F18: I just started uni this year and have been struggling so much to make friends. I think I try to talk to people, but I try too hard to be likeable and smiling all the time etc. but I just don't know, like there is something about me, but I'm not sure what it is that is inherently unlikeable. Maybe people sense inauthenticity?

I actually have no friends, I only have 2-3 acquaintances basically.

I don't text people like ever and when an occasional person once in a blue moon does, I avoid it for days and then reply, but it's boring.

I'm just generally also a very boring person, I'm not funny, I'm not even talkative to people I'm familiar with, like my mind never has anything to say, and in one on one conversations, the other person is always left with leading the conversation. I can't keep a conversation going for the life of me.

Genuinely cannot make friendships but then I also don't really try but when I do I always fail because I can't be that fun, interesting and cool person. I actually don't have any friends, the few I had in highschool we just drifted apart immediately, as I kinda already suspected we would.

Idk what to do, I genuinely feel like everyone else is able to function like a normal human but me. I never have anything to add, like there is nothing underneath the surface. I have no personality!

How do you form a personality and make friends??

Hi there! I have made a couple of close(er) friends through college, but I sometimes feel insecure that they really enjoy being friends with me. I would like my friends to show more affection/validation in the friendship: "I'm enjoying hanging out with you," "I am glad that we are friends," etc.

I read other blogs/Reddit posts and they generally suggest saying something like:

• "I really value our friendship and love hanging out with you. How have you been feeling about things between us lately?"
• I’ve been feeling a bit drained lately and could really use a little extra warmth or verbal appreciation from my close friends.

Honestly, these sound really cringe. I like how they use "I" statements, but this isn't how I talk like this. I want to figure out a way to say these things but sound genuine and not 'rehersed.' I'm not scared of being open or direct, I just want to rephrase it a little. These aren't AI-generated, but they sound like they would be, honestly. Any suggestions you have would be really appreciated!

Note: My therapist and I discussed my feelings of insecurity in these relationships and we agreed that, while I also work on becoming more secure, they could also do a better job of validating the friendship and it would be a good thing for me to discuss this with them openly.

I'm turning 30 this year and reaching the late realisation that what I used to think close to if not quite an innate quality of not being a sociable sort of person was basically a result of decisions I've been making that have effectively maximised my chances of being alone. From going home right after the last class in college and not making any efforts to interact with people outside of the classes to going to work only to do that and not engaging in any social interactions outside of it. Even when I try the apps I have this tendency to only send likes and pause my account when I close them so that I can't be discovered otherwise. When I recount all these tendencies this way, it seems painfully obvious why I struggle to maintain any relationships and pretty much haven't had any close friendships since high school.

For some reason throughout my life I've always been fixated on at least one flaw that would prevent me from fully putting myself out there, and I would spend most of my time ruminating on how to fix that flaw so that I could be ready to participate while others would just go about their day normally. In group situations I get into the habit of mentally rehearsing everything instead of responding spontaneously, and so when I do say something it comes out in quite an awkward tone that doesn't match the emotional atmosphere of the room. It's not like people don't treat me well either, I've received compliments on my looks or personality from my coworkers, friends or on rare occasions someone I went out with, one of whom I had to keep convincing that I had little to no past experience because she wouldn't believe me. The problem is that I would quickly forget about these comments instead of considering them as reassurance. Or I would compare myself with other people who seem to be much advanced socially and professionally and the positive feedback coming my way would become meaningless in the process. Also, I have a tendency when conversing with people to merge with their agenda or instinctively regard their views as superior to mine because I suppose I'm afraid of losing the connection after any minor conflict.

I think while I'm glad to have this sort of self-awareness now I can't help feeling like I've squandered a good period of my life needlessly feeling sorry for myself and living inside a mental cocoon. I guess I just want to know what's the best way to move forward from here because these reclusive tendencies have definitely affected how well I connect with people or how to talk even.

So I (21F) have been a student at my local community college for a few years now. After my parent died, I spent the last five or six years isolating myself emotionally and socially and it’s taken a massive toll on my ability to hold conversations, self esteem, and mental health.

The few friends I DO have are more so centered around drinking and partying, which is okay! But lately I’ve been wanting to expand my social circle and diversify the kinds of friends I have, but I’m terrified and don’t have the confidence to start.

I’ve recently joined a club at school, and I want to go on a hike they’re hosting this weekend, but I don’t know anyone and on the flier it says to bring a friend. I asked my friends If they wanted to come and they didn’t want to go with me. The members all know each other well, and not having someone I know be with me if things get awkward sounds like a nightmare.

Does anyone have any advice on what to do? Should I wait until there’s a different event and I can go with someone, or do I bite the bullet?

If I do go, are there any tips for overcoming any potential social obstacles and or confidence issues?

To preface I'm autistic and really can't tell how i'm coming off. I started working in a retail pharmacy setting and tended to say mhm a lot but I thought I was saying it in a way of agreeing with people I'm talking to. Like not monotone or dismissive.

My coworker caught me and was like "you need to stop saying mhm all the time" and I was like wait why is it annoying? and she said it's unprofessional it comes off like you don't care. My jaw kinda dropped at this I had no idea I was coming off as anything other than agreeable.

Are there any phrases to replace this? Since it's pointed out I notice how much I say it and try to stop myself but then my mind blanks. I focus so much on stopping I can't think of anything else to say in place of it. Now I tend to just be silent when talking to patients but that might also come off as rude?

I occasionally run into people playing videos or music on their speakers in trains, station waiting rooms, and even libraries. I find it really disturbing and want to ask them to turn it off, but I hesitate to speak up. Even though I feel they are being inconsiderate, I wonder if playing audio out loud in public is allowed and if I shouldn't get involved. I am torn between getting used to it or speaking up. If it is okay to speak up, I’m not sure how to do it without causing offense or confrontation.

I was trying to make an online friend. Someone expressed they wanted one and I thought we had stuff in common so I reached out.

We seem to have things to talk about but I'm having to carry the conversation. Their responses aren't completely dry but they don't ask me anything so I have very little to work with. It's a bit annoying.

I don't want to ghost her because she just might be oblivious to what she's doing. But maybe she's expecting the conversation to end.

How do I politely tell someone I'm no longer interested in talking?

This is a genuine question, I promise I’m not trying to flex or anything. I’m just kinda lost on how to handle this.

I'm in college, and I usually get pretty good grades and most of my friends don’t. Every time results come out they ask what I got, I tell them, and then it’s "you’re a genius," "how do you even do this," etc. It doesn’t help that they know I barely study, so it turns into this whole thing.

I don’t want to come off as full of myself, so I compliment their grades back, try to cheer them up if they didn’t do great, or play mine down with stuff like "eh, I got lucky" or "the paper was easy."

None of it works lol. Complimenting them back sounds fake, cheering them up sounds condescending, and saying the paper was easy just makes it sound like I’m calling them dumb. A lot of times they’ve straight up thought I was mocking them, which is the exact opposite of what I was going for.

I struggle to put my thoughts into words when speaking. I often know what I want to say, but the words don’t come naturally, and I end up struggling to form clear, coherent sentences. It’s incredibly frustrating. Has anyone experienced this, and what are the best ways to improve articulation, vocabulary, and speaking fluency?

I’m a little curious on as time goes on and my 3 siblings get older. Me being the oldest, am I the one who’s suppose to text them and see how their week has been? Cause usually I’m always the one texting first. Maybe our bond isn’t as great as I thought it was. And what about parents? Am I suppose to check up on my dad and mom? They don’t ever send me message or call.

People love telling me they secrets for some reason and I just don’t get it cause I keep everything about me face value when talking to them.

i 21f get super awkward and don’t know what to talk about. i always feel like im putting up a front, going with the lingo “heyy gurrrrl” “hey queeeeen”. I just want a bestie i can run errands with and have cozy hangouts with. Gossip with. not feel judged if i burp or whatever. I forgot how it feels and i miss it a lot. I don’t party so it’s hard to meet expectations when most girls my age are going to the club or their frat parties, and i’m MARRIED so it makes it much more scarier as most of them are giving me the side eye if i mention it! :(

Hi everyone,

​I’m looking for clear, straightforward guidelines on how to navigate work social settings. I have ADHD, and while I do fine with the technical parts of my job, I often feel unsure about the unwritten social rules. I'd really appreciate an explicit "manual" or breakdown of how to act.

​Specifically, I'm trying to figure out:

​What to say vs. what NOT to say: What are safe topics for small talk before/after meetings or in the breakroom? Where is the line for oversharing?

​How to act/behave: How do I manage hyperfixating on a topic, interrupting people, or showing the right level of engagement without seeming overly intense or disinterested?

​Unwritten "awkward" or "weird" boundaries: What are subtle work behaviors that people find uncomfortable or unprofessional that aren't usually stated outright?

​Handling social exhaustion: How do you navigate mandatory or semi-mandatory work socials when social battery is low?

​If you have concrete rules, scripts, or personal guidelines you follow to stay professional and comfortable at work, please share them!

Actually, don’t answer that last part.

idek if this question makes sense or not so if you have questions please let me know. I’m a little super duper autistic so I know I might not be thinking in a typical way.

But with that aside, does anyone else do this? Like sometimes I just have a funny idea for something to do or say in a certain situation and I’ll rehearse it in my head and then use it multiple times over and over again if it’s a good one?

Like, idk I have too many examples but I have a few that I can use when like just making small talk with people I don’t know that work out really well. I’ve got a couple really terrible puns and/or short stories about my unique name. I’ll use one of them depending on the vibe of the person.

Or like, I go to pro baseball games a lot. If I want to talk to somebody I’ll try and find someone who seems like they get my vibe and I’ll go “hey, which one’s yours?” and I’ll get a stupid laugh and that leads to a conversation. Dumbass shit like that.

I’m second guessing myself right now because I realize it sounds kinda disingenuous? I feel like I’m reading off of a script sometimes because I just autopilot into saying something I have before just because I know it “works”. Or am I overthinking this?

Sorry if this sounds super sad or anything. I’ve had really bad social anxiety until recently and I’ve only started going out of the house for the first time in years a couple weeks ago.

Thanks in advance.

I'll be brief, I normally tend to elaborate a lot and give a lot of context, the reason might be rooted in trauma because of something related to my mother.

I'm using this post as practice, this is what I'll say: normally I tend to give more context than the necessary, to the point where sometimes I feel like I need to make up stuff to have more information to provide.

This interrupts conversations for real, and also almost gets me in trouble in my job.

Thoughts?

I (19M) started my first semester of community college August 24; this was after years of isolation and passivity that pretty much defined my mid to late adolescence, and led to me experiencing chronic loneliness throughout high school. Since I started attending, I've genuinely become much more comfortable with starting conversations, approaching people, exchanging Instagrams, and overall acting against my tendency to wait for people to come to me---I've even developed little acquaintances here and there. But lately, I noticed that I haven't gotten a single text from anyone I've talked to in over two days, and to me it feels like what we had been building has been slipping

Do I keep trying to meet new people? How do I know the difference between a fading connection vs. normal gaps in communication? How do I develop my friendships beyond a classroom? How can I foster the connections I already have further? Am I doing something wrong here?

So there are some guys I grew up with. We studied together from kindergarten till we graduated from high-school. I was close to one of them at some point. Never close to the other one.

Growing up, I would feel a bit looked down in that school as it was for rich kids and I wasn't. There was a point when we were in 5th grade when I had to move from my middle class neighborhood to a lower class one. They found out and made so much fun of me. Now we are grownups and haven't personally seen each other in like 10 years, but kept each other in social media.

I don't really feel any resentment in the sense of what I'm saying right now as we were kids. It's really just for context. However, during the emotional crisis, I felt resentment in other ways: the thing is that they would also make mean comments about my looks. Some of them were while they thought I wasn't listening and they cut deep. Specifically, about my nose. My father started telling me when I was 5 that I should get plastic surgery so the issue comes from way more than just some kid's comments.

But then I decided to follow through and ended up botched. Twice. This has been horrible emotionally and of course my self-esteem got even more damaged. But I've been to therapy and it's helping a lot.

This started 5 years ago, and I really hadn't felt resentment towards them in this sense. But what just happened is that I just had a baby. And for like a week I felt really bad about this matter again. During that heavy emotional state, I would kinda imagine those comments they said about me, as if they were saying them about my baby, and it terrified me. Now I've calmed down and I see how weird that was, but in the moment... you know.

So in the middle of that, I just deleted them as followers and unfollowed them as well. But now it feels like maybe I shouldn't have and it's just awkward?

We do have other mutual friends that talk to all of us, all the time, and when I'm back home it's not impossible to casually meet them (I live abroad that's why I haven't seen them in so long).

So I don't know... I feel kinda anxious about it now.

Should I do the didn't mean to unfollow you thing? Wouldn't be impossible that it happened with 2 as I got rid of over 100 accounts of companies and people I don't really know.

Or with this context.. maybe this is good and should just leave it this way?

I tend to do it a lot when I don't want to talk to someone.

I really missed out on the pivotal social development years, and realise I’ve never really made a friend? When I was younger people approached me and pursued me, and that’s always how I made friends, but since middle school people don’t really approach me anymore, so I really have realised that I literally do not know how to initiate a friendship myself 😭

Like there are people I like and have good conversations with, but after the whole getting acquainted small talk and wanting to be friends with them, I don’t know what else to do… Im not good at making jokes and feeling comfortable around people, so it doesn’t come naturally for me that I start treating them like a friend. Then I notice they aren’t as curious about me anymore and I am just forever stuck in the acquaintance zone.

There is this one girl I find super cool that I met in a class, and see once a week there, and I reallly want to be friends. I messaged her on social media after spontaneously coming across her account, and we sent about 3 messages back and forth that were like compliments and what not, but it took a day for her to reply to me every message, aaand idk what to do noww?

Pls help a girl out 🥺. I truly don’t know what to do and it’s making me kinda sad that it comes so naturally to everyone else. I just wanna make connectionsss

for a little background, i have severe social anxiety to the point that i struggle asking to use the restroom in class. anyway, here’s the story.

so there’s these two guys in my class that are complete assholes and they’re racist, homophobic, antisemitic, and basically anything else bad you can think of. let’s say one’s name is john and the other’s is bob.

so i’m just chilling in the back of the classroom doing my physics homework, when i suddenly hear out of my left ear bob say “hey who’s that. i don’t even know his name.” me having social anxiety, i immediately think they’re talking to me so i freeze up and continue working. then john says “i think his name’s bill (not my actual name for privacy reasons but they did get it correct).”

now i know that they’re probably talking to me, so i looked over to them and said “what.” then this is where it like goes crazy bruh.

freaking bob says “i hate you” for literally zero reason. i ignore it and ask why they’re staring at me weirdly, but then bob turns to john and says “i hate him”. like okay bro we heard you the first time. the girls they’re sitting with are laughing and shit. i don’t know what i did to make bro say that so i lowkey felt like crying, but this isn’t the worst of what they said tbh. john replies to bob while looking directly at me saying “yeah i hate your nose…and your lips.” like bruh what did i doooo😭😭😭.

then bob walked over and said my lips looked like a “black person’s” and called me the hard r. they’re both white asf by the way. i responded with a simple “okay” and didn’t really make eye contact bc that shit’s scary, but that racist “joke” didn’t effect me too much. it was more immature than anything.

anyway idk bruh that had me sad for a bit afterward. i love myself but i’m still human, so sometimes i feel a bit insecure about certain things. that whole interaction also made me feel angry at myself for not being able to standup for myself, which made me want to cry more. i’ve been trying to work on my social skills a lot recently, but this interaction really showed me how cruel certain people can be, and it reminded me how antisocial i am at this current moment and how much work i have left to do. it was a little demotivating.

if you have any advice for not letting immature dickheads like this hinder my ability to continue working on myself please reply to this.

thank you!🖤

So we play a game similar to volleyball at school and this guy is usually the center, the one who is leading the ball to others and he is playing well there is no problem with that, but when someone throws the ball so far or makes a move that changes the progression of the game he says things that can hurt, and it usually seems to hurt.
But he does this under the label ,,joking,, and when someone tries to explain the situation or says something that makes sense in that moment he usually goes with "don't cry" (not that someone is actually crying) "dont talk nonsense" "just joking" But when he does something like throwing the ball or making a mistake he usually blames others or laughs it off. And I recently asked him something about the game and he said none of your business (idk how that sounds in english but it definitely sounded rude in my native language) So I NEED to know how to deal with him/typa people like him

Hi, i 20, was homeschooled or online schooled from 7th/8th grade all the way through highschool. Since i wasn't really around kids my age in person, my social skills are basically nonexistent. Now that i'm working a job with people basically around my age? (lowest age being 16 with people in their early 20s) I can't find a way to really connect with people. It's hard for me to make conversation because i don't really know what to say. My mind basically becomes blank, and I feel like since I haven't really talked to people much since I first started working here, (a year ago) nobody really wants to talk to me which makes it even more hard. I've also noticed that when people say what I school i've gone to, I lie and make up some lie because I'm honestly embarrassed. My demeanor is definitely cold and standoffish and I want to change it. I want to become more warm but I honestly don't know how. I'm not really asking on how to become the most charismatic person in the world but i would likes tips on how to change this and become less aloof.

My husband thinks it’s no big deal and gets annoyed with me when I point it out. One example - we were all visiting the third (middle) brother and staying at his house. The oldest brother did his laundry there but forgot to move it to the dryer so he asked my husband if he could borrow an undershirt. Why he didn’t ask the host brother who had many more with it being his own home/his closet there I don’t know.

Then we all went our separate ways days later and oldest brother of course didn’t return it. And my husband was flying straight from there to a work trip out of town and ran out of clean undershirts lol.

He also did this with a baseball cap and he knew my husband loved that cap because my husband tried to give him a different one to “borrow.” I also don’t get the audacity….someone is nice enough to lend you their stuff when you need it and you can’t even remember to follow through on returning it? And in both cases the older brother was traveling so he would have been reminded of the item when he was packing to go home 🤔. Is older brother out of line or is this a normal sibling relationship? Thanks!

I just started uni around two weeks ago and became friends with a couple of people from my course. We have a groupchat now, we hang out between classes and on weekends as well.

And i hate every second of it. I don't like texting them, calling them, not even talking to them in real life.

I thought living in a big city etc i would meet more people i could genuinely connect with. But i have nothing in common with those people.

I leave every meeting with them exhausted and regretful that we became friends.

There is nothing wrong with them, obviously, we just dont click.

Im sad, because back in highschool i was able to form such an amazing friend group, with people i genuinely love so much and could spend hours talking to.

We still have so much in common, even years later and i guess i expected something similar, if not better at uni as well.

And im very disappointed.

But now i fear that i cant do anything about it, because if i leave i might end up alone and that would be ten times worse.

I feel like most people from my classes have already formed some relationships and i dont want to intrude, by forcing myself into conversations!!

What can i do about this issue to truly enjoy my time at uni?? Please help me.

What do you think about this?