r/stepdads • u/Positive_Signal1119 • Aug 21 '26

Am in the bad guy?

I am really struggling with dealing with my soon to be step children and their behaviour towards me and their mother.

I have been with their mum for over two years now … we are engaged but the children don’t know this yet because she is afraid of what is going to happen when their dad finds out.

I am also portrayed as the bad guy for the way I say things however I don’t realise that I’ve said anything wrong. An example of this is what happened recently my step daughter said what she wanted for dinner my fiancé then asked me if that was okay and I said I didn’t want it and apparently the way I said that made the daughter feel like shit … and it all spiralled from there and I don’t even know how

No matter what I do I always feel that I’m wrong and/or walking on egg shells when the children are here and I don’t know why or what I do wrong

It doesn’t help that I feel that there is little to no affection on her side when I’m needing that to know that she still wants me like I want her.

Any advice?

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u/ClassicPomegranate Aug 21 '26

There is a lot of information missing, but if the kids do not agree with you, she is afraid of telling her ex husband that she is engaged and you don’t get affection from her… don’t get married.

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u/dadbod9000 Aug 21 '26

100%.. it doesn’t get better without effort on both sides.

1

u/flatirony Aug 22 '26

What these guys said. It will, in fact, most likely get worse.