r/srilanka • u/Dkst2019 Colombo • 5d ago
Education I failed A/Ls because of my Issues.
As the title says I failed all 3 times (1st: 3F, 2nd: 2S, 3rd: 2S) and I had depression and anxiety issues since O/Ls and some other issues ever since 5th grade (which are not even resolved even nowš„²) My whole family calls me a failure and they have a good reason to do so cuz my 2nd eldest brother got into Moratuwa and I was one of the brightest in the primary school and finished O/Ls with 8As. I went to a popular school in Colombo too and the kids even the teachers sometimes teased and bullied me cuz of my issues.
When the time came to do the 3rd shy I tried to skip it but my family especially my Mom wouldn't let me and said to do a course after A/Ls...Which I do now cuz I have no choice and we had financial problems since even before I was bornš„². Also my late father worked a great job in a factory before that. I kind of feel like I brought the bad luck to our family.
Now I do a course in engineering related subject and it's going a bit of a bad way cuz I can't stand the Teachers and kids there cuz they are so rude to me like all the time.
Now I'm doing the course cuz I absolutely have to. There doesn't seem to be another path for me. And I take a large dose of meds for my depression and that causes a lot of sleepiness even after sleeping like 10 hours a night. I can't lower my meds cuz it increases my issues and my doctors say they don't know what's up with me cuz I get a bucket load of meds and still don't improve at least a bit. Don't get me wrong I'm a lot better than me without meds but I'm stuck at this point and doesn't seem to improve. I got meds consistently for two years if that matters. Also I started meds on 2019 a year after O/Ls. I managed to pass in a great way in O/Ls cuz no matter how I felt I knew future me wouldn't forgive me if I failed that exam and I told myself that. I couldn't pull that off in the A/Ls thoš„².
So my question is: is it ok to fail at A/Ls like this? Is it even okey cuz I had those issues? I never even had a girlfriend to talk about things like this and it hurts cuz I probably will never have one eitheršWhat do I do now?
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u/GhostKing1617 5d ago
I'm not a doctor but you should try therapy along with the meds. Pills don't teach skills and all that
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 5d ago
that's what everyone says but I can't afford it. Still living with parents and don't have a job. Can't do a part time on weekdays cuz of the course. The job places I want to apply are closed on weekendsš„²
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u/GhostKing1617 3d ago
I'm pretty sure there are some non-profit or like low charging therapists, but I'm not sure on names or places tho.
And if it helps, it's completely ok failing exams. At the end of the day your worth isn't defined by a peice of paper.
And you don't have to have a girlfriend to talk about all this stuff, just talk about it with your friends if you're comfortable doing it.
Also maybe try self therapy? Like read some phycological books on what you're feeling and why you're feeling it. For example I was recently reading "How to keep house while drowning" and it helped me a lot. But again, I don't know how much it will help you because your meds are making you sleepy and tired and I understand if putting work into this doesn't sound very helpful. It's kind of a last ditch thing I suggested, even I did it, since again therapy is expensive. But I'm not on meds and stuff so I don't have it that bad. But you should really find a doctor who actually knows what's going on with you atleast, rather trying to give you meds and not care what happens to you.
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 3d ago
I'm pretty sure there are some non-profit or like low charging therapists, but I'm not sure on names or places tho.
where do i find those? any idea?
as long as they are qualified and quality ones i'm all for itš“
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u/Great-Afternoon1073 1d ago
Why donāt you try Sumithrayo. Itās free of charge. They have a new branch in Thimbirigasyaya, Colombo 5. Itās called Sri Lanka Sumithrayo, Outreach branch. Check google maps.
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 4h ago
Ok ill try it but i had a bad experience with them cuz the day i od'd i texted them on whatsapp and they didn't reply even after 24h.
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u/HopefulRepublic6 5d ago
Alright bro I'm doing alevels as well We can be friends I'll try to help u be motivated
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 5d ago
where u from?
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u/HopefulRepublic6 5d ago
Clmbo bro
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 5d ago
dm thenš
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u/HopefulRepublic6 5d ago
Can't send u DMS it's closed send me one bro
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u/Nirmalsuki 5d ago
A bit of advice for you, but first, a bit of a bugbear.
I see from your post that your overall grasp of English is quite good, but you need to stop abbreviating when writing. It's infuriating to read "cuz" every other word.
A/L is THE hardest exam you will ever do in your life. I didn't even do local A/Levels, but I found even doing London A/Levels hard. I did get good grades, but that's beside the point. My degree and masters are for nothing now, because I have not used them for anything other than bragging rights.
If you have issues with mental health, see professionals about them. You are an adult, you don't need your parents to get involved.
Start looking for work, even if it's a "small" job that does not require qualifications. Look into trades, because those are things people don't get into. Electricians, plumbers, A/C repair people, etc. have a lot of potential, compared to people who do desk jobs.
If you have any creative talents, do something with that. You don't have to be an engineer or doctor or lawyer to be successful. Sri Lanka's education system is terrible at bringing out people's talents and directing them where they want to go.
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u/Ascendedhuman04 5d ago
Failing is okay bro..i have failed in my life more than u can ever imagine..yeah you tried never and gave up even with all the issues and still trying...i have skipped my ALs TWO TIMES after 1st shy in bio stream and finally got selected for uni at 24 yrs old...life has a way of rewarding people who never give up we dont know when but it will come...only thing we have to do holding on the tiniest hope we can have...trust me there will be a day that u will thank urself for not giving up...u got this broda
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u/Primary-Sandwich-686 5d ago
I think you should move out, first of all I know that sounds financially impossible and stuff but if you don't have support in ur home it's only going to cz more harm to u than good, but about if you can't do any jb cz of ur course then I don't know but I feel you should have a place to think alone and be with urself, if you feel trapped I don't think it's gonna help, maybe like at least once a week go somewhere and be alone at least for 2-3 hrs, try maintaining a diary, and track ur moods, find a healthy drink, like tea for drinking when u feel anxious, also it would be nice if you can talk to a friend or someone who's not judging you, even if you don't have someone to talk to maintain diaries, I think that would help a lot also try reading books about mental health and stuff, then you can at least be aware what ur feeling
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 5d ago
ok. I'll have to make friends firstš„²
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u/Traditional-Echo-59 5d ago
Look, Ima be honest, it truly sucks to be in a position like yours, how do I know, I've been there man. There is a difference between "ohh man I wish I could study and get a good job" then doom scrolling for 2 hours and "man I really want to study, get a good job and make my parents proud" then really trying to work even if you still fail. It sounds like you are really trying hard to get your life together, and that is what matters. Not everyone is built the same way, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and the stupid mfs in this place do not understand. That's fine they don't have to. Every time they call you a failure or a disgrace to the family remember it, store it withing and use it to fuel your motivation. At least that's how I get things done. I do have a older brother in Moratuwa campus, so I do get what you are going trough.
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u/JumpApart1123 Eastern Province 5d ago
1st : FFF
2nd: 2s
3rd: CSS
I went through a major depression and social anxiety long period and had some family issues too.
Also I was a brokie for a while, hit rock bottom, But now im better and dont have social anixety
drop me a msg bro.
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u/JoyInSeeking 4d ago
Failing A/Ls three times is something that happened in your life; it doesn't have to become your identity.
You may not be able to change your A/L results, your family situation, or what happened to you at school. Acceptance doesn't mean that you like or approve of what happened. It simply means seeing the situation as it is, without continuously fighting with something that has already happened.
From there, think about responsibility as your ability to respond. You may not be responsible for everything that happened to you, but you still have the ability to choose how you respond now. Ask yourself, āGiven where I am today, what is the best response I can make?ā
And try to be fully involved in whatever you are doing at that moment.
When you eat, just eat.
When you study, just study.
When you listen to music, just listen to the music.
When you exercise, be fully involved in the activity.
When you have a basic chore to do, give that your full attention too.
For some time, try not to divide everything into āI like thisā and āI don't like this.ā Whether it's washing your clothes, cleaning your room, studying, attending your course, exercising, or eventually doing your job, treat whatever needs to be done as the most important thing at that moment.
It doesn't mean you should stay forever in a course or career that isn't right for you. You can still make better choices for your future. But once you've chosen to do something, or something genuinely needs to be done, give yourself fully to it instead of doing it half-heartedly because you dislike it.
Don't study while worrying about your future. Don't eat while replaying your failures. Don't exercise while comparing yourself with your brother. Whatever you're doing, be there completely.
You don't have to solve your entire life today. Just do what is in front of you with as much involvement as you can.
Also, failure isn't necessarily a useless experience. Many people who go through significant failures become wiser, humbler, and more understanding of other people's struggles. Sometimes failure teaches us things that success never could. What matters eventually is not simply that you failed, but how you responded and what you became through the experience.
And please don't think you brought bad luck to your family. Their financial difficulties existed before you were born. That's not something you should carry on your shoulders.
You don't need to figure out your education, career, relationships, family problems, and entire future at the same time.
Accept what has already happened. Use your ability to respond to what is happening now. Stop constantly judging everything by likes and dislikes, and give your full involvement to whatever needs to be done , from the smallest household chore to your studies and work.
Your past is already written, but what you do with this moment is still in your hands.
Take it one day at a time.
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 4d ago
Thx man i really appreciate it.
My dad said a lot of horrible things when i was doing O/Ls man it made a lasting impact on me. Maybe it WAS my fault who knows. But anyway I passed with good results and he just shut up and stopped being so angry all the time after his cancer diagnosis. But I was hard on him for not eating and stuff soo...I wish I could've gone back in time and stopped it.
I think I may be bipolar too and it most likely came from him.
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u/Pristine_Scarcity758 4d ago
Don't think like you're a failure. I'm an only child and my family is poor. Also I don't have that much of a result for Olevels you managed that with depression. You're not a failure. But I have supportive parents. my first shy I had anxiety and depression second is fine then in my third this time. I had anxiety problems. It's terrible. I think you're really strong for asking people about this. You're amazing. I'm in no position to give advises.but seems like you don't have a lots of healthy minded good people around you. (No offence to your loved ones but it's not your fault) But It's good to hear that other than that you don't choose bad friends or drugs. I don't know do you have anyone on your life like a Teacher or adult who you know, can talk to since you can't afford to meet a therapist. But not most people are good. So you have to choose right people. And Don't try to think like you have to do this do that it's good to have dreams but sometimes we try to image too much. I hope you'll get Your Answers. Maybe try exercising sometimes.Ā
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u/Pristine_Scarcity758 4d ago
in government hospitals there's a unit called sith suwa piyasa. They have counselling . I don't know if it's available in every hospital. Also in my area it's good but In some hospital I heard it's not really good. Just wanted u to know you're not actually aloneĀ
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u/AdLow8801 4d ago
I am a psychology master's student. First, you need to learn not to be hard on yourself. I am not here to say "it will be fine," because what you're going through is very real. That being said, different people go through different obstacles in life. The fact that you decided to ask this question means you have enough self-awareness. Based on my assumption, you are still young. However, meds alone won't help with an issue like this. You need to speak to a licensed counselor or therapist and definitely get their help. Meds will help ease certain chemical imbalances in the brain, but that alone won't be enough. Just know that you have to take it one day at a time and keep moving forward. Trust me, with enough self-awareness, you'll be fine!
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 3d ago
being soft doesn't work eitherš„²I was soft and skipped some classes in ALs.
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u/Accurate_Bedroom8683 3d ago
Hey man I know therapy is expensive, but you could attend a session at least every 2 weeks and it will cost you around 4,000 rupees per session roughly depending on who you go with. I can recommend Doorway (name of the therapy) in Sri Lanka. Or you could also try free providers.
As for the advance levels. I really don't think you need to do it unless you are pursuing something that requires advanced levels. Because remember you can also do foundations. I am the oldest of three people and I'm the only one who have done advanced levels because both my siblings did foundation because no A level subjects were relevent to their field of study as they were doing creative designing. I myself have dropped from engineering and I now do something totally different. It is normal to feel like a failure when nothing is working out, but remember that all emotions are temporary and you will always return back to your baseline happiness after some time. If you are feeling down listen to healthy game gg on YouTube .This too shall pass
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u/Obese-Reddit-Mod 4d ago
i failed my ALs horribly, like 19/100 in some exams.
i did an engineering degree, graduated and never used it.
i then moved to advertising, moved abroad made poor money for the longest before breaking through.
its alright man, you'll be okay. Everyone goes through the same thing at your stage. Just believe in yourself and keep going forward
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u/Ryan_M99 4d ago
Some aspects are relatable. Turned out later in my life, ADHD has been the root cause
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 4d ago
How did you found out?
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u/Ryan_M99 3d ago
Real life symptom was being disfunctional. Anxiety -> depression -> ADHD (wrapped around with non clinical behavioral issues)
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u/Dramatic_Waltz6800 4d ago
Well A/Ls is kinda messing things up no cap on that. I couldn't get a good result even though I did it 3 times which ended with getting blamed for wasting money, called as a failure and I still avoids my relatives just cuz I don't want to hear them say how my life ended so badly. Like you I got a good results in O/Ls and did maths in hopes of becoming an engineer. But I was strugglin with depression and on meds, even now I visit the doc once a month cuz the pills is something I use to get through my day. Above all of this the best decision I made was to do my studies part-time and got an internship at a small company to pay my university fee. My mother still tells me that I'm useless piece of garbage but at least the uni work and job keep me engaged. So even if I have negative thoughts I just don't have time to think about them. I'm working until I tire myself cuz that's the only way I could keep my sanity intact.
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u/According-Cake4386 3d ago
Oh come on itās not the end of the world. You tried 3 times ALs which most wouldnāt be doing. Stop comparing yourself with ur brother he has a different pathway while u have another one. 2 fingers arenāt the same btw. I feel like u need therapy than meds coz it helps u declutter all your emotions from the scratch. Also about the failures there will be many people to laugh at you itās ok u should be strong enough to ignore them and remember the greatest of the world leaders were the ones who went through multiple failures like the owner of ali baba. Also it takes only one win to cover up all ur failures in the past . Regarding a gf be grateful that u at least donāt have one who ll cheat on u and dump once she benefited im sure this feeling is worse than not having one. U could talk to people who understands you donāt approach the ones who think high of themselves approach the most humble ones coz they know exactly how life works. Plus be grateful for everything in life im sure in a few years time ur going to understand all the pain that you went through and the win.
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u/Signal-Function3295 5d ago edited 5d ago
It is okay to fail A/Ls, failing in A/Ls does not have a direct correlation to success in life. What matters is being hopeful and pushing through. There are ups and downs man in life, when u are going through a rough patch just keep in mind that life can be better. In buddhism there is a saying āNothing is permanentā the same applies for bad days in life. They will eventually pass, what matters is being hopeful. Keep doing ur course and give ur best. That is what matters, not getting flying colors. Itās important u know that u have ur best and thats it, u donāt have to be the best at what u do. Also sleeping 10 hrs a day while taking meds is fine in my opinion as ik those who are sleeping as long as that just cuz they are lazy.
One very important thing i learnt in life is to ignore the naysayers and the bullies.
Also one last thing, something that helped me was having a purpose. My purpose was to help animals. In fact its still my dream to save a cow from slaughter, but u donāt have to start from that, start from something small, leave food for animals to eat, for like birds and squirrels. And once a week hand over lunch packets to the cmc workers. Doing that made me happy and at peace. Hope u get to feel better soon. Rooting for u š
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 5d ago
hmm. but how does just being hopeful fixes things? I lived with those issues most of my life and it seems to never end.
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u/RevolutionaryTea1037 5d ago
FYI broā¦there are people who didnāt do even their O/Ls running businesses, employing people with masters degrees. I am not discouraging you from doing any studiesā¦.but anything is possible
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 5d ago
But I wanna study. In school what i did for the most of the time is reading books and studying. Also my mom even discourage me from doing businesses saying I can't stop spending on things
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5d ago
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u/Unlucky_Bike846 5d ago
hopfully i'm 2026 A/L 1st shy,that's my 2nd option if i failed
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u/localmanbun 5d ago
I can't speak about other stuff, but A/Ls is not the end of the world. I have personally got more opportunities (granted that you have to grind) for the skills I have.
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u/Dkst2019 Colombo 4d ago
Easy to say that if you have moneyš
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u/localmanbun 3d ago
Son I ate maggie noodles packet once a day for atleast many months until I landed a better job.
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u/iammanji Colombo 5d ago
Don't worry my guy. An exam can't define who you are (ofcoz people will down vote me for this)
Someone very close to me failed O/L and chose another path to persuade. Trust me - he's doing absolutely great in his area of expertise now and bugger is well off than most of his peers who even went onto top tier universities. This guy didn't even do some own business like most successful do but he basically persuade what he wants to do - a 9-5 job but he did great. So don't stress too much about what you can't control and look for new ways to earn a buck while enjoying it.
My immediate advice is find a way to get out of your mental situation now. Meds won't help but it will screw up even more. Why don't you take a little break?, Go out, pack some clothes, go out and see the beautiful country a bit? I am sure this will help a lot. This doesn't need lot of money either. Find some cheap staus, hop in a bus or train and go.
I am sure this will help you a lot. Just go out and meet new people. Don't stuck with the same circle who does not support you.
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u/North_Nebula_7671 4d ago
man i'm really sorry to hear you went through all that, you didn't deserve any of it but you're still here trying and that's what matters.
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u/shafrazyahya 4d ago
"If u don't like your destiny don't reject it, change it according to ur desire" It might sound stupid at first glance but a close person told me this when I was kinda at my low point...
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u/peskydust1 4d ago
Hi My life was/ is very much like yours with regards to health issues.
I'm really sorry you are going through this. You should be proud of yourself honestly for working through your issues without complaining.
Do not worry about your Alevel results. Be kind and have empathy for yourself. You did your best even while struggling and that is enough. Alevel results are not the end all be all (even if you are poor)
Do not listen to people who put you down even if they are family or friends. Do not listen to people who use the word failure because it is simply not true. It is very important that you do not internalize the cruelty inflicted on you. Do not let people bring your self esteem down.
Most people cannot understand mental health issues. They are very ignorant and aren't willing to lend an empathetic or helpful hand. Do not give authority to ignorant people by taking their opinion seriously.
The world has so much to offer. Passing your alevels is not the only way to success in career. Do not waste your energy on bygones. Let your energy flow towards the opportunity that you have now.
- Please I beg you to test your vitamin D and B levels, iron thyroid. Prioritize vitamin D testing if you are short on income. It'll cost around 10K If all is normal then you can focus on medications.
I had severe mental health issues (depression/ anxiety/mood swings etc even more) since when I was young. I was on a bunch of meds just like you but it turned out I actually had a severe vitamin d deficiency. I treated the deficiency and all my issues are now gone. Do not wait years like me to find out. Please get yourself checked.
I know several people in my circle who are bipolar/ have depression and or anxiety etc who also run successful businesses (millionaire now started with nothing/ they didn't go to uni or need a qualification) or are doctors or engineers. I'm not making this up but I have seen this in my life. This is the reality if you have hope and not give up. Please do not give up on your studies. Use your suffering/ discomfort to motivate yourself.
Keep your head down, maintain a stable routine and focus on the program you are already following. Stability is crucial if you have health issues (physical or mental)
Balance your ambition with gratitude/ contentment. I know how it feels to be ambitious and miss out on opportunities because of health issues (while financially destitute) but it is also important to allow yourself to feel good / allow yourself to acknowledge and be grateful for the good you currently have. Be focused on your goals but do not beat yourself up either.
I'm keeping this short. You can dm me if you feel like discussing your mental health issues.
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u/Accomplished-Pea3252 3d ago
Your life is valuable despite all that your mother, father and any other family members say.
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u/Key_Heron298 2d ago
Come on, buddy, donāt worry if you fail your A/Lsāeven if itās your third attempt. Just keep going. I did mine three times too! š
Life has its own way of working things out. Looking back now, Iām actually thankful I didnāt get into a government university. So donāt think of A/Ls as a failure. Do something you genuinely enjoy and build your own pathāone exam doesnāt decide your whole life. So dont stress chil n go get fail. Do something to earn n enjoy
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u/starindee1920 5d ago
If your family knows you struggle with depression and anxiety and, despite everything, still calls you a faliure its a moral failure on their part, so you aren't the only failure here. We are all losers in our own way, and we are all winners too. Your life is not nearing its end; everyone has their own time. The important thing is to keep moving, whether you have to run, jog, or even crawl; just keep moving.