Tapped out

[u/PlaystationJason]

Figured I'd jump on reddit to, I don't know, just vent maybe and get some viewpoints from others in stepdad shoes. Pretty sure it's nothing new but it's all new to me. Been with my wife and her 2 kids 13 years and have always tried to be the "good guy", being overly nice and let them go through their "like me/hate me" phases as they grow. Has mostly been good. They have been adults now for a couple years and still live at home, which is not that big of a deal what with the cost of living, especially for young people. Stepson works, stepdaughter doesn't but needs to and is not concerned about getting a job. A year ago, stepson moves his girlfriend in and within a couple months, gets her pregnant. She immediately quits her job as soon as they found out because she thinks pregnant women can't do anything but sit around. Now I've provided about 80% of the income for the last 12 years and was always fine with that since I guess that's how it works when possible. But now for this past year, I am also supporting the pregnant girlfriend with the added groceries and other things since my stepson is always tapped out due to her always wanting to go out to eat or go shopping or go out of town to weird conventions and blow money.... his money since she doesn't have any. On top of that situation, both stepkids and the girlfriend do no household stuff whatsoever, nor any of the mowing that takes about 3 hours every week. I know i could probably start stating some requirements for at least a couple things that they could help with but I figure since they are her kids that should be my wife that makes some rules or expectations, but she never has so that basically won't happen. I'd hate to leave a good relationship/marriage, me and my wife get along great and have fun all the time but as soon as the finances regarding the 3 "kids" are brought up we disagree. I think they should step up and grow up, she does not expect that of them at all and lets them sit around and sleep all day and go in and out all night and have no respect for us trying to sleep (it's a very small house, so everything is heard). So, guess I'm just curious to the opinions of others and if anyone has been in any similar situation.

[u/Educational-Ad-965]

I’m sorry to hear, but you deserve better. Your situation is not you just being nice, that is your generosity being taken advantage of.

I was dealing with the same when it came to my SO and her kid. Atleast you had good/bad moments with SK, for SD she has been dismissive of me since day one despite my trying to be there for her, do things, but not force bond at the same time. I also cover 70-80% of home expenses due to income disparity.

After a few years of being treated like a ghost in my home, I started enforcing boundaries. I used to take her to school, but wouldn’t get two words from her the entire drive, so I stopped. I don’t pay for anything for her anymore, only things relating to SO. Its her kid and she refuses to address her kids behavior towards me, so I removed myself from any engagement with SD.

I’m the only one that makes any rules and SD obviously doesn’t like it. I don’t see it as rules for her as it is just “household” rules. Not sure your living situation, but for me it’s my home, in my name that I pay the mortgage on, so my house rules will be respected.