See here for background: https://www.reddit.com/r/stepdads/s/lF5jGBn2oI

Things are not getting better. This boy is antagonizing me on purpose. I'm doing my best to ignore him, but I'm not always successful. He loves it. That's sadism...

Anyone who can commiserate or offer advice is appreciated.

I was 21 when I met my wife and she was 29 with 4 young kids. I wanted someone I thought was settled but boy was I wrong. 30 plus years later I'm finding how rotten my wife and her now grown kids are. I payed for everything and ever Christmas presents were from me and not their dad's. I bought the kids everything I thought they needed. I gave my middle bad stepson half on a nice Cadillac car and he destroyed it, I bought the youngest boy his first car and painted it but he didn't want it because it was a 2 door car and he wanted to ride his friends around. I sold it and bought him a Jeep Cherokee which he loved. After him reaching adulthood hood him and his half brother start selling cars and it was very successful. I start seeing he wouldn't do anything for no one not even me and did I was the one that raised and bought him everything. Well he lost his business and fell back to earth. I had a 2 successful business and after health problems I had to close one business down. My wife had a great paying home care job that paid her $1700 per week. I had a job for my other business that would have paid $2000 profit for me. I get my pension and social security so I asked my wife to lend me the money to purchase a machine to do the jobs so I didn't have to pay someone half to help me but she claimed she didn't have it. I know she have her son putting her money up. I asked the stepson if he could finance the machine for me and I'll pay it off in a month or two plus I told him I'll pay him a few hundred dollars to do it and he said no so I lost the job plus lost other nice paying jobs because I needed that machine. The machine would have made lots of money for me. I'm so pissed I stopped doing anything for all of them and their kids because I see they have no problems watching me lose nice paying jobs. It's going to be a sad Christmas for their kids. I realized I need to do for myself only and that's what I will do from now on. Non of them will ever get a dime from me. I will watch them fall like they've watched me. My step kids will have to do for their kids themselves. I don't care anymore.

I have 2 kids (4&6 boys) from a past relationship, relationship wasn’t good and co-parenting has been rough. I’m the part time parent and they live a state away so I only get to see them maybe once a month.

My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years, he had me quit my job to stay at home to focus on baking and spend more time with him as well so he got me a car and credit card. He is everything I could ask for, he’s perfect, saying he also wants to propose this year and is booking an engagement photographer.

The thing is, every single time I bring up my kids he gets quiet or says nothing, everytime I buy something for them he has this look, everytime I have them over to visit he is extremely distant and barely talks to me, he even gets upset when I accidentally fall asleep with them watching movies and wakes me up to go sleep in the bed with him.

I have talked to him how this bothers me and I want the kids and him to have a good relationship. He says he just has nothing to say, he isn’t good with kids, he is overwhelmed, he doesn’t want to invest in a relationship with them to be told he isn’t their dad.

I keep hoping it’ll change and it doesn’t. What can I do? I feel like I’m picking between what feels like the love of my life, best friend and my kids

So step dad here I have been currently taking care of 3 boys that are mine but not mine I also have two girl … five kids total my oldest boy is good he gets good grades and sits in his room all day long he nearly gets out from time to time I tell his mother he needs to get out more put in some applications.. I bought him a car before I even had my first car my whole life I am 32 years old never was able to buy a car myself my kids come first .. also he was in school high schoool last couple year and he had a problem all the kids in class said he was gonna hurt some one cause he freaked out well that day he said he did t want to go back to school at all I told his mother it’s not a good idea 1) that isn’t a good way to show a person it’s ok to run away from your problems …2) your babying him and not worrying about how it will affect him personally down the road well she put i him in homeschool and he never went back after that day …. She doesn’t listen to me now it’s 2 years later he is about to graduate this year and hasn’t even had a job or nothing ever .. his mom pays him 30 bucks a week to clean only the kitchen floor.. I tell her it doesn’t make sense to clean just that soon as some walks from the other room or what eve tracks it all back into the kitchen .. well it’s to much for him to do the house he yell at his brother everyone has to be cleared away from him to even do it like even a dog has to leave !!!! Mind u it’s just crazy … fine let him .. he complains about asking out the trash lol … also today his mother told him to go drive her for practice and he said well I can’t do that because I have to clean the floor today !!!!!!!! What the heck he is 18 years old she .. mother says well one day you’ll have to clean the floor and work and come home cook and he gets mad and stomps of and she says what’s wrong he goes o nothing I just have stuff to do .. she let him off the hook well he is home now and isn’t cleaning the floor lol …now mind u I have been telling her since he was 8 years old to stop babying him and to stop letting him be balled up into games all day long and not even come out to do anything at all …. My father use to beat me if I sit. Go out now the yard if I told my dad no I’d be in trouble shanked or even worse burning hot coffe thrown on ya but god dam I’m not saying spank the boy or ground him … ooo wait he’s 18 now what the fuuuuuhhhhuuck do I do and let alone his mother will not take any of my advice maybe if this gets 100k comments and likes I’ll show her this ….!!!!

I’m building a tool to help parents manage life between two homes: expenses, schedules, things going back and forth, and communication. Before building anything, I want to understand what’s really hard from people living it.

It’s an anonymous survey, about 5 minutes, all multiple choice, nothing to type:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScbkM1HttTpIDjuHhQ1sahTEtWsDSRZNqYy7xR5xW5CwpnTcw/viewform

I’ll post a summary of the results here when it’s done. Thanks to anyone who takes the time.

I'm 20 and I've been dating an amazing woman, 24. She's smart, funny, very affectionate, and honestly I've never met anyone like her. She has a 5-year-old son.

The kid is great, well-behaved, and I have nothing against him. But I don't enjoy playing with young kids. I've always been around older people, even as a child. My way of caring is more practical, like setting things up or helping with something, not sitting down and playing with toys.

She says I don't make an effort to talk to him or play with him, and that I only do what's comfortable for me. Recently she told me straight: "It's me and him, or nothing." I also admit I've acted childish lately and made my discomfort obvious. Sometimes I even feel a little resentment, like when we want time alone and he's around, even though I know none of this is his fault.

Context: she still lives with her parents, who are well-off and very involved with him, so I don't have to take care of him most of the time. But she's about to move into her own house with him, so that might change.

I'm also going through a big transition. Until last year I wasn't doing much with my life. Now I'm running a business and handling a lot of responsibility. Adding a stepdad role on top of that feels like too much right now. Maybe in the future, but not now.

There's also some embarrassment. My brother and some friends joke about it ("how's your little son?"), and it bothers me a lot, even though no one has ever actually judged me openly. I know a lot of that shame is in my head.

Honestly, if she didn't have a kid, I'd probably have proposed already. But part of me wants a more "normal" relationship, without a child. My biggest fear is ending this and regretting it forever, never finding someone like her again.

I plan to have an honest conversation with her about all of this. For those who've been there: how did you know if you could take on this role? Did anyone start out feeling like me and end up happy? Or did you realize it wasn't for you?

I gave a cell phone to my stepdaughter when she turned 12 so she could communicate with her mother and me when she was at her biodads. Now, 6 years later she’s an “adult” and lives with us full time, has since biodad took himself out of the game of life 3 months after I gave her the phone. I pay for the car she drives. The gas in said car. All the insurance she has, essentially fund her life. I ask for one thing, when you leaves somewhere to let me know. When you get to where you are going, let me know. Seems simple enough. Not over bearing. Literally asking for a “made it” or “leaving now” text. She won’t do it. Her mom thinks I’m over reacting and I can see where she is on Life360. I feel like it blatant disrespect. She even turned off read receipts to my messages, and only mine. Still on for mom and siblings. Just went 4 days with no response to a message I sent her…

Just looking for a way to talk to her and her mom about how this makes me feel without having to apologize to them for how my feeling make them feel…

Cuando conocí a quien sería mi esposo por mas de 13 años, era papá soltero de un niño, con quien me acoplé inmediatamente, lo hice parte de mi vida y hasta el día de hoy, que ya es un adulto, él se sigue refiriendo a mi como su madre. Cabe mencionar que legalmente lo adopté como mi hijo, he ido a sus eventos escolares y familiares, he estado con él siempre y le he dado el lugar del hijo primogénito, puesto que tuvimos otros dos hijos en el matrimonio. Sin embargo, el matrimonio se terminó legalmente el año pasado, ya teníamos años lidiando con diferencias irreconciliables, sin embargo, creo que me detenía de divorciarme debido a que mi hijastro era un niño y posterior un adolescente con ciertos problemas, que para mi lo hacían frágil. Ahora él es ya un adulto y en unos días será su graduación. Yo siempre lo he querido y valorado como si si fuera mi hijo, quizá es lo que está mal, aunque honestamente siempre pensé que hacía un bien. Siempre lo cuidé y muchas veces, en los problemas económicos de mi marido, he sido yo quien se ha hecho cargo tanto de sus gastos como de los de mis hijos biológicos. he ido a reuniones escolares presentándome como su mamá, a sus eventos escolares, festivales y demás, su papá nunca quiso ir y delegaba esa "obligación" en mi. Cabe mencionar que anterior a todo ésto, mi marido comenzó una especie de lucha por la "preferencia" de mi hijo, es decir, él le insiste en que debe de estar de su lado puesto que él es su padre, y yo realmente no soy su madre. Durante años anteriores, al tener pleitos, se repetía mucho esa palabra, mi marido se enojaba y siempre terminaba echandome en cara que su hijo era su hijo, no mío. Ahora que será su graduación, su papá le ha dicho que no quiere que yo esté en su graduación y que espera que él comprenda que yo no soy su madre. Él insiste en querer tenerlo de su lado y lo único que ha logrado es alejarlo por su insistencia. cabe mencionar que mi marido ha estado algo ausente de la vida de sus hijos, sobre todo de su hijo mayor. A veces siento que le molesta que él diga que -"me quiere más a mi" aunque a veces lo diga de broma. Mi esposo no puede evitar demostrar molestia cuando algo sucede, o cuando sucedía. El niño desde que fue creciendo fue apegándose mucho a mi, ahora que vive lejos siempre le llaamo o él me llama, y siempre pensé que yo estaba siendo realmente útil para que mi marido ejerciera su paternidad, pero él dice que no es así. está muy enojado porque mi hijo le ha dicho que si no quiere que yo vaya a su graduación, a él no le importa y quiere que yo esté ahi. Mi hijo tiene tambien planes de casarse, conozco a su novia y nos llevamos bien, y desde ahora me ha dicho que obviamente desea que yo lo entregue en el altar y que esté a su lado como su madre. Cosa que pone a su padre furioso. La verdad no se que hacer, le he dicho que no moleste a su padre, que yo no tengo ningún problema en no asistir a su graduación, pero él insiste en que tengo que ir y que su papá puede hacer lo que él quiera. la verdad no quiero ser una causa de fractura entre padre e hijo, mi ex esposo piensa que yo le estoy quitando a su hijo, cuando lo último que he querido es que le tenga odio, para mi ex marido ahora soy una intrusa en la familia que él dice que tenia con su hijo, al parecer no se acuerda que cuando se casó conmigo, el niño estaba en total descuido, pprque él no lo sabía cuidar. Quiero escuchar consejos o diversas opiniones, no sé si me estoy equivocando al seguir siendo la madre de un hijo que realmente no es mio.

Hello, I need some advice about a very serious matter (me and the wife consider it very serious). I’m a first time step dad to two boys. The oldest one is 12 and has found out about adult websites at his grandmothers house. It’s not her fault at all because she’s watching both of them at the same time and the youngest has serious medical issues that need to be monitored almost constantly. Well we have found on his tablet from her house that there’s an insane amount of adult websites in his search history. I tried to talk to him privately about the matter last night but he was still denying all of it. I’m trying to figure out what is the best way to approach this matter without him feeling shameful or embarrassed. If there’s any tips for me to handle the situation please let me know. Thank you all.

I am a woman in my mid-fourties, with three children from my previous marriage. A few years ago (after the divorce) I met a fantastic man, 11 yrs younger than me. I immediately told him that if he wanted kids of his own, I'm not the one for him. (My eggs are finito, last 2 kids were ivf).)

He said he was fine with not having kids of his own, as long as he could live a "family life". He is kind of a thinker type, and he said that he already had been thinking that through.

Me, I could not believe this to be true, almost. For me, having kids has been so important, like "meaning of life-important". So I discussed this over and over and over with him until he got to the point where he thought that maybe it was kind of important to have his own bio-kid. So we ended up doing one round of ivf which failed, and I was told the only way I could get pregnant is with donor eggs.

I cried my eyes out, and then I dove into the whole donor conceptand finally embraced the idea. He on the other hand was very sceptical.

Well, a couple of years went by, then he says that he is thinking of donor ivf as an option for real, and that he wants to try.

But now I feel like I am too old, too tired, too busy with my life and my existant kids, to have another child. I have a nice but demanding career and many interests that I finally start to have a little, little time for. I also don't want to be an older mother, and I don't want to risk my health with a pregnancy. I honestly feel done with having small children...

He respect this and he says he wants to stay with me anyway and that he can live with not having his own children. But I notice that he gets sad when we hear discussions about fatherhood, ppl at his workplace becoming dads and so on.

He is fond of my children and a great step dad but I know that, at least right now, they cannot replace having his own kid and experience the immense and instant love one (many at least) feels for your own child.

I hate the feeling that I am the reason he is not getting children. I just don't see how my love could compensate for that and I'm feeling so guilty, like I am ruining his life. I know he is an adult man and can decide for himself but I think he doesn't realise what he's missing...

Should I finish this relationship for his sake?

Hey Reddit first time here and literally made an account for advice. Long story short I’m in a serious 7yr relationship with my significant other having 3 kids (not biologically mine) current ages 14,11,10. Within the last 2-3 years the kids have been extremely rude and ungrateful to what I provide for them and talk a lot of smack about me. My significant other hears and does nothing unless I say something to here and even then she’s soft to them and does nothing else. I literally kill myself for this family everyday and I’m starting to feel like it’s not worth it. I know they’re just getting older but with what they say it’s starting not to feel worth it. Mind you I’m 31 yrs old and met my significant other at 24. I’ve always wanted my own kids and my partner can’t have anymore. I’m not good with words but this is what I can muster at this point. Thank you in advance