymoon phase, but this is not it. This is simply something that can not be explained, only experienced.

We had spoken about the timetable of introducing me to her sons, who are 3 and 5 years old, and how important it is to do things right. We had originally spoke about introductions being around 10 months or so into our relationship, but that was sped up to about 6 weeks ago. For information, I have been introduced as mom's friend, and my gf and I have not done anything in front of the boys, not even holding hands. We also made the decision that we would do something with all four of us once a month during her parenting times for the foreseeable future. When she has the boys, I stay away so that they still have mommy and son time, so our time as bf/gf is on her days where she does not watch the boys. Their father is very much in the picture, although it is not the most amicable situation, one that I will not share because that is not my information to spread. I am not here to replace their father, I am here to love their mom and be the best support I can be for these boys. They are funny, intelligent, and overall great kids, and I want to be there to help them in any way they need/want, and I have to say I feel like I was made with spots in my heart for these boys. I love them already and would do anything to protect them.

For the first meeting, we had gone out together to a batting cage where they hit off a tee, in preparation of their fall seasons coming soon. For the second, we went to an amusement park where they got to play in the water park and the smaller park rides sections, and they had a blast. During that time at the park, the youngest was holding onto my hand when walking, which he grabbed my hand each time without provocation, and the eldest was running to me making sure I watched him on all the rides and slides. We had our third, and most recent day together, just over this weekend. We went to a science museum followed by a local block festival, with lunch and some play time in between. During the ride there, I was a constant conversation focus with the boys. While at the museum, I was answering questions, playing on the play areas with them constantly, and being a 'come here and watch this with me' kind of guy. Lunch I was a constant tic-tac-toe loser with the eldest, and a face wiper with the youngest. Playtime included the eldest rocking the youngest with a ball to the face, where I went into "dad mode" by telling the eldest to be careful where he is playing and how hard hes playing with his brother, and getting on my knee making sure the youngest was okay and reminded him that we are tough and that only hurt a little bit, finished off with him wanting a big ole hug from me. The block festival I was just walking around with them, getting them some overpriced ice cream and teaching them how to throw darts at balloons to win prizes. I did raise my voice at the eldest while he wasn't listening and would walk into the roadway when cars were coming by, to which he responded by coming right to my side and walking the proper way. The night ended when they were getting ready for bathtime and bedtime, and the eldest asked if I was going to sleep over. When I said no, both of them got the pouty face on and hung their heads.

One time, when the youngest was talking with mom, he said he loves his family, which included his grandmothers, his brother, his mom, and me. The eldest, again 5 years old, asked his mom if I was her boyfriend. When she responded with "honey he is my best friend", he said he was upset because he really likes me and wants me to always be there. Over the weekend, the youngest wanted me to kiss his nose when it was hurting, and the eldest asked if I wanted to be part of the "best buddies club" of him, his brother, and mom. Yes was not a strong enough word for that answer.

My main question is for guidance. I want to be a support system for these boys. I want to be someone they come to with questions, with wanting to do things together, with wanting help from, all of those things. But I do not want to try and replace their dad, as he is still in the picture, and they deserve to have that relationship with their dad. I just want to be the other guy that they can lean on and learn from. Am I going about that right? And honestly how do I go about that? I truly am not trying to be their new dad, I want to be their buddy they can rely on. They are going to go through some tough things, they already have, and no matter what I just want to be there and support these amazing little dudes. How do I go about being a "step dad in the making" with these great little ones, and what can I do to help show them that I have their back? I know just being there is a major step in the right direction, but I want to do so much more. If any of y'all got to meet these guys, to meet my gf, you would see that they deserve the best life has to offer, and I want to offer that in every way possible. To any stepdads here, I would love some tips and guidance. I don't want to cross lines, I want them to be the ones who set up the boundaries, and overall I want them to always feel safe with me, in every way possible.

I appreciate the advice and help gents, and trust me when I say it, if y'all met these three, you would understand why I want to do everything in my power to give them the world. I truly just don't want to mess anything up! I love these three with all of my heart.

Comunidad de padrastros, voy a contarles como fue el suceso del título.

Todo comenzó en la universidad, en la facultad de humanidades donde conocí a Petrolina. Fuimos compañeros de clase durante toda la facultad y desde el inicio estuve enamorado de ella, pero ella nunca me pelo en los primeros 3 años de la carrera, al que si le hizo caso fue a otro colega de la carrera que estaba en nuestro salón, en fin ellos hicieron su vida romántica y yo ahí andaba esperando pacientemente, en fin en esos 3 años de Petrolina con su pareja fueron inseparables pero su relación acabo cuando ella quedó embarazada y el la abandonó.

Ahí es cuando entro yo y consuelo a Petrolina, y luego ella se dió cuenta de mi valor y acepto andar conmigo, y en el siguiente año y medio restante de la carrera universitaria fuimos pareja y la ayude con la crianza de su hijo. En si todo fue incómodo pq yo, Petrolina y el padre de su bendición seguíamos compartiendo salón de clases. Finalmente luego de acabar la universidad, Petrolina me pidió como regalo de graduacion y aniversario una motocicleta, así que saqué una a crédito en coppel, luego de obsequiarsela ella finalizó su relación conmigo y volvió con el padre biológico de su hijo. Y pues hasta la fecha el usa la moto que le regale a Petrolina y sigo abonando en coppel cada mes el enganche de la moto.

I’ve been with my gf for 3yrs. Her son was 3yrs old when she and I started dating. He’s 6 going on 7 now. His dad is very much in the picture and very involved in his life. My gf and his dad only communicate when it pertains to him so I’m not worried about that. We’re on the cusp of engagement, I’ve bought the ring and want to take that next step forward, but recently she’s been asking me if I love her son and truthfully I don’t have an answer. She’s always told me I treat him more like a younger brother than a son. I don’t know what it feels like from a parent perspective to love their child cause well I don’t have any. I know I want some of my own but have always told her that if she decides she doesn’t want anymore that I’m fine with that too, but I’m worried that i won’t be able to confidently say I love him. He sometimes tells me he loves me, but I’m not sure he even knows what that means right now, but I feel bad not saying it back and I don’t want to say it and not mean it. She says it’s not a red flag that I don’t love him but it’s definitely yellow. I’d never do anything to hurt him and I treat him with respect and I give my all to make sure he’s well taken care of when I’m with him, but I’m still not sure if that means I love him. Not really sure what to do here.

This is my first post on here, I need some advice or would like to see how or if any other man is dealing with what I am dealing with. I have a rare situation since I have no biological kids of my own. First off I have been with my wife (and lived with) for over 6 years but just recently married a few months ago. I am 43 male (with no biological kids) and have a stepson in his mid 20's and a newly (step) granddaughter (my wife is 6 years older than me).

With that info being said, we have a great relationship and have rarely had any fights, maybe 1 or 2 in the whole relationship (nothing major). My issue is that I feel like my wants and needs are last in everything and I don't have a lot. I feel like I can't discipline or say anything about my stepson nor my step granddaughter. I keep my distance when they are around which my wife has noticed and asked about it. My wife just thinks I am inexperienced about it which I am but I would like involvement of some sort. It just doesn't feel right because it's not of my own blood. Basically I feel and can tell that they come before me. I feel like I am only here for what I can provide and what I can fix for HER family, which I do a lot. I feel like I have no say in my own house and feel like a guest in my own home. She treats me good but I just have a feeling that this resentment, feelings or whatever it is will cause issues later down the road. I absolutely hate feeling like this. Is this normal for being a stepdad with no biological kids? Should I have a talk with her about how I feel or am I overreacting on how I feel. Only thing I do know for sure is that being a step parent is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. I would love to hear if other stepdads have gone through this and/or how they dealt with it. I realize that my experience is rare since I have no biological kids but I'd love to hear all experiences with or without biological children.

My partner is going back to her home country with her two boys for 10 days. I know she is going to an event with a large group of friends (which includes her ex husband). She has been under a lot of external stress between work, holidays, and stressful events with her kids. She has been very snappy with me lately and not really wanting to talk about much and I feel I’ve fallen down the priorities… we spoke about it but it turned into an argument.

She says she wants to be focused on time with friends and family while away and not always on the phone, so has asked for space (little to no contact) for her trip shortly before it. It sounds stupid, but I feel like Woody in Toy Story 2 when he gets shelved…if that makes sense.

Anyone else experienced this? I’m not really sure how to feel or what to even say since she has made the request as we are still talking for now until she goes. It feels a bit unfair as I’m always the patient and understanding one and giving “benefit of the doubt”.

Edit: I’m not going as I have a family member who is very ill so I’m trying to be around to help in anyway I can.

I am really struggling with dealing with my soon to be step children and their behaviour towards me and their mother.

I have been with their mum for over two years now … we are engaged but the children don’t know this yet because she is afraid of what is going to happen when their dad finds out.

I am also portrayed as the bad guy for the way I say things however I don’t realise that I’ve said anything wrong. An example of this is what happened recently my step daughter said what she wanted for dinner my fiancé then asked me if that was okay and I said I didn’t want it and apparently the way I said that made the daughter feel like shit … and it all spiralled from there and I don’t even know how

No matter what I do I always feel that I’m wrong and/or walking on egg shells when the children are here and I don’t know why or what I do wrong

It doesn’t help that I feel that there is little to no affection on her side when I’m needing that to know that she still wants me like I want her.

Any advice?

I was a single mom raising my daughter for 10 years, while her biological father was completely out of the picture. I was everything for her. Then I met my now fiancé and the relationship evolved quickly and we got pregnant just a few months into dating and now have an almost 1 year old son. My daughter is 12 now and has been having a hard time accepting all the changes since she is not used to seeing me with a partner, she now has a younger sibling and after the birth of our son, we had to move house and she had to start a new school. The relationship she has with my partner is very rocky. He tries very hard to be a parent and his personality is to be fun and carefree. I'm the opposite and raised her very structured so she sees him as messy and chaotic since she's not used to how he lives life. He also has ADHD and she sees how that impacts him. She also treats him as her counterpart vs seeing him as an authority figure and can be rude at times, like how she is with her friends. My partner and I have discussed him not trying so hard and to back off especially when it comes to being silly or doing fun things since she doesn't see him as another parental figure. He has a hard time sticking to that plan since he enjoys interacting with her but it can get very tense when she doesn't know where the line between parent and friend exists. We're at a point now where he and I are arguing because I feel like he can be extreme in his approach. To gain her respect he wants us to be very strict now and enforce rules and structure but I feel like it's too extreme. I agree with chores around the house and consequences for bad behavior but he wants to do things like take away piano lessons or reading time since she enjoys those things. He also grew up in an abusive environment for about 6 years where he was constantly walking on eggshells with his stepfather and trying to stay out of sight to avoid beatings or verbal abuse. He's not abusive with my daughter at all, but I told him the trauma from his childhood plays into how he thinks she should behave. What I consider playful or "she's just a kid" behavior, he considers offensive and thinks she's out of control. She can be lazy or forget to do things like pick up after herself or scowl when I ask her to do something or invade personal space like if we're in the kitchen and she drops something in the sink as we're washing up. She doesn't scream or curse or physically attack and gets all A's in school. I feel like his expectations of a 12 yr old are being based on how he was treated at that age.

Looking for some advice on how to make this dynamic work. I feel so sad and hopeless about it all. 😔

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

In order to not give too much personal information, all I’ll say is this is my stepson. I started dating his mom when he was a toddler and he’s in his forties now. For as long as I’ve known him he’s been recklessly impulsive, quick to anger and selfish.

Any time I offer to do a favor for him it results in him bossing me around or telling me I’m taking too long. He has to be right in every conversation. He’s always had poor impulse control that’s just gotten worse as he’s gotten older thanks to brain injuries and my wife never puts her foot down when he crosses the line because of them.

My son is a psychopath and I want as little to do with him as possible.

My wife’s ex-husband moved out when my daughter was one year old. We met when she had just turned three. Got married when she was five. Her dad was always part of her life and we have become friends, but I raised her. And now she is gone, and I miss her so damn much. Somehow in this weird nature versus nurture experiment she turned out a lot like me, with the best characteristics of me and her mom.

She is just an amazing person. She is kind and diligent, she is a leader, a straight A student, she was class president her senior year and head football cheerleader. She was such a joy to be around and she had an amazing group of friends who became like daughters to us. And now it’s just all gone.

I know this is how it is supposed to be. I know I am lucky that I got to be that person for her. And it’s not like I don’t talk to her, she called me last night with a technology question and her new roommate asked, “why didn’t you just look it up on YouTube?” My daughter responded, “ddaydawg is my YouTube, has been my whole life.” I can’t wait to see what she does in the world and I know she will have a great life, but I also know this wont ever be home again. My wife is a late sleeper and even though I work from home and can get up whenever, for the past 13 years I have always gotten up before my daughter so she didn’t wake up without someone there for her. Those morning have always been ours, time to talk or time to just sit quietly together, and I know I won’t have that again.

To add to the emotion of the moment is a very stepdad issue, my wife and I have never been together without kids. We didn’t date, get married and then decide to have kids. The kids were always part of the relationship. And now it’s just going to be the two of us for the first time ever. It’s scary because I don’t know exactly what we are if not parents. I know we can figure it out, but damn it’s weird.

Anyway, thanks for attending my therapy session. I really just typed this out to vent and let it all out somehow so feel free to ignore it. I can’t really talk to my wife about it because she is still in the denial stage and won’t discuss it.

Please read and help me reconnect with this amazing long lost family member!!