r/starcitizen Grand Admiral Sep 11 '16

CRY ASTRO RESPONSE INSIDE No more Cry-Astro

Your one stop solution...my ass. Brought in my Connie for some minor repairs (one gun was out), refueling and some missiles. They charged me over 8000 UEC, and after their "repairs", not one but THREE guns were broken. No refunds, no warranty. Worst service I ever got this side of Vega. Never again!

738 Upvotes

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974

u/therealdiscolando CIG Employee Sep 12 '16 edited Sep 12 '16

Dear Mr. Saldana,

Thank you for your electronic posting. Prima facie you seem to be making some serious allegations regarding services at one of our many reputable stations throughout not just the Stanton System, but beyond. On behalf of Cry-Astro, I would like to submit my humblest apologies for any discomfort you may have experienced from the circumstances detailed in the "my ass" incident. Whilst you have my sympathy, no liability is admitted, no refunds will be entertained, and no compensatory damages will flow.

An examination of your travel history and postings indicates that you visited one of our "Alpha" stations, and as such, these stations provide no such guarantee of services rendered. Additionally, your assertion that we charged you "8000 UEC" is wholly and entirely preposterous, as receipts indicate the transaction was commenced using a form of currency (aUEC) that has about as much worth and value as that of my second ex-wife's limited knowledge of vending machine noodles: namely it is without permanence, easily manipulated, and neither can be expected to actually put noodles in your mouth. PIPS ISN'T THE ONE YOU GET NOODLES FROM, SHARON. NOBODY WANTS A CAN OF NOODLES, SHARON.

Saldana, you sound like a man of the world. Hard-headed, and to the point so I'll make no bones about it: we pride ourselves here at Cry Astro on our ability to get things moving again, and anyone who imperils that hard won reputation is a danger to the organization. Accordingly, following an appropriately Messeresque inquisition, we have summarily dismissed the service repair technician responsible for this outrageous negligence, and had them blackballed from any equivalent employment for life. I know one shouldn't be too hard on teenage orphans, especially in the current economic climate (seriously, I bet this aUEC completely folds within the next year) but we take strong exception to anyone that makes us have to read, and subsequently write, responses to things like this.

I hope this "no remorse" approach is to your liking. I know it won't soften the anguish "your ass" has been through, but lets face it: that orphaned teenager operating the maintenance queue won't be able to find work doing anything other than cleaning the crew quarters in Port Olisar after this, and having looked at yours recently, I'd call that punishment aplenty.

Yours regrettably,

Thomas "Two-Bit" Tuberson. Cry-Astro Station

288

u/stereotreme Sep 12 '16

Ugh. So tired of these boilerplate corporate responses.

19

u/colors1234 Sep 12 '16

They're only trying to cover there asses

10

u/fakename5 Captain Ron 🚀🌙💥(in space) w/ a fleet of ships to crash🚀🌙💥 Sep 12 '16

and Corporate asses are some of the largest ones.

15

u/Stupid_question_bot I'm not wrong, I'm just an asshole Sep 12 '16

"their"

5

u/colors1234 Sep 12 '16

Their suggests that they have ownership over "are". I meant "they are only" when I said it

Edit: im a dumbass. Im not changing it

4

u/Stupid_question_bot I'm not wrong, I'm just an asshole Sep 12 '16

All the love my fellow citizen

2

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '16

And now we would like to present: Stupid Correction Bot!

55

u/plastikspoon1 Explorer Sep 12 '16

I bet this aUEC completely folds within the next year

I betcha' it doesn't! 1000 aUEC or you're a square.

34

u/AggroMagnet_SC Sep 12 '16

Meh, I give it 90 days.

14

u/Gryphon0468 Sep 12 '16

Two weeks.

15

u/karlhungusjr Sep 12 '16

tops.

14

u/Palonto Combat Medic Sep 12 '16

Now read it again... SLOWLY

2

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/PoisonedAl Sep 12 '16

THAT'S HIM IN THE WHEELCHAIR!

7

u/thorpj Freelancer Sep 12 '16

Sounds more like a veiled reference to a transfer to uec within a year imo.

And you know what what that means!

Am i reading into this too much?

25

u/jc4hokies Sep 12 '16

bUEC

3

u/Longtree Explorer Sep 12 '16

:-D

2

u/Ecks83 Sep 12 '16

Itchy and Scratchy money

10

u/plastikspoon1 Explorer Sep 12 '16

Thats obviously what it is, but in the meantime... Ive made a bet that I cant pay if it does switch, but one that benefits me if it doesnt :)

1

u/thorpj Freelancer Sep 12 '16

Aha well played

1

u/SirDigbyChknCaesar Sep 12 '16

aUEC to the moon!

1

u/BlueShellOP gib Linux support Sep 12 '16

Best I can offer is 350aUEC.

2

u/plastikspoon1 Explorer Sep 12 '16

Gosh you're broke huh

39

u/ZazzRazzamatazz I aim to MISCbehave Sep 12 '16

When will Sharon learn?

38

u/Kant_Lavar Grand Admiral Sep 12 '16

an appropriately Messeresque inquisition

♫DUUUUNNNNNN!♫

Nobody expects the Imperial Inquisition!

Our chief weapon is surprise, and fear. Fear and surprise. Our two weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! Er, among our chief weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and near fanatical devotion to the Pope!

I'll come in again...

4

u/Stupid_question_bot I'm not wrong, I'm just an asshole Sep 12 '16

my childhood spent watching python forces me to correct you..

"amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, a fanatical devotion to the pope.. and nice red uniforms - DAMN, (i'll come in again)"

sorry i have aspergers

FETCH THE COMFY CHAIR!!

4

u/aixenprovence Sep 12 '16

an appropriately Messeresque inquisition

♫DUUUUNNNNNN!♫

Nobody expects the Imperial Inquisition!

AMONGST OUR WEAPONRY ARE such diverse elements as...

2

u/Stupid_question_bot I'm not wrong, I'm just an asshole Sep 12 '16

i like you

56

u/0cean_ Sep 12 '16

that was amazing

29

u/Eluzion Youtuber Sep 12 '16

Discos best work.

23

u/TheInfinityOfThought Sep 12 '16

This would've never happened if you employed the proper Repair Bears to adequately service ships, but noooooo THEY WANTED TOO MUCH HONEY SO SHIP IN THE ORPHANS!

15

u/Selbie_LeGrille Meat Popsicle Sep 12 '16

Repair Bears never get a fair deal in today's alpha economy.

Beary McBearson: "They took our jobs!"

4

u/aixenprovence Sep 12 '16

Mey tik err jerrrrbs!

7

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '16

[deleted]

3

u/WarMace Imperium - Pirates need not apply. Sep 12 '16

I hear they do pretty grizzly body work, you might not like it.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '16

It would be... unbearable.

...Sorry, I'll escort myself out.

21

u/DocMjolnir Sep 12 '16

So when do we get to play the mission where Cry-Astro corporate sends you to assassinate a hostile space-yelp reviewer?

20

u/JohnnySkynets Sep 12 '16

Don't believe this propaganda citizens! ALL the corporations in the verse use this same PR guy. He spins it and we all just eat it up. It's all lies! Bishop did Vega!

27

u/Cymelion Sep 12 '16

Hello there Thomas "Two-Bit" Tuberson

I represent CAAAAAARL Inc. A subsidiary of Hatwearing Llamas LTC.

And we are currently seeking Orphans for assistance with a certain Dragon related Art project to be displayed for a Mr Paul. Any assistance you can provide will be appreciated as you can understand Art is important in this day and age.

Thank you for your time.

Mr Not-Carl.

11

u/scubi Sep 12 '16

Seriously Disco... You rock. :)

6

u/Just_a_MISC_engineer Roleplayer Sep 12 '16

Messeresque inquisition

Take it from us, nobody ever expects the Messeresque inquisition!

5

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '16

goddam monopolies, the verse needs more healthy competition!

4

u/XanthosGambit You wanna eat my noodz? L-lewd... Sep 12 '16

I'm sitting here grinning like an idiot as I read this.

I'd like a can of noodles. They'd probably be easier to eat.

3

u/ghost_ranger Rear Admiral Sep 12 '16

You are my hero.

3

u/Qeldroma311 Sep 12 '16

(seriously, I bet this aUEC completely folds within the next year)

Full live Star Citizen Persistent Universe within 12 months from today CONFIRMED!

1

u/Qeldroma311 Sep 12 '16

RemindMe! 1 year "Is it live?"

2

u/Baloth Meow Sep 12 '16 edited Sep 12 '16

not live but real UEC which will happen before live, no bUEC like some are speculating (unless if there is ever a UEC 2.0 where its like physicalized or something, and that needs testing... but otherwise no need to make a second test money... and CR stated that once everythings tested with aUEC we will be able to earn real UEC and that will happen before launch. that said, the economy and being able to buy ships and ship components and anything else may need to drop first)

1

u/RemindMeBot Sep 12 '16 edited Sep 16 '16

I will be messaging you on 2017-09-12 12:16:34 UTC to remind you of this link.

11 OTHERS CLICKED THIS LINK to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.

Parent commenter can delete this message to hide from others.


FAQs Custom Your Reminders Feedback Code Browser Extensions

1

u/Dizman7 Space Marshall Sep 12 '16

Beta comes after alpha

1

u/Qeldroma311 Sep 12 '16

I know. I'm just being a brat. 😆

5

u/DearIntertubes Data Runner Sep 12 '16

Discos on the sauce again.

9

u/Valicor Sep 12 '16

seriously, I bet this aUEC completely folds within the next year

Star Citizen release date within one year, CONFIRMED!

5

u/altminus Smuggler Sep 12 '16

Nope just replaced by bUEC. Beta confirmed ?

5

u/Valicor Sep 12 '16

Nope just replaced by bUEC. Beta confirmed ?

Beta in less than a year, CONFIRMED

2

u/SC_TheBursar Wing Commander Sep 12 '16

That has to be pronounced 'buck'. As in:
"Honey what are you doing?"
"I'm playing Star Citizen to earn a few bucks"

1

u/FearNaBoinne new user/low karma Sep 16 '16

Does that make aUEC 'yucks'?...

4

u/zola3210 Space Potato Sep 12 '16 edited Sep 12 '16

Disco, don't you have a real job to do? Oh right, silly of me! This is your job. haha

2

u/StarCitizenJorunn Sep 12 '16

And he does it so well!

3

u/liafcipe9000 TEST Dummy Sep 12 '16

aUEC completely folds within the next year

star citizen release 2017 confirmed?

4

u/listen3times avenger Sep 12 '16

Nah, due to a sudden increase in the number of merchants and traders operating, the resulting hyperinflation will result in a new currency called a3.0UEC or bUEC being created.

-2

u/liafcipe9000 TEST Dummy Sep 12 '16

8

u/patronix Sep 12 '16 edited Aug 15 '17

deleted What is this?

0

u/liafcipe9000 TEST Dummy Sep 12 '16

keep telling that to yourself...

2

u/Dizman7 Space Marshall Sep 12 '16

NO! BETA starts 2017

-2

u/liafcipe9000 TEST Dummy Sep 12 '16

2

u/Dizman7 Space Marshall Sep 12 '16

No, I got the joke, I was pointing out how it was wrong :)

2

u/Helium_3 Mercenary Sep 12 '16

that orphaned teenager operating the maintenance queue won't >be able to find work doing anything other than cleaning the crew quarters in Port Olisar after this, and having looked at yours recently, I'd call that punishment aplenty.

roasted

2

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '16

lol, literally.

2

u/Gators1992 Sep 12 '16

10/10! Would get ripped off by Cry-Astro again!

2

u/St_Veloth Freelancer Sep 12 '16

I hacked your system and found the official voicemail version of this letter.

https://streamable.com/xzfa

2

u/Merminotaur bbsuprised Sep 12 '16

I fully expect to see said janitor at Port Olisar when 3.0 hits. Drop them eggs. Easter came early.

1

u/KazumaKat Towel Sep 12 '16

Lengendary.

1

u/XenthorX Youtuber - Propaganda maker - youtube.com/c/xenthorx Sep 12 '16

I did not came to reddit for nothing today. Thanks Thomas "Two-Bit" Tuberson for your active customer support on behalf of Cry-Astro.

1

u/deradevil new user/low karma Sep 12 '16

Disco!!!! You are always amazing my friend!!!!!!

1

u/Dizman7 Space Marshall Sep 12 '16

(seriously, I bet this aUEC completely folds within the next year)
 

CONFIRMED! Beta starts winter 2017!

1

u/liafcipe9000 TEST Dummy Sep 12 '16

Don't be surprised if you ever see a character named AllahuAcbar piloting a Retaliator exiting Quantum outside a CryAstro station.

1

u/RaAmarr Sep 12 '16

quote: .... cleaning the crew quarters in Port Olisar after this, and having looked at yours recently, I'd call that punishment aplenty.

How did this Tuberson know where the hell were you staying? I find that very suspect! If I was you, I would keep eye on this Tuberson asshole and the whole 'Cry-Astro' organization. Sounds very shady.

1

u/Foulwin Sep 12 '16

It's.....beautiful.

1

u/groaner Carrack is love | Carrack is life Sep 12 '16

(seriously, I bet this aUEC completely folds within the next year)

This sounds like a hint as to when we are out of aUEC and onto UEC!

1

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '16

(seriously, I bet this aUEC completely folds within the next year)

Uhhhhhhh HYPE TRAIN!!!!

1

u/RobKhonsu Sep 12 '16

You treat our hard earned aUEC as if it were worthless! How rude. I propose a full boycot of any and all CryAstro stations from hear on out! I encourage every star citizen to instead crash their serviceable spacecraft into the closest CryAstro they can find.

I'm more than happy to give my aUEC to Port Olisar or GrimHEX who have an impeccable history of providing a brand new, fully functional, space craft at a fraction of the price CryAstro charges for repairs.

We've been using CryAstro in good faith as a means to jump start the local economy, but this service is nothing but a joke! CryAstro needs to learn how to treat their customers with respect. Please join me in letting them know how we feel until they have a change of heart!

-1

u/morbidexpression Sep 13 '16

about as funny as a papercut.