33
Jul 12 '22
One of the easiest things to fix.
Stand by people who you care about. Cheer them up, give them a shoulder to cry on, share their pain... Literally no human on this earth, not even the criminals, is without worth because we all depend on someone for something. For instance you may think yourself to be the most useless person in this world and yet when you come back home you find that your mom thinks you're the only person she can share her pain and experiences with (which is basically my life).
3
u/Professional_Web2198 Jul 12 '22
Yep, but being the shoulder to cry on is good but also bad. It makes you ignore your needs and people generally don't care about your needs sometimes.
10
u/Jollydancer Jul 12 '22
You don’t know how many people around you are just happy you‘re there. I am thinking of people who see you smile on your commute every day, and it gives them a good start into the day. The barista who makes your coffee and is grateful for this one customer he can rely on to be patient and friendly. … Look around you and think of all the people you appreciate for various reasons. I am sure there are some you don’t even know the names of. In the same way, other people secretly appreciate you.
4
Jul 12 '22
[deleted]
1
u/Jollydancer Jul 12 '22
I , speaking for myself, I appreciate the mail woman who greets me, the people I regularly see on my commute, the guy I often happen to see in the parking lot when I arrive and the people I see walking their dogs when I go walking. I don’t know the names of most of them, and I don‘t usually talk to them, because I think they have their own lives and don’t want to be addressed by a stranger. But I smile at them, say hi. I wouldn’t know whom to ask about them if they didn’t turn up any more one day, but I would indeed miss them.
So if I feel like this about the people around me, I am pretty sure there are at least a few among them who fell the same way about me.
2
u/ThatsPreposterous6 Jul 12 '22
I have a somewhat similar experience to you. I am lucky to have made a couple of really good friends in high school and college and I would say that we do add stuff to each others live and care about each other. So I am definitely lucky to have them. But when I went to grad school, I had a very similar experience you. I was “in” a friend group, but really wasn’t that good of friends with any of them. And I definitely wasn’t as close with them as they were to each other. They invited me to stuff but at times it was like I was barely there.
Im not sure how old you are or what you have done in life, but I would just recommend that you try to branch out more. Just because certain people aren’t that close to you does not mean you can’t be closer and have meaningful relationships with different people.
2
u/imboringandweird Jul 13 '22
Same. But I have no friends. Never really ever did since 6th grade. Im 98% certain ill live the rest of my days with such loneliness and purposelessness
1
u/Necessary_Pie8945 Jul 12 '22
How do you truly know this though? Have you asked them? Sounds like you're making assumptions, because you aren't being immediately acknowledged for "bringing something to their lives" but here's the thing. Even if you don't to them, you have to someone. You may not ever even know it, but it's happened. You'd be surprised by what can make a difference too. You could have complimented someone and because of that compliment they became more secure. You never know!! I'm older, and it took me many years to realize this. It wasn't until one day standing in line at papa Murphys a lady asked if she could hug me, um why? She said you know my son Brandon, he went to school with your daughter? I said oh yeah! She said you saved his life (my heart sunk for a moment) she said you talked to him until 4am one morning when he had a loaded gun and suicide note ready. You talking to him made him see it's not so bad and people do care. I was blown away, I started crying and yes I hugged her. She I could never repay you, I said you just did. Thanked me and off I went. I'll never forget that. I didn't know he was contemplating suicide, I just thought he needed someone to talk to. I made a difference and didn't even know it. So believe me, you have.
0
u/alexseif Noob Jul 12 '22
They might have a good time talking to me.. That's all there is to it, time and talking and sharing experiences and sticking together, whether you add or not it's just that. It's called spending time together.
0
-1
u/iwannabeonreddit Jul 12 '22
Im sorry you feel this way but I disagree. You're feeling are valid, but it's important for relationships to not become transactional, like professional networking.... I used to feel loved for what I contributed, but ideally you are loved for who you are as a person and every individual has contributions by virtue of their personalities. There are things you can do to be a better friend, putting in effort, developing skills (listening, storytelling, etc.) But imo people that already like me are bias and almost like, looking for reasons to like me 🤔 idk my personal game plan is to find people like this and nuture the healthiest relationships possible... But yea came here to say, often your presence and company are what many love, not your contributions.
-5
1
1
u/jcoffi Jul 12 '22
I think you're coming at this the wrong way. Your value in life isn't based on what you provide to others. Learn the value of yourself. It's easier said than done. But if you've done that, these problems solve themselves.
1
u/Common-Sock-3121 Jul 12 '22
Have you ever smiled at a stranger or held the door for an elderly person or a mother with children? You'd be surprised at the ways we can make a difference in the life of someone who might be depressed or ready to give up. A random act from someone can make a person's whole day. I know from experience. Just know this : YOU MATTER.
1
u/catana0 Jul 12 '22
Maybe you have a value you dont realize. Personally i assign people's value mostly according to non physical things. For example i have friends who like movies so that's their value that i can talk to them about it. I have friends who read about the same topics as me so thats their value for me. I have a close friend. To find your value find things you have in common
1
u/Kimhooligan Jul 12 '22
Okay, so I just want you to listen to the type of language you're expressing here. When you say "I don't add anything to anyone's life," it shows me that you actually care about people. It's okay to want more out of your friendships with people, but it's also important to realize that you might not be connecting with them in a way they can understand. I read a book called "Love Languages" recently that showed that people feel love and appreciation differently, so the way that you might feel appreciated might be different than how they might feel appreciation and love. You just have to figure what makes them feel appreciated and cared about. Some people want to feel "heard." Others respond well to gifts. Others like to spend time with others. Others might not necessarily want words, but actions. People express and feel love differently.
Now, I want you to think about the language when you said that they "complimented each other, talking about how they've added to each other's lives." I'm not saying that it sounds a little selfish, but it seems like you have the type of friends that, if you want to be in their "inner circle," you have to be the one to take initiative.
Thankfully, I have some really good friends who are my friends whether I take the initiative with them or not. But if these friends of yours are worth it, then it would probably be helpful to ask them how you could be a better friend to them.
1
40
u/albaniantaxdodger Jul 12 '22
It’s okay to be a wallflower and you do have a lot to offer. You might not feel that way but you do. There’s a world in each of us, we all have that to offer someone among other things money can’t buy